Of Hidden Truths
by Jeva
Summary: Starts with the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts and ends on that fateful Halloween night. James Potter finds out more than one secret that was hidden from him and that his feelings toward Lily Evans are changing from spiteful rivalry to something...more.
1. September First

_Summary:_ Lily and James love/hate fic. James uncovers some dark secrets in his seventh year.   
  
_Author's notes:_ This is my first L/J love/hate fic--my first HP fic for that matter--so do go easy on me. I came up with this idea after reading numerous L/J love/hate and James-return-from-the-dead fics. This fic begins at the beginning of the Marauders' seventh year at Hogwarts and ends (hopefully) with the death of James and Lily. Hope you do enjoy! ^.^  
  
_Disclaimer:_ I own no characters you recognize! *pouts* Though I would love to own Jimmy, Siri, and Remy. *sighs*  


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**Of Hidden Truths   
(September First)**

  
  
  
  
  
  
"Morning, Dad!" greeted James Potter as he entered the kitchen with a grin on his seventeen-year old face. Today was September first. The day that his seventh--and final--year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry began. Not only that, but James had received an owl a few days before telling him that he was to be Head Boy.  
  
James Potter--leader of the Marauders, the magical mischief makers of Hogwarts--Head Boy!  
  
James' father, Edward Potter, peered over the top of the newspaper--_The Daily Prophet_--he was reading, giving the boy a curious look.  
  
"All right," said Mr. Potter, putting down the newspaper when James took a seat across from him, munching on some toast. "Who are you and what have you done to with my son?"  
  
James feigned a thoughtful look before answering, "Your worse nightmare and I transfigured him into toast."  
  
He took a large bite to emphasize his statement.  
  
Mr. Potter chuckled and went back to looking and his paper. James continued to eat his toast until he spotted something. A small grin appeared on his face as he pretended to see nothing.  
  
Mr. Potter, who was unaware of anything happening, didn't realize someone was behind him until he heard someone whisper, "Hello, Edward."  
  
He jumped since the voice was both unexpected and seemed to sound like someone else's and cursed to himself as his son and the person behind him laughed. The elder Potter spun around in his seat and saw that young Sirius Black was howling in laughter, clutching his stomach.  
  
"I'm glad you find me amusing, Sirius," said Mr. Potter dryly. The laughter didn't stop, though it was somewhat more controlled.  
  
"I'm--I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, but the look on your face was priceless!" exclaimed Sirius as he fell into a seat at the table.  
  
Mr. Potter shook his head. Sirius Black was a very close friend of James'. They were so close, in fact, that some wondered how they were not related. They even looked somewhat similar. They both had dark hair and mischievous eyes and grins.  
  
Their differences, however, were as plain as their similarities. While James had short hair that stuck up everywhere, strong gray eyes behind his glasses, and was slightly shorter than his friend, Sirius had shoulder-length hair, joyful blue eyes that screamed trouble, and was at least six feet tall. But still many people would wonder if they were, indeed, related and--being who they were--James and Sirius would often pretend they were related, just to cause confusion.  
  
James had managed to control his laughter to where he could eat his toast without choking and glanced up at his father, who was beginning to gain some color into his cheeks again.  
  
"Something the matter, Dad?" asked James curiously. Sirius, who had heard the question, ceased his laughter as he watched the older man recover from the surprise.  
  
Mr. Potter jerked his head up, startling both James and Sirius slightly. "Matter? Nothing's the matter. Why?"  
  
James and Sirius exchanged glances.  
  
"Well, it's just that you never...well," began James. "get--"  
  
"--caught on the wrong end of my pranks," finished Sirius. Mr. Potter shook his head and chuckled at the two.  
  
"If I weren't James' father, I would wonder if you two were related," he said, expertly avoiding the question.  
  
Sirius looked shocked.  
  
"You mean we're _not_?" He spun to James, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You knew this and never told me?"  
  
James looked as if his hand had been caught in the cookie jar. "It was a surprise?" he asked dumbly.  
  
"All right, you two, that's enough. It's time to get to the station," announced Mr. Potter, chuckling as he stood.  
  
The two boys, obviously forgetting the question they had asked James' father, raced up the stairs to see if they had forgotten anything while Mr. Potter readied a portkey. It was only minutes later that James and Sirius came back down, trunks and all.  
  
"--auder a Head Boy!" Sirius was exclaiming as they dragged their things into the kitchen. "What was Dumbledore _thinking_!"  
  
"He probably thought," James began to suggest with a shrug. "that since I can lead a bunch like you, I can lead the student body."  
  
"Bunch of me? I thought there was only _one_ of me."  
  
Mr. Potter chuckled once more.  
  
"Come along, you two. Sirius, your parents are going to be there, right?" he asked as the boys came next to him.  
  
"Er...I think so. They're _supposed_ to be, anyway," answered Sirius. James gave his friend an amused look before turning to his father.  
  
It was common knowledge that Mr. and Mrs. Black--Sirius' parents--were usually out of the house, going to Ministry meetings and such. It was only one of the few reasons Sirius usually stayed at the Potters' during vacation. This sometimes made James wonder if Sirius still remembered what his parents looked like, he had seen them so little.  
  
"Are we going straight there or...?" asked James, gaining a mischievous smirk. His father shook his head.  
  
"We're not going to have a repeat of last year," he said firmly.  
  
"Aw, come on, Mr. Potter. It wasn't _that_ bad," put in Sirius as he dragged his belongings closer to the portkey.  
  
"We're _not_ going to have a repeat of last year," repeated Mr. Potter as he held out the portkey. James and Sirius exchange amused glances for a moment, for they remembered well about what had happened the year before.  
  
"Oh, joy," commented Sirius before they touched the portkey. "Traveling by portkey is just oh so fun!"  
  
James let out a snort just as the portkey was activated and he felt the familiar jerk as if there were a hook behind his navel. Their feet had left the kitchen floor only to be dropped onto the ground of an alley. Sirius stumbled into James, who was already off-balance, and both were soon on the ground in a tangled heap.  
  
"Gerroff, Padfoot!" shouted James, feeling as though his taller, more muscular friend were suffocating him.  
  
"Aw...Prongs no wuv me no more." Sirius pretended to pout and stood up and away from the smaller boy before he could retaliate. James scowled as he stood up and noticed that his father was waiting patiently as the two brushed off their clothing.  
  
"We should travel by portkey more often," muttered Mr. Potter to himself before looking to the boys. "Hurry it up. We don't want to be late."  
  
With that, he turned and walked out of the alley. Sirius leaned over to James, who was gathering his things again, and whispered, "How much you want to bet we're early?"  
  
James nodded in agreement as they dragged their things into the station. It was just about as busy as it was every year, but James was suspicious that not very many witches or wizards were there yet.  
  
As they passed gates one through eight, he and Sirius amused themselves by taking about Muggle clothing they saw and pointing out fair-looking Muggle women to one another.  
  
They especially enjoyed the latter.  
  
"Ah! Look there! The blonde one _there_, Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius as they neared their destination. James turned to look and saw a blonde hair, blue eyed beauty who had quite attractive legs.  
  
"The one with the legs?" he asked to be sure.   
  
He could picture Sirius rolling his eyes at him before answering, "All of them have legs, Prongs. She, however, has _legs_."  
  
Now James rolled his eyes, thinking that there wasn't much of a difference in their statements. He didn't get a chance to point this out, however, for his trolley had hit someone else's and he had been knocked off his feet. Sirius stopped only to snicker while James scrambled to find his glasses, which had been knocked off his face.  
  
"Looking for these?" asked a voice coldly, and James, who was on his hands and knees, squinted up at the person before him. He cursed to himself and stood up, glaring at the person.  
  
Lily Evans...his house rival and one of the few girls who despised him.  
  
"Give them here, Evans," he snapped, holding out his hand and knowing that that wouldn't work at all.  
  
The redheaded girl studied the glasses she held before looking at her rival. "And why should I, Potter? I seem to recall that you took something of mine in fourth year."  
  
James' blood began to boil. "That was _three years ago_!" he shouted angrily, wondering where the hell Sirius was.  
  
"And?" snapped Lily Evans.  
  
"You know what? Keep them," said James, taking his trolley and walking off. As he went, however, he called back, "Why would I want something your filthy hands touched, anyway?"  
  
A muffled growl of annoyance satisfied the Marauder as he continue on to the barrier between nine and ten, almost blindly. When he reached the barrier, he found two fuzzy figures that he recognized as his father and Sirius.  
  
"Prongs! What kept you?" shouted Sirius with a knowing grin as James shoved his trolley angrily forward.  
  
Ignoring the question, James snapped, "Where the _hell_ were you? Evans the Annoying ran into my trolley and took my glasses!"  
  
"Oh, is that what's different about you? I thought--"  
  
"Padfoot!" interrupted James, impatiently.  
  
"Oh, come on, Prongs. It's not all that bad," said Sirius, and received a glare in turn.  
  
"I can't _see_, Padfoot!" cried James, frustrated.  
  
"Then open your eyes!"  
  
"Oh, for the love of--they _are_ open!"  
  
"Then why can't you see?"  
  
"_Argh_!"  
  
The bickering continued until both the boys were on the platform and making there way into the train, where they were going to put their trunks and everything else they had with them. It was when they were exiting the train to go say farewell to James' father, since he had to leave as soon as possible, that it the bickering turned into a serious argument.  
  
Some people say that the argument had been about Sirius saying something about James' parents. Others say that it had been about Lily Evans. But even though they were not sure about what they were arguing about, they all knew what happened next.  
  
James Potter was about to tackle Sirius Black when someone grabbed him by the shoulders. James then turned and saw that it was Remus Lupin, another Marauder. He growled and struggled to be released, but his light brown haired friend held strong.  
  
"Let me _go_, Remus!" he snapped, glaring at Sirius, who was looking pleased with himself.  
  
"Calm down, James! He was only making you vent out your--" Remus began to say.  
  
"Then let me vent while beating his face into a _bloody pulp_!" James' shout echoed throughout the corridor. Sirius backed out of the way as Remus dragged James into a compartment and shoved the struggling Head Boy into a seat.  
  
Sirius walked into the compartment a few seconds afterward, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "I told you he was repressing it," he said and Remus sighed, stopping James from standing up.   
  
James glared at each of them from his seat. "Repressing _what_?" he snapped, straightening his clothing a bit and thinking that he was lucky that the whole student body of Hogwarts weren't on the train yet.  
  
Remus sighed again. "James, Padfoot has been owling me all summer, telling me how you're 'pretending' that it didn't happen," he explained.  
  
James bit the inside of his cheek and quashed the feeling of betrayal that was rising. "So Sirius has been trying to make me come to _terms_ with what's happened? It's not going to work, Remus, so stop trying and leave me _alone_. I'm _f_--"  
  
"If you say you're fine one more time, James, I'm going to ring your neck," roared Sirius, and James fell silent. "You are not fine and you haven't been since last year! You won't admit that it wasn't your fault--"  
  
"That's because it _is_!" objected James, standing, but was pulled back down by Remus.  
  
"And you're pretending that she never existed!" finished Sirius and was about to add something else when James jumped up again.  
  
"I am _not_! And _that's not true_!" he shouted, blinking as tears began to enter his eyes.  
  
"Then what is, James?" asked Remus, gently. James was about to reply when he noticed Sirius expectant stare.  
  
Sitting back down, James sighed and wiped his eyes, muttering, "What'd I ever do to you?"  
  
"You became my friend, that's what," answered Sirius, scowling in annoyance at James' stubbornness. "You're my friend and I want to help you. You're Moony's friend and he wants to help you, but neither of us can if you don't let us."  
  
"I don't need any help, _Sirius_," spat out James, glaring at him again. Sirius met his glare with an icy stare.  
  
"Yes, you do. If you don't acknowledge what has happened and keep everything locked up, you're going to crack. First the foundation and then the tower. Understand?"  
  
There was a long and painful silence in which James lowered his eye to the ground in thought. When he brought them back up, however, fierce determination, fresh pain, and raw anger reflected from his usual laid-back gray eyes.  
  
"You can't make me tell you anything like this and I'm not going to let you trick me anymore. Either drop the attempts or drop the friendship," he said coldly before getting up and working out.  
  
Neither of the others followed, knowing he needed to cool off. If they had gone, they might have prevented James second run-in with Lily Evans.  
  
James hadn't gone five steps before knocking into the redhead. The collision caused them both to fall over, but only one of them chose to complain about it as they stood up.  
  
"Watch where you're going!" shouted Lily, her face red. With embarrassment or anger, James couldn't tell and didn't care about. He scowled at her, stood up, and shoved by. That, of course, didn't help matters.  
  
"How rude! Didn't your mother ever teach you--" That was as far she had gotten into her rant, for James had spun around and swung his hand at her, as if attempting a back-handed slap, only to stop...inches from her face.  
  
All Lily could do was stare at him. He had never struck out at her before. And even though he hadn't really struck her, it was still shocking that he was so close to doing that. His hand was shaking slightly and Lily backed up a bit, fearful that he would actually stike her.  
  
So busy was she watching his hand that she missed the conflicting emotions that were playing in his eyes. Anger, pain, grief, guilt, shame, and fear flashed quickly through James' thoughts and were surely shown in his eyes.  
  
_How dare she speak of his mother like that_, was the first thought that crossed his mind. _She didn't know what happened to her. She didn't know that she was gone_, were the second and third. _What would his mother think if he found he had came that close to striking her? Why did he try to strike her when she didn't know_, were the last.  
  
They stood there for a moment--James with his arm still out near her face and Lily staring with some fear at the hand that had came so close to hitting her--and didn't move until James managed to choke out, "Never mention my mum again," with his voice quavering ever so slightly.  
  
Lily nodded her head quickly and James lowered his hand and his eyes and quickly left, leaving her standing there bewildered and confused.  
  
James left the train and went over to where his father was, remembering that he had to leve as quickly as possible. Putting the confusing emotions he felt before and after his second encounter with Evans aside, he approached his father with a smile that would scare away any professor at Hogwarts--besides, perhaps, Dumbledore and McGonagall.  
  
"Ready to go?" asked Mr. Potter and James nodded in reply. "Good, now I don't want any owls telling me that you've killed a professor because of stress or anything, so behave yourself. Understand?"  
  
"Yes, Sir," answered James with a fake smile that proved to be believeable. Mr. Potter smiled back at him and ruffled his hair a bit.  
  
"All right then. Tell Sirius that I'm sorry his parents didn't come again. I'll see you at Christmas," he said, giving his son a quick hug.  
  
"All right, Dad. Take care of yourself," said James, inwardly meaning what he said. Again Mr. Potter gave him a smile before turning and leaving the platform. James sighed and headed back into the train, hoping not to run into Evans again.  
  
His wish was granted and he went to find an empty compartment. Again his luck prevailed and he sat alone in the compartment, thinking about what Sirius and Remus had said to him and wondering if he should go back and apologize to them. But, he reminded himself, he should apologize to Evans first.   
  
That was...if he could find which compartment she was in.  
  
  
  
  
  


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_Author's notes:_ *paying that its not rushed...notices people are reading this and coughs* And I believe I am finished with this part! Tell me what you think! Both compliments and flames are welcome of course! ^.^ 


	2. Marauder Traditions

_Summary:_ Lily and James love/hate fic. James uncovers some dark secrets in his seventh year.  
  
_Author's notes:_ Wow...that actually went better than I thought it would ^.^ Thanks all who reviewed! Now I'm really hoping I won't lay this fic aside like I have with numerous others I've started...*coughs* You all are so nice! ^.^ Hope you all enjoy this part as much as you did the last one!  
  
_Disclaimer:_ You know the drill...*sighs* I still want Jimmy, Siri, and Remy *dreamy sigh* ^.^  


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**Of Hidden Truths   
(Marauder Traditions)**

  
  
  
  
  
  
James must have been thinking a lot longer than he realized for when he returned to the real world, the witch with the food cart was approaching his compartment. He looked outside of the window and watchd the scenery until he heard the witch ask politely, "Anything from the cart, Dear?"  
  
"No, thanks," he answered and then added before the witch could continue on, "Er...excuse me...you haven't seen a redheaded girl in seventh year from Gryffindor by any chance, have you?"  
  
The older woman smiled at him. "Oh, Dear, there are so many children on the Hogwarts Express that I am not quite sure," she replied.  
  
James racked his brain about something that would tell Evans apart from the other girls. "Well, this girl...she has kind of long hair and bright green eyes--" he began, but was interrupted by the small frown on the woman's face.  
  
"Oh, yes, I seem to recall her. She looked as if she had been close to crying, the poor dear..." Now James felt even more horrible.   
  
"Do you think you can tell me which compartment she's in?" he asked, in a small voice, feeling like dirt for the way he had treated Evans.  
  
"She should still be in the compartment four doors down from yours near the back of the train," answered the witch, who smiled kindly at him. "Perhaps a nice lad such as yourself will be able to cheer her up."  
  
With that the older woman carried on about her business and left James to deal with the situation. Maybe he shouldn't even try to apologize. Evans would probably get mad at him for having the nerve to come in there after almost hitting her and hex him to the afterlife.   
  
What fun that would be...  
  
_"Perhaps a nice lad such as yourself will be able to cheer her up."_  
  
James nearly snorted at the words. Evans cheer up with him around? That was something about as close to impossible as someone surviving the Killing Curse. (a/n: *snickers* shows how much he knows ^.~)  
  
With that thought in mind, James decided he should probably apologize to her when they reached Hogwarts. At that moment, he needed to talk to Sirius and Remus, to explain some things to them and probably get them off of his back about...about what had happened the year before.  
  
_"James, go! Grab the pendent and go!" her voice rang in his ears, which was soon followed by cruel laughter, a flash of green, and then the sound of a body hitting the ground._  
  
James closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to clear away those thoughts. They wouldn't help him any, especially if he ran into Snape during the train ride. With a sigh, he stood and headed out of his compartment toward the one that his friends were in.  
  
Before he even reached the door, however, he ran into the one person he hadn't wanted to run into. Severus Snape.  
  
Just like his luck--to run out when he wanted it the most.  
  
He had tried to keep walking, but the greasy-haired Slytherin's voice kept him from taking another step. "If it isn't the infamous James _Potter_," said Snape, spatting out the other boy's name as if it were a curse.  
  
James didn't even bother with being nice.  
  
"Bug off, Snape. I'm not in the mood," he told the Slytherin before making a move to continue. Snape just stepped in his way and James scowled at him.  
  
"Oh, the almighty Head Boy says to leave him alone, does he?" he sneered as the Gryffindor glare at him.  
  
"Yes, he does. And he is going to take points off of Slytherin if a certain greasy-haired git doesn't move out of his way," said James evenly. The two enemies glared at one another in a few moments of silence before Snape reluctantly stepped to the side.  
  
James continued on and thought he wouldn't hear anything from his enemy. And then the voice came, "I have to admit, Potter. You do a better job at making the Mudblood Evans feel at home than we Slytherins do."  
  
James froze at that, but when he turned around, he didn't see Snape in the corridor anymore. Scowling, he continued on his way, driving out the feeling of guilt that he had been feeling ever since he had run across Evans for the second time.  
  
He couln't let Snape get the better of him. And he couldn't let Snape know that he had pressed the right buttons. He just had to ride out what had happened and wait until later to confront Evans about the apology...as if she would accept it...  
  
With another sigh, James reached the door to the compartment Remus, Sirius, and most likely Peter were in. Not knowing what else to do, he knocked on the door and waited...and waited.  
  
"There ain't no way you can see the wizard! Ain't no way, ain't no how!" came Sirius' voice, followed by laughter. James just stared at the door as if he could see through it.  
  
What had that been about?  
  
"Let them in, Sirius, and knock it off with the Muggle movies," he heard Remus say. There was a snort--from Sirius, no doubt--and then the door slid open a bit, only a crack, so Sirius could see who it was that was knocking. James rolled his eye a bit at the other boy's antics.  
  
"Nope, we don't want any, sorry," said Sirius and he was about to close the door again when James grabbed the door and pushed it open. Or at least, tried to. Sirius, being stubborn, refused to let James come in and struggled to close the door again while James struggled to get it open.  
  
"Would you let me in?" demanded James. Sirius feigned a thoughtful look and then nodded.  
  
"All right," he answered and let go of the door, causing James to fall over on the ground. Laughter erupted from the compartment and James just lied on the ground, crossing his arms as he stared up at Sirius expectantly.  
  
"I give it a six point two. How 'bout you, Moony?" Sirius turned to Remus, who smiled a bit.  
  
"Three point nine three six. Wormtail?"  
  
"Seven."  
  
James rolled his eyes.  
  
"Funny, you guys. Now can you help me up?" he asked and again saw the feigned look of contemplation on Sirius' face.  
  
"Now whyever would we do something of that sort? You're fine, aren't you? And if you're fine--" began Sirius.  
  
"Sirius," growled James.  
  
"Yes, James?" asked Sirius, innocently, while Remus and Peter hid their smiles.  
  
"Shut the hell up," muttered James as he got up off the ground. Sirius smiled at him, while the others forgot about hiding their snickers.  
  
Slinging an arm around his friend's shoulder, the most mischievous Marauder grinned. "Good to have you back, Prongs!"  
  
James couldn't help but to smirk a bit, though he wondered if things were ever going to stay the same. The past year had taught him, if anything, that nothing is permanent and things change, whether good or bad, and with that year being their last year at Hogwarts...how much would their friendship change?  
  
The somewhat depressing thoughts were gone by the time they reached Hogwarts. And so had the thought about finding Evans and apologizing to her.  
  
The four Marauders all climbed into a horseless carriage that was going to take them to the castle and began to plan some things that they could do for the last day of school. They had to leave the school with an explosive exit, after all.  
  
Minutes later they were in the Great Hall watching the Sorting take place.  
  
"That one looks like Julie Pathawy!" exclaimed Sirius in an excited whisper. James and Remus exchanged bemused and questioning looks. Neither one knew who the other boy was talking about and continued to watch as another Hufflepuff sat at the table beside them.  
  
"There's too many Ravenclaws this year," moaned Sirius, who had decided to stop throwing winks and grins at the first year girls.  
  
"Don't worry," said Remus. "I'm sure there's bound to be--"  
  
"SLYTHERIN!" cried the Sorting Hat and the girl sitting on the stool stood up and headed over to the Slytherin table.  
  
"Like they need any more Death Eaters," muttered Sirius, while Peter winced and James studied the table before him. Sirius looked to his closest friend and grimaced. "Sorry, James..."  
  
"'Sall right, Padfoot," said James quietly. Sirius gave him another sympathetic look, but then looked away as the Sorting Hat called out that a first year had become a Gryffindor.  
  
"WHOO!" cried Sirius, standing up and clapping. Remus rolled his eyes and James smirked a bit. Their friend had been doing the same thing for the past six years and would not stop tradition just because it was their last year.  
  
Professor McGonagall, however, paused a moment to give the tall boy the evil eye before continuing.   
  
Sirius sat back down and looked at his friends with a frown. "How dare you three let me embarrass myself!" he exclaimed.  
  
James rose a curious brow. "You? Embarrassed?" he questioned as if it were an impossibility, which it probably was.  
  
"Yes, embarrassed! McGonagall didn't glare enough! How am I supposed to be a Marauder if the Head of our House doesn't glare at me hard enough!" a very exasperated Sirius ranted. James shook his head, grinning again as he began to think once again about changes.  
  
Well, it seemed as if there was always going to be Sirius and his jokes. If that ever changed, James wouldn't know exactly what to do. It was his was constant and he hoped it would never change.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!" cried out the Sorting Hat once again, and once again Sirius stood and whooped with joy, but this time with James by his side. The boy who had been sorted blushed red as he came to sit down at their table and McGonagall glared at the two trouble-makers.  
  
After the last first year had been sorted ("RAVENCLAW!") and after listening to Sirius' protests ("Haven't they got enough already!"), the Great Hall grew quiet as Professor Dumbledore stood up, his blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles.  
  
"I am sure that many of you are eager to begin filling your empty heads with new knowledge of magic and its fine arts. I would just like to announce this year's Head Boy and Head Girl. James Potter and Lily Evans of Gryffindor." While the Great Hall applauded--Sirius and the Marauders shouted and laughed--James was surprised at who was the Head Girl.  
  
Evans?  
  
Well, if that wasn't just ironic. Now he had an easy way of getting to her to apologize for what happened on the train--even if she may slap him for having the nerve to do so.  
  
Dumbledore rose his hands and the Hall fell silent and the Head Boy and Girl took their seats again. Merrily, the old wizard looked over the crowd of students and joyfully called out, "And now that that is out of the way, we shall feast!"  
  
At that statement, the food appeared on the dishes in front of the students and teachers, who began to choose their favorites and dig in.   
  
Sirius was more than happy to dig in as he inhaled several rolls of bread before diving for the last corn on the cob. James followed suit and Remus and Peter watched in amusement as the two began to compete to see who could eat the most.  
  
"Give it up, Potter! There's no way you're winning this!" declared Sirius as he grabbed hold of another roll.  
  
James smirked and grabbed food from every possible place and piled it on his plate. He then began to eat the items on his dish, putting him ahead of Sirius, who was now laughing too hard to swallow.  
  
"How the hell can someone your size eat that much!" he exclaimed after declaring that he lost.   
  
"Unlike you, dear Padfoot, I have yet to finish growing," answered James with a smirk. A snort of disgust brought the Marauders attention to a certain redhead.  
  
"You two are a disgrace to the name Gryffindor with table manners like that," said Evans while Sirius looked over to James and rolled his eyes. James chuckled a bit as he took another roll from a dish in front of him.  
  
"Shows how much you know," retorted Sirius. "Why don't you go over to Ravenclaw? They need some more brainiacs."  
  
The Marauders laughed a bit and Evans face went red.  
  
"All right, Black. Five points from Gryffindor," she said icily.  
  
Sirius looked startled.   
  
"Ya hear that, James! A new record! Points taken away at only an hour into the school year!" excalimed a very happy mischief maker. Evans rolled her eyes and the other Marauders laughed.  
  
James slung his arm over his friend's shoulders and grinned at him, in much the same way Sirius had done earlier in the evening. "That's right, Padfoot! And I doubt there will ever be any mischief makers that will beat it."  
  
Sirius puffed out his chest with pride, while James, Peter, and Remus laughed at how childish it looked. The Head Girl shook her head and went back to the coversation her friends were having.  
  
Not much longer after that incident, the dishes emptied and dessert sat before the four magical mischief makers of Hogwarts. After dessert, however, the four were full and the dishes cleared and Dumbledore stood again.  
  
"I hope you all have eaten your fill and if not, then more than that--" A slightly loud belch answered the Headmasters wishes as proof that at least Sirius Black had had his fill. Dumbledore smiled at the young seventeen year old before continuing, "I would like to announce some rules that most have already heard, but some haven't.   
  
"Firstly, first years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. Also, please take note to stay away from the Whomping Willow. It does not have its name for just supersition.  
  
"Thirdly, I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.  
  
"Nextly, Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their House teams should contact Madam Traki.  
  
"And finally," added Dumbledore, gazing at the crowd of students before him with a stern stare. "it shall be noted that there shall not be any visits to Hogsmeade this year."  
  
Immediately there was shouts of protest, which were silenced with a look and a gesture.  
  
"This," stated the Headmaster. "is to ensure your safety. The Dark Lord has, as you know, been attacking publicly and I will not permit any of the students here to be in one of those attacks. Hogswarts is the safest place to keep from this evil. And, until all this is over, all Hogsmeade visits shall be cancelled."  
  
"Now," continued Dumbledore, over the murmurs that echoed throughout the Hall. "I believe it is now time for us to sing the school song! Everyone pick their favorite tune, and off we go!"  
  
The school, who stood up at the mention of the school song, now all sang at once in their own style:   
  


_"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,  
  
Teach us something please,  
  
Whether we be old and bald  
  
Or young with scabby knees,  
  
Our heads could use with filling  
  
With some interesting stuff,  
  
For now they're bare and full of air,  
  
Dead flies and bits of fluff,  
  
So teach us things worth knowing,  
  
Bring back what we've forgot,  
  
Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
  
And learn until our brains all rot."_

  
  
Dumbledore smiled brightly as he conducted the Marauders, who were continuing to sing--after everyone else had finished--in the form of opera. When they finished, the headmaster, as well as the other students and teachers, applauded while the Marauders bowed to their audience.  
  
"And now, alas," spoke up Dumbledore when the clapping and cheering died down. "it is time to retire. I shall hope you all will wake with some yearning for learning." (a/n: *winces* I know...that was bad. But hey, this IS the 70s. ^.^)  
  
With that, the Houses followed their prefects to their common rooms, some running into Peeves on the way there. Once in their dormitory, the Marauders collaspsed onto their bed at nearly the same time, which made Sirius snort in laughter.  
  
"Ah," he sighed as he turned over and stared at the ceiling. "It's too bad this is the last year here. But, hey, I'm not complaining."  
  
"Sirius Black complain about not coming to school? I doubt that will happen," comment James, who was up and getting dressed in his night clothes.  
  
"You'd be surprised, my dear Prongs," said Sirius with a smirk. James grinned back at his friend and reached up to his face where he expected there to be glassed, but instead, he poked himself in the eye.  
  
"Ah!" he cried out, causing the others to jump.  
  
"What?" asked Remus, who's bed was to the left of James'. James rubbed his eye, cursing under his breath.  
  
"I forgot that Evans the Evil took my glasses," he muttered, shuffling over to his bed, still cursing. Remus chuckled while Sirius laughed out loud.  
  
"I think someone likes you!" he said in a sing-song voice, which earned him a whack with James' pillow.  
  
"Shut it you," growled James playfully. Sirius just smirked and turned in his bed, getting ready to sleep.  
  
"Night, Prongsie, Moony, Wormie!" he called as the lights went out. The other three called out their goodnights and soon all four were asleep, though three of them did not suffer nightmares caused by horrific events that had occurred not too long ago...  
  
  
  
  
  


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**anime:** Lol. We like to do it to annoy the readers ^.~ Tis one of our many secrets. Plus it brings the readers back for more. ^.^ Aw...*blushes* You're too kind. Surely it cannot be that good...*blushes again* Thanks for the wonderful review ^.~  
  
**Mwu:** Another nice review! You people are too kind! Thanks for the lovely review!  
  
**Drops of Jupiter:** Ah, the question you asked shall be revealed in good time. *starts her Yoda impression* Yes, yes! Good time. ^.^  
  
**Poebe Goose:** Hehe, everyone's just giving out nice reviews, aren't they? ^.^ Again, I have to say that I am not going to reveal those answers as of yet. It will give you all something to think and wonder about. And I'll be sure to email you everytime the fic is updated ^.^  
  
**Melanie Granger:** Ah, longer review ^.^ Who wouldn't want one of the three? The problem is deciding which one you really, really want...*sighs, but then perks up a bit* Josh Hartnet? Danny on Pearl Harbor? God, that boy is HOT! I never thought about our dear Jimmy looking like Josh. Hm...something to think about ^.^ I'll have to look up Beau Brady. You're just sparking my curiosity about who looks like who. Sorry to say, but I haven't thought of someone that looks like Remy. Maybe we should look around for someone. ^.^ Anyways...I would say that James nearly hitting Lily is the first step for them ^.^ I also love L/J love/hate fics, as well as James-returning-from-the-dead fics...^.^ The story is continuing, but where is my chocolate topping and sprinkles? *curious look* ^.^ Oh, don't worry about weird reviews. You should see the reviews I leave behind in _No Higher Praise_ ^.^ I go back and review the same chapter, just to make sure my review turns out to be longer. Gosh! I certainly have let my fingers run with this review! ^.^ I'll keep posting so long as I get at least one weird review in the reviews ^.^  
  
**sirius' lover:** Interesting name ^.^ Yes, poor little Jimmy...(if any of you are wondering, I am calling James Jimmy because there's a lot of Jameses at my school and everyone calls them Jimmy ^.^)  
  
**porkypop:** Another interesting name ^.^ Tis continuing! ^.^  
  
**Queen of the Underworld:** ^.^ Thanks for taking the time to review then! Thanks for the support! ^.^ 


	3. Marauder Mornings

Summary: Lily and James love/hate fic. James uncovers some dark secrets in his seventh year.  
  
Author's notes: Oi! ^.^ More reviews equal more fic! ^.^ YAY! *jumps around and applauds* Well, I don't have much to say here, so I'll just say this: Their names are SEER-ius and RAY-mus, damn it! *glares at her sisters* *coughs* Okay, I'm done. *waves happily to the readers*  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill...*sighs* I still want Jimmy, Siri, and Remy *dreamy sigh* ^.^  


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**

Of Hidden Truths

  
(Marauder Mornings)**  
  
  
  
  
  
_"Foolish boy," hissed a voice from the dark. "did you really think you could save her?"  
  
The voice brought the boy's attention to the woman who lied on the ground behind the man who owned the voice. She didn't look as thought she was even alive she was so pale and still.  
  
"Mum!" he cried, taking a running step toward her, but stopped dead as the man before him produced his wand and pointed it at his chest, lazily.   
  
"Go on and run, boy," said the man, lifting his hooded head just enough for the boy could see his smirk. "Go on and run. I know you fear me, boy..."  
  
Stubbornly, the boy shook his head. He couldn't let the man scare him off. He had to help his mother. He couldn't run off like a coward. He wasn't a coward and he would prove that to the man.  
  
And so he did. Standing up straighter and tightening his jaw, he defiantly glared at the man and forcefully spoke one work, "No."  
  
Even that, however, didn't faze the man, who chuckled lightly and twirled his wand just a bit before taking a step forward and jabbing his wand into the boy's chest. "Trying to be brave, are we?" hissed the man as if it were a joke.  
  
This only angered the boy more.  
  
Eyes narrowed, he lifted his chin poudly and defiantly, glaring up at the darkness that he assumed where the man's eyes were. "I am brave," he snapped.  
  
The man seemed to pause, as if surprised by the boy's actions. A hiss escape his lips and lifted his wand upward, pointing it toward the ceiling of the room they were in.   
  
"Brave, are you, boy?" asked the man, slowly. A feeling of slight doubt entered the boy, but before he could reply, the man continued, "You dare to stand up before me, boy? You will find that those who stand up to me, tall, straight-back, and brave, die the same way...tall, straight-back, and bravely _dead_."  
  
The boy took a step back, shaking with doubt and fear. "I...I'm not going...going to--"  
  
"You stutter? Come now," smiled the man, his cloak shifting as he took yet another step forward. "I thought you were _brave_."  
  
Sweat began to collect on the boy's brow. This was crazy...it had to be a dream. This couldn't be real. His mother was safe at home, right? And this was just a nightmare...just a silly...silly...  
  
"James?" called his mum, croakly, but the boy didn't reply. It had to be a dream...it just had to be!_  
  
"James! JAMES!" shouted another voice and James jerked out of his sleep, only to yelp in surprise and fall off his bed. Sirius blew a string of hair out of his face, rolling his eyes, before he leaned over and looked down at his friend, who looked as if he was not 'all there.'  
  
"Er...you know that the floor isn't all what it's cracked up to be," said Sirius, propping his chin on his hand. James blinked and looked to his friend for a moment before grabbing a pillow that had fallen with him and threw it into Sirius' face.  
  
"Shuddup," he moaned in his half-waken state.  
  
Sirius grinned widely and pushed himself into a sitting position on James' bed. "Come on now. I know you can't wait to start the day! What with potions with the Slytherins, Professor Binns' boring lectures, and McGonagall yelling, "TEN POINTS FROM GYFFINDOR! POTTER! BLACK! DETENTION!"  
  
James couldn't help but to laugh. It was true that McGonagall would say that phrase every day they had Transfiguration with her. It was also common knowledge that the two Marauders were competing to see who would get the most detentions, which was why they had detentions almost every night.  
  
After a few minutes of laughter, Sirius helped James off of the floor and began to head over to Remus, who was sleeping soundly in his bed. "You're just plain evil, Padfoot," laughed James.  
  
"And proud of it!" Sirius grinned and began to poke their friend in the side, making him swirm under his blankets. Pretty soon, the poor boy was breathless as he was mercilessly tickled at the sides by Sirius Black.  
  
"Say it, Moony!" shouted the most mischievous Marauder as he continued his onslaught. "Say it!"  
  
"Nev--Padfoot! Stop! AH! MY...SIDES!" cried Remus as he rolled away from Sirius' touch, laughing so hard he was almost in tears.  
  
"Say it!" Sirius grinned even more evilly and pinned his friend to the bed, continuing to torment his fellow Marauder. James was laughing so hard that he nearly fell of his bed for the second time in the morning.  
  
"No-OOOO! SIRIUS!" Remus began to try to trap his attacker's hands, only to be tickled harder.  
  
"Just say it already, Moony!" shouted James as he continued to laugh at his friend's antics.  
  
Remus struggled for a moment before giving up and laughing so hard that he now had tears falling down his cheeks. "All right! All ri--AH! SIRIUS IS THE MASTER OF ALL HOGWARTS' PRANKS!"  
  
Sirius immediately stopped, letting his friend breathe again and grinning impishly down at him. Remus tried to glare at him, only to laugh a bit more.  
  
"You're such an ass, Sirius!" he said, pushing the dark-haired mischief maker off of his bed and lying back down, laughing still at his wake-up call. Sirius got off of the floor and grinned again with pride at what he had accomplish.  
  
"Two down; one to go!" he stated, pointing a finger high in the air before marching over to Peter's bed. Sirius didn't get to wake his friend up, however, for the fourth boy shot up in his bed and backed away from his approach.  
  
"Don't! Don't! I'm awake! I'm awake!" cried Peter, causing James and Remus to laugh and Sirius to pout.  
  
"Well, that's no fun," he said, still pouting. Shrugging, he grinned at the two friends he did awake and shouted, "I've got the shower!"  
  
James and Remus looked at each other before scrambling out of their beds, trying to stop Sirius from getting the bathroom before either of them, but they were too late. As soon as they were in front of the bathroom door, it shut and Sirius' laughter rang through the air.  
  
Most of that morning, three-fourths of the Marauders spent their time banging on the door and shouting threats.  
  
Eventually, the boys finally got Sirius out of the bathroom and took their own showers. They had just enough time to eat breakfast before sprinting down the hall for their double potions class with the Slytherins.  
  
"What a way to start the day!" complained Sirius, tossing his hands in the air and nearly hitting Peter and James in the face. James ducked while Peter was barely missed by the flying hand.  
  
"And being tickled without mercy isn't?" questioned Remus with a grin as they approached the classroom.   
  
"But I wake you up all the _time_ like that!" objected Sirius with a slight frown. James and Remus chuckled at him, while Peter lagged behind the three boys. It was the usual day for them, with the exception that James was blind as bat since he still had not reclaimed his glasses.  
  
This was pointed out when the aformentioned boy ran into someone at the door of the classroom.  
  
"Watch it, Potter! You blind bat!" shouted a red-faced Lucius Malfoy. James immediately recognized the Slytherin's voice and pushed himself away from the other boy, bumping into Sirius on the way.  
  
"Watch it, Malfoy," warned Sirius as he nudged an angry James over toward Remus.   
  
"And what are you going to do, Black? Hex me right in front of Professor Bulstrode's door?" challenged the blonde-haired Slytherin. Sirius pulled out his wand and jabbed it at the other boy as if it were a dagger.  
  
"I shall slay thee with a weapon that hast brought on many pranks on thee!" he stated, continuing to act as if it was, indeed, a weapon. Malfoy backed up against the closed door, trying to get away from the seemingly mad-man's attack.  
  
James and Remus couldn't help but to laugh at the Slytherin's facial expression.  
  
"You're crazy, Black! And I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up in Azkaban one of these days!" shouted Malfoy just as the door opened. He quickly scrambled in as Sirius faked a thrust with his wand.  
  
"Take that, foul beast! Thou shan't escape my weapon so quickly!" he called as he followed the slicked-haired boy into the room, pocketing his wand as he went. Snickering at their friend's actions, James and Remus followed with Peter close behind.  
  
The Marauder's laughter from the previous moment was quickly silenced by a look from Professor Bulstrode, a red-headed plae man who was Head of Slytherin House and always sided with the Slytherins when it came to the case of the Marauders. He just didn't care about the other Gryffindors and James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus made it their job to keep the Gryffindors entertained...even if it meant loosing several dozen points.   
  
"Take your seats before I either hex you all or fail you all," barked Bulstrode at the Gryffindors, who quickly scrambled to their seats. The Slytherins, however, took their sweet time getting to their seats.  
  
"Ugh...who am I sitting behind, Padfoot?" whispered James as he stared a patch of blurry dark red. Sirius looked up and grinned widely at who he saw.  
  
"Lily Dearest! How good of you to visit!" he exclaimed, while James made a face of disgust. Evans turned in her seat and also made a face of disgust.  
  
"You two? Why is it always that I am stuck to babysit you?" she asked in exasperation. James scowled at that, while Sirius pouted somewhat.  
  
"Shut it, Evans. We were here first. Blame yourself for where you're sitting," said James in annoyance. Evans studied him for a moment before smiling somewhat pleasantly.  
  
"Very well. Oh, and, Potter." She tossed him the glasses she had taken the other day. James, suspicious that she had done something to them, studied them for a second before putting them on his face. Immediately his vision cleared and he glared at the girl in front of him, who grinned more widely in an almost evil way.  
  
"What are you grinning at?" he asked, again in annoyance. Sirius looked over at the two again and nearly fell out of his seat, laughing at what he saw.  
  
Bewildered at his friend's reaction, he turned to look to Remus, who sat behind him. "Moony, is there anything wrong with my face?" he asked, getting frustrated.  
  
Remus looked up from what he was writing and studied James' face only to shake his head and go back to writing. "Nothing wrong with your face, necessarily...your eyes, well..."  
  
"My _eyes_?" asked James as he snatched the mirror Evans was holding out to him with a cheeky grin. He studied his image for a moment before his face went red. "EVANS!"  
  
Everyone looked over to where the outburst had come from. James Potter was sitting there with a red face and glaring with...rainbow colored eyes at Lily Evans, while Sirius Black tried to control his laughter and Remus Lupin was writing the instructions on a piece of parchment.  
  
"POTTER!" James looked over to Bulstrode in surprise, not noticing that everyone was now laughing at him. "Ten points from Gryffindor for the disruption. Evans!" Now Evans looked up in equal surprise. "Both you and Potter have detention. Tomorrow night."  
  
Evans' mouth fell open while James smirked. Served her right, charming his glasses to make his eyes change colors and thinking she could get away with it. James then pulled out an old piece of parchment and drew yet another tally on it.  
  
"Understand me, Potter? Evans?" demanded Bulstrode.  
  
"Yes, Sir," they answered, Evans with some sadness and James with no real emotion.  
  
"Six thousand, seven hundred fifty-seven, Padfoot," he told his friend in a whisper. Sirius scowled at him and poked him in the side with his wand.  
  
"Methinks thou hast cheated somewhere," he whispered back.  
  
"Methinks thou hast been hit in thy head too much," retorted James with a smirk as he shoved his friend's wand away. Sirius gave him a hurt look, but chose not to say anything as Bulstrode began to pair them up with partners.  
  
The rest of potions went fairly well, in the Marauder's book. They were able to play a few minor pranks on the Slytherins and got away with it and were able to pull a few on Bulstrode himself. However, this did not help James' situation. He was stuck with color-changing eyes for a while and he would have to serve detention with her--with Evans.  
  
Talk about a way to start a day.  
  
The moment the four left the room, however, they ran into more trouble. Lily Evans quickly walked in front of them, spun around, and glared directly at James, who gave her an innocent look.  
  
"Yes? Is there something you want, Evans?" he asked in false innocence. Evans' face went red, but she didn't reply as she glared at him for a moment longer before stalking off to her next class, History of Magic.  
  
"Aw..." cooed Sirius.  
  
James shot him a look.  
  
"What are you going 'aw...' about?" he asked, partially curious and partially angered, for he knew what Sirius was cooing about.  
  
"You and Lily are such a lovely couple!" squealed Sirius in a girl's voice. Remus chuckled, but didn't say anything, while James glared at the two.  
  
"That is not funny, you two. I hate that girl with a passion--" he started to rant.  
  
"Love usually blossoms from hate," pointed out Remus as they continued on their way to History of Magic themselves.  
  
"Bugger off, you two. You don't know what you're talking about," said James hotly as he chose to ignore them while on the way to their class. That, however, didn't go as planned either.  
  
"Oh, please! You two are so...so..." started Sirius, waving a hand dramatically.  
  
"So...what?" asked James, raising a curious brow.  
  
"So...prefect for each other." James made a face at that. "Seriously, when's the wedding?"  
  
"There is no wedding that has me and Lily Evans as bride and groom, and there never _will_," snorted James.  
  
"I highly doubt that." Sirius grinned.  
  
"Stuff it, Padfoot, or else I'll feed you to the foul beat Malfoy," warned James. Sirius chortled and took out his wand once again, waving it in front of him like a dagger.  
  
"That foul beast shan't scare me! Thou hast mistaken me for someone else, my good sir!" he stated, poking James in the ribs with his 'weapon.' James growled playfully at him.  
  
"Thou hast better point thy weapon someplace else," he said, shoving the wand away from him. Sirius sniffed as if insulted and jabbed his wand at the smaller boy's ribs again.  
  
"Thou hast insulted me! Thou must fight me to thy death!" he shouted, stopping and standing in a position that suggested he was holding a sword rather than a wand. James stopped as well and pulled out his own wand, copying his friend's stance.  
  
"We fight to _thy_ death, peasant!" The two were about to play-act a sword battle when Remus stepped between them, arms spread perpendicular to his body.  
  
"Not in the halls, you two. And especially not when we have to get to class," he said with a pointed look.  
  
Both James and Sirius pouted, but pocketed their wands again.  
  
"Spoiled-sport," murmured Sirius as they began their trek to their next class again.  
  
"I heard that," called Remus, who was behind the two, making sure they didn't stop again.   
  
Sirius scowled.  
  
"Damn wolf hearing."  
  
"Heard that, too."  
  
"What _don't_ you hear?" asked James, chuckling at the two as they reached their destination. Remus gave him a wry grin, but gave no reply as they entered the classroom.  
  
  
  
  
  


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**sCHEm:** Couldn't sign in? I know, Ff.n's been a pain *makes a face* It kept messing up and not letting me read fics! *cries* The ebilness of it all! ^.^ Thanks for the nice review. I hope this chapter will prove to be interesting! ^.^  
  
**lono:** Continuing. ^.^ Glad you are enjoying the fic. ^.^  
  
**Midnite Jewel:** ^.^ Thanks for the compliments, but really...it's not that good is it? *face goes red*   
  
**Y.Kuang:** *is speechless, face red* Oh, dear...this has...got to be one of the best reviews yet. *sniffles* You actually told me WHY you love it so much! *sniffles* You really think my writing is good? Well, I have to say that I have read a couple of your fics and you are certainly a good writer. ^.^ Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, for the wonderful review...you just made my day with that one. ^.^  
  
**Phoebe Goose:** Yes, it certainly enjoys tormenting us, doesn't it? Ebil website...-.- Anyways...^.^ Thanks for reviewing again! How was Jimmy able to see without his glasses? Well, I am a person with an eyesight of 50/20 with my glasses on and if I take off my glasses for a long time, I can forget that I don't have them on ^.^'' Pretty much what happened to Jimmy. He forgt he didn't have his glasses and adjusted to having his eyesight a bit fuzzy for a owhile. O.o Chapter two? *pokes* You mean three. ^.^'' And I'll try my best to finish this fic...it would just be HORRIBLE if I left it to rot like my LOTR fic (which I will continue! just you people watch!)  



	4. Another Detention

Summary: Lily and James love/hate fic. James uncovers some dark secrets in his seventh year.  
  
Author's notes: I was _bored_ so I decided to write this part sooner than the last part...I mean...*sweatdrops* Forget it, you all will just confused yourselves....that's if...you actually read this. *eyes everyone suspiciously* How many of you read this stuff anyway? *curious/suspicious look* *shrugs* Oh, and for anyone who actually DOES read this and are curious as to how long this fic is going to be, I have settled on a number. And that number shall be...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
TWENTY!(or somewhere around there...@.@) ^.^" Yes, I have all of the chapter titles figured out, the problem I'm going to have is that the chapter lengths are now going to be pretty long *sighs* Oh, whatever am I to do? So much to write in only...*doesn't count this chapter* sixteen more chapters! *gasps* ^.^"  
  
Anyway...to start this part off, I have one thing to say that may offend some people (my appologies to those people ^.^") and here it is: VOLDEMORT IS A SLIMY GIT! ^.^  
  
Disclaimer: You know the drill...*sighs* I still want Jimmy, Siri, and Remy *dreamy sigh* (getting repetative, isn't it?) ^.^  


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**

Of Hidden Truths

  
(Another Detention)**  
  
  
  
  
  
The weeks of September quickly flew by, or at least it seemed that way to Hogwarts' infamous mischief makers. It always seemed as if the four teenagers would always have a prank or witty remark--and never have them repeated--for almost any situation, which was exactly why James got into the same predicament he was in on the third night at Hogwarts.  
  
"But...Professor!" objected Evans while James also tried to put in a coherent statement. McGonagall wouldn't have any of this, however, and silenced them with a glance.  
  
"You two have disrupted my class for the seventh time today. I've given you both several warnings and now you have left me with no choice but to assign you detention," she told them sharply. Evans looked at her hands as if she were ashamed while James pursed his lips.  
  
The last time he had detention with Evans he did most of the work while she criticized his work and would ignore everything he said. Typical Evans behavior, but very, very annoying.  
  
"Report to me tonight for your punishment," finished McGonagall as she turned away from the two and continued her lesson. While her attention was away from the area, it gave Sirius, Remus, and Peter enough time to snicker at their friend's plight and for James to scowl at Evans.  
  
"I think our dear Prongs fancies Dearest Lily," whispered Sirius to Peter and Remus. "This is his second detention with her this year."  
  
"Not that that's too surprising," agreed Remus with a hint of a smile on his face.  
  
"Bugger off," muttered James, having overhearing the small exchange.  
  
"Ah, come on, Prongs. Ya know she isn't that bad looking..." Sirius studied the redhead who was taking notes on everything McGonagall said, as if it would make up for disrupting the professor's class. James snorted, not even really looking at Evans.  
  
"I would have to agree with Padfoot on this one," said Remus, glancing at Evans and then James and back again.  
  
"Oh, whatever," sighed James, going back to what they were working on. Transfiguration was James' best subject so he didn't actually pay attention to McGonagall's lecture and, instead, idlely looked around the classroom. It was too bad that they had this class with the Ravenclaws, as Sirius had taken note of weeks ago.  
  
Knowing that there would be nothing to do in this class, James sighed and rested his chin on his fist, waiting impatiently for McGonagall to dismiss class, which turned out not to be that long of a wait. As soon as she announced that they could pack up their things, the darkhaired Gryffindor stuffed his books and quills into his bag and was about to run out of the classroom when the professor's voice announced, "James Potter, see me as soon as the class leaves."  
  
With a look of dismay, James looked over to his friends, who gave him sympathetic looks...well, Remus and Peter gave him the sympathetic looks while Sirius handled the laughing-like-a-hyena look. James watched as they all left the room, leaving him to deal with Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Sit, Mr. Potter," she ordered, going back to her desk for a moment. James slowly took his seat again, watching with some suspicion as the strict teacher took a seat behind her desk a tight look on her face.  
  
There was a moment of silence before McGonagall spoke up again, "Mr. Potter, I was asked by Professor Dumbledore to detain you until he had a moment to speak with you, so you may stop acting as if I had sentenced you to death."  
  
At that, James breathed a sigh of relief. So he wasn't going to be suspended or expelled or whatever. "Er...all right, Professor, but might I inquire why Professor Dumbledore would want to see me?" he asked, curiously.  
  
"You may, but I answer you honestly that I am not the one to tell you. You will find out when Professor Dum--" The older woman stopped herself as the door to her classroom opened to reveal the exact man they were speaking of. "Albus. I hadn't expected you to come this quickly," she greeted, beginning to stand, while Dumbledore waved a hand, smiling cheerfully.  
  
"It was no trouble, Minerva, though I daresay that three mischievous boys that were listening behind the door were quite surprised when I approached them," he answered with a small chuckle and a bright twinkle in his blue eyes.  
  
James smiled despite himself. Typical of Sirius, Remus, and Peter to listen in on what the professor was telling him.  
  
"Honestly," sighed McGonagall as she sat back down. "I don't know what to do with those boys--" Here she paused to look briefly at James, who sent her a smile. Again Dumbledore chuckled heartilly.  
  
"They are only but seventeen, Minerva. Let them enjoy their last year here before you decide anything," he replied with a small smile on his old and wisened face.  
  
"By the time they leave this school, Albus," started McGonagall. "They will be far too old to whip into shape and will no longer be able to serve detentions, although I daresay they enjoy it--" Here James smiled innocently.  
  
"Yes, it is a sad thing when students move on and you stay behind. But there is still plenty of time left for these...marauders." Dumbledore looked down at James for a moment before looking toward McGonagall once again.  
  
"If you say so, Albus." McGonagall sighed once again before moving to stand again. "I'll be out in corridor if you need anything."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "That would be appreciated," he answered as the Transfiguration professor gave a short nodm stood, and then exit the room. When the door closed again, James rose a curious brow at the Headmaster, who merely gave the young boy a small smile.  
  
"It is good to see you again, Mr. Potter, when you aren't in my office waiting for punishment," he greeted merrily, eyes twinkling with amusement. James couldn't help but to smile at that. Dumbledore was just the kind of man that could put any person at ease and it was true that James rarely saw his Headmaster unless it was for punishment.  
  
"Good to see you, too, Professor," he replied as the old wizard went up to McGonagall's desk, before leaning against the front of it, patiently watching the young boy before him.  
  
"Yes, but I'm afraid that my visit is not going to be pleasent," said Dumbledore, losing the twinkle in his eyes for a moment. James shifted in his seat, anticipating where the topic was headed. He was not going to talk about that, especially in front of Dumbledore.  
  
"Sir?" he asked, as if confused even if he actually knew what his Headmaster was saying.  
  
Dumbledore gave him a look that plainly told him that he knew that James knew what he was talking about. Before the older man could say anything, James looked down at his desk and glared at it, angry that he was being forced to talk about this.  
  
"I understand that you wish all this to go away and that you do not have to face the truth or tell anyone of it, but--" Dumbledore paused to look at the student in front of him for a moment before continuing, "but it is better to let someone help with the burden then carry it all on your own."  
  
James didn't reply.  
  
"Ah, yes," began Dumbledore with a sigh. "Jessica Potter was a lovely woman. Brave, selfless, courageous, proud, stubborn, and very, very loud, if I do recall correctly." Again Dumbledore paused, watching James curl his hands into fists in an attempt to reign in his emotions.  
  
"It is sad that she passed on at such a young age," he continued, "but she knew, if anything, that sadly all great things must come to an end and that death is nothing but the next great adventure. Even with that knowledge, however, she would always be wary...perhaps even fearful. Yes, such a sad thing that she passed on at such an age..."  
  
"She didn't pass on," muttered James through clenched teeth.  
  
Dumbledore gave the boy a curious look. "Beg pardon?" he asked.  
  
"She didn't pass on, she was _killed_. Why doesn't anyone else see that?" answered James, looking up at the Headmaster.  
  
"Because not anyone and everyone knows of what occurred last year. Myself being an example," replied Dumbledore. "There is no need to get upset. I was merely musing on the past. A past that seems much more distant that how I should remember."  
  
James gave the man a slightly confused look before looking down at the desk again, unclenching his fists. "She didn't pass on," he repeated softly.  
  
"And I understand that now," said Dumbledore.  
  
James shook his head. "I'm sorry, Professor, but I would like to go now, if you wouldn't mind."  
  
Dumbledore nodded, a sad look in his eyes. "Yes, I understand. But remember, James...the past is just that. The past. And until you can reach beyond that which has happened previously in your life, you will remain just there. In the past." The older man gave him a pointed look. "And the past is more painful than the fear of the events to come."  
  
Without another look to Dumbledore, James lifted his bag and headed out of the classroom. For a moment he stood there, in the middle of the hall, staring at the ground under his feet. It was only when the floor became blurry in his eyes that he continued on, wiping his eyes as he went. Instead of heading to the Common Room, however, the seventh year Gryffindor headed outside, not willing to face his friends with himself in this position.  
  
On the banks of the lake was the most peaceful place on the grounds at Hogwarts and that was where James spent most of the afternoon. He was lucky that he had no more classes that day and only had to look forward to the dentention that night. His luck, however, ended there. For he once again unwittingly ran into his House rival.  
  
At least...his House rival ran into him, sitting on the banks of the lake.  
  
Sitting there, with his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees, and looking out onto the lake's surface as the wind rustled his unkempt hair, James looked less like himself--a seventeen-year old prankster that was usually surrounded by people--and more like someone else--a seven-year old loner that was often seen alone. He didn't care what he looked like to anyone else, however, and that included Lily Evans.  
  
James didn't even have to look up to know who it was that was creating the shadow that cast over him.  
  
"Go away," he said dully, still staring at the lake's surface.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" asked Evans as she stood next to him, watching him curiously.  
  
"Why do you care?" James unwrapped one of his arms, searching the ground for a rock. When he found one, he hurled it into the lake, creating a slight splash as it hit the water and then sunk to the bottom of the lake.  
  
"Nice throw," said Evans, still not moving from her position.  
  
James didn't answer.  
  
Evans sighed. "Listen, do you want me to go get your friends? Black? Lupin? Pettigre--"  
  
"Why don't you just leave me alone?" demanded James, annoyed at Evans for being there and interrupting his thoughts.  
  
"Fine. Whatever," said Evans, her face going red. "Someone tries to be nice to you and you bite their heads off. Amazing that you even _have_ friends."  
  
Evans glared at him a moment before walking off. As she left, however, James muttered, "You're right...I don't _deserve_ friends, do I?"  
  
"What?" asked Evans' voice and James looked over to his right to see that she had stopped and looked back at him, hearing what he had said. James' eyes narrowed as he pushed himself off the ground and into a standing position.  
  
"You're right," he repeated. "I don't deserve any friends. And you want to know why?"   
  
Evans shook her head, showing she didn't know and not really knowing how to act when James was upset like this. She never had to deal with this before now and was surprised that she was dealing with it now. She was surprised yet again as James angrily pulled something out from under his robes and held it out for her to see.  
  
It was a golden necklace that had a pendant on it. Not just any pendant, but a red stone surrounded by gold. "This thing," continued James as he held it out for her to see. "This _thing_ is why. And I can't even tell anyone what it is! Some friend I am if I can't tell my friends what it is and why it puts me and them in danger! You get that, Evans?"  
  
Evans nodded slightly, showing she understood, but still looked kind of shocked that he had told her this. James shoved the necklace back under his robes and glared at the ground, not willing to take his anger out on her like he almost did that day on the train.  
  
He sighed, feeling the anger drain from his person, and sat down--more like fell back onto the ground--again, putting a hand to his temple. "Look, I'm sorry I got angry right now...it's not your fault."  
  
"No...erm...that's okay," said Evans. "It looked like you were going to explode if you didn't get it off your chest sooner or later."  
  
At that, James laughed dryly. "Might as well blow up at you then, eh?" he asked, before standing again. "Honestly, I didn't want to get mad at you. It wasn't your fault. I just want to be alone for a while, okay?"  
  
Evans nodded again, uncertainly. "Yeah, all right."  
  
"See you at detention then," he murmured before turning and walking away. This day was not turnin out to be his best. Not only was he upset because Dumbledore had attempted to get him to talk about what had happened last year, but his House rival had seen him when he was vulnerable and hadn't done anything like she usually did. She was actually...nice...  
  
James shook his head as he walked aimlessly around the grounds. He couldn't begin to think that Lily Evans may not be that bad of a person. If he did, then that meant that something else had changed in his life and he wanted everything to stay the same. Changes were painful and he didn't want to go through another one.  
  
Of course, as always, James discovered that he must have been thinking for quite a while because soon the sun was setting in the west and it was near time to report to McGonagall for his detention with Evans. Oh, joyous day. Could anything else go wrong?  
  
Obviously they could, James discovered as he walked into McGonagall's office for the second time in the day and saw McGonagall talking to the redhead Head Girl that was Lily Evans.  
  
"Good evening, Mr. Potter. Glad you could join us," greeted McGonagall as she looked over Evans' shoulder. Evans turned around a bit, saw him, and turned back around, acting as if there was nothing different between them.   
  
Good then. No more changes. Or so James had hoped. Once he was standing next to Evans, he noticed how tense she was and how she wouldn't look over at him at all. The old Evans would haven't have been like this.  
  
"Tonight, you two will be working in the potion class room with Professor Bulstrode watching over you. I will be talking with Professor Dumbledore and will be unable to supervise you, so I expect that you will behave just as you would if I were there, is that understood?" she asked, looking at the two teenagers before her. Neither said anything, so she nodded.  
  
"Right then. Follow me." With that, McGonagall led them toward the dungeons where the potion's room was located. Both of the teenagers were silent all the way down, althought one was certainly more silent than the other.  
  
As they came up to the door of the potion's room, McGonagall turned toward them, causing them to stop their walking. "Professor Bulstrode should be waiting for the two of you. He will assign you your punishments." And with that, she turned and left, leaving the two in the hall.  
  
They, however, made no move to go toward the door, not wanting to start their detention just yet and not wanting to have to endure Bulstrode's Slytherinness(as Padfoot would call it, James thought). It was Evans who broke the silence.  
  
"Have you ever...er...served dentention under..." she asked, hesitantly. James couldn't help but to smirk slightly at the question.  
  
"Don't worry. He'll most likely yell at me the most." That answer, however, didn't help Evans nerves, but she didn't get a chance to say something as the door opened in front of them, allowing them entrance to the room and letting them see their potion's teacher.  
  
"Evening, Bulstrode!" greeted James as he walked in. Bulstrode glared at him for a moment before looking at the nervous Evans.  
  
"Well, Ms. Evans? Are you going to enter or do I have to--" Evans quickly rushed into the room, only to bump into James. James looked at her for a moment, brows furrowed.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" he asked, curious as to why she was acting so timid.  
  
"I just...er...I mean," she stuttered and jumped when Bulstrode slammed the door shut. Unconsciously, Evans grabbed James arm, while James rose a brow.  
  
This was different.  
  
"That wasn't as loud as usual, Sir...are you beginning to lose your touch?" asked James with false innocence. It was good to pretend that the conversation with Dumbledore never happened, that he was used to having Evans clutching his sleeve--which was pretty strange in itself.  
  
"I'd make sure your mouth was closed, Potter, if I were you--" began Bulstrode as he stalked over to his desk.  
  
"If you were me you wouldn't be as ugly as you are now, you know?" put in James with a smile. Evans looked over at him with wiped eyes and then looked back to Bulstrode as if she thought he was going to pull out his wand any second. Instead, he slammed his fist on the desk.  
  
"Funny, Potter. Be sure to come back here tomorrow evening for another detention." James shrugged, shamelessly. "And you, Ms. Evans--" Evans looked up at him, curiously, as she now realized that he wouldn't do anything too terribly bad to them. "--kindly detach yourself from Potter. Even if you two may have snogging sessions in broom closests, it is hardly--"  
  
"SNOGGING SESSIONS!" shrieked Evans, outraged as she released James' arm as if he had burnt her. James blinked a moment before looking over to her with a sly grin.  
  
"Really, Lily Dearest," he said, slinging an arm around her shoulder, much to her dismay. "I would have never thought you would have told anybody--"  
  
"ARGH! Get your hands off of me, Potter!" yelled Evans, shoving him off of her and knocking him into the student desks. Not being able to regain his balance, James fell over, knocking over several objects over.  
  
"ENOUGH!" roared Bulstrode. James stood up and brushed himself off before looking at a red-faced Evans. All right, so things were back to normal now. That must be a good sign.  
  
Sadly, this was not the case.  
  
"Potter! You are to check every ingredient there is in my storage and see if they are all still useable. You will check the labels, use a book to see how long they remain fresh, and carry out all ingredients that have spoiled. Evans! You watch over him while I work on grading papers," barked Bulstrode before sitting down at his desk.  
  
James sighed, realizing that it was to be a repeat of the last time he was in detention with Evans, only this time it was with Bulstrode watching instead of McGonagall. Making a face at Evans, he went over to the storage room and began his task of sorting out the bad ingredients from the good, while Evans told him what he did wrong and watched as he strained under the weight of the bottles of the spoiled ingredients. All the while, one thought ran through the young boy's mind.  
  
Why on earth were all of those bottles so heavy?  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

**Phoebe Goose:** Oooh! You wear glasses too? Yesh! ^.^ I know...they'r just so...so...that way that I couldn't help but to write those fights in the halls. Yeah, Lily is cool and yes, Jimmy was stupid to put those on. Oh, and here's a tip. Don't try that face(you know the one with the squinty eyes?) because it always stops the review *shrugs* I know...it sucks. ^.^ Thanks for reading again and I hope you liked this part as well! ^.^  
  
**RedRaspberry:** Thanks for reading! Hope you continue to read! ^.^  
  
**Kranberries:** Hey! Yes, I continued it, and there will be more. I do not plan to abandon it like I did my other fics. Your eyes are that bad too? Yeah, my eyesight sucks. Badly *makes a face* Lol. I think I MIGHT survive a day without my glasses, but I'm not too too sure. ^.^ Oh, and don't worry about rambling! I love rambling! Rmable some more if you review again! ^.^" Thanks for reading! ^.^  
  
**The Infallible Teller:** Aw...thanks for the nice review. And no worries about my not finishing this fic! I shall finish it! I shall not fail you fathe--*covers mouth* I have been watching WAY too much tv...anyway...Hope you enjoyed! ^.^ 


	5. Horrible Halloween

_Summary:_Lily and James love/hate fic. James uncovers some dark secrets in his seventh year.  
  
_Author's notes:_I'm on a roll! I'm on a roll! *cheers* ^.^ Yes yes! I can feel it! I WILL finish this fic! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *coughs* Okay, now that I'm done celebrating the fact that I'm actually going to finish a fic (short stories are not counting in this statement) I am just going to say that I'm surprised that I actually got more reviews *gasps* Everyone must be looking for something to read and when they stumble across mine they just feel like reviewing or something. *shrugs* Oh, come on! It's not that good!...is it? O.o?  
  
**Dedicated to KAYDEE! HAPPY LATE B-DAY MY SCOTTISH TWIN! ^.^" And don't whine about it being so long since I updated. LOOK HOW LONG IT IS! ^.^"**  
  
_Disclaimer:_You know the drill...*sighs* I still want Jimmy, Siri, and Remy *dreamy sigh* (getting repetative, isn't it?) ^.^  


* * *

  


**Of Hidden Truths  
(Horrible Halloween)**

  
  
"Oy, James!" came the voice of none other than Sirius Black. James rolled his eyes as he made his way over to where Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting, waiting for him most likely as he had just finished his night detention with Lily Evans.  
  
"Hey, guys," he greeted as he took a seat in an arm chair, studying the three on the couch. All of them regarded him with curiosity, while he leaned back, waiting for the questions he knew were bound to come.  
  
He wasn't disappointed.  
  
"So...how was your talk with Dumbledore?" asked Sirius. James didn't even bother wondering how they knew he had talken with their Headmaster--as he already knew how--and shrugged.  
  
"Like all talks with him: Confusing and seeming to have no point," he answered truthfully, as always. Normally, James wouldn't lie to his friends, but if he did it would be because he didn't know orhe would do it to keep them safe--which was happening a lot lately. At the moment, he was being honest, but he didn't want to tell them what had happened in the conversation with Dumbledore.  
  
They wisely took the hint.  
  
"Ah...and detention?" questioned Remus while Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
James rolled his eyes at Sirius' antics. "Exactly like last time: I worked and she criticized."  
  
Sirius chuckled. "She's one tough cookie, that one," he said as he looked across the room where the object of their discussion was sitting with her friend Arabella Figg. Again James rolled his eyes.  
  
"Please, Padfoot, if you like her so much, why don't _you_ask her out?" he asked, tired of the teasing he was receiving.  
  
Sirius gave him a dubious look. "You would let me?" he asked.  
  
"Oh, for Merlin's sake! I do not like her!" shouted James. The three on the couch all exchanged glances with one another, while their friend acted as if he were pouting.  
  
"Sure, James," replied Remus calmly.  
  
"I don't," stated James, crossing his arms.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Sure didn't sound that way to me."  
  
"I was just agreeing."  
  
"You didn't have to sound like that though."  
  
"Sound like what?"  
  
"Like you don't believe me!"  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"Yes, you did!"  
  
"Okay, James."  
  
"See? There you go again! I _don't_."  
  
Sirius chuckled at the two. "James, old boy, you're just digging yourself a deeper hole. My suggestion: Either stop denying or stop what you're saying. You know Remus always wins these kinds of fights without even trying."  
  
There was a moment of thoughtful silence before James sank into his seat, muttering incoherently to himself. Remus shook his head at his friend's actions, but wisely didn't comment on it and, instead, turned to Sirius. "What exactly did you mean by 'you know Remus always wins these kinds of fights without even trying'?"  
  
"Just what I said. You do," answered Sirius as he shrugged.  
  
"Would that mean I have the best logic in the group? Or were you implying something else?" asked Remus, curiously raising an eyebrow. Sirius chuckled and opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the opening of the portrait and the entrance of McGonagall.  
  
Several curious glances were exchanged before everyone in the common room followed the Transfiguration teacher's gaze and stared at the dark haird boy that was trying futilely to hide from his friend's teasing and now McGonagall and the Gryffindors' gazes.  
  
"James Potter. A word if you would please," she called from her position in the middle of the entrance way. James winced at these words, but pushed himself out of the chair and slowly made his way toward the Head of Gryffindor, all the while aware of everyone's curious looks and wondering gazes.  
  
As soon as the young Gryffindor made his way outside of the common room, McGonagall nodded to the rest of the students in the room. "Right then. Carry on," she told them, before turning on heel and marching swiftly out of the entrance, the portrait of the Fat Woman swinging close behind her.  
  
"Follow me," she told James, who, though usually energetic, followed her, a feeling of dread sinking into his stomach. The last time anyone had been pulled out of the common room was when one of their parents, grandparents, or any other relatives had been killed. Surely that couldn't be the case now? Surely it had to be Dumbledore wanting to talk to him again about what had happened the year before.  
  
Instead of continuing down the corridor, McGonagall took a right and began to lead the Head Boy toward her classroom. Okay, so he had been worried about nothing, apparently, which only caused the boy's curiosity to be perked as he glanced confusedly toward his House's Head. McGonagall, however, didn't acknowledge his glances and suddenly stopped in front of a door, almost causing James to run into her back.  
  
"Er..." James didn't have a chance to say anything as the Transfiguration teacher opened the door, stalked into her own classroom, and went straight for her desk. James followed, shrugging to himself. It probably had something to do with--  
  
"--Quidditch?" asked McGonagall and James chuckled to himself. Of course. He was stupid not to have known what the Head of his House had wanted to talk about. And, seeing how James was the Team Captain, it made perfect sense that the professor had wanted to talk to him about it.  
  
"Professor?" he asked, realizing that he hadnt heard the question. McGonagall eyed him for a moment, studying to see if he was mocking her as he usually did in her classes. Of course, he was actually being genuine this time.  
  
"Have you made any decisions on when you think it would be best to start practices for Quiddtich?" she repeated and narrowed her eyes. "Last year was a disaster because we had tryouts far too late, because they were simply horrible against Slytherin in November. I will not tolerate Professor Bulstrode's taunting a second year."  
  
"Ah." James mentally grinned at how his most stern professor disliked the Slytherins as much as any other Gryffindor. "Then maybe we should start the practices near the end of October. It's far away enough from the match, but not too far away enough for our new formations to be found out by the...opposing team."  
  
McGonagall paused for a moment, perhaps thinking over what he had said, before nodding. "Yes, that sounds like the best solution. And when, exactly, is it to take place?" she asked, raising a curious brow.  
  
"How about the day before Halloween?" suggested James.  
  
"I suppose that could work," answered McGonagall, thoughtfully. "Now, it is becoming quite late. I suppose you already know the way back to the common room?"  
  
James nodded. "Yes, Professor."  
  
"Then I will see you tomorrow. Have a nice evening," she replied, immediately turning back to whatever was on her desk. James couldn't help but to blink at the sudden change before he shrugged and exited the room quickly.  
  


***

  
  
Just as before, the weeks flew by and, somehow, the day before Halloween had snuck up on the young witches and wizards of Hogwarts. Everyone was astonished that morning when they had walked into the Great Hall and saw the decorations already in place. That is...everyone except three Gryffindor boys.  
  
"It's a beautiful day! In the merry, merry month of--!"  
  
"October," Remus interrupted with a smirk while Sirius glared at him for daring to ruin his song. James grinned a bit at the two but stopped smiling when he noticed who was approaching him. Lucius Malfoy and Seveus Snape. Along with Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
Perfect.  
  
"Oy, Padfoot," he hissed at the taller boy, who also took notice of the four Slytherins and nudged Remus in the side, laughing a bit.  
  
"Look what the cat dragged in," said Sirius with a slight smirk as part of their plan commenced. The three boys--really just James and Sirius, Remus was opposed to it--had planned a prank to pull on the two hated boys. And just as they thought, the two reacted to what Sirius had said and faced the slightly smaller group in annoyance.  
  
"Indeed," replied Snape, who also got a small smirk on his face. Obviously he knew he was being baited, not that the Marauders really cared. They had stopped pranking him much after what had happened last year when a prank got...out of hand. By the way Snape ignored him and Remus and glared at Sirius, James concluded that he was still very much sore about that.  
  
"Amazing how a cat dragged in a dog your size," he finished, still glaring at Sirius but with a more victorious look.  
  
"What's even more amazing," said Malfoy in agreement, "is that you actually _smell_like a dog, Black."  
  
Sirius looked as if he was trying _really_hard not to tackle the other boy to the group and punch the living daylights out of him, but somehow controlled himself and merely smiled--more like smirked--back.  
  
"Thanks," he said coolly.  
  
Snape's victorious look fell into one of utter contempt and loathing. Malfoy's turned into a suspicious yet surprised look that still had that arrogant air about it. Sirius', however, turned to an almost cocky, almost amused look that usually came when he somehow managed to throw the Slytherins for a loop.  
  
"Smelling like a dog," continued Sirius, by way of explanation, "is better than smelling like the rear of a hippogriff."  
  
James snorted as he tried to conceal a laugh while Remus laughed silently as he took something Sirius passed behind his back.  
  
Phase Two: success.  
  
"I'm glad yourself amusing, Black," Malfoy spoke up with a sneer. "It just makes this all the more easy for me."  
  
Immediately, Sirius' eyes narrowed. James knew that look and knew very well that he was having a difficult time to stop himself from hurting the slimy git. Instead, he questioned in a quiet, deadly voice, "You threatening me, Malfoy?"  
  
Now Malfoy looked triumphant and gave James a half-glance for a moment. "I would never _dream_of it," he drawled, not at all sounding sincere. "Especially with..._him_here."  
  
For a moment, James thought that the blond haired, silver eyed Slytherin was looking over to Remus, but when he saw his friend's surprised look, he turned back to Malfoy, who was actually staring at him. Staring at him with a look a hungry cat might give a scared mouse when it has cornered it.  
  
James shifted a bit, uncomfortable.  
  
Sirius didn't even bat an eyelash. "Spit it out, Malfoy. I hate it when you waste time trying to sound 'mysterious,'" he snapped, barely restrained distaste spilling out.  
  
Malfoy gave James a fairly amused look before eyeing Sirius carefully. "Just how much do you know about Potter? Well, Black? Lupin?" he asked, raising a curious brow.  
  
Sirius looked ready to answer when Remus spoke up in defense. "He's our friend," he stated firmly. "If he doesn't tell us something, it's in our best interest."  
  
Again Snape's lip curved into a smirk as if he was amused at the answer. This smirk, however, wasn't directed to Remus...nor Sirius. He stared at James with dark brown eyes that easily gave away the hatred he felt toward the Gryffindor. James struggled to return it, but failed miserably.  
  
"Typical Gryffindor," said Snape at last, looking away from James and to Remus. "Always looking on the positive sides of things--"  
  
"While you lot just _positively_enjoy the negative sides of things, Snape," retorted Sirius, who was having more and more trouble handling his temper.  
  
Mission status: ABORT! ABORT!  
  
"Just so you know," said Malfoy to James, who felt incredibly small for some odd reason. "we know exactly who you are, _Gryffindor_. No use hiding, is there?"  
  
And then realization dawned on the bespectacled teenager. They knew? How? How could they?...and if they knew...  
  
James paled considerably for a swift second before he transferred his fear to his anger and pulled out his wand, greys eyes blazing brightly behind his glasses. "Get out of here, bloody Slytherin," he growled, surprising not only Remus and Sirius, but Malfoy and Snape as well. "or I swear to whatever god is out there--"  
  
"Ten points from Slytherin and five from Gryffindor," announced a feminine voice with an edge of harshness. Nearly everyone spun toward the source. James and Malfoy remained rooted to the floor as Lily Evans marched her way toward the quarreling groups.  
  
She looked between the two boys; one with his wand out and glaring fiercely and the other glaring coldly at the first. She sighed in impatiance. "Are you done? Or will I be forced to take more?"  
  
Neither boy moved, and so their friends remained. That was, until Snape made a slight movement, as if he was nudging Malfoy away. Malfoy narrowed his eyes further at James, but, reluctantly, spun on heel and stalked off with Snape, Crabbe and Goyle blinking in bewilderment, having missed the whole thing.  
  
It was only until the Slytherins were out of sight that James lowered his wand. And as his wand lowered, so did his anger, leaving him cold and full of dread and fear.  
  
Evans must have noticed the change in his demeanor, for she stepped in front of him and looked him directly in the eyes. James blinked, in slight surprise. Were they always a startling shade of green? Funny he never noticed before...  
  
For a moment, he thought he was going to say something kind. Her eyes certainly showed that she was worried, but her words stated otherwise. "Just what do you think you were doing, Potter? Right inside of the Hall? You're lucky none of the professors--"  
  
For some reason, the dark haired boy felt his anger rise again, though not as much as it had been when he was facing Malfoy. "Just. Leave. Me. Alone. Evans," he said coldly before stalking off himself before he could see her reaction.  
  
Of course, he should have known Sirius would have followed. Whenever James was reasonably upset, the other two Marauders would send the class-clown-like teen to calm him down. Amazingly it worked everytime. This time was no different, including the way they greeted each other.  
  
"I thought I said for you to leave me alone," muttered James, already feeling the anger slip away and leaving him cold again. He was afraid to talk to Sirius, but even more afraid to tell him to go away.  
  
Sirius, as always, got the message.  
  
"You told Lily to, not me," he replied with a small grin which immediately fell as he sighed. "And, frankly, I don't want you wandering 'round alone in the state you're in."  
  
"I'm not in a 'state,'" muttered James indignantly as he intently studied his feet and the ground. Sirius gave his friend a mild glare as he stopped walking, making James follow him to a halt.  
  
"Lying now, are you?" the taller boy asked, arms crossing angerily in front of him. "Admit it, something Malfoy said spooked you--"  
  
"Drop it, Sirius," James stated firmly, meeting his friend's eyes. "Just let it alone."  
  
Sirius looked as if he was going to argue at any moment when his shoulders sagged, he uncrossed his arms, and sighed. "Fine, James," he agreed. "I'll leave it alone. But I just want to let you know that I am your friend--your *_best_friend, need I remind you?--and I'm willing to listen if you have a problem."  
  
With that said, there was silence. A buzzing kind that made James wish he hadn't told the other boy to be quiet. Finally, not being able to take it anymore, he said slowly, "You know...I'm _really_beginning to hate Halloween."  
  
Sirius' expression turned from thoughtful to slight confusion and puzzlement from this declaration. "Why?" he couldn't help but to ask.  
  
James shrugged and ran a hand through his already unmanageable hair. "Nothing good has ever happened on it," he answered.  
  


***

  
  
Just as he had promised McGonagall, James held Gryffindor's first Quidditch practice that night, a few hours before the sun began to set. When he arrived on the field, the group of six players were all together, talking about the upcoming season and how much they wanted to get back at Slytherin, who had managed to disable one of their Chasers during the game. That move cost the game...and almost cost the game against Ravenclaw...that was, if James and Sirius hadn't talked Remus into flying in the person's place.  
  
James couldn't help but to grin, the earlier confrontations with Malfoy and Snape burning in his mind. Just as he was about to get into those thoughts again, Samuel Thomas gave a large laugh as Sirius grinned broadly, signalling that he had made the tall, black boy laugh. Samuel was from America and was a Muggle born wizard. He often used his knowledge of the Muggle World to confuse those wizards who were clueless about such things. It was too bad the fifth year couldn't use those skills while he was playing Keeper.  
  
A look of annoyance came from another boy on the field. This one was Clayton Wood, a very sporty boy who was a pure-blooded wizard with no sense of humor. The second Chaser would often somehow manage to take control of practice sessions and drill the team. Not that James minded. He didn't mind it at all when someone else took responsibility from him. One less thing to worry about.  
  
Jaclyne Hoover, their Seeker, laughed a little as Samuel mentioned something that must have involved Muggles because the others looked completely bewildered. Jaclyne was from England and was half Muggle which explained her own knowledge in that department. She seemed to have a small crush on Clayton, but refused to admit it when the others would poke fun at her, stating that the sixth year sports-a-holic would never like a small fourth year like her. That would always get a good laugh from Samuel and Sirius, while Clayton, hearing the laughter, looked disgruntle.  
  
Drake Dawson stood slightly apart from the rest of the team, though he smiled at all the jokes, even if he didn't understand them. Drake was certainly an interesting case as he was a quarter Muggle, his grandmother being a Muggle herself, and was German. Drake had been a surprise for most of the students in his year since they weren't used to having someone outside of the British Isles being at the school. He was their third Keeper and was the one who had been injured in the awful game versus Slytherin.  
  
And then there was Leon Harnt, a stubborn third year who would argue with anyone who would question what he did no matter the reason. Sirius wasn't fond of the boy, as it was evident that he was spoiled, but was surprisingly more than excited to welcome him onto the team when he had demonstrated how he was at the position of second Beater, Leon all the while saying, "Anyone could hit this bloody ball. Damn near too slow," as he whacked it forty yards away, nearly a new record.  
  
Feeling that it that it was time to get a move on, James called out, "All right! Mount your brooms!"  
  
There was a clatter of sound as everyone rushed to get onto their brooms, Leon rolling his eyes as Samuel accidently whacked Drake with the end of his broom, which he was getting ready for take off with. As he tried to apologize to the German-raised fifth year, Sirius hummed a little and threw a leg over his own broom stick.  
  
"_O'! Hydee, hydee, hydee hi!  
Hydee, hydee ho!  
O'top the broom I mount!  
And into the air I go_!" he sang before kicking hard off of the ground, leaving Drake cursing in German and Samuel trying to apologize on the ground. James shook his head, amused while Jaclyne stared in bewilderment.  
  
"Is he Scottish or something?" she asked, puzzled.  
  
James laughed at this. "Half Scottish, half English," he answered, getting himsefl ready to kick off.  
  
"Thou insults me once more! Half Scottish, half _Welsh_!" shouted Sirius from ten yards up. James looked up and frowned in feigned thoughtfulness.  
  
"Where's the difference?" he questioned, smiling inwardly.  
  
"Well, for one, English is spelt E-N-G-L-I-S-H, not W-E-L-S-H. And another thing is that Welsh men have bigger---"  
  
"Let's get started already!" shouted Clayton impatiently a few yards away from Sirius who smirked deviously.  
  
"Impeccable timing, Wood! Yes, let's get a move on then! And stop making fun of my Scottishness!" he exclaimed, shooting James a look, missing Samuel's arrival in the air.  
  
"Can't help it, Black!" shouted the American with a wicked grin as the aformentioned boy spun around to see him behind him. "You're too easy!"  
  
James shook his head and kicked off of the ground and drifted slightly lazily to Sirius' side. Sirius had a semi-puzzled look on his face and turned to his friend when the other had arrived. "Should I be insulted?" he queried in a confused fashion.  
  
James laughed a little before answering, "I think so, Padfoot."  
  
The reaction was instantaneous.  
  
"Watch out, Thomas! You've got into my red book now!"  
  
The response, though, was not from Samuel.  
  
"Nasty mental images, there," said James with a smirk, while Samuel laughed and Jaclyn, who had been flying around, shook her head in amusement. Clayton swung by on his broom then, a furious look on his face.  
  
"Are you captain or what, Potter?" he demanded angrily. James looked to Sirius and Samuel who were busy insulting each other--Samuel winning by using his Muggle knowledge--and Jaclyne who watched it all with a grin. Then he looked to the other Chaser and shrugged.  
  
"I would answer 'or what,' but it's time to practice," he replied, coolly. Clayton got a superior look and flew off toward the center of the field, leaving James to round everyone up again. "POSITIONS EVERYONE!"  
  


***

  
  
"Don't wake me up tomorrow," moaned James mourfully as he tossed himself onto his four-poster bed without even tossing his broom away, leaving it lying beside him on the bed with him in his Quiddtich robes. Sirius grinned as he entered the dorm as well, but, unlike his friend, remembered to prop his broom against the wall before hoping onto his own bed, legs crossed in an Indian style.  
  
Remus didn't even look up from the book he was reading at that moment. "Why is that?" he asked for the benefit of his friend.  
  
James didn't even bother to reply, knowing Sirius could do that job quite well. And so he did.  
  
"Prongs hates Halloween now," he said as he changed his clothes, not botherng to stand as he did. Remus rose a curious brow and looked from Sirius, who was now struggling with his shirt that was under his Quiddtich robes, to James, who was staring at the canopy of his bed.  
  
"_Our_Prongs?" asked Remus in surprise just as a dull thud resounded throughout the room.  
  
Sirius, who had fallen off of his bed while pulling off his shirt, answered fom behind his bed, "No joke."  
  
"I thought you _loved_Halloween," said Remus to James, who sighed loudly, getting tired of Sirius answering for him.  
  
"I don't anymore," he answered simply.  
  
"Why the change?" asked his lighter haired friend, who cocked his heda to the side, watching James, who groaned and put a pillow over his face.  
  
"Don't say that word," he moaned in a muffled voice.  
  
Now Remus blinked in surprise. "What? Change?"  
  
A sigh. "Yes..."  
  
"What's so wrong about change?"  
  
No reply.  
  
Sirius, having finally pulled the shirt off and was now bare-chested, got out from behind his bed and hopped onto James', making the other boy grunt in suprise as he felt his bed bounce with the arrival of the second teenager. Sirius studied his quiet friend for a moment before lifting an index finger...and poked him.  
  
"You're hiding," he stated, continuing to poke his friend, knowing he would get a reaction.  
  
What James hated the most was that he always _did_get the reaction he wanted.  
  
"I'm in plain view," he retorted, his voice still muffled by the pillow.  
  
Sirius blew a sigh, which shifted a strand of hair away from his handsome face, and pulled the pillow away from James. "No, I meant what you were thinking."  
  
No reply.  
  
"We're your friends, James," said Remus, deciding to take a different route to get their friend to open up. "You can trust us enough to tell us why you don't like the word change, can't you?"  
  
Hesitation. "...it hurts..." said James, after sitting up and looking at his hands.  
  
Sirius blinked in surprise while Remus looked slightly deflated. "That's how life is, James," he siad, closing the book he had been reading before looking intently at his long-time friend. "People, places, events--they all change. There's not much we can do to prevent it besides being ready for when it comes."  
  
Again James hesitated to answer. He'd been 'hiding' from his friends so long that he wasn't sure if he _could_tell them. "...I wasn't ready...I'm still not..."  
  
"Are you ready to talk now?" asked Sirius kindly with a hint of worry. Well, of course he would be worried. How long had James been acting like this, anyway? Months.  
  
"...I don't think so," answered James truthfully, looking up at his friends. "and I'm not sure when I will be."  
  
"That's all right, James," said Remus almost immediately. "We understand."  
  
An uncomfortable silence, one that the small group had never had before, decended and hovered over the three friends.  
  
"...I think I'm going to go to sleep," said James, breaking the silence. The other two recovered from the surprise that someone had spoken and nodded, Sirius climbing off of James' bed.  
  
"We'll tell Peter you said goodnight," said Remus as James lied down--still in his Quidditch uniform--and turned on his side where he couldn't see the other beds.  
  
"Yeah, you can count on us, Prongs," said Sirius, semi-seriously. With that, the lights went out, except for Remus' lit wand he was using to read with in the dark, signalling the end of the day. James shifted and sighed when he heard Sirius' heavy breathing begin to even out.  
  
He wished he could count on the others about what was going on, but he wasn't sure of anythign these days. And even though Dumbledore said he couldn't say anything, he wanted to so badly. It was unfair, he believed, for him to go through all of this at the age of seventeen. Why couldn't the Fates have chosen a better age for him to deal with this?  
  
Surprisingly, as James thought about these thing, he also listened to Sirius' breathing and somehow began to follow his friend's lead and drifted off to sleep before he even knew it.  
  


* * *

  
_Author's notes:_WHEW! That HAD to be the longest thing I've written! ^.^" Well...second longest. ^.^" I hope you all have enjoyed it! ESPECIALLY KAYDEX! THIS ONE WAS FOR YOU NOW DON'T ASK BE ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHAT! ^.~" Just kidding. You know you can always bug me about that. ^.^" Anyways, I'm too lazy to write responses to everyoen after writing this monster of a chapter, so all I have to say is...MORE SOON! ^.~ Ja ne! 


	6. First Steps

Summary: L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
_Author's Notes:_ *is hanging upside-down in a tree* Aye, I know...I said I wouldn't be continuing this one and that I would work on the sequal again. Well, guess what? As I am the Authoress, I can do as I please. That includes changing me mind *goofy grin* ^.^ Sorry to those who were enjoying that arrangement, but someting occurred to me that I didn't consider before so I decided to wait until I'm done with THIS fic before I start on that one again. SORRY KAYDEX! *sheepish grin* ((Lady Javexalot: Did I not tell thee that thou wouldn't be able to finish thy sequal?) Hush it, Javex, or I'll be forced to use my monkey feet on you. :P ((Javexalot: Such a crude person, thou is)) Oooh...that reminds me. KAYDEX! YOU'LL LOVE SIRIUS AT THE END! *grins* Personally, I liked James in this part...*dreamy sigh* Wish I had a man like that...*bats eyes* Anyway...on with the fic! Hope you all enjoy! ^.^  
  
_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any of the characters in this fic...*pouts* I want Remy, Jimmy, and Sirius...*pokes disclaimer, hoping it will fall off*  


* * *

  
  
**

Of Hidden Truths

**  
(First Steps)  
  
Halloween morning, however, found James Potter struggling to keep himself from waking. He wouldn't have needed to try to cover his head with his pillow or burrow himself deeper into his blankets if his roommates wouldn't make so much noise. Actually, they weren't making all that much noise, but James had gotten only a few hours of sleep and everything that morning seemed to be multiplied by ten.  
  
It sounded to him like Peter was being his usual self and had tripped over something…Sirius' boxers most likely, for a thud resounded throughout the room and a voice hissed viciously at the offending noise.  
  
"Damn it! Keep it down!" Sirius' voice said sharply and James assumed that he was gesturing or pointing to his bed because the next person to speak was Peter.  
  
"Is he sick?" he asked, slightly worried. Good old Peter, James thought to himself. He was always the one that was concerned when one of them had problems that no body could solve or if they were ill. He must have saw it as some sort of repayment for all the times they had defended him from bullies and such.  
  
"Tired, most likely," answered Remus in a whisper that the groggy boy could here because Remus was in the bed next to James' left. "Plus he doesn't want to face the day. Let him sleep."  
  
There was some shifting noises that sounded like someone was getting dressed and then some walking around. "Can you help me a bit with that Defense Against the Dark Arts assignment, Remus?" asked Peter as the footsteps halted and the sound of the door opening replaced it.  
  
"Sure, Wormtail," answered Remus kindly and patiently, as he would normally do whenever Peter asked for help. "Let's go down stair--Padfoot!"  
  
Sirius must have sorted in barely contained laughter, or else Remus wouldn't have been so sharp at him.  
  
"What? I didn't say anything!" James assumed that Remus had led Peter out of the room before he began to admonish Sirius.  
  
"You were thinking it," hissed Remus as the footsteps started up again.   
  
James started to drift off again and couldn't help but to grin as Sirius retorted, somewhat childishly, "You've got no proof."  
  
Hours later, while the other three-quarters of the Marauders were in Transfiguration, James was on a mission. He knew what he wanted and how he would find it. First he needed to get out of the Common Room and not be spotted by Filch, who would know that he was up to something. So he donned his Invisibility Cloak and took the Map which the others had been considerate enough to leave behind in case he got hungry or something.  
  
"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_," he whispered as he pointed his wand at the Map that they had worked so hard on. It had taken them over a month to actually draw out Hogwarts and its grounds and yet another month to find all of the spells for its accessories and place them on the piece of parchment.  
  
He watched the Map, just outside of the Common Room, carefully, looking for someone who might help him get the information he needed.  
  
Ah ha…Severus Snape. Perfect. He would definitely have the answer, even if he wasn't willing to give it. Really, James would have preferred going straight to the person he wanted to confront, but this would work out better. Snape would be willing to cooperate, wouldn't he?  
  
Apparently, he had thought wrong, for Snape had tried to loose James once he had revealed himself and forced James to chase him. Of course, James had the advantages of the Cloak and the Map, so he easily cut him off and manage to shove him into the bathroom, not at all happy that he had to chase the greasy Slytherin down a whole floor.  
  
"What do you know?" he demanded, as Snape glared at him against the wall on the other side of the bathroom. It would have been funny, being in the bathroom and interrogating Snape like some spy or something, if he didn't know how important this information was.  
  
"That regards you, Potter?" sneered Snape, not willing to give in so easily. "Nothing."  
  
James, however, saw that Snape was taunting him, letting him get himself get angry because he had information James didn't.   
  
"Don't play games with me, Severus," said James, seriously, and Snape stopped his sneering. "What Malfoy said yesterday, ring a bell?"  
  
Now Snape's cockiness returned.  
  
"Malfoy said a lot of things," he replied dryly.  
  
This caused James to take a step toward him, only stopping himself because he knew that Snape _definitely_ would not tell him what he wanted to know if he threatened him.  
  
"You're really pushing it," he warned, glaring at the Slytherin.  
  
"Then my goal in life has been fulfilled, Potter," said Snape sarcastically.  
  
Another step and this time, it was larger so that now only two stalls was the distance between the two.  
  
"Just. Tell. Me. What. You. Know," said James, gritting his teeth in impatience and anger. Why couldn't the git ever make anything easy for him? He always managed to make everything seem so much harder…  
  
"…I know a lot of things," murmured Snape, which showed that he was close to telling James, who was feeling a little more than relieved.  
  
"Yes, and does any of it involve me?" he asked, while Snape smirked.  
  
"_Quand deux deviennent un et on devient deux, le premier qui est venu des deux originaux doit résister le taunting d'un des deux originaux et suivez l'autre. Quand le premier choisit un des deux originaux, la seconde des deux originaux doit combattre avec un des deux originaux. Si elle choisit incorrectement qui un combattre, tous seront perdus_." All of this was said without so much as a blink or a stutter from the one reciting it. It was almost as if he had memorized the whole thing by heart and was merely repeating it for James' sake.  
  
James stared at him when he finished, unsure of what to say. He didn't know French at all, but it seemed like Snape did and that put him off slightly.  
  
"What was that?" he asked in disbelief. It hadn't sounded like anything James had ever heard, since it was French. Snape, however, was bland about the whole thing, as if it was old news and that the Gryffindor shouldn't be surprised by it.  
  
"A prophecy, Potter," said Snape without a sneer or a smirk. "And what a coincidence that it involves _you_."  
  
James stared at him a moment and tried to remember what the Slytherin had said, but the foreign language made that increasingly difficult. "What does it mean?"  
  
"Two of something," answered Snape monotonous, as if he didn't see the importance of it all, although James suspected that whatever the words were they were important. "will become one and then the one created from the two will create another like himself." He paused for a moment, studying his enemy. "The first one created from the two must battle with an original one and ally himself with the other. Once he has done that, the second of the two must choose who to fight."  
  
A silence descended upon the two. Neither noticed as one studied that other and the other looked to be in deep thought.  
  
The grey-eyed one then looked up and hesitantly asked, "How does that have anything to do with me?"  
  
It was then that the dark-eyed one regained his cocky smirk and while pushing himself away from the wall and walking out, he replied, "Figure it out yourself. You've solve a quarter of it already."  
  
James didn't bother to follow him and, instead, headed back to the Common Room, not at all surprised to see that classes were over and the halls were crowded with students once more. He stuffed his Cloak and the Map into his pocket and, without drawing attention to himself, made his way back to Gryffindor Tower, noticing how close to the Slytherin's Dungeons he was.  
  
Once he reached the Fat Lady, she looked up from her tea partner Violet to ask, "Password, Dear?"  
  
"Transfiguro," he answered blandly as the portrait swung open. As he entered, he thought of how he wouldn't let Sirius decide the password again. His friend had thought this password was funny since it sounded like something in an opera. Needless to say that their Head of House wasn't too, too pleased.  
  
"Hallo, Prongs," Peter greeted once he had entered the Common Room and the portrait had swung closed. Remus looked up from whatever he and Sirius were looking at, grinned, and nudged the other boy.  
  
"Sirius," he said, holding out his hand. Sirius tried to pretend not to notice but once Remus had it right under his nose, he snorted and pulled out two Sickles.  
  
"Betting?" James asked curiously as he came over and sat beside Peter, who was working on hi Transfiguration. "On what?"  
  
"How long until you came back," answered Remus and once again James didn't bother to ask how they knew he had been out. "I got the closest, saying two o'clock."  
  
Sirius looked over to James and gave his friend a frown. "Couldn't have hurt for you to stay out four more hours, Prongs, could it?"  
  
"Mm…" James replied, staring at whatever Peter was writing, not really paying anymore attention and thinking about what Snape had said. One fourth of the puzzled had been solved…how? What part had he--?  
  
"You all right?" asked Remus, leaning forward to see James' vacant expression.   
  
The messy haired boy nodded. "Mm..."  
  
At this, Sirius grinned deviously and leaned back into the couch, his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner. "I see…" he said in an amused tone which caused James to snap out of his thoughts.  
  
"See what?" he asked curiously, wondering what Sirius had concocted this time.  
  
"You know what?" asked Sirius in a mischievous manner, leaning forward again.  
  
"What?" asked James, knowing he was playing right into Sirius' hand.  
  
Sirius grinned more widely. "I think--" he began in a taunting tone.  
  
"Don't," interrupted Remus. "I don't want to hear it."  
  
Sirius gaped at Remus before scowling at the werewolf. "It's not about you."  
  
"Don't care," said Remus, opening his own Transfiguration book. "Just do your homework, Sirius."  
  
Sirius, however, did no such thing and merely stuck his tongue out at the lighter-haired boy. "You're no fun," he said before ripping a piece of parchment and, after chewing it up a but, throwing it at a second year, who cried in dismay.  
  


***

  
  
It was night once more and once more night found James sitting by the Gryffindor fireplace, thinking about the past and, presently, about that prophecy Snape had told him about. It was difficult to get himself away from those thoughts, so when the guys had gone up to bed, he had told him he was going to make up his work.  
  
No such luck.  
  
Everything he thought of reverted back to one of those two things. It was like a curse or a something. He couldn't focus at all…which was probably why he never noticed that someone else was awake also until he heard a _thump_.  
  
He spun around in his seat to see who it was and frowned at what he had saw. Lily Evans had, apparently, tripped down the stairs, while clutching a book (_A Light in the Darkness_ by Celeste Anderson). For a moment, he was slightly amused that Evans had actually tipped, but then he got slightly annoyed as his quiet wasn't going to be so quiet anymore.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked curiously, shoving the annoyance aside. Evans picked herself up quickly at hearing his voice and dusted herself off, trying futilely to hide the blush that was creeping up her cheeks.  
  
"Nothing," she replied quickly as she reached down to pick up her book, which she hid the title of, not knowing James had already seen it. This also amused the boy greatly. "I couldn't sleep so--why are _you_ up?"  
  
James nodded mentally in approval. She was a quick one all right. She knew just when to take the attention away from that question.  
  
He looked around him as he thought this before he looked to her once again and then answered, with his hands gesturing around him, "Enjoying the peace?"  
  
Evans' face, which had lost the blush, went a bit pick at this, as if he had just reminded her of why she was embarrassed.   
  
"Oh…well…I'll just leave you alone then," she said quickly. "Enjoy your peace--"  
  
"I couldn't sleep either, actually," James confessed, though he didn't know why. Evans paused with one foot hovering above the first step and her right hand on the rail.  
  
"Oh?" she asked, not looking at him. "Is it--? Do you have…nightmares?"  
  
"'F course," he answered without hesitation and sounding as if she were a little off, not knowing this. "Everyone does at some point of their already miserable lives." Here Evans spun around to look at him, her green eyes studying him intently, and for once James wasn't bothered by them.  
  
She didn't say anything for a moment, but then, when she had been silence for a good while, she asked, "Why are you always so…_negative_?"  
  
Again James looked amused. "Negative?" he echoed in disbelief.  
  
Evans gave him a curious look before shaking it off and continuing, "Yes, well…it sees every time I've run into you this year, you're depressed or angry. Like that time before our second detention and…" She hesitated. "…and on the Express."  
  
"Express?" James asked, cluelessly before it hit him. "Oh…oh! Evans, I've alw--er…wanted to apologize for that. I didn't mean to scare you or hurt you or--"  
  
"You didn't," she answered quickly, as if he was saying something he shouldn't.  
  
"Still," he continued. "I've felt bad about it and wanted to apologize…but everything keeps…" He trailed off, searching for the right word.  
  
Evans seemed to noticed this and decided to help supply a word or two. "Becoming hectic?" she suggested. "Happening?"  
  
"_Changing_," James finally mustered out. Evans blinked for a moment before shrugging awkwardly.  
  
"Oh, well…apology accepted then."  
  
Now it was James' turn to blink.  
  
"Just like that?" he asked in confusion.  
  
"Well, it would have been kind of strange if I held that against you," she answered, sitting down on the couch between the two armchairs, one of which James was sitting in. "It _was_ a long time ago…"  
  
Again the teenaged boy blinked in surprise.  
  
"I suppose so…" he said slowly, wondering where this was going.  
  
Apparently no where, because just as Evans lifted her book to read it, she put it back in her lap and said, "On second thought, I think I'll try to sleep no--"  
  
"Do you have nightmares?" asked James, quickly before she could stand. Evans stared at him for a moment, leaned forward in a way that made her look slightly odd since she had been getting ready to get up.  
  
"What?" she asked almost faintly.  
  
"Do you have nightmares?" he repeated, still not knowing why he was detaining her. So she wanted to sleep? Why couldn't he just let her go and do that?  
  
Perhaps it was because she provided him with a distraction.  
  
Evans didn't answer for a moment. "…yes…" This time the answer was barely heard.  
  
James turned back to his Transfiguration work and asked, "That's what kept you up?"  
  
Again there was a moment of silence.  
  
"I--" she seemed about to stop herself, so James confessed, "Me, too."  
  
"Oh…" said Evans, seeming not to know what to say. "Erm…what was it about…exactly?"  
  
James looked back to her with an amused smile and, ignoring the question, asked, "Aren't we supposed to be rivals?"  
  
"Erm…you're right. I'm sorry I asked--" she apologized, standing up and backing away. James frowned and stood up as well, which seemed to make her go rigid.  
  
"Why?" he asked, confused.  
  
"Why what?" asked Evans, backing up into the arm of the couch by accident. James narrowed his eyes and took a slow step toward her, then another. For every two he took, she took yet another one toward a small corner. He stopped.  
  
"Why are you apologizing?" he finally asked the nervous looking Evans. The Evans he had never saw before…except twice that year. "Why are you so timid?" Again he took a few steps forward, trying to get her to stop backing up.  
  
She, however, jumped back another step. "Don't…don't do that…" she said shakily and James froze.  
  
Evans--_Lily_ Evans--was…scared?  
  
"Do what?" He took a cautious step forward.  
  
"_That_! Please, stop!" Now this was too much. What could make her so scare of him that she would be near tears?   
  
James decided he didn't want to find out the way he was doing in and backed away, his hands in the air in a surrendering fashion. He backed up until he was back at the arm chair. Evans, seeing the distance between them, slowly came toward him, not noticing the book she had dropped, and sat back down on the couch, hugging herself slightly.  
  
James slowly followed her example and slowly sat down, watching in bewilderment and fascination as she then wiped her eyes.  
  
"…what was your nightmare about?" he asked softly, hoping he didn't scare her anymore. It was one thing when it was funny and was a joke when he scared her, because she would also fight back. This time…she didn't. And it scared him that she was this way.  
  
Evans sighed a little before wiping her nose a little and sniffing. She was quiet yet again for another moment before answering, "…someone was…hurting me…"  
  
The answer was a shock to James.  
  
"Hurt you?" he asked and she nodded, looking away as if ashamed. "Why would anyone hurt you? Lily Evans? Gryffindor Head Girl? Top of the Class?"  
  
His attempt to take her mind away from the previous topic succeeded and she smiled a little at him.  
  
"You're right below me…" she said, while James waved a hand in an impatient fashion, causing her to smile a little more.  
  
"Trivial information," he said and again there was silence. Lily--should he still call her Evans?--was still hugging herself and rubbing her arms as if she were cold. This made James' resolve to ignore what had happened to falter and then fall.  
  
"Why would someone be hurting you in your dreams?" he asked quietly, as if hoping she wouldn't hear him. But she did.  
  
She seemed to stiffen a little at the question and then look at him with slightly wide eyes before looking away. "I don't know…" she answered after a pause and somehow--_somehow_--James knew that this was not so. Somehow he _knew_ that she knew exactly why she was having those dreams, but he didn't say anything.  
  
Instead, he murmured to himself something that he had heard his mother say when she had been alive. "…and so another wears the Mask of Hidden Truths…"  
  
Lily--Evans?--looked over to him again and smiled a little once more. "I didn't know you were a poet," she said in amusement.  
  
James shrugged and replied, "I didn't know that Lily Evans was actually kind of nice, kind, and slightly timid. What does that tell you?"  
  
Lily--yes, that suited her much better at that moment--seemed to think about this for a moment before saying with another slight smile, "That the Mask of Hidden Truths doesn't only hide the Truth, but the person, as well…"  
  
"…for the person," James continued what she had said with a neutral face, watching her. "cannot be themselves when wearing a Mask that can so easily Hide their true nature--"  
  
"--or their true feelings--" added Lily, watching him as well.  
  
"--but can one counter a Mask of Hidden Truths? For it take more than one crack to break through the layers of deceit," he finished and saw that she was smiling even more.  
  
"You're really good," she told him and he gave her a smile.  
  
"Thanks. You should hear Sirius and I when we take turns," he said, making her laugh a little.  
  
She rubbed her arms again, looking at the carpet for a moment, before saying, "It's very…soothing."  
  
James nodded in agreement. "My mum always said I had the mind of a poet," he said quietly.  
  
Lily was quiet for a moment before brightening. "And what of your heart?" she asked, playfully. James grinned and decided to play along.  
  
"My heart? It is built from the very foundation of all the greatest and worst things on the earth," he replied, placing a hand over his heart.   
  
Lily leaned forward, letting go of her arms and watching him carefully. "And that would be…?"  
  
"That, my dear Lady, is a Secret," he told her mysteriously.  
  
"Maybe I'll learn of this Secret," she replied, looking for any hints, but James wouldn't let her get away with it that quickly.  
  
"My heart is a stout one," he said, pounding his right fist against his chest, making Lily laugh a little. "Not many have managed to gain entrance so easily--"  
  
"I'll except that challenge, Sir Knight!" she declared, throwing James off a bit.  
  
"I…er…"   
  
Okay, a lot.  
  
"Speechless, Sir Knight? If your voice failed you so quickly, then the stoutness of your heart shall not last too long," said Lily smugly, while James grinned.  
  
"And if you think that the Battle has been won, you have been mistaken, my Lady."  
  
"It is not the Battle I intend to win," said Lily, sitting up a bit. "But the War of discovering this Secret that lies in your heart."  
  
"Ah…" he replied before leaning toward her as she had done before. "And what of your heart?"  
  
"Mine?" she asked with slight surprise before giving him a mischievous smile. One that seemed to brighten her already bright green eyes. "It has been taken away for the moment and I fear it coming back."  
  
James rose his eyebrows in curiosity but plunged onward. "Is there any Secret that lies inside?"  
  
Lily shook her head, smiling as if she knew something he didn't. "None. For one merely has to look to know, Sir Knight."  
  
"And you say that it has been taken away?" he asked, trying to find out what she was saying, whether or not it was true.  
  
"By pretty words and a handsome face of someone I will not reveal," she replied before she looked up at the old clock that read the time. James looked as well.  
  
Two forty-seven in the morning.  
  
"The night is old," said Lily and James looked over to see that she was standing, her book in her hand. "and I shall need my sleep. Adieu, Sir Knight. Adieu."  
  
And for he could reply, she smiled, turned, and headed up the stairs to her dormitory. James stared after her and his gaze lingered on the stairs before he heard some shuffling and someone asking, "Can I barf now?"  
  
"Sirius!" James exclaimed, spinning himself toward the boy dormitory stairs and seeing his friend standing there, long dark hair loose and all over the place as he leaned against the wall in his sweatpants. "How…how long have you been there?"  
  
"Since '_And what of your heart?_'," replied the more mischievous of the duo, doing a pretty good impression of a girl's voice, before walking away from the wall and sitting in the couch Lily had just vacated. "You two make me want to gag."  
  
"I was just showing her my poetic abilities…" said James cautiously, hoping that Sirius wouldn't--  
  
"And you just 'happen'--" Here he quotated the word with his fingers. "--not to notice what she was showing--rather _telling_--you?"  
  
James looked confusedly at his partner in crime. "What?"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You _are_ dense. Merlin, James, who do you think took her heart with 'pretty words and a handsome face'?" Again he did a remarkable impression of a girl.  
  
James froze at this, realizing what his friend was saying.  
  
"She--? Sirius…I-I can't!" he cried out in a panic.  
  
"Well, you can't string her on like that," said Sirius, standing up again and pulling James up as well, leading him to the dormitory. "That my job, not yours."  
  
"I don't _want_ to lead her on," said James as they went up the stairs and approached the door to their room. 'But…I _can't_ like her, Sirius."   
  
He couldn't…but he wished he could…  
  
Sirius opened the door and pushed his friend inside, all the while saying, "I remember when you two used to yell at each other--" James shook his head as he took his shirt off and tossed it over a chair. "--Now you're telling her poetry and…having midnight…rendezvous…" Sirius really did do a good impression of a crying mother.  
  
"I need to get some sleep," said James, hoping to escape the torment known as Sirius Black, who continued the crying mother bit.  
  
"My poor little Prongs!" he cried as James pulled the covers off of his bed and settled himself in. "--all grown up now--!"  
  
"Stuff it and get some sleep," James told him with a small laugh in his voice. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep yet again, but while he listened to Sirius chuckle to himself, he couldn't find the peace he needed. Yet another worry had been placed onto his already overfilled mind.  
  
Lily Evans, his former House rival, was no longer just that. Now she was something more. She actually meant something to him…and he didn't know if that would be for good or for ill in the future...  
  


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**Pebble of Insanity:** Oh! Cute name! ^.^ Yes, yes...poor ickle Jimmy. ^.^ Don't worry...he'll get a hug real soon *wishes she was Lily* *dreamy sigh* Thanks for the review! ^.^  
  
**animegirl:** *blushes* Nah...it's not that cool...thanks for the compliment! I hope you keep reading! Oh, and shere's the next part ya wanted! ^.^"  
  
**earendil:** What took so long? Er...I was working on my sequal...and that's why THIS one took so long to get go out. Gomen! (FYI: Japanese leasson one: Gomen = Sorry ^.~) Thanks for the review!  
  
**Shei:** See? I knew you would! MWPP rock, Shei :P You can't resist it...you cannot resister the pull of the MWPP fics...they have claimed you...((Javexalot: *sweatdrops*)) Er...right...^.^"" The pendant? Ooooh! That's coming up in a good bit...Chapter uh...*looks* Eight? Wow...only two more Chapters until an explanation. You ready for it? You sure? You positive? Lol. Okay...I'll be quiet now. Thanks for the review, girl!  
  
**A very sorry kaydee:** Hey...you have my twin's name! THIEF! Lol, just kidding. Now, really, Kaydee, it's not that bad. You don';t need to go on and on about being a bad twin...I've actually been a bad twin really! *cries* I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN ON MORE LATELY! I GOT CAUGHT UP IN MY WRITING! *sniffles* Honestly, I really do feel bad about not talking to you in a while and for erm...um...not posting anymore of OIH...*winces* yeah, sorry...so flying objects please. ANYWAY....All will be revealed about your questions with James in TWO(count 'em: TWO) Chapters! Need not to worry, my dear Scottish twin, for I have a bad memory also. Hehe...Your first? Um...I think you said that somewhere...I distinctly remember you telling me that...I just don't remember when. Lol. Okay, I've given you some suggestions over at Tempest's right? Well, here's a new one. Read Dangerous Flirtation. It is REALLY good. I really like it, though it's short *rolls eyes* Why can't there ever be good long ones? Also...try The Marauder Chronicals(I THINK that's what it's called) OMG...that fic is like...awesome. You must read that one if you haven't. Seriously! You didn't know what Welsh was? Well, gee...I wasn't too sure when I wrote it, so I had to ask my dad(who is GENIUS at history and english and geography and such) *shrugs* Yes, yes! You are correct! Welsh is a person from Wales! Very good! And Sirius is a Scotsman and a Welshman rolled into one (yum...*licks lips*) As I have said already, the explanation will be in Chapter EIGHT. So be a little more patient *can't wait till she gets to the real twist in the story* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH---*cough, gag, CHOKE!* I'm all right! I'm all right! Yes, that is when Harrys parents died, but I don't think he really knows that. That's why I have it mentioned in the sequal smewhere...like in Chapter Six or something(I have Chapters One-Eight written, along with Chapters 20-22 and Chapters 34-37 ^.^ Go me!) *grins* I know I write those two(Siri and Jimmy) well. Everyone says that. And you want to know where I base Siri's sense of humor? Well, quite coincidentally, he sounds a lot like my older sister who is only a year older than me. She ALWAYS wants me to tell people that, and I have YET to fulfill her wish, hehe...I know, I am evil. :P ^.^ Thanks for the review, Kaydex! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^.^  
  
**Lyta Padfoot:** @.@ F-f...f-f-favorites? Oy! It's not THAT good is it? @.@ Whoa...I think that really shocked me. You read it at Schnoogle? Really? Wow! Thanks for the lovely compliments! I've been trying very hard to keep everyone in character and yet have them develop, you know? Thanks for the review! ^.^  
  
**mooncancer:** Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Go! Fight! Win! Sorry, I just miss going to football games *is in the band* Ah...miss the good old days of marching season...which was like a months ago ^.^" Anyway, thanks for the review! Hope you liked! ^.^  
  
**Ariana:** Thanks for the compliment! ^.^ More here! I hope you enjoyed it! ^.^  
  
**Them Girl:** Hoo-boy...another email address to remember! Not to worry! I will be sure to email you each time it's updated! Thanks for the compliments! ^.^  
  
**x-woman:** Yes, James DOES die on Halloween. I couldn't help but to put in that ironic statement. Oh, and get this...*looks around and whispers* It gets worse...^.^ Thanks for the review! ^.^  
  
**NOTICE! IMPORTANT NOTICE:** Do not, under any circumstance, translate any foreign language in my fic. All of the translations will be done by ME in the last chapter of this entire fic. Do NOT put it in my reviews. This is a warning! ^.^ Thank you! Ja! ^.~ 


	7. Midnight Mistake

Summary: L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
Author's notes: *hums a little and skips in* Hoi, all! ^.^ Yes, I am posting--finally! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! *dramatic pose* ((Javexalot: *eyes me and then pokes me*)) *falls over* Ouch! Meanie! *remembers the audience* Oh, hehe ^.^" Yes, well...look how LONG this part is! *falls over* Gah! And to think I got all of this by just writing the dialogue for the chapter and then putting in the details when I typed it up. Lordy, Lordy! Um...okay...um...Oh, yeah!  
  
**I dedicate this chapter--as lengthy as it is--to TEMPEST! Thank you for the promo deal you did in your last chapter, Girl! ^.^**  
  
I think that's all I have to say! ((Javexalot: *perks up* Thou hast--)) *shoves Javexalot out a window* ^.^" Anyways....Happy New Year's, all! ^.^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this fic...except Drake Dawson, Clayton Wood, Jaclyne Hoover, and Leon Harnt. *sticks tongue out* You can't have the Quidditch team! And Dawson's MINE! ^.^" Just kidding...I want Siri, Remy, and Jimmy...you all know that! ((Javexalot: *climbs back into the window* Thou...is...--)) *camera man bumps into her as he tried to fit in the whole room and knocks her out the window* HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EVE! *tosses confetti* ^.^" (yes, I know...early :P mind yo biz :P ^.^)  


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**Of Hidden Truths  
(Midnight Mistake)**

  
  
"Somebody sure is tired," said Remus the next morning when James arrived late to lunch with a grinning Sirius following him, as if he were making sure Jams didn't fall asleep on the way down to the Hall. James slid into a seat next to the his werewolf friend while Sirius took a seat next to Peter, who immediately turned to his taller friend for help with the Transfiguration he couldn't finish.  
  
"Mm…" James replied, taking some eggs onto his plate and stabbing them with his fork over and over again, obviously distracted as he yawned.  
  
"What's the matter, Prongs?" asked Sirius cheekily. "Your midnight rendezvous with your 'dear Lady' didn't allow you to sleep?"  
  
"Mm…" was the barely heard reply. Remus looked at James in surprise as he, for once, did not deny Sirius' statement.   
  
He then turned to Sirius with an eager look. "'Dear Lady'? Do tell, Padfoot!"  
  
Sirius grabbed a roll and shrugged. "Can't. I swore," he replied and added as Remus' face fell, "But when you find out…"  
  
The most mischievous boy gave a high cackle of laughter that made many heads turn and even got James to look up and stare at his long time friend in an odd way.  
  
"You sound like Voldemort with that laugh…" he murmured before stabbing his eggs again. This turned all three boys' head to their friend.  
  
"James…" said Remus, not sure of what to say.   
  
Sirius, however, did not have that problem.  
  
"Question," he said, watching his bespectacled friend intently. "How do you know what he sounds like?"  
  
No reply. Sirius and Remus looked at one another, while Peter continued to watch James, who now started to swirl his eggs around the plate.  
  
"Does this have to do with last year?" asked Remus quietly, turning to see that James' face was set in a mask of indifference, as if nothing had happened. The mask was dropped, however, to be replaced by a determined look. A look that plainly meant that he would withhold the information they were wanting.  
  
"He went mute on us," said Sirius, trying to lighten the atmosphere. All he accomplished, however, was gaining more uncomfortable silence.  
  
"We won't ask any questions," said Remus, turning back to his food, while James' swirling of his food cease. "Just _talk_, will you? I hate it when you shut yourself up like this, James."  
  
The reaction, they decided, was not what they wanted. James dropped his fork to his plate and stood up, murmuring, "I'm going to the Greenhouses."  
  
He stepped around the bench and walked off, just as Sirius confusedly asked Remus, "Aren't we having Charms today?"  
  


***

  
  
The Greenhouses, James would decided later, did not offer the calming environment that James needed. His mind was muddled with thoughts about the year before, his secret, and, of course, Lily Evans. Usually being surrounded by plants and the sound of water helped calm his mind. This time, however, he must have had too much in his mind to calm. So, after deciding that the Greenhouses weren't working, he decided to go back inside and go to the library, one of the few places he could go to without needing to explain why he wasn't in class.  
  
This idea would have served its purpose if a certain red-headed, green-eyed girl hadn't been in there when he arrived.   
  
He had walked in and immediately saw her looking at a shelf of books dedicated to Charms and such. James, not knowing what else to do, walked over to the case that had the shelf and began to look around.  
  
Apparently, he presence did not go unnoted.  
  
"What are _you_ doing in here?" Lily Evans asked in a whisper from his left.   
  
He could feel her eyes on him, but he refused to look at her and, instead, continued to look for a book. Which one, he didn't know.  
  
"Nothing," he answered simply and dully as he passed up a three book set called _Charming Charms and How to Use Them_, dismissing them as not interesting. He heard several footsteps come his way and yet, he never looked. Instead, his own feet decided it was time to leave.  
  
"Oh, no," he heard Lily whisper quickly and forcefully. "Don't you walk away from me, James Potter. Something is going on with you--"  
  
James spun around, obviously startling Lily with his angered look. He didn't care, however, he just wanted to get all of the confusing thoughts and the frustration that was building out.  
  
"What about _you_?" he demanded with an angry hiss, almost forgetting to whisper. "Skiving off from class, are we, _Evans_?"  
  
The use of her surname seemed to have some effect on the red-headed Head Girl. Her green eyes flashed for a moment with hurt before it was covered up with a harsh glare.  
  
"Not like _you_ wouldn't know about it, _Potter_," she spat back before locking eyes with him.  
  
Whatever she was looking for in his grey eyes, she didn't find. Only anger and frustration shone at that moment.   
  
"Damn straight I know about it," he replied icily, his voice getting louder with each syllable. He turned to walk off, but then seemed to change his mind and turned to her once again, saying, "And just so you know: 'When the winter comes, the air chills'."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Lily in confusion and frustration, her voice also getting louder.  
  
James gave a slight smirk that made him look slightly like any Slytherin that used the expression. "You're smart. Figure it out."   
  
With that he turned and began to leave.  
  
"You know that won't throw me off," he heard Lily call, with a choking sound to her voice. "I'll find out just why you're acting so strange, James Potter. You can count on that. I always uncover my mysteries."  
  
"This mystery," muttered James to himself as he exited the library. "is better left covered."  
  


***

  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
No, not 'Are you okay?' or 'Why did you just leave us like that?', not even a 'What'd you do all day?' No. Instead, the first thing to come out of Remus Lupin's mouth when he walked in and saw James sitting on the couch in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room was 'Where were you?'  
  
James' patience was worn thin already. He had tried almost everything besides bashing his head in to try and get his thoughts organized and focused, but it was all futile and now he was going to get chewed out by his friends.  
  
Oh, the joy of being James Potter, he thought acidly.  
  
"Does it matter?" he bit out with an indifferent sound to it.   
  
It was only a second before he said it that Sirius walked in, looking just as mad and frustrated as James felt. The taller teenager walked up to his closest friend, studied him for a moment, before turning to Remus and managing to say, "Remus, you'd better hold me back because this indifferent-slash-depressed James is getting me mad."  
  
"Sirius--" Remus objected, knowing that Sirius wouldn't lie about these things.  
  
Apparently, Sirius' patience was about as worn as James'.  
  
"Damn it, Remus! He's pushing us away even more _every day_!" he shouted, jabbing his index finger at the boy on the couch, who immediately jumped to the defense.  
  
"I'm not--" James started to shout back.  
  
"You denying proves it!" said Sirius angrily, glaring at him.  
  
Remus immediately grabbed Sirius' arm and said, "You're getting hysterical, Sirius--"  
  
"No, I'm getting _pissed off_ is what Im getting," Sirius grounded out and looking very much as he would always look whenever he was faced with a pair of Slytherins--specifically Malfoy and Snape.  
  
James crossed his arms and sunk lower in his seat, almost unnerved by his friend's behavior, but more annoyed and angered by it. "What's with the sudden mood swing?" he asked Remus, who has a hand on Sirius' shoulder.  
  
Remus gave a strained laugh. "Sudden?" he asked as if it were a joke. "This has been building since Charms when Lily Evans walked in kind of upset."  
  
James could tell that Remus was toning down what had happened.  
  
That somehow made his temper flare.  
  
"Damn that Evans," he said with a scowl.  
  
This, however, wasn't what Sirius wanted to hear. "Last warning, Remus."  
  
"Come on, James," said Remus in a near plea. "What happened?"  
  
James didn't answer, but Sirius did.  
  
"Oh, please, Remus!" shouted the taller dark-haired boy as he tossed his hands in the air in exasperation. "It's _obvious_! He took his frustration out on her--"  
  
"I didn't," James lied defensively. "I just discouraged her from doing something foolish."  
  
Sirius looked even more exasperated and seemed that if someone else exasperated him, he'd pull his hair out. "Since when were _crushes foolish_?" he demanded, making Remus turn to him with surprise as this was news to him.  
  
"Since I got on Voldemort's 'More-Than-Happy-To-Kill' List," James spat back angrily, making both of his friends freeze.  
  
"Okay…" said Sirius slowly. "_now_ what are you on about?"  
  
James rolled his eyes. "Oh, please! Don't tell me you haven't noticed that!" he shouted with annoyance.  
  
This, though, only brought Sirius' temper back--full force.  
  
"Well, maybe if you _trusted_ us enough to _tell_ us--" he began to rant, only to have James waved him off.  
  
"Never mind. Better you _not_ know," he said, bitterly, sinking into the seat more.  
  
Sirius stared at his friend for a second, before walking up closer to him, jabbing his finger in James' face. "You know…" he said slowly, searching for something to say, waving his finger as he did. "I really _hate_ it when you're being stubborn like this."  
  
"And I hate it," retorted James with ease, his voice rising as he spoke. "that _you_ yell at me when _I'm_ trying to do what's _best_!"  
  
"What?" asked Sirius in disbelief. "Pushing us away is _best_ now?" Sadly, his disbelief turned into boiling anger, which was why he then shouted, "Why don't you run off and become a Muggle hobo then!"  
  
James was a bit hurt by what his long-time friend had said, but covered it up with a biting, "I've been _considering_ it!"  
  
"Oh," replied Sirius scathingly. "that's very _brave_ of you--"  
  
James jumped to his feet, glaring at his friend. "I am brave," he spat out. "_You'd_ be scared stiff if you were in _my_ position!"  
  
"No," said the other teen icily, jabbing his index finger into James' chest to accentuate his next statement. "What you are is a _coward_, pushing us away and planning to run from the Wizarding World--"  
  
"The _Wizarding World_," snapped James, shoving Sirius' finger aside. "wouldn't even notice I was gone--"  
  
"But your friends will!" argued Sirius.  
  
"Don't be my friend then!" shouted James, surprising not only Sirius, but Remus and himself as well. Did he actually say that?   
  
"Merlin, James!" exclaimed Sirius, breaking the silence that had settled on the trio. It was around then that people started to enter the what-had-been-empty Common Room. The three boys ignored the other people and two studied each other intently.  
  
"Merlin, James," said Sirius again, this time with gritted teeth and a little softer. "What has _happened_ to you?"  
  
James didn't answer. He felt bad for saying that to Sirius, his childhood friend, the one who would always keep him sane whenever he felt like bashing his head against the wall until he knocked himself silly. What had possessed him to say that to him?  
  
Sirius didn't seem to know what James was thinking about and kept going. Concern was evident when he then said, "You haven't been yourself since last year, James. I want to know--"  
  
"You already know," interrupted James quietly with a glare, his anger returning at the mentioning of the events of last year.  
  
"_Wrong_," replied Sirius firmly. "I only know that someone killed your mum right in front of you--" James bit his tongue as Sirius said this. He just didn't get it, did he? "--everything else you've left out on purpose for some reason--"  
  
James turned away from Sirius, not wanting to talk about this. Not wanting to remember any of it. Sirius, however, grabbed his friend's arm and kept him still. James struggled to be released, shouting, " Let me alone, Sirius!"  
  
"Damn it, James!" yelled Sirius, which caused several of the Gryffindors that had entered to jump. It wasn't everyday you saw Sirius Black and James Potter fight like this. "I'm trying to _help_--"  
  
James spun to Sirius and glared at him. "I don't need or _want_ your _help_!" he declared fiercely. "I want you to _leave me alone_!"  
  
There was total silence in the Gryffindor Common Room. James was panting a little, as if that statement had taken a lot of his strength to say it. Sirius, however, looked as if he had been punched in the gut, while Remus hovered near the two, worry apparent. None of the other Gryffindors could find any words to say. What could you say when you saw something like the friendship of Sirius Black and James Potter break apart with mere words?  
  
After a moment, Sirius stared at James and let his arm go with a slight shove. James nearly fell over in surprise.  
  
"You keep telling yourself that, James," Sirius said hoarsely, only managing a half-hurt, half-angered glare. "Tell me when you actually start to _believe_ it."  
  
With those words, it was over. Their friendship, it seemed to all, was done for.  
  


***

  
  
Days turned into weeks, and weeks to months, and even as December began, James Potter and Sirius Black had yet to utter a word to each other. It was a bad time for both parties, as Sirius would spend his time with Peter as company, sometimes talking to Remus, who would go to either one to try and mediate the situation.   
  
James, however, was avoided by most everyone in the House and had no one to help him out when he was faced with a Slytherin like Malfoy. Everything seemed to go downhill…  
  
"Isn't tonight the full moon?" Peter asked Sirius one day at breakfast. James, who was sitting a couple of people down from Peter, overheard this and couldn't help but to listen in.  
  
"Yeah," replied Sirius as he poked at his breakfast. "but we're going without Prongs tonight."  
  
James felt a stab of hurt and looked down at his plate. He knew he should be the one to apologize, really. It wasn't Sirius' fault that they had fought. But he couldn't do it, and that made the pain even worse when Sirius would always say things like what he had just said.  
  
"Why?" asked Peter. "Are you two still fighting?"  
  
James didn't look up and didn't see how Sirius glanced over to him for a moment before answering, "Something like that, Pete…"  
  


***

  
  
"This is ridiculous, James," Remus sighed, later on in the day. Since it was a full moon that night, Remus looked pale and sickly, but he still wanted to help Sirius and James and so he counseled the bespectacled teen, who miserably lied on his bed.  
  
"It's not," said James into his pillow, making his voice muffled.  
  
Remus sighed, walked over, and pulled the pillow away from the depressed boy. "You and Sirius," he said, sitting on the bed. "have been friends for _years_ and you want to have that thrown out just because of some secret?"  
  
James mentally groaned. Remus would always use this approach and, frankly, James was getting a little tired of it.  
  
"Sirius is the one--" he argued feebly.  
  
"No, James," replied Remus, his tone firm and serious. "_you_ are. You pushed away first and Sirius, doing what any friend would do, tried to prevent that. Instead of complying, however, you basically threw your friendship in his face and told him to leave you alone.  
  
"Good," muttered James, grabbing another pillow and burying his face into it, his glasses pressing into his nose. "He'd do better in life if he's _away_ from me."  
  
Remus blew a sigh and took away the second pillow. "Stop being vague. You know he won't," he said while James stubbornly kept his face against the mattress. "I mean, you know Sirius…he's not mad at you…he's worried and he has no idea how to help--"  
  
"He can't help," said James bitterly, lifting his head and staring at the sheets on his bed. "Not with this."  
  
"Is that true?" questioned Remus, curiously. "Or do you want to avoid help, just so that whatever you're hiding won't be found out?"  
  
There was a moment of silence as James stared at the bed. He felt Remus move some and then heard footsteps.  
  
When he looked up, he discovered that Remus had already left.  
  


***

  
  
Late that night, while Padfoot and Wormtail were out with Moony, James lied in his bed, in much of the same position he was in when he had been talking to Remus. He had been thinking about everything that had happened and decided that the dorm room was not a good place to think in.   
  
So, he snuck down to the Common Room and jumped in surprise when he heard a page of a book turn. Lily Evans was sitting on the couch, reading the book she had had the last time they had met in the middle of the night. It seemed as if she didn't know that he was there, watching her.  
  
"Evans?" he asked curiously.  
  
A page turned.  
  
"Well, hallo, Potter," Lily replied promptly with no real emotion in her voice. "Come to take all of your anger and frustration out on me again, have you?" She looked up from her book and watched him as he sighed and walked over.  
  
"Do I _look_ angry, Evans?" he asked, flopping down into the other couch.  
  
A page turned.  
  
"More like depressed," she answered, her nose back into her book.   
  
James snorted a bit at that.  
  
"Feels like someone wants to make my life hell," he said, bitterly as he stared at the ceiling.  
  
A page turned.  
  
"Well, He might have a good reason," she replied dryly.  
  
"Well, I wish I'd not found out the reason," he said quietly.  
  
A page began to turn--  
  
--and stopped.  
  
Silence filled the room for the moment, but James didn't mind. It wasn't uncomfortable, really…  
  
"…so…why'd you come to me?" she asked, curiously with an uncomfortable sound to her voice.  
  
"Hm?" asked James, distractedly. "Oh, well...you don't have to listen to me or acknowledge me. I'm just going to talk and pretend someone's listening."  
  
The page finished turning.  
  
"Still having problems with Black?" asked Lily, curiously, while James continued to stare at the ceiling, pursing his lips as he thought.  
  
"Mm...you could say that," he answered, putting his hands behind his head. "I know we shouldn't be fighting. It's stupid, really. But...Sirius never liked it when I kept things from him...especially if those things make me 'act different'."  
  
"Ah." A page turned. "And does it have anything to do with..."  
  
James rose his eyebrows, sat up a bit, and looked over to the red-headed girl. "I thought you forgot about that."  
  
A page turned. "I have a good memory," she said, nonchalant.  
  
"Well, you're right. It does," he said and lied back on the couch again , staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Care to share?"   
  
A page turned.  
  
"No," said James firmly. "I don't want anyone to know. If they do--" He sighed. "Well, my mum knew what it was before I knew and looked where it got her."  
  
A page turned.  
  
"Pathetic."  
  
James sat up and looked to Lily again. "What?" he demanded.  
  
"You," she said in way of explanation. "You sound like some tragic hero that wants to fight to the death alone."  
  
A page turned.  
  
"I prefer to be that 'tragic hero' than some selfish idiot that gets his friends killed," retorted James.  
  
Lily let out a small laugh. "Not that that's stopping you know."  
  
A page turned.  
  
"Are you trying to be funny, Evans?" asked James, his anger flaring. She was _laughing_ at him!  
  
"Are you, Potter?" she asked in an innocent tone. "Because you're making me laugh."  
  
James grunted. "What's so funny, then?" he asked, annoyed that she was laughing at him.  
  
A sigh and the closing of a book.  
  
"What," asked Lily as she leaned forward, watching James intently. "do you think makes a hero strong, Potter?"  
  
James' brows furrowed. What makes a hero strong?   
  
"What kind of question is that?" he asked in confusion, while Lily hide a laugh at his ignorance.  
  
"An easy one," she replied simply after the urge to laugh passed. James still watched her confusedly.  
  
"Then what's the answer?" he queried, truly curious to know the answer.  
  
"Simple," said Lily with a bit of a smile as she sat up straight. "His _friends_, you idiot."  
  
There was a pause...  
  
James blinked. "I don't follow..."  
  
Lily sighed and rolled her eyes before looking at him and answering, "All heroes get their strength from their friends' support. Look in history, there's _tons_ of wizards that did great things and they all had support from _somewhere_. Shoving your friends aside only weakens you."  
  
Silence.  
  
"...I don't think that applies to this situation," murmured James sourly.  
  
"What's the situation then?" asked Lily in exasperation.  
  
James eyed the green-eyed girl suspiciously. "If I didn't tell my friends, what makes you think I'm going to tell you?" he asked.  
  
The girl seemed to start at that, but easily answered the question. "It seems to me," she said breezily. "that you need to tell someone who you don't really know. They, unlike your friends, will judge you, which is what you want, right?"  
  
James couldn't help but to blink in surprise. Was he that easy to read?  
  
"...then...it wouldn't work with you, would it?" he said quickly, trying to find a way out of this. "You seem to know everything about me--"  
  
"But how much do you know about _me_, Potter?" asked Lily, almost impatiently.  
  
James paused.  
  
"Well...you're Lily Evans..." He trailed off, not sure what else to say.  
  
"And?" prompted Lily.  
  
"Well," he started again, this time more sure of himself. "you're top of the class, you're Head Girl, and...er--" He floundered for something else to say. "--your best friend is Arabella Figg."  
  
Lily watched him for a moment, before blinking. "Is that all?" she asked.  
  
"Er..." was the only thing James could utter.  
  
"Not very observant, are you?" asked Lily smugly.   
  
James narrowed his eyes. "Not very subtle, are you?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes to the ceiling, ignoring his mockery. "Let's see...you are James William Potter--" She ticked off a finger. "--your birthday is January twenty-seventh--" And then another. "--you were born in the year 1960--" A third. "--you're an only child--" A fourth. "--you're Quidditch Captain and you play Chaser--" This time it was two more. "--your best friends are Sirius Black and Remus Lupin--" She counted yet another. "--you let Peter Pettigrew hang around you because you care for the 'underdog'--" And another. "--you suck up to McGonagall and all other teachers--" Again. "--you somehow manage to make good grades even though you're almost _always_ in detention--" She had already counted more than ten and had to start over. "--and--"  
  
"What? Do you know my prescription, too?" demanded James, crossing his arms as he fumed.  
  
Lily lowered her fingers and shrugged. "Well, I certainly know more about you than you know about me," she said stubbornly.  
  
"Which makes me wonder if you stalk me," said James semi-seriously.  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't. I just observe things around me," she replied with some annoyance, before her eyes glinted mischievously and she grinned. "You're an open book to me."  
  
"Oh, really?" asked James, haughtily. "Well, what do you notice about me now?"  
  
Lily paused and studied him for a moment before smiling triumphantly.  
  
"You cross your right arm over your left arm," she said, making James stare at her confusedly.  
  
"What does that--"  
  
"Everyone crosses their arms one way or the other," answered Lily, quickly. "You do right over left. I, however, do it left over right."  
  
James thought about it for a moment before running a hand through his hair. "...right," he said, hesitantly.  
  
"Let's see," continued Lily. "You're right-handed, you try to smooth down your hair when you're thinking--"  
  
James immediately dropped his hand from his head and glowered for a moment. "Oh, just drop it already."  
  
Lily smiled a little, asking, "Don't like it when people can easily read you?"  
  
"No, I don't," said James sharply.  
  
The red-head ignored his tone. "And why is that?" she asked, curiously.  
  
"Because," James grounded out.  
  
"Because you like to hide?" Lily supplied. When she received no reply, she rolled her eyes and asked, "Not subtle, am I?"  
  
"Look," James began firmly, locking eyes with Lily for a moment, feeling angered that she was _mocking_ him now. "You know _nothing_ about me--"  
  
"I beg to differ--" Lily began to object.  
  
"No," said James sharply. "You know _nothing_, all right? And it's going to _stay_ that way."  
  
There was yet another moment of silence, but this one was one of realization for Lily, who stared at James in slight disbelief.  
  
"...you're afraid," she said in a whisper.  
  
James looked away.  
  
"If I am, I have my reasons, Evans," he said firmly before looking up at her pointedly. "Reasons I don't care to share."  
  
Now it was Lily's turn to knit her brow together in confusion. "Why are you so defensive all of a sudden?" she asked in slight bewilderment.  
  
"You're the one that said I was an open book," replied James bitterly.   
  
"Is that why you're upset?" asked Lily as she continued to watch him. "You don't like it when people can tell how you are. It makes you...defenseless, doesn't it?"  
  
James was silent as he looked away from her.  
  
"Look, Potter--James," said Lily with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I'd never tell anyone how or why you get defensive. I won't even write about this in my diary."  
  
James couldn't help but to smirk at that as he looked at her again. "_You_ have a _diary_?" he asked, near laughing.  
  
"Well," said Lily, haughtily. "I _am_ a girl, you know."  
  
James sobered quickly and studied the red-head for a moment, noticing for the first time how much of a girl she really was. She wasn't skinny, but she wasn't very big...just slim...and she _did_ have a figure...  
  
The raven-haired boy quickly looked at her face and cleared his throat, realizing what he had been thinking. "So you are," he said, his voice slightly strained.  
  
Lily looked at him and James felt his face burn as she then looked down at herself and then back at him, a smirk barely there on her lips. "Well?" she said and James nearly thought she would say something else, but instead she asked, "Am I forgiven? Or must I get on bended knee and plea for it?"  
  
James blinked. Well, she ignored whatever she had thought he had been doing and, instead, continued their previous conversation.  
  
"You're forgiven," he said, his voice now normal. "Just...don't mention this to anyone."  
  
Lily rose an eyebrow. curiously, a sly smile on her face. "Not even Black?" she questioned, probably knowing fully well why James did not want this conversation mentioned to anyone.  
  
"_Especially_ Blac--" James hit himself in the head mentally. "--I mean Pete...er...I mean...erm...yeah, _him_"  
  
Lily picked up her book, stood, and smiled at him, her green eyes locking with his grey for a moment. "My lips are sealed, Sir Knight," she assured him before breaking eye contact and going up to the girl's dormitory.  
  
James sat there for a little while, thinking about what Lily had told him and what he had told her. She was right about one thing...he couldn't push his friends away anymore.   
  
He'd apologize to Sirius, he resolved, the next morning.  
  
With that determined, James stood and started toward the boy's dormitory only to turn when he heard the Portrait open quickly, the Fat Lady's voice shouting angrily at the small person that was scrambling to get inside.  
  
It was Peter.  
  
"James! _James_!" the short, blonde boy shouted as he ran over to his taller friend, who looked at him in concern.  
  
"What is it, Peter?" he asked, confused. "Why aren't you with Padfoot and Moony?"  
  
"...Sirius...chasing...Remus...loose..." the poor boy panted out, while James stared at him.  
  
"Remus got _loose_?" he nearly shouted, fear creeping into him.  
  
Peter leaned forward and had his hands on his knees as he tried to steady his heavy breathing. "Too...strong...Sirius..." he tried to say, but James had heard enough and had started out of the Common Room, forgetting about the Cloak and Map, which were in his room.  
  
"Bloody hell," he swore as he ran out of the tower, ignoring the Fat Lady who was telling him off for not closing the Portrait. "I *knew* something like this would happen!"  
  


* * *

**emeraldlily22:** More here! ^.^ Thanks for the review!  
  
**Acidity:** Oh, I am a glasses-wearer myself. I've had glasses since I was in the third grade and I'm telling you that you CAN forget about glasses. It depends on where you are, who you are with, and what is on your mind. James was distracted by his thoughts for a time, then he was around his friends and arrived at Hogwarts, a place he's very familiar with. It's quite easy to forget about glasses, actually. I've done it just recently, actually. I was going to push up what would have been my glasses after I got out of the shower the other day but then I remembered that I didn't put them on that morning. *shrugs* Don't ask me. It could just be me, but I think people could forget about their glasses. Thanks for the review, though. ^.^ I love answering questions ^.^"  
  
**HPdreamer15:** Hey, Gwen! ^.^ Wow. Fave. Author AND Fic? *whistles* It is not that good, is it? I mean, really...is it? O.o? *sighs* Oh, dear...old English...((Javexalot: *pokes me* Methinks thou must learn thy manners)) *mutters under breath to Javexalot* Methinks thou got hit in thy head once too many. ((Javexalot: *gapes in disbelief*)) Thanks for the review, Gwen! ^.^"*runs from Javexalot*  
  
**tempest:** You call me a genius! Well you should know the number one rule then! Never rush a genius, Temp! ^.^ Beisdes I wasn't behind the comp or the review box. I was in the anime section...reading :P ^.^" Sorry for the long wait, but it was worth it, wasn't it? *smiles and nods* Yes, it was. ^.^ Lookie! It's even DEDICATED to you! ^.^" Feel special! Thanks for the promo and I LOVED that last chapter of yours! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^.^  
  
**Midnite Jewel:** ^.^ Thank you for the review! I know, I loved that part with Lily and James too...*pouts* I want a guy that can woo me like that...*dreamy sigh* Well, I hope you enjoyed this part! ^.^   
  
**Eternity:** ...hm...rhymes with my real name Trinity...Eternity :P ^.^ Sorry, couldn't help it. Thanks for the review!  
  
**animegirl:** Hehe ^.^ Yes, he did get picked on a bit, didn't he? ^.^ Gee, I would never have known that people actually liked this fic if there hadn't been so many reviews! *sweatdrops* Jeez...well, of course I COULD leave you hanging(which I just did ^.^), but I'm not always going to if I do. ^.^ I'm not that cruel. Thank you for the review! ^.^  
  
**beth:** Curious? About James' secret? ^.^" Well, I bet as soon as some people hear the secret, they'll be like "Oi....that's been SO overdone!" but I'm promising you that there is more secrets. ^.^ Let's just say after this one is solved, there'll still be another one hiding 'round the corner. ^.^" I love being the author ^.^ All powerful. ^.^ Just kidding. Hope you enjoyed! ^.^"  
  
**Them Girl:** No problem with the email change. I don't really mind, actually. At least I know you're a faithful reader ^.~ Ah, another lover of that poetry part. Well, I have to say I had fun writing it, though when my lil sis read it she called it 'cheesy' -_- oi...remind me to never let my lil sis read the romance parts, eh? Hope you enjoyed this chapter! SUPER LONG!, ne? ^.^"  
  
**Quack Quack 88:** *blushes* Talented? *goes redder* Rare gem? *goes purple* Diamond in the rough? ((Javexalot: *looks to QQ88* She looks as though she may explode, no?)) No, I don't! *hides face* Sorry, sorry. I'm just very...well...easily embarrassed when it comes to my writing. I CAN'T believe you think its a rare gem! ((Javexalot: *clears throat and points me to the rest of the review*)) Oh, yeah. Why does James carry it around? You'll find out...hm...*looks* OH! Next chapter! Exciting, ne? Everyone gets know the secret. And you're right, it is easier to keep the pendant on his person rather than in his trunk. The pendant is plenty important, I'll tell you that. Thanks for the wonderful review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! ^.^  
  
**mooncancer:** More here! ^.^ Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed! ^.^  
  
**Emily Woodmark:** *blushes* So many compliments! ^.^" Thanks for the review!  
  
**Ariana:** Wait...which one is this? *is confused* Erm...*looks* Oh! Yes! How could I forget *hits forehead* Sorry, but there's TWO of you now! Creepy! >_>; erm..yeah...creepy. ^.^" everyone seems to think that the last part of that chapter was a hit. ^.^ I can't believe how well it went. I thought I'd get reviews like "Wow...this is cheesy...want some whine to go with it?" ^.^" Yes, yes...school bites...I have finals as soon as the Hols are over, so I SHOULD be studying, and I SHOULD be doing my Free Enterprise class's assignment, but I'm too lazy. Hope you do well at school and thank for the review! Hope you enjoyed this chapter(yes, repetative, aren't I? ^.^")  
  
**Darcel Lucia:** Well, I'd be touchy if someone said that about my mom. ^.^" Thanks for the review! ^.^"  
  
**Ariana:** Hoo-boy, this'll get confuzzling. ^.^" Glad you liked that part and that you enjoyed that chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well ^.^"  
  
**J. Kay:** Oh, dear...I hope I didn't make Lily seem that way. I just want to make her sort of...well...independent may be the word I'm looking for...maybe not *shrugs* She's not meant to look annoying. Oh, well. Hope you enjoyed the rest of the fic! ^.^" 


	8. Gryffindor's Heir

Summary: L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
Author's notes: Eh...don't know why I even bothered with the notes I had posted. Oh, well. *shrugs* Anyways....I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out. I know a lot of you have been waiting for it for a very, very, VERY long time. ^.^" Anyways...aren't you all happy? You all will find out more about that thing James wears and won't show the guys, and why he's been acting weird. If any of you couldn't guess what it was until you saw the title of this chapter, raise you hands! *sees her sister raising hers and sweatdrops* O...kay....Anyone else? *crickets* Well, fine. Just answer in the reviews then ^.^ Anyway. I'll have Chapter Nine out as soon as I can. I don't have all of the dialogue written out, so it might be almost a week until I type it up. Eh...I have a weird writing system *sweatdrops* Anyways, I hope you all enjoy! ^.^" *waves*  
  
**Dedicated to: Y. KUANG! ^.^ Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments! I hope this chapter is just as good as the others, if not better! ^.~**  
  
Disclaimer: Well, why can't I own any of them? *pouts* Oh, yeah...lawsuits...-.- that sucks...Well, you know the routine. I own no one in this chapter, or any characters you know in this story. :P  


* * *

  
  
**

Of Hidden Truths

  
(Gryffindor's Heir)**  
  
The first thing James did when he entered the secret passage behind the portrait of Lady Anquette, which he and the others had found four years ago, was transformed into his animagus form of a stag. If he was to help Padfoot control the werewolf beast that was their friend Moony, he would have to be in the form of an animal, since werewolves cared not for other animals' blood.  
  
He flew down the tunnel, hoping that Padfoot had been able to keep Moony near the forest without going near Hogsmeade.   
  
That wouldn't be good at all.  
  
What James-now-Prongs didn't count on was that Moony had caught the scent of human from that direction. Prongs halted his running as he was faced with a growling and snarling full-grown werewolf.  
  
The stag's instinct to run almost over-came Prongs' thoughts, but he quickly got in control and carefully approached Moony, who didn't even take notice of him. A dog's barking in the distance assured Prongs that Padfoot was on his way, probably scared that Moony had found an actual human to rip apart.  
  
Prongs snorted out of his nose at the thought as he lowered his head and let his antlers ward off the hungry werewolf. Moony, noticing what Prongs was doing, backed away, growling louder in agitation. The werewolf didn't know that this stag was actually a school mate and best friend when he was human. Frankly, he didn't care; so long as the stag did not prevent him from getting to the human he had smelt.  
  
And the stag had, Prongs knew.   
  
The stag was not going to get off interfering with Moony's hunt so easily.  
  
And so he wouldn't, as Moony howled in annoyance and thrust himself at the wall of antlers, which only backed away slightly, so they would not injure the wolf too bad. The wolf didn't seem to realize nor care and jumped again, this time with his teeth bared and ready to lock onto the stag's neck.  
  
Unfortunately, Prongs could not back up in time.   
  
Moony howled in pain as the stag's antlers went into his front, right side. Prongs backed away and lifted his head, while the wolf licked his wounds. A dog's barking grew louder in the air.  
  
Moony looked up to the stag, away from his wounds, and growled again as his legs prepared for a pounce. Prongs decided to flee, knowing that he could not bear to hurt his friend again; but before he could, the wolf sprung--  
  
--only to be knocked out of the air as a dark shape slammed into it.   
  
Both figures fell into the wall of the tunnel hard and, with a yelp, fell to the ground. Moony immediately jumped on top of the smaller canine and began to wrestle it onto its back. The smaller canine--Padfoot--yelped and bit at the wolf, struggling to get onto his four feet. Prongs, seeing the danger, charged at Moony, who looked up and leaped away as the antlers threatened to do him more harm.  
  
Padfoot whimpered as he turned himself back onto his feet. Prongs kept Moony at bay while the large black dog stood, favoring his front left paw as he did so.  
  
Moony snarled as the stag defended his now-wounded partner and retreated as he decided he would have more luck elsewhere. Prongs, however, leaped in front of the wolf before he could exit the tunnel. Padfoot remained behind Moony, growling in distaste and anger.  
  
The werewolf, seeing no way out, sat on his hunches and eyed each of the animals with a steely amber glare which gave both of the ones being watched the chills.   
  
This was how it remained for many hours, since the wolf knew that the stag would harm him more than the annoying dog could. If he tried to attack the dog, the stag would just get in the way. If he tried to flee, the stag would ward him off with his antlers...if he tried to attack the stag, the annoying dog or the wall of antlers would stop him.  
  
So, he remained in one place, knowing that he would not feast on human flesh that night, and licked the wounds he received from the stag's antlers.  
  
It was only just when the moon was setting and the night was to end, however, that the stag allowed the wolf to run out of the tunnel, before he himself sped ahead and steered Moony toward the Shrieking Shack, Moony's much hated prison.  
  
Padfoot and Prongs stayed with Moony in the Shrieking Shack only until the wolf howled one last time before collapsing as the moon gave way to the sun.   
  
When there was no sound from the fallen beast, Prongs immediately transformed back into his human self, rushing over to his wounded friend, who also returned to his human form, nursing an injured left arm.  
  
"Ow," said Sirius, wincing as he looked down at the now-bruised arm he held. "That's not going to go away for a while."  
  
James shook his head at his friend's words. "Worry about it later. We have to get out of here," he said, making Sirius look up in amusement.  
  
"Peter found you?" he asked, ignoring what the other boy had said. "I should be amazed, shouldn't I?"  
  
James rolled his eyes and helped Sirius off of the ground before looking over to Moony, who was beginning to revert back to his own human form. "Come on, Padfoot. Let's not get caught."  
  


***

  
  
When the two boys reached the Common Room, Sirius could only flop onto a couch while James lowered himself into an armchair. Sirius groaned as he sank into the cushions of the red furniture.  
  
"Thank God," he moaned, still being careful of his bruised arm. James sighed and leaned back into his chair, mentally agreeing with his friend's statement.  
  
"That was--" he began.  
  
"--too close?" Sirius supplied with a curious look, obviously thinking along those lines.  
  
James sunk into the chair some more and finished, "--exhausting."  
  
Sirius chuckled. "James Potter. Man of many words." A long pause engulfed the two supposed friends as each thought of the night's events. "James? I want to--"  
  
"Sirius, I'm sorry," James blurted out before the other boy could finish. Sirius stared at his friend in disbelief as he tried to comprehend what had just been said.  
  
"Wh-wha--?" he tried to ask, to find out if he had heared what he thought he heard but couldn't even get that one little word out, he was so surprised. James sheepishly looked at his hands while Sirius' mouth opened and closed in search of something to say.  
  
"I've been an ass lately, haven't I?" asked the bespectacled teem in a shy manner as soon as his long-time friend looked as if he was wrapping his mind around what had been said.  
  
"A little," agreed Sirius, shaking his head as James sighed again.  
  
"Look," said James, looking at Sirius, whose blue eyes still showed a lot of surprise. "I'm sorry I fought with you. You _know_ I didn't mean any of it."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Of course."  
  
James looked at his hands again, slightly embarrassed that he was apologizing and slightly relieved that all their fighting was pretty much over. "And I'd never not want to have you as a friend," he continued. "It's just that...I guess I don't want you or Remus or anyone else to get hurt by what I'm hiding."  
  
Sirius made no reply for a moment, but James could hear him shifting on the couch, probably sitting himself up. "I can understand that, James," said the other boy seriously. "What I don't get is why you don't think we could handle ourselves."  
  
James looked up and saw that Sirius was, indeed, sitting up and gave him a waning smile. "We have problems with Snape and Malfoy's schemes...how would we possibly go up against _Voldemort_?"  
  
"Magic a sign that says '_Kick Me_' on his back?" suggested Sirius, attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
James' mouth quirked into a smirk. "Be my guest."  
  
"Nah." Sirius waved a hand airily. "I have an idea for what I can say when or if I run into him." He paused, cocking his head to the side. "I still don't get why you keep bringing him up."  
  
"Can't you guess?" questioned James sadly.  
  
"Er..." murmured Sirius.  
  
James sighed. "Never mind...I'll tell you when I'm ready," he said.  
  
Sirius smiled a little and spead his hands away from each other. "That's all I wanted," he told his friend, who returned the smile, glad that he had his closest friend back.  
  
A foolish fight that had place a rift between the two boys had been resolved and the rift was filled in and crossed all because of one chaotic night of danger...  
  
...James would have to thank Remus later.  
  


***

  
  
"So," said Remus, slightly impatiently and pointedly at the two dark-haired boys who were in the Hospital Wing the next night. "What happened?"  
  
James and Sirius exchanged glances. "Er..."  
  
Remus' face fell. "You had trouble?" he asked, immediately putting a hand to his right shoulder, which had previously had puncture holes in it before Madam Parks healed it.  
  
"Not at all, Moony!" said Sirius hurriedly as he tried to reassure his fairer-haired friend. "It was perfectly in control."  
  
"Completely," James agreed, nodding vigorously.  
  
"Totally."  
  
"Undeniably--"  
  
Remus' laugh interrupted the duo's tirade. "Glad to see you two back on civil terms," he said, smiling warmly.  
  
Sirius gave a non-committed shrug. "James decided life as a Muggle hobo wouldn't be any funy without me," he replied with a dry tone.  
  
Remus stifled a chuckle. "I'm sure."  
  
"Anyway," said James impatiently as he tossed Sirius a look. "How are you feeling?" he asked of Remus.  
  
"How I always feel after a full moon," answered Remus simply. "Tired and sore."  
  
Sirius muttered something about soreness and his arm, which cause Remus to look at him funny, which--in turn--made Sirius clear his throat and say, "Well, look at the bright side. You get to skip classes for two days."  
  
"And I only had to grow fur to do it," responded Remus dryly.  
  
"Mm..." murmured Sirius, rubbing his chin which had obviously not been shaved since early that morning. "I guess this isn't enough."  
  
Remus laughed at his friend&'s actions. "Go shave, Padfoot."  
  
"Nah," said the rough-faced teen with a bright smile. "I hear scruffiness is in this time of the year."  
  
"Oh, yes," James put in suddenly. "The girls really go for it."  
  
Sirius turned to James with a malicious glint in his eye as if he knew he had an idea to get James ruffled. "Maybe _you_ should try it. When was the last time you went out?"  
  
James' face turned red in embarrassment. "That--" he began, only to be interrupted by Remus answering, "Last March, if I recall correctly."  
  
"Remus!" shouted James, appalled that the two of them were teaming up on him. Sirius rose an eyebrow at Remus and then looked to the embarrassed James, shaking his head.  
  
"You _really_ need a girlfriend, man," he said, while James' face went from red with embarrassment to red with mild anger.  
  
"No, I don't," said the red-faced boy firmly. Sirius ignored him and seemed to be in thought about possible suitors for the bespectacled teen.  
  
"I know--!" he shouted in triumph, having thinking of the best one.  
  
"Sirius!" interrupted James sharply, making his friend look up at him with an obviously-fake innocent look.  
  
"What?" he queried in false confusion.  
  
"Not. Evans," said James evenly and through gritted teeth. Sirius looked around the room in mild bewilderment, making Remus chuckle.  
  
"Who said anything about Lily?" James didn't fall for the innocent act.  
  
"Oh, no...I'm not falling for that look," he stated, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at the other boy, who gave a wide-eyed look.  
  
"What look?" asked Sirius before Remus, who had been chuckling at the whole thing, cocked his head to the side and leaned toward the door.  
  
"Hey, guys," he said, gaining the duo's attention as he listened to something that James and Sirius' human ears could not catch, "I think Madam Parks is coming."  
  
"Damn," hissed Sirius meaningfully, making Remus look curiously at him, while James tossed his invisibility cloak over the taller boy before looking to his other friend.  
  
"Later, Moony," he said in farewell as he also covered himself with the cloak.  
  
And not a moment too soon, either. Madam Parks opened the door to the Wing and walked in, carrying some trays of supplies to the other side of the room.  
  
She never saw that Remus was actually awake, trying to smother his chuckles that came as a result of his visit from his friends. Nor did she see the Wing door open just a little way to admit passage to two invisible mischievous boys. Instead, she went into a room on the far side of the Wing and remained in there until long after Remus had actually fallen asleep.  
  


***

  
  
Two days after the full moon and the night before Remus was to be released from the Hospital Wing, James and Sirius were, yet again, up later than some should be; though this time they remained inside their own tower. Sirius had just stretched and yawned, saying he was going to turn in and wanting to know if James was, too, when the second boy shook his head tiredly.  
  
"How can you _not_ be tired?" asked Sirius with a bit of agitation, knowing that his friend was refusing to sleep becuse of the night-terrors he had been having of the late. "You look dead on your feet."  
  
James shook his head in denial and replied with a yawn interrupting slightly, "I'm...--ot..."  
  
Sirius stared at him for a moment before nodding in false and disbelieving agreement. "Uh, huh. Sure," he said before turning to go to the dormitory. "You stay up then. See you tomorrow."  
  


***

  
  
James was just beginning to nod off at just-past two o'clock, when he heard a dull thump which startled him awake. He turned to see who it was and was surprised to see that Peter, who had been absent for most of the day, was standing stock-still on the last step of the stairs leading up to the boy's dormitories.  
  
"Peter?" asked James, squinting a bit since his eyes weren't working properly with exhaustion, causing them to blur. "Why are you up?"  
  
Peter looked as if he was hesitating with giving an answer, and that should have been odd to James if he wasn't too tired to notice.  
  
"I got hungry," said Peter weakly.  
  
"Oh." James leaned back against the couch he was sprawled on before noticing an object his friend was holding. "What's that?"  
  
"Erm..." Peter seemed to look nervous about giving an answer. "Your cloak," he answered, and James realized why he would be nervous. "I was going to bring it back."  
  
James waved off the explanation, while giving a yawn. "It's okay. Have fun."  
  
Peter seemed to look relieved and headed toward the portrait. "Thanks," he said in graditude. James gave a slight nod, but he did not even hear Peter open the protrait as he drifted off to sleep.  
  


***

  
  
"I knew you'd be exhausted," said Sirius gruffly the next morning as a blurry-eyed James Potter sat across from him, keeping his head up only by resting it on his fist, which only stayed upright by his elbow being on the table.  
  
"'m fine," argued James tiredly as his elbow slipped a little, making his face nearly fall onto his plate filled with eggs and bacon. Sirius gave him an exasperated look.  
  
"You're practically sleep in your breakfast," he said, gesturing to the plate while James yawned.  
  
"'m..." James began to reply, but his eyes closed just as he was going to speak and his head nearly fell off of his fist.  
  
"Did you get any sleep?" asked Remus, who had managed to escape Madam Parks' care before breakfast had started. James, who had been startled awake by the slip of his head, blinked once--twice--and propped his head back onto his fist.  
  
"...'ittle..." he yawned, his eyes shutting on their own yet again.  
  
"James..." said Remus in concern for his friend's condition. Sirius, however, was getting upset that his closest friend was hurting himself by not getting any rest.  
  
"Okay, I can't take it anymore," he said, dropping his fork to his plate, waking James some and startling Remus. "What is the secret, James?"  
  
"No, Sirius..." murmured James, sitting up awake from his fist, bringing his other elbow onto the table, and resting his head onto his hands, shielding his eyes with his fingers.  
  
"You think his insomnia's from that?" asked Remus in bewilderment.  
  
Sirius looked disgruntled as he watched the tired boy across from him. "I've known he was having trouble sleeping since the first day of school."  
  
Remus looked to James, startled. "James?" he asked.  
  
James didn't reply.  
  
Sirius snorted. "Don't do it delicately, Remus," he said, his voice gruff. "He's too tired to get pissed off."  
  
Remus looked from James to Sirius and sighed. "Just leave him alone right now, Padfoot," he said quietly.  
  


***

  
  
Typically, James' out-of-it state remained all through all of his classes. None of the professors chose to comment on this, except Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Mister Potter," she said, her voice still as severe as ever even though James looked quite pathetic as he tiredly lifted his head to look at the witch. "See me after class."  
  
James gave a small nod, and the witch went back to her lecture on how not to get yourself stuck in half-way self-transfiguration. Sirius, who sat beside James, glowered at his friend before turning to Remus, who was paying attention and answering questions Peter, who was taking notes, had.  
  
"You know," said Sirius to Remus in a whisper, "maybe we should--"  
  
"No," said Remus with a sigh. "We're not using any potion on him."  
  
Sirius grunted in obvious annoyance. "Well, how else--  
  
"Shut up," mumbled James, who had heard the whole thing, though he looked like he was studying his notes rather closely with his face right on top of his parchment.  
  
"Don't tell me to 'shut up,' Mister See-Me-After-Class," snapped Sirius, who looked quite upset, indeed. McGonagall seemed to notice this, for she snapped the book she had been reciting out of shut with a frown.  
  
"Mister Black," she barked loudly, gaining the boy's attention and waking the other--sleeping--boy slightly. "Have you something to say?  
  
"Yes, actually," said Sirius, standing up and making everyone stare at him oddly, including McGonagall. "I believe James here should sleep when he is supposed to."  
  
James groaned and covered his face with his hands while Remus shook his head, and Peter seemed to be writing notes that hadn't even been said yet. McGonagall pursed her lips into a thin line and glance at the groaning teen before looking to the standing one.  
  
"Although I agree with your statement," she said firmly, "I would appreciate it if you were to pay attention."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Yes, Professor," he said and he once again took his seat. McGonagall watched him for a moment more before opening the book back up and continuing her lesson, to which Sirius actually paid attention to.  
  


***

  
  
"James." Something seemed to shake the sleeping boy, who merely made a sound of annoyance. "James, wake up, lad."  
  
"Sm..." murmured the tired teenager before burying his head into his arm more.  
  
"He drank some Sleeping Draught of the Dead, hasn't he?" asked a second voice, which made James shift slightly in his half-consciouse state. An amused chuckle came from in front of him and made him relax further.  
  
"I'd doubt it, Mister Black," said the voice which had chuckled. "Mister Potter is just extremely exhausted."  
  
There was a snort of annoyance and the sound of shifting cloth.  
  
"I told him to go to bed last night," the second voice--Sirius--grumbled.  
  
"And convincing job it must have been," replied the first voice dryly.  
  
Sirius snorted again. "Ah, quiet you."  
  
"Well, Albus?" questioned a woman's voice from behind James. "Have you an idea of what to do?"  
  
The third voice, Dumbledore's, answered with an amused quality, "None, but I'm sure he'll be fine after some sleep."  
  
Sleep...yes, that sound like the thing he really needed right then. Good old Dumbledore allowing him to get away with yet another unorthodox problem. Who had ever heard of someone being excused from classes because he couldn't keep his eyes open for no more than two seconds?  
  
"So...we just leave him here?" A low chuckle resulted from the seemingly obvious question that had come from Sirius.  
  
"No, Mister Black," said Dumbledore, "you and Mister Lupin will take Mister Potter to your Common Room and let him rest on the couch."  
  
"Why not his bed?" queried the first voice, which must have belonged to Remus.  
  
"Perhaps," responded Dumbledore, patiently, "it would be best to let him sleep elsewhere for the moment. You both are excused from your classes--"  
  
"Really, Albus!" objected McGonagall loudly. "It doesn't take the two of them to watch over Potter--"  
  
"I must insist, Minerva."  
  
There was a moment of silence and then a sigh. "...if that's what you believe is best, Albus," McGonagall stated as she yielded to his order. "I shall inform your teachers--what is it, Black?"  
  
The exasperated sigh from the older witch was quite humorous.  
  
"Professor Bulstrode's going to give Gryffindor _tons_ of homework he'll expect us to ha--"  
  
"I shall speak with him about it," assured Dumbledore's voice. "Now, run along. Mister Black. Mister Lupin."  
  


***

  
  
When James next awoke from his slumber, he found himself just where Dumbledore had said for him to be. The Gryffindor Common Room on the couch. A bit disorientated, as he wasn't very sure how long he had been asleep or how he had exactly gotten there, he just stared at the couch's red fabric, allowing him some time to wake fully. When he felt he had enough time studying the sitching of the cushions, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, which were relieved of his glasses at the moment.  
  
Though everything was fuzzy, he knew no one was in the room with him.  
  
"Probably upstairs," he muttered to himself as he swung his legs off of the couch, yawning and stretching as he did so.  
  
"Ah, so Sleeping Beauty _does_ wake up!" said a voice with a giddy tone, accompanied by the sound of someone coming downt he stairs and jogging over to the couch. "Was wondering when you'd decide you weren't tired anymore."  
  
James had to back up a bit as Sirius shoved his face close to his, a big grin on the longer-haired boy's face. "Well, how long was I asleep?" asked James curiously, undaunted by how close his friend was. Sirius usually did this when James was without his glases, that way the nearly-blind boy could see all of his facial expressions.  
  
Right then, Sirius looked none-too happy about the question.  
  
"All day yesterday and last night!" he said with a frown before sticking a finger under his friend's nose. "I _told_ you you should have gone to bed! You know, you really should listen to me sometimes. I'm not a total idiot."  
  
"Only when it's the wrong time, Padfoot," commented another voice from the stairs. Both James and Sirius looked over and James could barely make out the form of his fairer-haired friend Remus, who was walking over and holding out something in his hand. "Here, James, get these on before you strain your eyes too much."  
  
"You didn't do anything to them, did you?" questioned James cautiously as he took the glasses and studied them suspiciously.  
  
Remus gave a small grin. "Don't worry, I had them the whole time."  
  
With a frown in Sirius' direction, James put the glasses on, making everything come into clear quality...including Sirius' face.  
  
"Argh! Sirius! Get your ugly mug away!" he exclaimed, shoving at his friend, who gave a small laugh before standing straight and putting his hands on his hips.  
  
"You're sure one to talk. You're hair's worse than ever!" James scowled and tried to smooth down his hair in annoyance.  
  
"I'd like to remind you that I look this way _every_ morning," he said with annoyance.  
  
"Which is why I scream whenever _you_ wake me up," laughed Sirius while Remus stifled a laugh. Indeed, there had been several occassions where the boys had been awaken to Sirius' screams that there was some hideous beast standing over him. It was, of course, all in good fun.  
  
"Whatever." James rolled his eyes, standing. "I'm going to take a shower. You guys wait up for me, okay?"  
  
"Sure," replied Remus, since Sirius wasn't acting at all seriously. Both Remus and Sirius were already dressed for their day, since it was rather later than when they usually woke up. James, however, still wore the outfit he had worn the other day, minus his shoes, robe, and tie.  
  
Jams, not thinking or caring where he was, took off the grey vest he wore over his white, long-sleeve shirt and tossed it on the couch as he began to head toward the dormitories, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.  
  
"Hey, James," called Sirius as if he had just remembered something. James turned to him with a questioning look. "Just so you know: the house-elves came and cleaned up your bed area, so your clothes should be--"  
  
"What's that?" interrupted Remus suddenly, making both dark-haired boys look to him in confusion. James was the first to realize what he was talking about and quickly hid away the object that hung around his neck.  
  
"It's nothing," he said with a nervous tone. "Don't worry about it, Remus."  
  
"No, wait," objected Sirius, "I want to see--"  
  
"It's not anything," insisted James. "Seriously!"  
  
"James, was that--?" Remus began to question quietly before Sirius walked passed him and over to James.  
  
"Come on, James," the taller boy said seriously. "Hiding things about what happened to you is one thing. Hiding things we can see is totally different. Let me see."  
  
"Come on, Padfoot, leave me alone, all right?" James tried to get away but was grabbed by the collar of his shirt.  
  
"Oh, no, you don't," said Sirius firmly. "You're staying right _here_."  
  
"Sirius," Remus spoke up as he came over, "let go of James for a moment." The other boy did so grudgingly and James resigned himself to being interrogated. "Now, James, is that what I think it is?"  
  
Here there bespectacled teen looked up in surprise before he gained a pained look. "You...know what it is?"  
  
"I believe I've seen it in a book I've read just recently," answered the werewolf honestly, "and if it's what I think it is, then there's no reason to hide it anymore, is there?"  
  
James sighed and looked between his two friends, suddenly feeling very, very small. "I got it last year. After...well, Dumbledore was the one that gave me the chain, but Mum was the one who gave it to me," he said before pulling out the object. A pendent that consisted of a red stone surrounded with gold hung on a chain of gold.  
  
Sirius blinked. "Well...that certainly looks...extravagant, doesn't it?"  
  
Remus, however, stared at it with semi-wide eyes. "It is it? My goodness, James...you've been hiding _that_ from us? I can hardly believe it!"  
  
"What?" asked Sirius, obviously lost.  
  
James gave Remus a sad sort of smile. "I was't supposed to let anyone know about it, so I guess you guys will have to keep it a secret, too."  
  
"How can I keep it a secret if I don't know what it is?" asked Sirius, sounding agitated that he was being ignored.  
  
Remus looked over to him and patiently answered, "Sirius, that stone James's wearing is a sort of amulet. Or at least that's how the book described it. I didn't think it was even real. The book was old and very much out of date, but I suppose it was accurate to a fault. This...amulet is a marker--a symbol, if you will."  
  
"For what?" Sirius was obviously very curious about what his close friend had been hiding.  
  
"In the book," said Remus, looking at the ground thoughtfully, "it spoke of heirlooms of the greatest wizards of time. The author was in the belief that the heirs of the wizards would be given these heirlooms and they would signify both their birthright and their power. What James is wearing is one of these heirlooms. It's original owner is quite obvious, as its colors give it away. Scarlet and gold were, of course, the owner's personal colors. As were they Godric Gryffindor's." The lighter-haired teen looked up at Sirius with a bit of a smile as he then gestured to James. "Sirius, I'd like you to meet the Heir of Gryffindor."  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"You've _got_ to be kidding me."  
  


* * *

  
**Them Girl:** ^.^" Um...you're welcome. ^.^" Don't rememeber why you're thanking me ((Javexalot: *pokes me and points out the next part of the review*)) Oh, yeah...Well, like I said, emails are no problem. I really don't mind too much about people changing their emails. I just hate it when they change their user name. So confusing @.@. Yes! Long chapters ROCK! I LOVE long chapters to DEATH. I guess that's why I'm wondering why my GW fic isn't doing so well *sweatdrops* They're 50-60 KB long each and no one will read it! WAH! *coughs* Anyway...yes, I love how Lily is like that. In fact I love her character, I didn't really know how to picture her at first, but the idea just came into my head one day when my older sister said I was easy to read. I dunno...Lily just seems the type that would be that way. ^.^" Glad you liked it! Hope you read this chapter, too!  
  
**Ariana:** It might take you a while to check your email, but it takes me FOREVER to write the next chapter! *nervous laugh* Yes, in fact, I DID do well on my finals. Only a B in Free Enterprise I think *sweatdrops* I think that's because the teacher was Coach Ingram and he gives out REAL hard tests to his honor classes *sighs* I hope you did well on all of your tests and projects *remembers the timeline she failed to turn in* v.v (hopefully it won't hurt my grade in English). Yeah, it really does suck when friends fight, but what I hate worse is how friends just dift away. It's really sad how that happens at times. It's happened to me plenty of times, espeically with my online friends v.v But, have no fear for they HAVE made up(as you have read in this chapter). Also, no it wasn't a scheme for James and Sirius to make up(as you have read). You know, when I wrote this, I realized that werewolves are kind of scary, since they are a lot like wolves, but not so scary that they should be mistreated while they're humans! *holds up "I suppose Lupin" sign* Down with evil people who hate him in the book! The meanies! :P Oh, James, will eventually get to the point where he'll tell what happened that day. In fact, it should be around the corner. I can't tell when exactly, because I don't have any script past the point of Chapter Nine, but I'll tell you that it's soon. You know what really annoys me about James is that when I write him, he seems to come alive and make the stupidest mistakes(if that makes any sense *sweatdrops*) I'll tell you this much: he DOES learn that lesson about his friends. What I can't tell you is whether he'll remember or not...-.-" When will he admit to liking Lily? ^.^" Yet again, that's around the corner. Not telling if he tells Lily or not, though ^.^ Thanks for the review!  
  
**alexz:** ^.^" Wrote more! (wow, shortest response! ^.^)  
  
**Y. Kuang:** *mouth hangs open before she drops to the ground* Oh, THANK YOU for this wonderful review! I can't tell you how excited I was when I saw you had reviewed again! I mean...wow...it's not everyday one of my favorite fanfic authors review my works. It just...blew me away. *stares worshipingly* ((Javexalot: *pokes my head* Thou shouldeth continue with thy review.)) Huh? Oh, yeah...^.^ Yes, I really enjoy writing Lily, as I have said in one of my previous responses. I just feel that she wouldn't be the type that would let herself be known so quickly by others, especially if that person was a certain someone. ^.~ I also found it more realistic if she would let James know little-by-little about who she is and how she is like. I mean, it's not like she's going to all of a sudden tell him everything, what with their past history. That's what bothers me about some stories I've read. They make things too easy for the characters and it doesn't seem as real. I didn't really know that people would actually look forward to her appearances though *blushes* Ease and eloquence? Man, I thought it was all the way rocky, but you say there's only one rocky section. *shrugs* I guess that just proves I'm my own worse critic. I think the ending scene in this chapter is a little rocky as well, could you tell me if it is? I'll look into it if it is. ^.^ Thank you for the compliments. I try my hardest to fit the whole story together, that way when you read it, you'll not want to miss anything since each chapter has to do with something that happened in the previous one. Eh...but...um...*blushes* Wow...so many compliments! I'm so hapy that you looked for this fic, and yes, it had been buried under all of holiday fics. I was hoping that you guys would find it, since it was on page two in at least an hour after it showed up in the HP section. Thank goodness you did find it, or else I would have missed out on all of these wonderful reviews! My characters are very developed? *blushes agian, but clears throat* Well, I'm glad you think so. I didn't want them to be so two-dimensional. I mean, what author would? James...well...he really is a character. I love writting him because throughtout this fic he has problems that are kind of like problems any person would face and he reacts the same way anybody else would under the circumstances. ugh...about those Lily fics. I hate it when they say she's smart and all of that, but then she giggles like a little school girl over the most RIDICULOUS things! And I really dislike how some people put in present-day material as well. It's certainly annoying, since she lived in the 70s. American slang? Well, I try to avoid that in my story, though it might show up once in a while. I mean, I'm American and I haven't been outside of my country so I have no earthly clue about how other countries are(minus Japan, which I've been getting into since I'm obsessive about anime). I am SO lgad you still enjoy my fic! I wasn't sure if your reviewing the first time was a fluke or what, but you reviewed again! Thank you so much for the lovely compliments! *begins to blush again*  
  
**HPdreamer15:** Hehe...the 'Sir Knight' bit is going to be an on-going joke for Lily and James. I think it really brings some flavor into their conversations and such. *blushes* I'm glad you really do love this fic. You don't kno how glad. In fact, hearing that really makes my day since my GW fic just splattered on the pavement -.- People seem to like my LOTR fic, though I think it's kind of silly. Maybe because the idea's different? O.o? ^.^ More was posted and I hope you've enjoyed! ^.^  
  
**Tempest:** Of course I dedicated it to you! I'd be insane if I didn't dedicate one for you, girl! ^.^" Btw, sorry I haven't read your fic if you've updated. Been real busy, you know? ^.^ Well, I'm glad you liked the chapter I dedicated for you. ^.^" Dramatic music as you read? Well, gee! *blushes* That certainly IS a compliment, right there! I think that's one of the best things someone can say! Wow! Thanks for that one! ^.^ Eh...free reign to rush a genius *sweatdrops* ^.^" Sorry I've been not-rushing then! ^.^" Like I said, been real busy! I hope you've read this chapter and enjoyed it!  
  
**rebekah:** You mean it WASN'T cliched? *sweatdrops* There are so many things that are cliche in this fic, I was wondering if someone would call them on me, but I guess I haven't really gotten to the real cliche things. Either that, or it's the delivery. *blushes* Glad you think it's non-cliche. I really loved writing the scenes you mentioned. I mean the poetry and the fighting...it just seems to HAVE to be there. *snickers* Yes, James was acting like Hamlet, ne?(haven't seen or read the play yet though) Yeah, I know the Halloween thing was totally obvious, but I like somethings to be that way ^.^ Don't worry about a review being long! I LOVE long reviews! Review your heart out! *blinks* Faves? *blushes* Well, gee! What a wonderful surprise! Thank you very much! Hope you come back and read this chapter as well!  
  
**um...** How could I leave a cliffy? Very easily *evil grin* Oh, dear...I hope you didn't die because I didn't have this out sooner *worried look* ^.^" If you didn't I hope you read this chapter and liked it as well. Thanks!  
  
**meg:** But cliffies are good! ^.^" Glad you've enjoyed it! And yes, you do you a lot of those, but I use a lot of '...'s ^.^ Though FF.N's bugging me since it's been deleting words or punctuatios that's more than a certain number. I swear if they take out one period in this chapter, I'll scream. *nods* Well, thanks for the review! ^.~  
  
**Musicizbest:**Oopsie...should have continued ^.^" Sowwy! Glad you've liked my fic and don't worry, I get confused easily too. ^.^"  
  
**Reluxi:** Should I be insulted by that joke? :P Lol, just kidding. Thank you for finding my fic enjoyable. Hehe. Yes, I love Sirius too. He's just ADORABLE! ^.^" I love writing him too since I don't have to worry about him being too out of character. He's a very emotional guy and wear his emotions on his sleeves. ^.^" Glad you liked to Scottish joke thing too! That was kind of put there randomly when my friend made me think of it. She's my Scottish twin, as I call her. ^.^" Yes, Sirius is Scottish people! All hail the mighty Scottish Sirius who wears a kilt! *bows* Hehe. I should hope that their arguing isn't so juvenile. ^.^" Otherwise, I'd be horrified to call myself a decent writer. I mean, sure those insults are good when they're not into it or whatever, but I mean come on...Hehe. The secret stuff's going to be explained more in the next chapter, so no worries. Also, here's a tip. Don't make that squinty face. FF.N doesn't take it well, since it's like an html coding of a sort, so it'll delete everything after it, as you might have found out. ^.^ Thanks for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it as well! ^.^ 


	9. Best Friends

_Summary:_ L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
_Author's Notes:_ HURRAY! It's finally out! Isn't it just wonderful?! *sniffles* I'm sorry it took me so gosh-dang long! I never meant for it to get me stuck like that! T.T! I really hope you guys are still eager to read this, even though it's been...a month? *sweatdrops* It would have been two months this Saturday! T.T! Oi, oi! I'm so SORRY! I really, really am! T.T Well, I hope you guys enjoy your read. It's a bit rocky in the beginning, but I think you all will appreciate and love this chapter! ^.^" It's really good! Scouts honor! *is somewhat happy she is not a Scout* ^.^" Heh heh...anyways! On words!  
  
**Dedicated to: PRISTINE! ^.^" For saying I could take my time! WHOO HOO! You see people? Genius should never be rushed *nods, nods* ^.^" Congrats!**  
  
_Disclaimer:_ I own none! Nuff said! JK ROWLING GETS THE FIFTH BOOK OUT THIS SATURDAY! WHOO! ^.^"  


* * *

  
  
**

Of Hidden Truths

  
(Best Friends)**  
  
"You've _got_ to be kidding me." Though the phrase was repeated for the second time, it certainly didn't lose its astonished, bewildered, and just fankly confused tone.  
  
Remus shook his head at this while James meekly remained silent, allowing his friends to discuss this...well, they couldn't really call it a secret anymore, could they?   
  
"I kid you not," said Remus a bit amused, a bit thoughful. "Everything fits together." Here the werewolf began to pace a little. "James has been acting odd lately, obviously hiding something that he says would hurt us if we knew. Also, he keeps bringing up Voldemort--" The fairer-haired boy froze as if he had just came to a revelation. "...who _must_ be the Heir of another wizard--a most _obvious_ wizard--the Heir of Slytherin!"  
  
Sirius looked just plain confused. "Okay...how'd you get _that_?" he asked, not understanding his friend's train-of-thought.  
  
"Elementary deduction, my dear Padfoot," muttered the other boy absent-mindedly. "Voldemort is a Dark wizard who is uniquely powerful in the darkest of Dark Magic, _and_ he speaks Parseltongue--a trait _always_ associated with Slytherin."  
  
"Wonderful," groused Sirius.  
  
Remus waved off the comment. "Anyway, everything fits together," he said, now looking toward James. "We even know now what happened last year, Sirius."  
  
"We do?"  
  
"Yes." Remus' tone picked up a bit of an exasperated edge, though he still patiently answered: "That night his mother was killed. We now know who did it and why."  
  
Now Sirius looked as if _he_ had been the one to stumble across a sudden revelation. "Voldemort. In a creepy castle. With a wand?" The way in which he had asked the question would have been humorous if it had been said with a different topic.  
  
"Close," responded Remus, turning back to the taller boy. "Voldemort, yes. I don't know _where_. And with a wand, indeed."  
  
James offered nothing to their discussion as Sirius turned toward him, a look of hurt and amazement on his face.  
  
"All this and you never _told_ us, James?" he asked as James looked away, not able to take his friend's seemingly-accusing gaze. "What were you _thinking_?"  
  
"I wasn't," answered James honestly, gaining Remus' attention now as well. "I was too scared--I still am." He looked up and at then faced each of the boys with a firm gaze. "All right. I'll admit that what Remus said is true." His eyes narrowed slightly. "All of it."  
  
Remus looked slightly drained. "Why didn't you say anything to us?" he asked, looking as though he didn't understand his friend at all. "We wouldn't have--"  
  
"I don't know, all right?" replied James with a slight snap, causing both of his friends to give him startled looks. James then reached up with a sigh, pulled off his glasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I wasn't thinking right...or maybe I was because now that you know--"  
  
"Now that we know," huffed Sirius indignantly, catchingthe bespectacled teen's attention, "we can help." Sirius waved his arms widely for a moment. "Who _cares_ if Lord Chuckles puts us on that 'To-Be-Killed-List!' At least we'll be on it _together_!"  
  
James considered this for a long while before replacing his glasses on his face and studying the others for a moment before meekly asking, "What about the whole Heir thing?"  
  
Sirius, of course, was the one who answered with a laugh and shake of his head while Remus merely looked over to the laughing boy with a slight smile. "I'm shocked, honestly," said Sirius when he was finished laughing. "I've been best friend with the Heir of the House I'm in for well over six years, and I never knew!" The long-haired boy put his fist on his hips with a half-smirk, half-grin on his face. "What does _that_ tell you?"  
  
James gave a weak laugh. "Well, I didn't know until last year."  
  
There was a moment of silence that stretched over the three friends before the tallest one gave an annoyed sigh. "I hate Lady Fate sometimes," he mused wryly. "She has an odd sense of humor."  
  
The bespectacled one snorted. "And it's quite dry as well," he agreed.  
  
The lightest-haired one cocked his head toward his friend. "You feel better about getting all of this off of your chest?"   
  
James took a deep breath, as though he was breathing fresh air for the first time in a long time. "Much," he replied before giving a sheepish smile. "Sorry I've been a bother."  
  
Sirius waved off the apology. "No apologies necessary," he stated lightly before gaining a devious, mischievous expression and adding, "_my lord_."  
  
"Damn," James swore while Remus stifled a bit of a laugh. "You're not going to drop that, are you?"  
  
Sirius walked over to his friend's side and slung an arm around his shoulders, giving him a grin that would scare away anyone who knew him. "But of course I am!" he said sincerely, shaking James' shoulder a bit before adding as if as an afterthought, "...once I find a better name for you."  
  
James rolled his eyes. "And here is why I didn't want to tell you."  
  
"No need to get nasty," said Sirius, dropping his arm with a haughty sniff.  
  
Remus shook his head at the whole thing, knowing that the two friends only joked this way to deal with such serious issues. He, however, must have felt the need to discuss the topic further because he then asked, "Is there anything else we should know, James?"  
  
Both of the darker-haired boys went quiet for a moment before the shorter one of the duo answered slowly, "...yeah, there is. Guys...I've been dreaming about last year--about when..." He trailed off. "...anyway, I haven't been sleeping because of it, but I think I keep having it and remembering it because there's a hidden message somewhere...something I'm not seeing."  
  
Remus frowned at this for barely a second before smiling a bit. "We'll figure it out--"  
  
Feeling the need to lighten the atmosphere, Sirius chose that moment to comment, "Yeah! Because we're...the Marauders!" before striking a ridiculous pose that cause the other two boys to stare at him oddly for a long period of time before they chose to forget it ever happened. Sirius, after all, was the one who joked the most about the nick-name they had heard the professors use when speaking of their group of four.  
  
"...thanks," said James to Remus, ignoring Sirius who had gotten out of the pose and stood hovering behind him for the moment, before turning to look back at him . "You know, I thought you two would toss ne awat ir something because of this--"  
  
"Question!" shouted Sirius, interrupting ,and gaining the others' attentions. "Did we abandon Moony?"  
  
James looked over to Remus for a moment before answering, "Well...no--"  
  
"Question!" Again the shout was an interruption. "If we didn't abandon a werewolf, why would we abandon the Heir of Gryffindor?"  
  
James looked unsure. "...this is a slightly different--"  
  
"Question! Which is scarier? Facing a grown werewolf or Lord Chuckles?"  
  
For a moment, the bespectacled teenager wondered idly where his friend had gotten the ridiculous name for the Dark Lord. "...well, both are scary--"  
  
"Question!" shouted Sirius yet again before pausing and leaning in toward James' face, poking him a bit with his index finger as he asked, "Don't you ever think?"  
  
"Oh, shut up," scowled James as he shoved the finger away, gaining a stern look from his friend.  
  
"Don't you pull title on me, Mister!"  
  
"Why?" asked James passively.  
  
Sirius squared his shoulders and seemed to tower over the only-slightly-smaller boy. "Because I'm older, stronger, and _heavier_ than you are."   
  
With the way the long-haired boy was standing, James couldn't help but to agree mentally to these points. Aloud, he replied smugly, crossing his arms, "I'm better at charms than you."  
  
Sirius gaped for but a moment before turning and searching the room with eyes. "Where's my Beater club?" he questioned while James ducked behind Remus, who shook his head at their antics.  
  
"You two can never be serious, can you?" he asked with some mock-exasperation as James chuckled a bit.  
  
"But I'm always Sirius," objected Sirius with some puzzlement, pronoucing his name the same as the word 'serious.'  
  
"You're name's SIR-ius, Sirius," said Remus pointedly, pronouncing the boy's name the way the dictionary has it pronounced.  
  
Sirius frowned at this. "Well, I like SEAR-ius better," he said haughtily, crossing his arms. "That's how I want my name said from now on!"  
  
James grinned over at him. "Siriusly, Sirius?"  
  
"Siriusly, Prongs."  
  
Remus just shook his head. "Honestly, you two."  
  
"Where's Wormtail?" asked Sirius suddenly with immense curiosity.  
  
"Downstairs."  
  
Sirius paused before slowly nodding. "Right. Breakfast." His stomach rumbled for a moment as he remembered that he had not eaten, and with a frown at his abdomen, turned to James, "Weren't you going to take a shower?"  
  
James blinked for a moment before sayiung, "Oh, yeah...well, I'll see you guys downstairs."  
  


***

  
  
"You know, Prongs..." commented Sirius when James sat next to him, the longer-haired boy's eyes following a certain girl as she walked over to her blonde-haired friend, who ate her lunch with amazing speed, "she is pretty good looking."  
  
James, having watched Sirius' actions, chose to also follow the movements of the blonde girl's red-headed friend before looking down at his plate when emerald eyes chose that moment to scan the table. "I suppose so..." he muttered, placing some food on his plate, poking at it for a moment, and stabbing it, getting it ready to eat.  
  
Sirius nudged him a bit, making him mis-aim and land the fork filled with pasta on his cheek. "Ah, come on," said Sirius, oblivious to what he had done as James sighed and grabbed for a napkin. "You two aren't still rivals, are you?"  
  
James paused for a second before whiping off the sauce off of his cheek. "Not _really_," he admitted, placing the soiled napkin back onto the table and resuming his task of eating.  
  
Sirius watched him eat the spagetti noddles before asking slowly, "So...?"  
  
James turned to him and swallowed. "What?" he asked before narrowing his eyes. "Are you trying to get me and Evans together?"  
  
"You wound me, Prongs," said Sirius with a bit of a pout before he turned to his own plate, poking his fork at what looked to be either a lambchop or a porkchop--James couldn't tell which--while continuing, "Like I would ever think such a thing!" The older boy looked to his friend and, noting his expression, finally admitted, "...it was Remus' idea."  
  
James rolled his eyes. "Typical." He twirled the spagetti onto his fork. "If it's not one, it's the other...or both."  
  
"We wouldn't be us otherwise," said Sirius cheekily.  
  
"God forbid you never getting into my personal life," agreed James with a snort of laughter.  
  
"Mm-hmm!" Sirius nodded once, and the two boys resumed their task of eating their lunch, comfortably silent until-- "Hey, Prongs? I was thinking..."  
  
"About?"   
Sirius frowned. "About this morning," he replied, lowering his fork before giving his friend a leveled gaze. "And, well, I have to say that I'm disappointed."  
  
"Disappointed?" James looked over at him curiously. "Was it too anti-climatic?"  
  
Sirius frowned heavily at the joke. "I'm serious, James."  
  
"Of course you are!" his friend agreed, not wanting to get involved with a serious conversation at that moment. Sirius seemed to get this hint and crossed his arms, his expression sour.  
  
"You know, that joke only works if _I_ say it," he said pointedly, making James drop his fork and look over to him as he decided to continue the serious conversation.  
  
"You're serious?" he asked.  
  
"I'm always Sirius," said Sirius dryly. "Anyway...I was disappointed about...well..." He looked at his plate as he trailed off before asking with a slightly hurt tone, "How could you have kept that from _me_--?"  
  
James sighed and pushed his glasses higher on his nose. "I didn't tell anyone but Dumbledore--"  
  
Sirius looked to him. "But you didn't tell _me_? Your best friend of eleven years, Prongs?" He looked away again. "I thought we could trust each other."  
  
James felt torn. He really didn't want Sirius to feel this way and he _had_ wanted to tell him everything in the beginning, but Dumbledore had said... "We do," he said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "_I_ trust you, Sirius--"  
  
"Then _why_?"  
  
A silence fell on the pair, even as the other tables rang with laughter and arguments and gossip. In the silence, James felt the slight strain between the two of them and lowered his hand before looking down himself. "...I was scared, all right?" he answered, trying to keep the defensive edge at bay. "I was afraid Voldemort would attack you if you knew anything--"  
  
Sirius snorted and James froze, not sure what that meant. "Oh, brilliant idea, James," his friend said with sarcasm dripping off of his words, catching his attention, "don't tell me, Remus, and Peter and when Voldemort catches us and find out that you never told us, he then makes us believe you betrayed us--blah, blah, blah."  
  
James stared at him in shock for a moment before sheepishly saying, "I hadn't thought of that..."  
  
"Thinking was never your strong point," said Sirius with a tone that implied it was meant as insult and not as teasing.  
  
"Hey--" he started to object before stopping himself and sighing, his shoulders slumping. "Well, I guess that's true..."  
  
He was then surprised by Sirius wrapping and arm around his shoulders, smiling brightly as if there hadn't been a problem at all. "We forgive you, Prongsie," he said lightly.  
  
James smiled appreciatively before sighing. "Everything's gotten so complicated..."  
  
"Ah," said Sirius intelligently as he shook his friend's shoulder before turning back to his food, determined to eat as that mess had been dealt with, "that's growing up for you."  
  
Neither one of them brought up the conversation they had had, and instead, Sirius teased James about the red-headed Lily Evans, who James noticed was watching them with curiosity before her attention was turned away by her blonde-haired friend Arabella Figg.  
  


***

  
  
The day passed with little incidents here and there in the classrooms, and before he knew it, James Potter was once again sitting at the dining table--this time for supper and a look of disgust on his face as he had just gotten out of a slight exchange-of-words with a certain group of Slytherins. He was the last of the group of three to sit down, nearly growling out, "Ugh...I'll never understand Slytherins," as he glared at said group of students.  
  
Sirius gave him a curious look ."Funny," he commented lightly. "They seem to like you."  
  
James gave his plate one look before shoving it away. "I think I've lost my appetite."  
  
"Ignore Sirius," advised Remus, who had already begun on his meal.  
  
"No one can ignore me," said Sirius with an air of superiority.  
  
"McGonagall does a wonderful job of it--" pointed out Remus lightly as he picked up a roll, just as Sirius' head turned slightly, his attention no longer on the debate at hand.  
  
"Sure, sure," said the longer-haired boy distractedly before he stood and shoved away from the table. "Later, guys. Duty calls."  
  
At that statement, the two that were left behind turned their heads toward him as he retreated before the two of them shook their heads. "If I didn't know any better," said Remus, who had been one of the ones to shake their head, "I'd join the group that calls him a 'Gryffinwhore,' considering his track record."  
  
"Who came up with that?" asked James with mild curiosity, not at all disturbed that his closest friend had such a reputation.  
  
"No clue," was the reply. "Hey, Peter."  
  
James turned to see Peter approaching their area, a small frown on his face as he then asked, "Did you see who Sirius was going to?"  
  
"No," answered James, looking at him curiously. "Why?"  
  
"No reason," said Peter with a bit of a squeak at the end, signalling that he wasn't being truthful.   
  
It was then that Sirius chose to return with a horrified look on his face. He sat down next to James, still not seeming to snap out of his horror as he stared blankly ahead for a long moment. Then, he spoke,   
  
"The horror of it all..."  
  
"What happened?" asked Remus, his curiosity getting the best of him, as well as James.  
  
Sirius' mouth opened and closed once--twice--_three_ times before he could manage to say, "A girl rejected me..." He snapped out of his stupor at the sound of hysterical laughter. "Hey!" he cried indignantly. "It's not funny!"  
  
"Oh, my God!" shouted Remus as he shook with laughter.  
  
"Merlin!" cried James as he leaned against the table, near tears. "My side!"  
  
Sirius scowled at the two of them before muttering, "Well, I knew she had a crush, but _come on_!"  
  
"Wh-who was it?" asked Remus between laughs before calming a bit when the other boy groaned. The werewolf gave a chuckle. "Don't be ashamed, Padfoot!"  
  
The embarrassed boy muttered the name with obvious displeasure, "Lily Evans."  
  
James burst into laughter again, almost falling out of his seat. "_L-Lily_ rejected you! Excuse me, I have to shake her hand!"  
  
"Har har har," said Sirius with a scowl in the laughing-boy's direction, though he ignored Remus' stifled chuckles and Peter's quiet giggles. "Let's all laugh at my expense."  
  
Now seemed to be the right time to turn attention off of Sirius' failure, and Remus did a grand job of placing the attention of the still laughing boy by asking, "Since when were you and Lily on first-name basis, James?"  
  
James choked on his laughter, realizing how everyone had turned to him. He suddenly felt very small for some reason. "Ah...I don't know," he said before giving a nervous laugh, "but there's really no reason to call her 'Evans,' is there?"  
  
Remus barely hid a grin. "I suppose not."  
  
"I should have known she'd want no one but Prongs after their late-night rendezvous," said Sirius mock-sorrowfully, making James' face go red.  
  
"Sirius, that was back in November," he said pointedly.  
  
"Oh, wait," said Remus, ignoring whatever point James' statement had made, "your rendezvous was with Lily? I thought as much." He chuckled a little as James' quickly grabbed his goblet and drank as though he had been supremely dehydrated. "Also...your birthday's soon, isn't it, Prongs? Padfoot?"  
  
"January seventeenth, thank you," answered Sirius brightly.  
  
"January twenty-seventh, Remus," responded James, seeming to have recovered from his 'mysterious' dehydration.  
  
Remus shook his head. "I still don't get how you two were separated by only ten days."  
  
James shrugged, answering for the both of them with a "Neither do we,"as they stood and began to head for the tower. Sirius turned to look back when he noticed that one of them was missing. "Hey, Pete!" he called as James and Remus halted. "You coming?"  
  
Peter looked over at them for a moment before shaking his head. "Er...no...I'm going to try and get this Transfiguration done." He pointed to parchment he had been writing on since he had sat down at the table.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "All right."  
  
"See you, Wormtail," said James as he Remus, and Sirius headed out of the Great Hall.  
  


***

  
  
The Christmas Holidays passed by with little to no incidents at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Snow was late this year and hadn't begun to fall until the day before Christmas Eve. Most of the students remained indoors, believing that though the halls were cold themselves, they were certainly warmer than being out in the frozen grounds as the snow continued to blanket them. Two students, however, seemed to somehow think the same idea and had decided to go out to watch the snow fall.  
  
"Hm..." the red-headed girl said, her eyes closed as she savored the feel of the snowflakes falling onto her face. "Where're Black and Lupin?"  
  
The raven-haired boy with glasses watched her for a moment before shaking his head. "_Sirius_ and _Remus_ are serving detention."  
  
"Doesn't surprise me really." She opened her eyes and looked over to him, emerald flashing with the kind of special emotion one only experiences when near the time of the holy holiday. "What about Pettigrew?"  
  
He knew she only used their last names in his presence to get him annoyed. It was like a game she loved to play over and over, trying different things to see how he'd react. Trying to find out how he 'ticked,' one could say. He didn't understand it himself, but he never commented on it since it was, in fact, somewhat fascinating to see how she acted when they weren't biting each other's heads off.  
  
"_Peter_ is doing his homework," he said as she crouched down and began to trace the snow in a pattern only she could see.  
  
"What about you?" she asked. That was one thing James had noticed in the few times he had spoken with her on civil term. Lily Evans liked to ask questions. Probably for the same reason why she liked the last-name game.  
  
"I like the snow," he answered, watching her as she scooped up a bit of snow only to pat it into an oval in the middle of some marking she had made. "That and curiosity got the better of me, and I was wondering why you were out in the snow."  
  
She poked a hole in the top of the oval mound and dragged her finger down its center. "Just thinking, really." She then drew a few more marks before looking up across the snow-covered grounds. "I'm going to miss Hogwarts." James started at the sudden confession, shifting his feet and making her look over to him for a moment before turning back to her markings. "It's been a better home."  
  
He looked down at his shoes, covered in snow, before looking back at the castle, it's lights making the old building seem warm and welcoming. "It has been like a home," he agreed quietly.  
  
He started again when she stood suddenly, brushing her hands against herself and turning toward him with a smile. "So," she said as several snowflakes fell and landed on her red hair. "Sir Knight. Where do you plan to go when you leave?"  
  
He considered the question for a long moment, not realizing that he was still watching her, noticing how a few small flakes had fallen onto and sat perched on her eyelashes, only to continue their fall as she blinked them away with a frown. Finally, he shrugged and answered, "Become an Auror, I suppose. Most likely."  
  
"Interesting," she said, speaking as though she was studying an animal that had done something unusual, which made James wonder what she was thinking. "Any reason?"  
  
"Of course," he responded shortly.  
  
"Hm..." she hummed to herself, closing her eyes again before abruptly seating herself in the snow, though it seemed more like she fell down butt-first. "Well, I'm going to be a reporter, I think."  
  
"A _reporter_?" he asked dubiously, not thinking that occupation would have been her choice. He was surprised yet again as she lied down in the snow, looking up at the sky with pursed lips.  
  
"I don't know..." she said as though she was speaking to herself. "Maybe I won't have to work if I find the right person."  
  
He smirked a bit. "Planning to be a Gold Digger?"  
  
Lily didn't respond for a moment, but then sat up with snow clumped the back of her black school cloak. "Do you think that low of me?" she asked quietly, surprising him yet again.  
  
He quickly shook his head, not wanting to make her feel bad. "No," he insisted, trying to get the message across that he had merely been joking, but it must have gotten lost between his quick answer and his forceful shake of his head. When he had stopped attempting to relay the message, he watched her for a moment before asking, "Why?"  
  
She didn't reply.  
  
So, James did something he hadn't considered to do. He sat down in the snow next to her. "This seems familiar," he commented, looking out at the frozen lake before looking to her and frowning. She hadn't been so quiet in the last conversation he had with her, but there _was_ that time before then... "Come one. Spill it, Lils--"  
  
"Lils?" she asked with wide-eye surprise.  
  
James ignored her surprise as well as his own. "--I want to know why you're acting the way you do." He looked over to her, but she was intently looking over the little marking she had made. "You know more about me than I do you."  
  
"I thought you preferred it that way," she replied stiffly, beginning to trace the snow again.  
  
"Well," he said before pursing his lips and continuing slowly, as this was new to him, "I know we never really were friends, but...can't we be something like that now?"  
  
A strange smile seemed to creep into her face as she curved her finger toward his feet only to twist back the other direction, making a unique ribbon-trench in the snow. "You told them, did you?"  
  
James watched her for a moment before shrugging and looking back out to the lake. "Remus figured it out. He's the brain of the group."  
  
"I should hope so," she responded lightly.  
  
He looked over to her and flicked a bit of snow in her direction. "Don't be nasty."  
  
She looked over to him and childishly stuck out her tongue at him. "I'll be what I please."  
  
"Come on," he said with a bit of frustration as he realized what she was doing. "You're avoiding the answer."  
  
"To what?" she asked with an innocent look.  
  
"To--" He stopped for a moment, thinking about what they had been talking about. Somehow, he had lost track of what the original question was. "Ah, bloody hell," he swore, rubbing his nose. "I forgot."  
  
"Oh, well," she said, a little to cheekily for it to have been genuine, but he let it go as she went back to her tracing and he went back to staring at the frozen lake. Then, she spoke up again, "What do you think will happen?"  
  
"To what?" he asked without looking over.  
  
"To the Wizarding World. What with Voldemort--"  
  
He closed his eyes. "Let's..._not_ talk about Voldemort," he suggested.  
  
He could feel her frown without having to look over. "Well, you can't avoid that monster forever, you know," she told him, sounding as though she knew all about Voldemort being after him in the first place.  
  
"I'm hoping to never see him...again."  
  
There was a pause before he heard Lily sigh and then say, "You're a pretty strong wizard, James, and he has his eyes set on those who are strong."  
  
"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it then," he said firmly, letting it be known that the topic was to be dropped. Lily seemed to think the same thing because when James looked over to her again, he found that she was standing, whiping off the snow.  
  
"All right," she said lightly before running her hand through her red hair. "I think I should get going. Good day, Sir Knight."  
  
With that she left, as she seemed to always do, somehow making his gaze linger on her until she was long out-of-sight.  
  


***

  
  
"Happy birthday to me!" shouted Sirius a few weeks later in January. Classes had been cancelled that day because of something about 'holes appearing whenever someone said the word 'and' and making the students appear out in the snow.' It wasn't as if James would know about these sort of things, now was it?  
  
For the record, it was all Sirius' idea in the first place.  
  
"Calm down or no presents," said James sternly as his friend, who was now eighteen-years-old, bounced around the room like a kid that had had _way_ too much sugar. The threat, however, was enough to calm the hyper-active teenager long enough for him to pout.  
  
"No fair!" he shouted.  
  
"Very fair," replied James, his eyes narrowed dangerously, showing that he would follow through with the threat. Sirius decided it was best to sit on the couch and hum 'Jingle Bells.' James shook his head.  
  
"I think I miss Christmas and New Years already," said another voice, which happened to belong to Remus.  
  
"What?" exclaimed James before he gestured to the couch. "He was hyper then, too!"  
  
Remus shook his head. "But now he's eighteen. Of age in the Wizarding _and_ Muggle--" His eyes suddenly widened as he seemed to come to a horrifying conclusion. "Dear God."  
  
"What?" chorused Sirius and James.  
  
"Dear Merlin! The horror!" cried Remus suddenly. "Sirius Black of age in the Worlds!"  
  
"That not fair," said Sirius with a pout. "You and Peter are eighteen."  
  
Remus seemed to have regained his composure and replied, "Need I remind you that Peter and I are the only ones that have any _sense_?"  
  
"What about James?" demanded the now-unhappy birthday boy.  
  
Again, Remus' eyes grew unnaturally wide. "Dear Lord...two of them!"  
  
"Have no fear, Moony, dear friend." James slung an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders and mimicked Sirius' usual movements of shaking his shoulder. "No ill from us shall befallen you."  
  
"That's what he says," was what Sirius said with a snicker, making Remus look ready to have a nervous break-down.  
  
"Anyway," said James quickly as he lead Remus away from the now snickering Sirius, "let's get the gifts out!"  
  
That day, to the surprise of James, both Sirius' and his birthday were celebrated and a party was thrown in their honor, lasting late into the night until McGonagall came in the tower with her hair-net twisted a little and shouted for them to go to bed or suffer under the pushiment of the finals being pushed up to a sooner date like, say, April. This was enough to make everyone head to bed, though they had wanted to stay up to see the performance Sirius had been watching to put on.   
  


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_Author's Notes:_ Sorry, no replies this time. I already responded to everyone's reviews for Chapter Eight and there was only two or three people who reviewed the notes I put up. Right here, I'm just going to say thanks for reading and that I PROMISE I will have the next chapter out in less than a week! Who knows?! MAYBE TOMORROW! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ^.^" Thank you all! Ja! ^.~!  
  
Oh, wait! I am now holding a contest! It's a fanart contest! The only rules are that the scene in the fanart has to be a scene from this fic! Be sure to let me know in your review whether or not you're going to participate! Winner gets a walk-on role in this fic(winner will be emailed details later)! ^.~! Come on you know you wanna! ^.~! 


	10. Explosive Exit

_Summary:_ L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
_Author's Notes:_ *cries with joy* ONE OF MY FICS FINALLY MADE IT TO 100 REVIEWS! *sobs uncontrollably* I can't believe it finally happened! THANK YOU ALL FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS! *continues to cry with happiness* OMG! I finally made it to the 100th review! Just for that, I think I should post this chapter now! *continues to sob*  
  
*stops for a moment* Oh, and I just have to say that I CAN get this thing to not be totally AU...It's AWESOME that I can do it. Hehe. Too bad the sequal's ruined *shrugs* Oh, well...  
  
**Dedicated to: BEAUTY FULL for getting the 100th review! *cries* Thank you so much!**  
  
_Disclaimer:_ I don't own anything!  


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**Of Hidden Truths  
(Explosive Exit)**

  
  
Surprisingly, Father Time chose to make the next few months speed by with little major events, save for the coming and going of the N.E.W.T.S. for the Seventh Year students and the surprisingly more frequent conversations with one, Lily Evans. As each month died and started anew, it seemed as though the two former rivals were becoming what appeared to be friends, though one would always insist to his friends that it was merely a friendship that had somehow appeared amongst the rivalry between them. While none of them argued the point, they continued to tease him relentlessly.  
  
"But you two are so cute together!" one would exclaim as he became red and attempted to bring his friend harm.  
  
"I'm afraid I'd have to agree," another would say with much amusement, ceasing his attempts to beat the idea out of the first one's head.  
  
"I thought you were on _my_ side, Moony!" he would shout, helpless, not knowing what to do with their jokes and offhanded comments.  
  
None of them, however, were worse than a certain greasy Slytherin that sneered at him whenever he'd pass by. They might not have ever been on good terms with one another, but somehow finding private information and exploiting it the way he did was not a polite way to go about his anger. After five months of this, however, James seemed to get the hang of finding various ways of embarrassing and humiliating the aforementioned Slytherin, making sure that Lily was nowhere near the scene as she hated it when he 'picked on the poor guy.'  
  
The N.E.W.T.S., needless to say, were the one thing that seemed to be a real challenge. It took almost a full week of studying--sometimes at the insistence of Remus, sometimes unknowingly by Lily--to leave James confident that he must have gotten at least an E in his harder subjects and an O in his favorites. Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts were, by far, the easiest as he had more experience in those areas, since he had an extent knowledge of them, thanks to Remus' lycanthropy.  
  
It soon, however, came closer to the end of the term, and with the coming of their last year at Hogwarts, many were not sure how to take it.  
  
Sirius, however, seemed to not have this problem.  
  
"Free at last! Free at last!" he shouted as he raced out of the building and toward the lake, leaving James and Remus at the doorway, amused at their friend's actions.  
  
Continuing down the steps at a normal pace, they watched as Sirius went up to various people and hugged them, laughing the whole time as he did so. Remus then decided to bring their friend back to them by shouting, "Everyone, run for your lives! Sirius Black will be free to roam the streets of Britain within the week!"  
  
James snickered at the shout. "That's right," he agreed loudly, though he could already see that Sirius was on his way back to them, a mock anger look on his face. "He;ll roam the streets because he won't know how to Apparate!"  
  
"Oh, you're asking for it, Potter," said Sirius, a cool smirk on his face though his eye twitched with the reminder that he hadn't been able to get his Apparating License that summer, unlike two of his three friends. Werewolves weren't allowed to get one. "I'll have my License. Just you watch."  
  
James merely rose his eyebrows in amusement. "Care to make a wager?"  
  
Sirius smirk turned into a grin. "Twenty galleons?"  
  
"You're on." The two shook hands firmly while Remus shook his head at the display.  
  
"Oh dear." He sighed a parent would have. "A bet over whether or not Sirius learns to Apparate." He shook his head again at the absurdity of it all.  
  
"Aw, come on, Remus," said James, nudging his friend a bit. "It's all in good fun."  
  
"Really," said Sirius with an air of indignanty--something that he was very good at doing. "I mean, what else am I going to do with my savings?"  
  
Remus cocked an eyebrow. "Save more?" he suggested lightly.  
  
Sirius waved an arm impatiently. "That's not fun." He then perked up as he saw something behind his friends. "Hey, Peter!" He waved the fourth member of their group over before lowering his voice some and asking, "Where've you been, Wormtail?"  
  
Peter gave him an unsure look. "I was trying to get everything together for the Ceremony."  
  
"_Splendid!_"   
  
James and Remus stared at the one who had shouted before the darker-haired boy turned to the other without his eyes leaving the sight. "...he didn't just say..."  
  
"I'm afraid he did," was the reply.  
  
"All right!" exclaimed Sirius, who seemed to have calmed himself after that outburst. "So how is everything going along?" he asked of Peter, who continued to watch his taller friend uncertainly.  
  
"Perfectly, I think--"  
  
"Good, good," said Sirius distractedly as his eyes practically glittered with the thought of what he had planned. He then snapped his fingers and slapped his knee, grinning widely. "Oh, I do love a good prank!"  
  
"Sirius?" asked James, catching his friend's attention. "Stop the giddiness...please?"  
  
Sirius frowned at him, crossing his arms and looking pouty. "Oh all right."  
  
Remus patted James on the shoulder and said, "He's just excited." He paused. "_Overly_ excited."  
  
"I know," said James, watching as Sirius then ignored his request and began cackling wickedly as Peter told him details of what he had done. "That';s why he's scaring me." James looked over to Remus. "I fear for those exposed to the Prank."  
  
It was then that Sirius rubbed his hands together eagerly, chuckling lowly, having ended his cackling a moment ago. "Everything's going according to plan."  
  
The two boys that watched him exchanged glances. "...I'm beginning to agree with you, James," said Remus, watching as Sirius continued to eagerly congradulate himself.  
  
"He does remember," said James after a moment, a puzzled look on his face, "that you and I helped with this, too, right?"  
  
"I'd doubt it," answered Remus before turning his head slightly to the left as he spotted something else. "Hallo, Lily," he greeted as the red-head came over, alerting James to her coming.  
  
"Lily?" he asked, slightly surprised.  
  
"Hello, Remus," she said politely as she approached. "James." She then took noticed of Sirius' actions and her brow knitted together. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
James smirked a bit and looked back at his friend. "He's going for the crazy scientist look," he said before cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting to Sirius, "Hey, Padfoot! Knock it off!"  
  
The excited boy looked over to his friend and shouted back in the same manner, "Oy, Prongs! I don't feel like it!" before continuing his self-congradulating and talking with Peter.  
  
Remus cocked an eyebrow. "I'm surprised no one's taken him to an asylum," he commented in good humor.  
  
"He'd just go even more nuts," replied James as he lowered his hands and sighed, shaking his head. "Just ignore him. So," he turned to Lily with a curious look, "what are you up to, Lily?"  
  
She smiled a bit and brush stray strands of her hair off of her shoulder. "Wandering around the school," she answered, scanning the grounds and watching various students enjoying themselves under the June sun. "I'm going to be doing this a lot in the next two days."  
  
"Same here," said Remus sincerely, also watching the other students. "A lot of the time, I forget that I'm about to leave Hogwarts." He shuddered as a thought came to mind. "It's...different, I suppose."  
  
James nodded empathetically. "Kind of hard to want to look ahead," he agreed with Remus' unspoken statement. "A lot has happened in the past--" His eyes flicked unconsciously over to Lily. "--some of which is good to remember."  
  
Lily nodded also. "That's exactly how I feel," she said but then frowned, turning toward the two boys. "Although...a bit differently, I admit." She looked at the ground, as if embarrassed. "I'm almost afraid of leaving, I think."  
  
"Afraid?" said Remus with a bit of a dry laugh, catching their attention. "I'm _terrified_!"  
  
"No reason to be really, old Moony," James spoke up cheerfully, patting his friend on the back. "Sirius, Peter, and I will not abandon you. In fact...how would you feel to being roommates?"  
  
"Again?" questioned Remus with a bit of a smirk. "I don't know if I can survive any more with roommates like you."  
  
James sniffed indignantly. "That was mightily rude."  
  
"And I see you're not denying it," said Lily with smirk that mirror Remus'.  
  
James frowned at her. "Sirius is worse than I am." Lily shook her head in disbelief. "Honest!"  
  
"Depends, really," admitted Remus, who looked thoughtfully back at Sirius, who seemed to have forgetten about them as he schemed with Peter listening to his every word, "on what part of the day it is."  
  
"Funny," commented James dryly, knowing not to take offense. He then turned to the red-headed girl with curiosity, "So what's scaring you about leaving?"  
  
Lily shifted slightly, something that caught James' notice since he knew that she wasn't the fidgetty type, something he had learned with the many conversations he had been having with her. "I guess I'm scared about what will happen when I leave," she answered. "I mean...the possibilities are endless."  
  
"It is a bit overwhelming," agreed James. Remus chose not to reply to this and shifted his footing a bit as he intently studied his shoes.  
  
"You seem to be taking it rather well," said Lily with a teasing air.  
  
James laughed. "Is someone lying to you?" he questioned, shaking his head. "I'm _petrified_about what could happen!"  
  
"I think you deserve to be more scared than me," spoke up Remus quietly as a fourth person chose to approach them. James gave the werewolf a meaningful look and put his arm around his shoulders for a moment.  
  
"Only in certain areas," he told his friend before looking up and seeing Sirius' nose wrinkle as he had heard some of their conversation.  
  
"Such worry-worts!" he exclaimed with exasperation as though he knew this would happen. "Come on, you two! Look alive!" He strolled up behind the two of them and slung an arm around each other them, bringing them all closer together with a big grin. "We're getting out of here in two days!"  
  
"Joy," commented James, deadpan.  
  
Sirius frowned. "That was rather bland."  
  
"Hoo-rah..."  
  
"Close enough." Sirius then looked to Remus and shook the smaller boy's shoulder a bit. "Remus, you need to be more positive, Buddy."  
  
"I think you're handling that just fine," said Remus, barely hiding a grin.  
  
"Bunch of sourpusses," said Sirius, frowning since he didn't see the grin. He released his two friends and looked over to the red-head who watched this all with much amusement. "What about you, Lily?"  
  
"Cheerful and anticipating, Sirius--" she began to said brightly.  
  
"Good!"  
  
"--seeing you trip in your ropes," she finished with a overly sweet tone.  
  
"Hey now!" objected Sirius indignantly.  
  
"Too true!" exclaimed James with a laugh with Remus snickering beside him.  
  
"Where--where'd Peter run off to?" asked the werewolf with cruriosity when he managed to stifle his laughter thoroughly. This question brightened Sirius somewhat, making him bounce a little in what appeared to be anticipation and excitement.  
  
"Going to see McGonagall," he answered proudly, before gaining a thoughtful look. "Which reminds me..." he looked over to James with a grin, "got your parchment, James?"  
  
"Why?" asked James cautiously, suspiciously.  
  
Sirius grinned wider and taced circles upward in the air with his index finger. "Tally time coming soon."  
  
"Oh, that's right." James pulled out an old piece of parchment and handed it over to Remus. Sirius did the same, the grin never leaving and causing James to also grin widely. "Be ready to fork over the Galleons," he said confidently.  
  
Sirius snorted. "Yeah, right. You wish, O' Mighty James," he said with a smirk.  
  
"Stop that!" James instantly shouted in annoyance.  
  
"Stop what?" questioned Sirius innocently. Remus, having collected both of the parchments, tucked them into his pocket and watched the two with amusement.  
  
"Argh," said James half-heartedly with a laugh. "Annoying prat."  
  
"I'm wounded," retorted Sirius with a bit of a pout.  
  
"And here, I say my very enthusiastic 'Hooray!'"  
  
Sirius snorted a bit before saying, "And you say you don't act snooty."  
  
"When?" asked James curiously. "I'm pretty sure I've never said that."  
  
"Sure, play dumb--"  
  
"Oh, knock it off, you two," said Remus, interrupting the bickering with a laugh. "You're both prats," he told them when they looked to him in curiosity.  
  
"I'll agree to that," put in Lily with a light and amused tone.  
  
James leaned over to Sirius and whispered, "They're ganging up on us, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius nodded in agreement before grinning and taking out his wand. "Never fear, Prongs," he whispered back, eyeing the two that were now against them with an eager, hungry look that would come whenever he had an evil idea in mind. "They'll get theirs."  
  
Remus then leaned over to Lily and said in a stage whisper, "Fear for your skin," before Sirius and James attacked, making the other pair run away from them with laughter escaping them as they ran.  
  


***

  
  
The next day and a half passed by peacefully with many laughs for the small group of Gryffindor Seventh Years. Sirius and James took it upon themselves to make sure that everyone was enjoying their last few days at Hogwarts and tended to cause more damage than laughs, though they somehow managed not to catch the attention of McGonagall, Bullstrode, or any of the other professors. Perhaps it was because it was, after all, the last time they were to ever get to cause such mayhem.  
  
The night before the Ceremony and their last day, all the laughter seemed to be pushed aside as, surprisingly, Sirius chose to speak of their coming last day.  
  
"Only hours until we leave this place for the last time," he said, looking around the dormitory room, which had been picked up a bit at Remus' insistence. There still was evidence, however, of where things had once been. A patch of the wall between James and Sirius' beds was lighter than the rest, showing that there had once been a poster there. On Remus' nightstand, there was a black mark where a book had lain and had rubbed its dark color onto the lighter wood.  
  
Sirius then spoke up again, having surveyed the room for the hundredth time, "Makes me get a bit teary-eyed."  
  
"Don't start the waterworks, Sirius," pleaded Remus as he sat on his bed, hair still wet from the shower he had just taken. He rubbed the towel he still had against his head before pausing and sighing. "I'm really tired."  
  
"Full moon's coming in a few days, right?" asked James from his position on his bed. He was staring up at the canopy of his bed with a feeling of nostalga as he thought of the past seven years.  
  
Remus sighed, tossing the towel onto his trunk which now sat beside his bed instead of in front of it. "Two days after tomorrow," he said in answer.  
  
Sirius put on a large smile. "Don't worry, Moony," he said cheerfully from his perch on his bed. "We'll be there with you." He then cocked his head to the side and eyed his werewolf friend suspiciously. "You _are_ staying with me this summer, right?"  
  
"I suppose so," said Remus, monotone, "since my parents basically disowned me this year."  
  
James frowned at the canopy. "It'll be all right, Moony," he assured his friend, looking over to him, his arms pillowing his head.  
  
Remus, however, rubbed his brow with a strained and worried expression. "I really am afraid of leaving Hogwarts," he said softly, barely heard. "It's...be the only place that's accepted me." His voice shook a bit as he spoke, causing the other boys to get up from their spots and go over to their third friend.  
  
"Well, don't be, Remus," said Sirius, determined not to let his friend get upset as he put a hand on his shoulder. He then shot a look at James, who sat on the other side of Remus. "And don't you be, either, James. We'll stick together through thick and thin, right?"  
  
James snorted. "Do we have a choice?"  
  
Remus chuckled a bit shakily. "Doesn't seem like it."  
  
Sirius frowned at the two of them. "I was serious, guys."  
  
Remus sighed once more. "We know," he said. "We were just lightening the mood. Thank you, Sirius."  
  
"Ah, it's nothing," said Sirius, waving off the thanks with a mock-bashful expression as he stood and went over to his bed again, getting himself ready for some sleep.   
  
James, however, watched Remus for a moment longer before patting his friend on the back and saying, "Best get some sleep. Exciting day tomorrow."  
  


***

  
  
"James. _James_! Get your sorry butt awake!" shouted Sirius the next morning as James awoke to the sensation of being shaken mercilessly by his friend. He blinked as Sirius had chosen to stop and squinted up at the longer-haired boy for a moment.  
  
"Wha...?" he asked dazedly before groaning and turning over, muttering, "Sirius..."  
  
"Oh, no you don't," said Sirius sharply, grabbing his shoulder and turning him back onto his back, knowing he couldn't sleep on his back. "Don't you go back to sleep. You're gonna be late for lunch and the Ceremony--"  
  
"Ceremony?" asked James with confusion.  
  
"Remember?" questioned Sirius with a bit of humor creeping into his voice. "Today we say 'goodbye' to Hogwarts--"  
  
James jumped awake with the reminder. "Bloody hell, Sirius!" he shouted, tossing off his covers and jumping out of bed, leaving his friend covered with the blankets as he raced to get his day-clothes on. "Why didn't you wake me sooner?"  
  
Sirius pulled the blankets off of him and frowned. "Hey, I slept in, too," he said with some annoyance as he studied the blankets for a moment before tossing them away while James rushed to get his shoes on before he had on his socks. Sirius shook his head at the sight and hit his friend with a pillow, stopping him from putting his socks over his shoes. "Come on, get _dressed_. I'm gonna go eat."  
  
James, having noticed what he had been doing because of the whack of the pillow, worked on getting his shoes off. "See you at the Ceremony then," he said distractedly as he tried to locate his clothes. As he put on his shirt, however, he saw something flutter to the ground. Curious, he stooped over and picked it up.  
  


_Prongs.   
Meet me at the edge of the Forest. Got some extra ideas for the Prank.   
Padfoot._

  
  
James shook his head at he letter as it was something Sirius would really do and hurried to get dressed, not wanting to keep his friend waiting.  
  


***

  
  
"Sirius!" called James, becoming annoyed that he had been waiting in the usual meeting place far from any suspicious eyes. He had gone down there as soon as he was finished dressing and had been waiting there for over half an hour. Perhaps it was because Sirius thought it funny to make him stand there like an idiot. This thought didn't help James' already low mood.  
  
"Sirius, come out already!" he shouted, glaring at the bushes near him before looking up at the trees. Then he heard something rustle behind him. He spun around and pulled out his wand, thinking of the perfect curse to get his hiding friend with. He approached the bush that had rustled, speaking in a tone that hide his obvious eagerness to catch his friend, "Now's not the time to play games--"  
  
He froze as he felt something poke him in the back, realizing that he had been the one to get caught. He was about to make a comment, but froze as an unfamiliar voice spoke, "Well, hallo, Potter. It's really nice to finally meet you."  
  
James carefully remained still, not knowing who this person was or what they wanted. "Who are you?" he demanded. "Where's Sirius?"  
  
The person whose wand was digging into the small of James' back shifted a bit. "Getting ready for the Ceremony, I'd expect."  
  
Realization hit him like a ton of bricks. "...the note...he--?"  
  
"Well, you wouldn't have come if you didn't think it was important," the person said boredly, his voice drawling in a way that annoyingly reminded James of Malfoy, "and we know how important your friends are to you."  
  
James gripped his wand as anger surged through him as he listened to the sneering tone in the other person's voice. Before he could test the hex he had planned to use on Sirius with this person, another wand appeared and placed itself onto his right temple. Out of the corner of his eyes, James saw black robes but nothing else.  
  
"Lower your wand," commanded the new person, his voice flat and indifferent but vaguely familiar, muffled as if the he were wearing a mask of some sort. James, however, ignored the command and clenched his fingers around his wand in a better grip.  
  
The wand at his back digged in harder. "Wouldn't try anything if I were you. Your completely surrounded by more of us," the first person said with his sneering voice. Not that much of a fool to ignore a threat that would be carried out, James lowered his wand arm to his side and loosened his grip on the wood before it was immediately taken away by the person at his side.  
  
"How'd you get onto the grounds?" James' voice was hoarse as he felt dread creep down his spine.  
  
The first person chuckled, his wand still not moving. "Use your intelligence, Potter," he said pressing the wand into his back more. "Even your precious Hogwarts is not completely protected from the Dark Lord."  
  
James forced himself not to shake from the fear that began to grip his heart, making him sweat and causing his breath to come out shorter and shallower. The person next to him then spoke, "Our master has been awaiting your arrival, _Gryffindor_."  
  
Fists clenched to keep their trembling hidden, James swallowed the lump that had appeared in his throat and tried to speak, "You--"  
  
"Bind him and blindfold him," ordered the person behind him before he could manage another word. The person next to him made a quick gesture and another figure appeared on his left. "We cannot allow him to see where he will be taken, now can we?"  
  


***

  
  
The trek didn't take very long, though James became quickly disorientated when one of the people leading him decided it would be fun to knock him around while he was tied up and blinded. He knew, at least at that moment, that he was in the Forbidden Forest since he was slammed up against a tree before he fell onto the ground. Laughter came from the group of people that were watching. He couldn't tell how many there were, so he couldn't do anything as one of them hauled him to his feet and pushed him on.  
  
It wasn't long until the group stopped, and after a group discussion in whispers, someone grabbed him and James felt the familiar tug behind his navel that told him that they had used a portkey. How far were they taking him? How far from Hogwarts was Voldemort?  
  
When they landed, James nearly lost his footing but was quickly stablized by a hand on his shoulder. The hand, however, quickly retracted itself as a voice spoke, bringing chills down the blinded Gryffindor's spine, "Very good. Very good. You have proven yourselves to be loyal and strong, my newest Death Eaters."  
  
Death Eaters. The name of the servants of Voldemort.  
  
"We were honored," said a person, the one with the sneering voice, on James' left, "to be a part of this task, my Lord."  
  
A small pause followed the statement, making James uncomfortable as he was already terrified of what he was about to face, if he should be released.  
  
As if reading his thoughts, there was a low chuckle from in front of him before the voice spoke, "You may release him. Return him his wand as well."  
  
Waiting with anticipation, James kept his eyes shut even as the blindfold came off and his binds were removed. He didn't even open his eyes as he felt the wand pressed into his hand. He acted immediately, aiming in front of him, in the direction of the voice, shouting the first spell to come to mind, "_Expel--!_"  
  
Before he could finish, however, something knocked into him, causing him to fall over backwards onto the ground, much to the amusement of the Death Eaters surrounding him. "Do not even try, James," said the voice above the laughter and jeers, bringing his servants to silence. James still did not open his eyes, too scared to see that this wasn't a dream or a nightmare, too scared to face the man before him as he sat up. "Your magic is far too weak--untrained--to counter mine. At the moment, I have a shield around me and my servants that will prevent us from being cursed."  
  
Standing to his feet, James risked a look and opened his eyes slightly, only to look into dark shadows. "C-come out of the shadows!" His voice was louder than he had anticipated it to be, fear making him stutter slightly as he held his wand out toward the shadows, ignoring what the voice had said.  
  
The voice, however, merely chuckled. "Are you trembling?" it asked. "Dear boy, are you frightened of me?"  
  
Laughter errupted from the Death Eaters once more, and James clenched his teeth, shaking terribly. "More like madder than bloody hell!" he retorted, bringing silence from his shout. "Come out, you bloody coward!"  
  
"Ah," said the voice, amused, "so I am the coward now, am I?"  
  
"Only a coward kills for pleasure, Voldemort," said James lowly, angrily, spitting out the Dark Lord's name like venom.  
  
The low chuckle came again, this time accompanied by the sound of movement. "You would think that, wouldn't you?" said the voice before the face appeared out of the shadows. Pale, eyes narrowed, mouth quirked into a cruel smirk, Lord Voldemort emerged from the shadows. "After all...you are a Gryffindor, are you not?"  
  
Again, the Death Eaters found amusement in this statement, for it had been spoken as though he was taunting the young man before him. James, however, found no humor in this at all. "Your sense of humor is awfully twisted," he said angrily, his knuckles white around his wand.  
  
"Is it?" question Voldemort, the smirk never fading as he continued to move forward. "Or perhaps I am not jesting..."  
  
James resisted the urge to retreat a few steps and shouted, "I _am_ a Gryffindor!" as he kept his wand aimed at him. "You proved it to me last year, remember?"  
  
The Dark Lord lowered his head in a thoughtful manner before looking up, watching the young man with a curious, considering gaze. "I suppose so...of course," he chuckled slightly, "it would only be partially so..."  
  
James forced himself to keep his wand hand from shaking. "Now who is the one babbling?" he asked scathingly.  
  
"Such rudeness," commented Voldemort offhandedly as he stopped a few feet from James. "Typical, really. You must have taken such an attitude from your mother, though I am bewildered as to where your mischievous actions are from."  
  
Unnerved how the Dark Lord was speaking, James' controll over his shaking hand failed and his wand nearly fell from his suddenly slick grip. "My father, of couse," he gritted out.  
  
"Indeed?"  
  
James quickly regained controll of his shaking for a moment and demanded, "What is it that you want? To torment me before you do away with me? Just kill me and be done with it!" He had the urge to hurl his wand at the elder wizard's face, but resisted it, firmly keeping it trained on his dark, foreboding figure.  
  
Voldemort spread his hands, showing that he was unarmed, and replied with some amusement, "I merely wish to speak with you, little Heir." James shuddered at the title, at how it had been used. "I will let you return to your Ceremony in due time."  
  
"Well, I don't want to talk with you," said James defiantly. "_You_ killed my mum, you bastard!"  
  
The Dark Lord inhaled sharply, his eyes flashing a bright reddish color that almost made James drop his wand in surprise but it was gone just as quickly as it came. "She was the one who had done wrong." The Dark wizard's voice was cold and quiet, yet it carried far more than any shout would. "She was a two-faced creature, and it should have been realized the moment I first met her."  
  
Now James staggered backward as if struck with a physical blow, the Death Eaters backing away as he came closer as though he was some disease that should not be touched. Of course, anyone who had brought the wrath of Lord Voldemort was one to be avoided.  
  
"What are you talking about?" whispered James, too shocked to speak any louder, his wand now barely in his grip.  
  
Voldemort then smirked, seeing that he had dealt a blow. "You are surprised, no doubt," he said slowly before pacing just as slowly before the young Gryffindor. "Your mother and I, dear boy, met one another back in the year 1946 after I had left Hogwarts myself. Do not give that look. I, too, was young, just as you are now. She was merely eleven at the time and had been taken in by a family of wizards since her own family had died in both the magic and Muggle war that had began to end . It was only one meeting, at that time, before I left, becoming the most powerful wizard there was."  
  
All James could do for a moment was stare at the man before him. Then, he regained his composure and gritted out, "I should be glad she saw you but once--"  
  
"I did not say such a thing," hissed Lord Voldemort in annoyance for being interrupted. "We met again, four years later, and I admit that I was attracted to her in the oddest way. Yes, you would be disgusted, wouldn't you? I decided to live near her, secretly building my strength, and then began to court her. She denied me many times, but then, almost ten years later...she agreed to wed me."  
  
James' stomach clenched and he suddenly felt the urge to retch. "You--"  
  
"I was once a very handsome man," said the Dark Lord with a nostalgic tone, "but many years of practicing Dark Magic along with the aging of years has caused me to eventually become what you see before you." He ran a hand across his chest before looking back over to James, his mouth twisting in distaste and amusement. "I was once a wizard named Tom Riddle, and it is that wizard your mother wedded. We were only together for but a year, but that was long enough for her to decide to betray me and abandon our marriage as I went to study abroad. I thought she had died, consumed by flames that had taken our home."  
  
He paused, his eyes catching James'. "Yes, she was certainly clever to hide her secret from me."  
  
Now the trembling was uncontrollable and, though the wand was still in his grasp, James felt as though he could not even summon the energy to use a simple levitation spell. "Secret?" he asked hoarsely, his mouth feeling dry like cotton. "What secret would that be? That she was a Gryffindor?"  
  
"That and so much more," was the quiet response before the Dark Lord continued his speech. "You remember I said I was once young, just as you are? Perhaps I should give you a description of my younger self." Again his eyes met James'. "I was tall and slim, just as I am now, with dark, neat hair--much the same shade as yours. My eyes...they weren't always this reddish color that has taken the original color. No. They once were a gray-ish color--much the same as yours..."  
  
"What are you--?" James barely managed to say, only to cut himself off as Lord Voldemort approached him.  
  
"I had not noticed when we first met," he said with the cruel smirk on his pale, white face, "just how alike we are. Though...I am sure Edward Potter installed your mischievous actions. An outlet to express your cunning and quick mind. A mind...very worthy to be a Slytherin."  
  
James backed up a few steps as the Dark Lord came closer, his wand still pointed at the dark man. "I'm not a Slytherin."  
  
"Aren't you?" questioned the Dark Lord softly. "Haven't you begun to understand why you are still alive now? Why I've decided not to kill you? I need a strong-minded person that can aid me in my quest of power. Who better to choose than my only heir?"  
  
That was when James hit the wall of Death Eaters. They were now forming a wall, cutting him off from escape, from turning away from their master. James barely registered this, however, as the last question rang in his mind. The Dark Lord's only heir...  
  
He begin to shake his head, slowly at first, then more furiously as no one said anything. "You...you're lying!" he shouted, trying to turn and run, only be pushed away into another Death Eater who held him steady, an odd act of kindness.  
  
"You say that now. Ask your beloved headmaster if it is the truth. I have no doubt you will believe me then..."  
  
Again James felt his stomach clench, and vaguely, he realized he had dropped his wand somewhere. "You're a liar!" he found himself shouting, anger and disbelief the main emotions he felt as he tried to tear away from the Death Eater's grasp. "Stop lying! My father i--!"  
  
Voldemort's pale face still didn't not lose the smirk. "Edward Potter is of no blood relation to you, boy. Learn that and learn it well." Again he stepped closer, his voice somehow causing James to cease his attempts to get away. "Shocking, isn't it, to discover your heritage? Believe me, I know too well the feeling. I did not know my own heritage until my later years at Hogwarts. The Heir of Slytherin--" He stopped himself, staring down at the now-restrained boy, whose heavy breathing could be heard from any side of the room. "But that is of no importance."  
  
The Dark Lord spun away from him and walked a few paces before facing him once more. "While I am one of the heirs, you are the newest heir. Both to Slytherin and Gryffindor. Who would have known that two of the most powerful bloodlines in the history of Wizardry would be mixed within a person?"  
  
James could only stare at him in disbelief. "You're...not serious..."  
  
"Aren't I? Would I be as lenient as I am now if you were not, indeed, my heir?" His lips twisted slightly. "Believe me, I have no reason to keep the Heir of Gryffindor alive...were he merely that. No, instead, I want you to join with me."  
  
James couldn't even manage to shake his head. It was too much to take in at once. It was just like last year, only more horrible now that he knew why his mother had been killed and how he had managed to escape the Dark Lord's grasp. He had been allowed to leave. He hadn't been targetted...or had he? How long had Voldemort known this? How long...how long had this been kept a secret? Since he had been born? Before that?  
  
He looked up at the Dark Lord, his mouth even more dry, making it impossible to swallow the lump that seemed intent to choke him. He managed, however, to ask one question, "If I don't?"  
  
The Dark Lord's expression darkened. "Are you willing to risk your friends' lives?" he asked quietly. "That quiet werewolf friend of yours? Or that clumsy, yet caring boy? Perhaps the rambuncious one, who has a witty remark for every-other response? Maybe even that lovely Mudblood you've recently become attached to? Deny me and only you are to blame if they come to an...untimely end."  
  
James was horrified at what he was told. Join Voldemort...or risk his friends' lives? Remus, Peter, Sirius...Lily? Could he risk them? No, he couldn't, he knew that...but he couldn't join Voldemort! He couldn't join this...this _monster_...this cold-blooded _murderer_!  
  
He shook his head, looking away. "No...I won't--I can't!"  
  
Silence entered the room at this answer. Then Lord Voldemort spoke, his tone giving away his displeasure, "Perhaps you need more time to think on this...offer." He turned away and several Death Eaters approached James and began to bind and blind him once more.   
  
"Next we meet," he heard the low voice say when he could no longer see, "if you do not have the answer I seek..."  
  
The threat hung dangerously. "Take him back to Hogwarts."  
  


***

  
  
The next thing James knew, he was back at the edge of the forest, unbinded and unblindfolded, back at the place he had been caught, leaning against a tree, standing and staring yet not taking anything in. His legs felt ready to give out, but he couldn't just fall down onto the ground. He was too afraid. Afraid that if he showed any weakness then, that Voldemort would come and capture him once again, forcing him to join him.  
  
He couldn't. He couldn't show that he was weak.  
  
"James!" someone was calling from nearby. It almost sounded like Remus but it could have just been the ringing in his ears, the resonance of the question that had been asked.  
  
_'Are you willing to risk your friends' lives? That quiet werewolf friend of yours?'_  
  
No, he couldn't, and Voldemort knew that. He also knew that he couldn't join and yet he continued to threaten him, continued to try to make him join his side, continued to torment him with the thought that he may kill one of them...just to get him...  
  
"James! James, come on! Where are you?" called another voice from the same direction the other had come from. Was it Sirius, or was it still the question Lord Voldemort had asked?  
  
_'Perhaps the rambuncious one, who has a witty remark for every-other response?'_  
  
Could he...could he betray Sirius--his best friend, his _brother_--to save him? Would Sirius want that? What would Sirius want him to do? What could he do?  
  
His legs collapsed from underneath him as the two voices continued to speak with agitation, frustration, and worry.  
  
"We've searched everywhere..."  
  
"I told him to get out of bed and get dressed, and we know he's not there, so where could he be then?"  
  
"At the Ceremony?"  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
"Maybe we should--James!" Remus quickly ran over to his friend's side, worry and concern etched into his features. "Sirius! I've found him!" He looked over James for a moment before asking, "Are you all right? Where were you?"  
  
James could only stare at him, feeling slightly like his stag persona when caught in a trap.  
  
Footsteps sounded from their right and Sirius emerged from the bushes with a relieved look on his face as he grinned at Remus. "Good job, Moony," he said before he also crouched down next to James. "James? Hey, James?" James looked to him, bewildered and frightened at the thought of Death Eaters being still about. "You all right? You look like you ran into a Dementor."  
  
"I..." He trailed off, licking his lips and swallowing to moisten his dry tongue and throat. "I'll be fine." His voice was shaky at best, but was audible. "...just--"  
  
Remus reached up a hand and brushed at his friend's unruly hair, frowning at the sight of the pale skin glistening with cold sweat. "Obviously you're not fine. What happened?"  
  
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing seemed to want to come out. He was saved from answering, however, by the sound of Sirius standing.   
  
"I would love an explanation, too," he said, looking over to Hogwarts for a moment, "but the Ceremony's just started. Come on, James." He turned back to his friend and, with the help of Remus, hauled him to his feet. "Up you get." He then gave James a worried frown and asked, "You'll be all right?"  
  
"Fine," said James, though he had to hide his shaking hands. "Just fine..."  
  


***

  
  
"It greatly saddens me that such gifted young pupils will be leaving this castle, no longer as students, but as fully-trained witches and wizards of whom we can all be proud of..."  
  
"My feet are hurting," complained Sirius as Dumbledore continued on with his speech. There wasn't much to speak to as the Ceremony was small and only had the students who were leaving, their parents, the faculty, and a few friends.  
  
"It's only been five minutes," said Remus with some exasperation as he knew that once Sirius began his complaints, they would never cease. James, however, said nothing to the two of them and continued to stand amongst his Gryffindor peers silently, unfocused on what was happening.  
  
"Snape's glaring at us again," said Peter, who stood in front of Remus and Sirius.  
  
"I've noticed," Remus chose to mutter dryly, ignoring Sirius who let out a small, "Ow..."  
  
"...proud of them this day. Now...I will begin to recite the names of those you see before you. From Gryffindor: Ms. Anna Aeron..."  
  
"Knock it off, Padfoot," scolded Remus when he was jostled by Sirius' shifting.  
  
"I can't help it," Sirius nearly whined.  
  
"Ms. Arabella Figg..."  
  
"Missed Lily's name," whispered Remus.  
  
"Oops," was Sirius' replied. James' knees shook as he remembered what Voldemort had said about Lily. Sirius seemed to notice and leaned forward to look over to him. "Hey, Prongs? You all right?"  
  
Remus also looked to him, but all he would say was, "...please don't ask, Sirius...just don't."  
  
Sirius' expression immediately fell into one of concern. "James..."  
  
"Mr. Remus Lupin--" Dumbledore's voice cut off. "Oh, dear me. I've missed someone! Mr. Sirius Black!"  
  
Sirius straightened and played his part of looking indignant. "Aw, Dumbledore!" he shouted as a large group of the audience chuckled and laughed.  
  
"Forgive me, Mr. Black!" said Dumbledore with good humor before continuing.  
  
"Huh..." said Remus thoughtfully, catching Sirius' attention. "I didn't notice either."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I can just feel the love."  
  
"Mr. Peter Pettigrew...Mr. James Potter..."  
  
Sirius seemed to remember James' problem just as Dumbledore began to list the names of those in Ravenclaw. "James?" James looked over to him and he frowned. "Hey, you look pale."  
  
"I'm fine," muttered James dully, looking away.  
  
Sirius growled lowly. "Liar," he hissed, making James look up again, the hurt in his eyes silencing any other comments Sirius had to make.  
  
"Please, Sirius...don't," he pleaded, feeling awful for not telling him but feeling even worse about what would happen if he did tell.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Remus, noticing Sirius' serious look.  
  
"He won't tell me," said Sirius as James looked away again.  
  
"Just wait until after the Ceremony," advised Remus calmly.  
  


***

  
  
After the Ceremony, the guests, faculty members, and students mingled with one another, the Slytherins being the ones that stayed mostly to themselves. Dumbledore also walked amongst the small crowd, talking with the students that were now no longer students, but full-fledged witches and wizards prepared for the world. Or at least some of them were.  
  
"It was a pleasure to know you, Mr. Black," said the old wizard with a smile and his eyes twinkling merrily behind his glasses.  
  
Sirius shooked hands with him, also smiling, but not nearly as politely nor as serenely. "Always glad to lighten the atmosphere, Professor," he said mischievously.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "Please, I am no longer your professor. Call me Albus, if you will?"  
  
Sirius' face brightened as though Christmas had come again so soon. "Thanks, Professor!" he exclaimed before running off to talk with Peter about the Prank.  
  
Dumbledore watched him go with an amused look on his face. "He will grow used to it, I should think," he said before turning back and greeting Remus with a handshake. "Ah, Mr. Lupin. So sorry you will be leaving Hogwarts. I must say that you've certainly made the years interesting."  
  
Remus nodded politely with a smile. "Thank you, Professor."  
  
"I'll give you the same offer I gave Mr. Black," said Dumbledore with good humor. "Just Albus."  
  
Remus' smile widened some. "Of course," he merely said before walking over to where Sirius and Peter were.  
  
Dumbledore watched him go as well before turning to the last of the group of four that had been the most mischievous boys Hogwarts had ever had. When he took in James, however, he frowned in concerned as James still had not gotten the color to return to his face, nor had he gotten rid of the tremors that shook his slight frame.  
  
"Are you all right, Mr. Potter?" asked Dumbledore kindly, worry evident in his voice.  
  
James, who had not looked up at his former headmaster, raised his eyes to meet Dumbledore's blue eyes. "Professor...I--" He stoppd himself, noticing that something was missing. Something had changed about the headmaster.   
  
"Mr. Potter?" questioned Dumbledore, and then James saw.  
  
For the first time since the boy had known the old man, the twinkle in his blue eyes was absent.  
  
_'Ask your beloved headmaster if it is the truth. I have no doubt you will believe me then...'_  
  
"I.." He looked away and clenched his fists. "I have nothing...to say," he managed to say before rushing passed the old wizard, who watched him go without a word.  
  
James didn't run toward his friends, however. Instead, he ran in the direction of where the students' luggage would be, near the school. He was stopped, though, by someone calling his name.  
  
"James?" asked Lily asked as she approached him, unaware of how upset he was. He turned to go before she could, only to have her grab his arm and stop him again. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm leaving," he said shortly, jerking his arm away, carefully keeping his eyes away from hers.  
  
"Leaving?" she demanded, grabbing his arm again before he could move again.  
  
James gritted his teeth slightly, trying to jerk his arm away from her grasp. "Let go of me!"  
  
She shook her head firmly, clinging to his arms as if that was the surest way to keep him where he was. "Why are you leaving?" she demanded, knowing that he wouldn't leave Hogwarts without his friends. "Please, James! Be reasonable--!"  
  
"Reasonable!" he shouted back, managing to free his arm as he did. "You don't even know what you're talking about!"  
  
"James--" she began to say as though she was going to give an explanation, but he didn't listen. He managed to distance himself from her quickly, not wanting to get her involved with his troubles anymore. Not wanting to get any of them involved.  
  


***

  
  
So it was that as he, James Potter, retreated from the Ceremony, yells and screams came from the crowd as the Marauders' plan exploded--quite literally. James didn't notice how the day got brighter or how there was a large amount of moise--pops, crackles, and splurts--following the bright light. Instead, he continued toward where the house-elves had placed their luggage. He grabbed his trunk, hauled it out, opened it, and retrived his broom. only then did he stop, shutting his eyes.  
  
There wasn't any choice. If Voldemort couldn't find him, then he could hurt his friends.  
  
_'We'll stick together through thick or thin, right?'_  
  
If it were only that simple.  
  
A few moments passed before he opened his eyes again. Angrily, he shut his trunk before standing and searching his pockets for his wand. Luckily, one of the Death Eaters had decided to be nice and placed his wand in his left pocket. He pulled it out and with a quick spell, the large trunk shrank to palm-size and James stooped to pick it up. After placing it in his picket, he then got onto his broom and flew off of the ground.  
  
As he soared highed, he stripped himself from the cloak that showed that he was from Gryffindor House. Letting it flutter to the ground, he planned to leave the Wizarding World...possibly forever.  
  


* * *

Author's Notes: *sniffles* I'm still in complete shock that I gotten passed the 99th review! But anyway! I wanted you all to know something about this fic, that I've just now actually realized. This fic is separated into three different parts (or arcs as some people would call them). The first part is The Beginning (or The Secret Arc) and is basically Chapters One through Nine. The next part is The Middle (or The Running Arc) and it begins with the Chapter you have just read (Explosive Exit) and continues until Chapter Fourteen. Five long Chapters in this part. The final part is The End (or The Return/Final Arc). This part will start on Chapter Fifteen and continue until the end in Chapter Twenty-one. ^.^ I'm giving you this explanation because it helps explain why I'm going to skip so much time between Chapter Ten and Eleven. ^.^"   
  
Okay, how many of you have read Ootp? *raises hand* Uh huh. Now how many of you cried because of the death? *raises other hand and sniffles* I know. I know. I really miss the one that died (dunno if I should spoil it). Makes me also feel kind of bad that a certain character isn't in this chapter that much. He won't be in the next one either *sniffles* Please don't be mad. He'll be in Chapter Twelve! I promise! *rubs eyes* Gah...I'm still not getting over it. *sniffles*  
  
Hey! What about the fanart challenge I issued? Does ANYONE do fanart? *puppy-dog eyes* Please! Just ONE fanart! I will love you forever if you submit it to me at Rogue8935@aol.com. ONEGAI? *puppy-dog eyes*  
  
Anyways...time for the responses!  
  
**slamin'witch86:** ^.^" Updated and don't you just love the length of this chapter *admires her work* ^.^"  
  
**Beauty Full:** Faves? Wow...I'm beginning to see that a lot of people like this fic ^.^" Glad they do, even though it's been out for over a YEAR *hangs head in shame* Ano...^.^" I'm glad you like Sirius and James' relationship and don't worry about Lily and James. It gets a whole lot better, though this chapter seems to have killed it. -.-' ^.^" No, I couldn't believe that the freakin' book finally came! But it was really sad...made me cry from Chapter Thirty-five until the end. *sniffles in remembrance* Thanks for the 100th review and keep reading ^.~!  
  
**Alqualyne:** ANOTHER person to put me on their faves. Wow. *blinku* This is really surprising ^.^" Thank you on the compliments. I try to keep the humor interesting and lively, same with the drama. Glad it worked out so well ^.^" Thanks for the review!  
  
**LilyFlower:** When? Lemme check *consults Chapter Chart* Hm...Chapter...Sixteen is when they are really "together" ^.^" Sorry that you'll have to wait, but as another reviewer has said to me, James needs to work out his problems first. ^.^"  
  
**NightSpear:**Yes! I know! I finally updated! In one week! Love me! ^.^" From what I saw in the dictionary, the name Sirius is indeed the name for the Dog Star in Ursa Minor and it IS pronounce SIR-i-us where the "Sir" is like "Sur". Lol. I know what you mean though, I about hit my sister in the head when she told me to look it up and started pronouncing it like that. That's how I got that entire scene. It satisfies my need to rub in my sister's face that Sirius like that really bad pun better than the correct pronounciation. Lol. Don't worry about confusing sentences, I thrive on them ^.~!  
  
**Y.Kuang:** Aw compy problems? ^.^" Eh *listens to music* I played that in the Spring Concert *shrugs* Oh, well. ^.^" I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I'm kind of afraid, though that I put a lot of drama in this one and not enough Lily and James...or Sirius for that matter...*sniffles at Sirius' name* ^.^" Gah...I hate math. I'm good at it...but I hate it. Someone just shoot the blasted thing. Trig? You're kidding! Oi! *falls over* How is that supposed to make anyone giddy? *rolls eyes at teachers' definition of "fun"* Gah. Thanks for the review, Y! ^.~!  
  
**Reluxi:** Yes, I bet you were excited when you saw that it was updated YET AGAIN! MWAHAHAHA! Ah...sorry about that whole thing. I know. I was really mean to trick you thinking it was another chapter when it was just replies to the readers *hangs head* Gomen nasai...^.^" Glad you liked the last chapter and YES! I AM delaying the L/J part of the story. James is being a little terd and he keeps running away before I can get them together! :P Yes! Ootp! How'd you like it, BTW? I had to wait three days after my sister and I got it before I could read it and then on the day she was finished, she tormented me for half an hour with it. She wouldn't give it! *pouts* It really was a great book. It didn't mess up this fic totally, but my sequal is almost in the ruins...unless *evil gleam in her eye* Yes, that would work...^.^" Okay, the sequal is still alive! Just need to adjust some details ^.~ Piece of cake! Thanks for the review! ^.~!   



	11. Years Past

Summary: L/J love/hate. James discovers some secrets in his seventh year that turn his life upside-down and haunt him years afterward. Will these secrets affect his friendship with his fellow Marauders or his never-thought-possible relationship with Lily Evans?  
  
Author's Notes: Just a quick note ^.^" Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter and will enjoy this one! ^.^"  
  
**DEDICATED TO: everblue3. For the best dang review I've gotten in a while! ^.^**  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one! ^.^"  


* * *

  
  


**Of Hidden Truths  
(Years Past)**

  
  
"You're awful, Mr. Potter!" exclaimed a girl as she giggled on the other side of a counter, opposite of an elder James Potter, whose lips quirked into a bit of a smile.  
  
"I'm not," he said, leaning against the counter with his elbows supporting him, "I'm creative, that's all."  
  
The eleven-year-old brunette smiled brightly at him before leaning forward and whispering, "Dad says you're a trouble-maker," as if it was a grand secret that she shouldn't have told him.  
  
James stood straight, chuckling while adjusting his glasses. "Well, I used to be," he answered before catching an elder woman's gaze, which looked as if it would kill him if he did not relinquish the small girl's attention. "I'll tell you about it later though. Mrs. Dauzart looks like she wants your attention." He pointed over to the old woman, who waved the small girl over.  
  
The girl looked saddened to go but turned around to head over to the other side of the bookstore.   
  
James, feeling guilty about disppointing her, called out, "Oh, Leslie!"   
  
The girl turned around as James came over and slipped some candy into her hand, whispering mischievously, "If Mrs. Dauzart asks, don't tell her you got it from me."  
  
Leslie looked up at him in awe. "You're the best, Mr. Potter!" she exclaimed before running off toward the older woman, who greeted her with a smile.  
  
Smiling lightly at his good deed for the day, James went back behind the counter, picking up a discarded magazine before frowning and tossing it in the trash can.  
  
"She can never say an adult's first name, can she?" asked a familiar voice. James looked out of the corner of his eye and spotted Neil O'Connor leaning against the counter nearest to the door.  
  
"She's just really polite," he answered, idly moving things about on the counter before turning his full attention to Neil with an amused look on his face. "Besides, I'm not much of an adult myself."   
  
This was true, as James was only nineteen--barely considered an adult in some areas. "What are you doing here anyway, Neil?" he asked, curiously.  
  
The tall, muscled construction worker shrugged dispassionately. "Lunch break," he stated before looking over to James, grinning. "No one to talk to."  
  
"Lunch already?" asked James with some surprised as he quickly looked to his watch for confirmation.   
  
How he hated that watch...  
  
He shook his wrist as he realized it said the time was nine minutes after seven.   
  
Neil chuckled. "Didn't notice?"   
  
James gave him a mock dark look. "I've been inside all day. Unlike _you_, I'm not allowed to see the sun," he said, monotone.  
  
Neil chuckled again. "You have too much energy to work here, if you ask me," he said, gesturing around the bookshop.  
  
James shrugged, nonchalant. "The kids keep me entertained," he said before he noticed the other man's disgruntled look.   
  
Neil didn't exactly have a soft spot for the little midgets.   
  
"Besides," James added, just to point the fact out to Neil yet again, "I _like_ kids."  
  
The bigger, elder man snorted. "Not surprised," he said, not allowing the younger man to get away with that comment unscathed, "you're still one yourself."  
  
James gave him a blank look. "Funny." He leaned back to look into a door that lead to the backroom before shouting, "Jess!"  
  
There was a _thump_ and a _bang_ before a woman's voice shouted in pain, "OW!"  
  
James blinked once before peering into the room, where a small, chestnut-haired woman was sitting on the ground with books scattered all around her and on her as she rubbed her head, swearing. James looked over to the shelf that sat innocently before the fallen woman. He sighed, "When are you going to learn about that shelf?"  
  
The woman, Jess, winced as she rubbed the sore spot on her head. "I think being hit in the head erases it from my memory," she said before standing, ignoring the poor books that had taken the fall with her. She glared at James, possibly blaming him for her unfortunate accident. "What do you want anyway?"  
  
James suppressed a smile. "Letting you know I'm taking off for lunch," he told her, jerking his thumb behind him at the door, where Neil was sticking his head in to see what had happened.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Jess as she turned to pick up the books, "have fun."  
  
"Thanks," said James before he exited the room, beckoning Neil to following him. "Let's go."  
  
"I don't see why you don't go out with her," said Neil as they exited the bookshop which, outwardly, didn't look too different from any of the bookshops that could be found in Britain. James looked back at it for a second, having to take a moment to remind himself that he wasn't in Britain but in the United States. He shook his head and let Neil walk slightly ahead of him.  
  
"She's too old and not my type," he answered simply, sticking his hands in his pockets as he looked at the ground, remembering a certain person that he hadn't seen in two years.  
  
"What is your type?" asked Neil curiously.  
  
James felt a pang in his chest. "Redheads."  
  
Neil looked over to him before sighing. "Okay...so what is it today? Cafe or apartment?"   
  
James made a face at the latter choice. "My flat makes me sick, looking at it," he said, feeling queazy just thinking about the state of the small place he rented.   
  
"You're too British for your own good," said Neil as he frowned at the British term. The larger man tended to forget at times where James was from until the younger man unconsciously used a phrase that reminded him.  
  
"Yeah, thanks," said James sarcastically as they continued to walk down the sidewalk. The street was emptied, save for the few cars that came by and the pedestrians that included themselves. "And here I though two years was long enough for my accent to go away," he added with the same amount of sarcasm as they paused at a curb.  
  
Neil chuckled lowly. "Yeah, right," he said before they started crossing the street to get to the near-by cafe. "So Cafe then."   
  
The Cafe soon came into view, and Neil put a large hand onto James' smaller shoulder as he laughed goodnaturely and steered him toward the entrance. "Come on, my turn to buy."  
  


***

  
"What can I get you?" asked a waitress as soon as they sat down in a booth that was next to the Cafe's window. There was music coming from the jukebox, though James ignored it since it wasn't really of his tastes at the moment, and the people that were in the Cafe were teenagers that were holding several conversations at once, dressed in the most recent style in America, which could only make James shake his head at the whole thing.  
  
"Coffee," answered Neil quickly, though he eyed the waitress for a moment.  
  
"Just iced tea, if you have any," said James, not at all feeling like having the chalk-flavored caffine-charged drink. The waitress nodded and walked off.  
  
Neil leaned back a bit to follow her movements before looking to James and gesturing to the departing waitress. "Stacey's a redhead," he said rather bluntly.  
  
James stared at him for a moment, stumped. Of course Neil wouldn't understand that he couldn't stand the thought of going out with any women. Neil was a man who enjoyed his pleasures and didn't understand why anyone would turn such things down. James decided to just raise his eyebrows curiously and ask, "Red hair and blue eyes? Come on, Neil."  
  
Neil frowned. "Don't like blue?"  
  
"Not really," said James distractedly. He put his face into his hands as a pair of green eyes entered his vision. "Just forget it," he nearly groaned as Neil began to say something else. "I've got a bloody headache."  
  
"I thought I told you not to think that hard," said Neil lightly, chuckling.   
  
James lowered his hands and smirked a bit before looking out the window. "I ignored you," he said, following the line of joking. He then furrowed his brow into a frown. "Hey, Neil?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What is that?" James placed his finger onto the window, pointing to a brown speck that was perched atop a red car that was parked in front of a clothing shop. The brown fleck ruffled its feathers, its head turned toward the Cafe for a moment before it took off.  
  
"An owl," answered Neil, confirming James' fear. "Why?"  
  
"They...don't normally come out during the day...do they?" asked James, uncertainly. Maybe there was a chance that the bird had been just a regular owl, having nothing to do with the world he had left behind two years ago.  
  
"Don't ask me, Pal," said Neil with a chuckle as he leaned back into his seat.  
  
James' face paled slightly before he stood. "I'll be right back," he said, quickly backing away from the booth, gesturing behind him toward the vague direction of the restroom. "I've--I've got to go to the loo."  
  
As he turned and nearly raced to the restrooms, he heard Neil shout out, "Bathroom, James! _Bathroom_!"  
  
James closed the door quickly and leaned against it as if he were shutting out his memories, though they were continuing to plague him. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose, the earlier headache returning with a vengeance.   
  
"Ruddy bird," he muttered to himself as he stood there, pushing everything away. "Bloody paranoia. He can't find me here. I _know_ he can't--"  
  
He jumped as he felt someone knock on the door.  
  
"Hey, James?" called Neil with some concern. "You okay in there?"  
  
James replaced his glasses on their perch on his nose, hesitating. "Er...actually, I'm feeling a bit...erm..."  
  
"Sick?" Neil supplied. "You gonna be okay?"  
  
"Don't worry," said James, reassuringly. "You-you should head back to work, shouldn't you?"  
  
There was a pause from the other side. "I guess," was the answer, slow in coming. "You sure you're all right?"  
  
"I'll be fine," said James firmly with some small amount of irritation. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the concern, it was just that James hated lying to Neil and was growing tired of having to reassure him of being all right when he knew that he was certainly _not_ fine.   
  
James listened at the door for a minute before sighing and making his way to the sink, leaning against it as he looked at his reflection. His dark hair was just as shaggy as it had always been, never seeming to want to settle down into a normal position. Grey eyes framed by a pair of glasses that tended to slid to the middle of his nose stared back at him with weariness, sadness, and a small trace of fear.  
  
James blinked a few times before scowling and turning on the water. "Need to stop being an idiot," he muttered to himself, taking off his glasses and setting them on the sink's side before he cupped his hands under the cool water. "Spy an owl after two years, and you get scared."  
  
He splashed his face with water once--twice--before rubbing his face and then peering at his fuzzy reflection, frowing. "What would Si--"  
  
He stopped that question before he could finish it, sighing as he reached over to get a paper towel and dry his face.  
  


***

  
  
Wearily after a day's work of two part-time jobs, James approached the door to his small, rented apartment, only to groan in frustration at the note that had been aggressively stuck under his room number.  
  


_Rent Due._

  
"Bloody hell," he swore as he ripped it down from the door, over half of it remaining as it had been jammed tightly between the numbers 2 and 7. "Can't the damned old hag wait until I get _paid_?"  
  
He scowled for a moment before unlocking his door and stepping in. The place was small, the living room being separated from the kitchenette only by a small island. The living room itself was cluttered with a couch, two chairs and a half-broken coffee table that was using two piles of books as legs. Luckily, no one could see the titles of the books, or they would have notice that some of them were quite odd as they had titles such as _The Standard Book of Spells_, which was one whole leg consisting of Volumes I through VII, all of them in worn condition.   
  
Near the small hall that lead to the small bedroom sat a very small closet that was stuffed with what remained of James' trunk, which had suffered much during the past two years. A broomstick, covered in dust, was hidden at the top of the closet, supported only by a long-lasting Sticking Charm. It was this closet that James opened and tossed his light jacket into before shutting the door and turning to sit on the couch to watch the small television set that sat on the kitchenette island, facing toward the couch.  
  
Before he could sit down, however, a tapping noise at his window made him look over and then jump back against the wall, his breathing quickening with partial fright and partial surprise.   
  
There, on the window sill, sat the same brown owl that he had seen before.  
  
"B-bloody owl," he stuttered, slowly unsticking himself from the wall and approaching the window. The owl stared at him for a long moment before pecking impatiently at the glass and then hooting indignantly.  
  
This only served to start James' temper.   
  
"Go away!" he said angrily. "Shoo!"  
  
The owl screeched angrily and ruffled its feathers before pecking at the window again.  
  
"_Go away_!" shouted James with a furious and desperate tone. "Go away and _leave me alone, you ruddy_ HOOTER!"  
  
The owl seemed to finally get the hint, though it glared angrily at the wizard in the small room. Its feathers still ruffled, it screeched once more before taking off, leaving James in his living room feeling shaken and drained.  
  
That owl had definitely not just been an ordinary owl. That owl belonged to a wizard.  
  
A wizard that had been his closest friend.  
  


***

  
  
"I think he has a phobia of birds."  
  
"They fly all over the place, and he's never minded before."  
  
"Maybe it's owls then."  
  
"Does it really matter?"  
  
"He looked scared stiff, Jessica! I seriously was worried about him!"  
  
"It's just a phobia. An irrational fear. Drop it."  
  
"Drop what?" The two people whom James considered to be his friends spun toward him, Neil with surprise clearly showing one his face and Jess with only a curious look as if she seemed to know he had been listening in.   
  
...well, that's how she had looked right before she fell off of the ladder she had been standing on, knocking the shelf with its books down onto her. "Oww! Oh--damn--owwww!" she cried as she sat up and clutched her sore head.  
  
James immediately went to her side while Neil did the same, worry as well as amusement on his face. "Sorry about that. Did mean too--"  
  
"No, no," said Jess, waving him off. "My fault, my fault. Owww..."  
  
"You all right?" asked James as she got herself into a standing position, his hands out toward her as she wabbled uncertainly on her feet for a moment.  
  
"I'll be fine," she insisted with some annoyance as she rubbed her head, shooing his concerned hands away as she headed over to a near-by chair. "Go...shelve books or something. Owww..."  
  
James gave her an uncertain look. "All right..."  
  
He had only just left the room when there was another crash and Jess shouting, "Shit! _Damn it_! JAMES!"  
  
Neil had raced out of the room as soon as the crash began and was trying to lead the thoughtful-looking man out of the store. James, however, didn't help very much with the escape idea as he planted his feet firmly onto the ground and muttered, "I forgot about that..."  
  
That was when she appeared at the backroom's doorway, absolute murder on her face. Neil noticed this and pushed his friend forward. "Uh, James. Running would be a good idea--"  
  
"JAMES POTTER! GET YOUR SORRY ASS BACK HERE!"   
  
"I think she's getting slightly carried away," said James with a frown as Jess quickly made her way toward the two men, her face red and something trailing behind her.  
  
Neil turned his friend toward him and said in a serious manner, "James, buddy...nothing is more horrible than a woman scorned." James gave him a confused look before he was shoved toward the door, Neil shouting, "Run for the hills, you dumbass!"  
  
That was when James saw the wicked grin on Jess' face as she approached. That crazed look that could only mean one thing.   
  
"Splendid idea!" exclaimed James suddenly with some anxiety as he opened the door and exited the bookshop. "Cheerio!"  
  
"JAMES!" he could hear Jess roar from the inside as he immediately headed to his apartment, the only place to find sanctuary from the elder woman's rage.  
  


***

  
  
"Hey, James? You here?"  
  
"Who's calling?" James stuck his head out of his bedroom to look toward the door. "Ah! Neil!" he said cheerfully as he exited his room and walked into the living room. "Hiding from Jess as well?"  
  
Neil gave a snort of laughter. "Yeah right," he said, tossing himself onto the couch and propping his feet up on the broken coffee table, making James wonder if he would ever notice the books that was supporting it. "Actually, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the movies."  
  
"Movies?" asked James curiously. "What's showing?"  
  
Neil shrugged. "No idea, but I'm bored as hell. What do you say?"  
  
"I'm not sure," said James, thinking about the other job he had in a few hours. He was already 'taking a day off' from his first job at the bookshop and couldn't really afford to miss out on paid hours. "I guess we could--"  
  
"What was that?" asked Neil, looking around the room curiously.  
  
"What?"  
  
Neil then looked to the window, narrowed his eyes studiously, and stood up from his position on the couch before walking over to the small window and bending over to study the brown bird that was perched there, feathers ruffled. "There's an owl--"  
  
Blinds fell over the window, obscuring the bird from view.  
  
"I swear someone's trying to terrorize me," muttered James as he walked back away from the window without another look.  
  
"With owls?" questioned Neil with a curious look toward his friend.  
  
James looked back toward Neil with a pointed, yet slightly cynical expression. "Do all owls carry letters?" he asked, crossing his arms.  
  
"Eh..."   
  
James sighed and shook his head as a pecking sound came from the window. "Ignore it. It'll go away," he said before going to his kitchenette to find some food. "So when's the movie?"  
  
"I guess at seven," answered Neil, sounding slightly curious about the whole owl thing but not willing to bring it up again. "You okay with that?"  
  
James thought about it before nodding, realizing that it wouldn't really clash with his other job. "All right," he said and turned to the other man, who was just taking his leave. "And Neil? No blind-dates."  
  
Neil, who suddenly took on the expression of having his 'hand-caught-in-the-cookie-jar,' chuckled and said, "I swear, you're psychic or something," before opening the door and leaving.  
  
Again, a thoughtful look came onto James' face. "Funny," he said to himself with amusement. "I was horrible in Divination."  
  


***

  
  
"_Ahem_."  
  
"What?" asked James with some annoyance as he looked up from a magazine to see Jess watching him impatiently.  
  
She snorted none-too lady-like. "Some gentleman," she said sarcastically. "Not even one 'I'm sorry.'"  
  
James sighed. "It was just a prank."  
  
"Uh huh," said Jess blankly, "and it was just me who was the victim, wasn't it?"  
  
"Can't you take a joke?" demanded James, quickly losing his patience with this conversation.   
  
Jess, however, glared at him, apparently not wanting to end the conversation until she got her apology. "You jerk," she said angrily. "Think I'm funny, don't ya?"  
  
"Not in the slightest," was the dry reply as James stood up, gathering his things as it was almost the end of his Saturday double-shift hours.   
  
As he retreated to the door, however, she called, "Oh, just you wait, James Potter! You might dish it out but can you take it?"  
  
"I can," he simply answered, opening the door.  
  
"Bet you can't."  
  
Now that did it. He was tired of her stating things such as that as if she had known him all her life. What did she know anyway? It was just a _prank_! Just because he played a prank on her didn't mean that she could automatically declare she knew how he was like.  
  
"You'd lose," he responded slowly, stiffly, not moving from his position at the door. "I can take a lot of things. A small prank by you is nothing."  
  
"What an ego!" she exclaimed, and James turned to see her tossing her hands into the air.  
  
"No an ego," he stated coolly. "Just a fact."  
  
Jess rolled her eyes. "Sure. Fine," she said impatiently before jabbing her index finger in his direction, "but I want you to listen, Bub. I will not take another prank like that again. I'd hate to fire you since you're just a kid--"  
  
"I'm nearly nineteen. I'm not a kid--"  
  
She sniffed haughtily at this. "Compared to me, you are. I'm thirty-six. I've been an adult for a while now and you, my little Brit, are just a little boy."  
  
"Thanks for sharing that enlightening information," said James sarcastically before turning away again. "Now if you'd excuse me, I have to be going."  
  
He managed to escape the bookshop before she could say anything more. Continuing down the sidewalk toward his apartment, he felt the anger he had felt ebb away and sighed. He supposed that he should have apologized for the prank chair that he had planted in the backroom, but honestly, it wasn't as if he planned the shelf thing as well. It was just an innocent, friendly prank--  
  
"Hey, Buddy," a man asked on James' right. James looked over to see the suspicious-looking man leaning up against the wall of the building, face hidden by shadow as the sun had already begun to set. "Got the time?"  
  
Brows furrowed at the familiar-sounding accent the man had, James looked cautiously from the man to his recently-fixed watch. "Yeah, it's six fifty--hey!" he shouted as the man took off down the sidewalks. "That's my wallet! Get back here!"  
  
So the chase went, the man in front with James right behind him, never managing to get ahead as the man sped down alleyways and continued to lead the young wizard into the darker, older areas of the small city-like town. Then, after what seemed to be hours, the man stopped, cornered by a dead-end alley. This, however, didn't seem to bother the man at all as James haulted a few feet away, panting with exhaustion of having to chase after him.  
  
The man, facing away from James, fiddled with James' wallet, peering into it before groaning and folding it back up. "Oh, this is pathetic," he said before tossing it back to James over his shoulder. "You can have it back."  
  
James, though he was still panting slightly, gave him a suspicious look as the wallet landed at his feet. "Just who are you?" he demanded.  
  
"I'm wounded," said the man with a hurt tone, not turning to face James. "Don't you recognize me, James? Have you really been around the Muggles that long?"  
  
James immediately pulled out the wand he had concealed in his jacket pocket and aimed it at the man's back, shaking slightly with anxiety and fear of finding out who the man was. "No more jokes!" he shouted firmly. "Turn around where I can see you!"  
  
The man gave a dramatic sigh before looking over his shoulder, his features obscured by the darkness still. "Kept your wand, did you?" he asked before shrugging and turning around with a grin. "I suppose some applause is in order."  
  
James almost didn't hear the sound of the slow, mocking claps coming from the person's hands. He was so surprised at who it was that he dropped his wand.   
  
It just couldn't be.   
  
"Si-Sirius?" he questioned, eyes wide in astonishment.  
  
Sirius Black cocked his head to the side, his now-shorter dark hair shifting along with his movements, and gave a somewhat wicked, yet thoughtful grin. "I love it when people say it like that," he said with some amusement, before looking upward in thought and nodding as if coming to a decision. "Makes it more entertaining--"  
  
James didn't want to stick around for Sirius' musings and used what he had thought to have been Sirius' moment of distraction to make a run for it. He didn't, however, count on the other young man to suddenly appear in front of him with a _crack_, making him skid to a stop as the other man lazily twirled his wand with a friendly grin that was betrayed by the angered look in his blue eyes.  
  
"I got my Apparation License, James," he said simply as though he was talking about the weather. "I believe that's twenty Galleons you owe me--" James tried his luck again to try to run but was quickly caught by the back of his jacket my Sirius' quick hand. "Hey, just where do you think _you're_ going?"  
  
James struggled to get Sirius to release him and only succeeded by slipping out of his jacket, leaving Sirius frowning at him with the jacket in his now white-knuckled grip.  
  
"You shouldn't be here!" hissed James, not trying to run this time as he realized he was out-matched by Sirius without his wand. "Damn it, he'll find us!"  
  
Sirius knit his brow together in confusion. "Who?"  
  
"Sirius," said James, suddenly becoming desperate, "just go. Go! I left for a reason, and you're only making matter worse by--"  
  
"Now you're just babbling," interrupted Sirius before disappearing and then reappearing beside James with another _crack_. Grabbing James' arm and tossing him his jacket and wand, Sirius then gave him a serious look and said, "I think this calls for a talk. After all..." A somewhat malicious grin appeared on his face, "...a lot can happen in two years."  
  


***

  
  
"Sit." James was shoved onto the couch by Sirius, who then took a moment to look around the apartment, immediately bending over to study the books that were supporting one side of the coffee table with a frown.  
  
"Sirius," James immediately began to say as Sirius moved away to examine the television set, fiddling with the antenna. "Sirius, _listen to me_--!"  
  
The other young man spun suddenly spun toward him with such an angered look on his face that James couldn't help but shrink back into the folds of the couch.   
  
"No, _you_ listen, James," said Sirius in a calm yet angered voice. "I've been searching for you for two bloody years, and you better _damn well listen to me_!" The shout was met with silence as Sirius then combed a hand through his shorter hair, his shaking hand evidence of how angry he was.   
  
"Merlin..." he swore before trailing off and, putting his hand onto the kitchenette's island's counter, looked away. "Went with your crazy idea then? Left us to hide amongst the Muggles? Left me, Moony, and Wormtail to deal with the full moons with no _help_? Left Lily in tears, babbling about something she tried to _tell you_--"  
  
"Sirius--" James attempted to say, only to be silenced by the glare Sirius sent him.  
  
"What was if for, James?" he demanded loudly. "Why did you _leave_?"   
  
There wasn't a reply.   
  
"ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!"  
  
Wincing from the bellow, James then attempted to answer, "I...I can't--I _can't_, Sirius!"  
  
"Why not?" shouted Sirius, suddenly moving toward James and then away, as if he was resisting doing something painful to the bespectacled young man. "Why--why the _hell_ not?"  
  
"If you hate me this much for leaving," said James loudly, matching Sirius' volume, "you'll hate me more because of my reason!"  
  
Then Sirius froze, a dumbfounded expression taking over the anger. "Hate..._hate_ you?" he questioned as though he didn't understand what the two words meant. "James, I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm confused, I'm _frustrated_--!" Again, Sirius made several jerky movements as he began to pace the floor for a moment before stopping and giving him a slightly surprised look, looking as though he had just realized what James had said.   
  
"I don't _hate_ you," he said slowly, more calmly. "Why would you ever think I did?"  
  
James winced at the question. "Because...because I wanted you to." He looked away from his old friend's startled face. "I _wanted_ you to hate me...so that _I_ could hate _you_ back, so I could--so he wouldn't--"  
  
"He?" asked Sirius, sounding as though he was echoing something he had heard before. "You mean _Voldemort_?" When there was no answer, Sirius jerked to the nearest wall, looking as though he would punch it.  
  
However, he managed to rein in his anger just as quickly as he had almost unleased it. "Damn it..." he said softly, almost eerily so. "Didn't we go through _this_ already?" He turned back to his old friend with an almost stunned expression. "James, Voldemort hasn't tried--"  
  
"Only because I didn't give him an answer!" interrupted James loudly.  
  
Again, Sirius' brow knitted itself together in confusion. "An answer? To what?"   
  
James, however, had looked away, had turned away from his friend again to try to hide the answer to his question, wishing he could take back what he had said. He couldn't, though, and the thought of not being able to made him sick.  
  
"James? _James_." Knowing that he wouldn't be able to run this time, James turned to a suddenly docile and calm Sirius, who looked more saddened than angry. "I'm not mad anymore. I just want to know why you ran and what answer you didn't give Voldemort."  
  
James watched him for a moment, suddenly seeing the weariness in his old friend who had been searching for him for over two years as well as looking after Remus during the full moons. Then, he looked away, not able to stand it anymore. "...you don't hate me," he simply said in a soft voice.  
  
"Of course not," said Sirius as he sat in one of the chairs on the side of the couch. "Voldemort must have said something or done something to get you all scared enough to run. I just want to know what it was."  
  
James sighed, hanging his head, feeling as though this was the moment before his 'execution.' "Do you promise...not to hate me? No matter what I tell you?"  
  
"I promise," said Sirius without a hesitation, making James look up to him again. "I _swear_, James. On our friendship, I swear I won't."  
  
Seeing the firm and determined look on his face was almost encouraging, which was the reason the words came out without getting stuck in his throat as they tended to do when he spoke about it aloud to himself.  
  
"That day...the day I left...that afternoon after you woke me up...I found a note that told me to meet you at the edge of the Forbidden Forest," he began, his voice hoarse and his mouth dry but as they didn't hinder his speech, he continued, "I went but found out that it was a trick. Death--Death Eaters cornered me. They bound me and blindfolded me and lead me into the Forest before Portkeying us to Voldemort."  
  
Sirius, having noticed how his friend's voice was beginning to shake, attempted to interrupt the tale, "James--"  
  
"Don't interrupt," said James quickly, looking away again. "I'm giving you your answer and it's easier to get over it and done with."  
  
When Sirius didn't say anything, he sighed and rubbed his forehead, continuing, "As soon as we got there, they removed the bindings and blindfold and gave me back my wand that they took when they had cornered me. Then...Voldemort came.  
  
"He came and no matter how hard I tried to stop him, to make myself not listen...he told me things. Secrets kept in the dark because they were just as dark. I didn't want to believe it--_any of it_--until I spoke with Dumbledore." That was when he voice began to break as he remembered that day two years ago, "Dumbledore...he knew...he somehow knew the secrets Voldemort had revealed. He made the fear real. I couldn't stay. Voldmort threatened to take your lives if I..." He choked slightly as he remembered the Dark Lord's words.  
  
_'Are you willing to risk your friends' lives? That quiet werewolf friend of yours? Or that clumsy, yet caring boy? Perhaps the rambuncious one, who has a witty remark for every-other response? Maybe even that lovely Mudblood you've recently become attached to? Deny me and only you are to blame if they come to an...untimely end.'_  
  
"I couldn't though!" shouted James, shaking his head quickly to dispell the memory. "I couldn't join him!" He paused for a moment, taking a few breaths before continuing, "...but I couldn't let you all be hurt because of that. So I left without giving an answer. He's still waiting for one, but I..."   
  
He looked up, pleading with his friend, who watched him with grim fascination. "...please, Sirius, I know I was selfish; I know I still managed to hurt you all--"  
  
"Stop it, James," said Sirius with a sigh, closing his eyes, not willing to see James in such a state. "You weren't selfish. It would have been better to see us hurt by you than killed by him, right?"  
  
James nodded sadly. "That's pretty much it," he agreed before sighing and burying his face in his hands. "I'm such a cowardly bastard..."   
  
"Literally or figuratively?" asked Sirius in a poor attempt to lighten the atmosphere.  
  
"Both," muttered James sourly.  
  
"Er...James...you _do_ have a father--"  
  
"Let me make this plain," said James, lifting his head from his hands and looking Sirius in the eye, "my name's not supposed to be 'Potter.'"  
  
Sirius looked at him with confusion. "You were adopted?"  
  
James laughed hollowly. If only that had been the case! "My mum was my mother, but my dad isn't my father."  
  
Sirius then frowned "Where are you going with this?" he asked, not understanding his friend at all.  
  
Again, the other young man looked away, ashamed. "Have you ever head of one person being an Heir to two things?" he asked and could almost hear Sirius' silent negative. "Neither have I until that afternoon." He looked up and said with an almost crazed grin on his face, "Guess what I am, Sirius. Just take a _wild_ guess."  
  
Realization made Sirius' face go slack, his jaw lowering slightly in surprise. "James..."  
  
The grin that had been on James' face melted away as he quickly began to feel like crying.   
  
Sirius knew.   
  
"That was why Voldemort didn't kill me off," he explained, his voice bitter, cracking with the tears he had forbidden to fall. "Why kill off the boy who, though he was the Heir of Gryffindor, was also his own Heir? That's why he tried to get me to join. That's why I ran."  
  
Again, he looked away, the shame overcoming his ability to keep his eyes on his friend. "I don't blame you if you hate me now."  
  
There was a short pause.   
  
"I swore I wouldn't, didn't I?" demanded Sirius, sounding almost insulted. James turned to him in surprise, noticing how his friend had his arms crossed in his indignant stance. "James, you're not the only person with a horrible father. Hell, my mum's just as awful with my dad right behind her!"  
  
James had to assume he did the goldfish impression fairly well at this information. "I thought--"  
  
Sirius snorted, looking to the side, at the upper part of the wall on his right. "Yeah, I did kind of lie to you about them. They work for the Ministry--that's true--but they hate me." The bitterness that had crept into his voice then dripped into his words as he said, "'The only Black to be sorted into Gryffindor, not Slytherin.' 'The only Black not to believe _Purest is best_.'"  
  
He glanced at James out of the corner of his eyes. "They've already pretty much disowned me. Burned me off the family tree."  
  
James felt stunned. "I...didn't know..."  
  
Sirius then turned back to James with a sympathetic look in his blue gaze. "It's okay, James. It doesn't matter. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I don't care who the hell's blood you have in you. You're still you, and if _you're_ not a Potter, then I don't know _who_ is."  
  
A slight smile appeared on James' face. "Seriously?"  
  
"Yeah..." said Sirius slowly, as though he was talking with a mentally-challenge person. "It's my name, after all."  
  
James chuckled. "Still running that joke, I see."  
  
"Expected any less?"  
  
"I suppose not."  
  
"But I was serious, James." Sirius looked at him with a pointed look, looking just as serious as he claimed to be. "I'm a good example of an exception. So are you."  
  
James rose an eyebrow. "I suppose we're more alike than we thought," he said wryly, almost deadpanned.  
  
"Oh, ew..." said Sirius with a disgusted look on his face, which made James chuckle a bit. "I should hope not."  
  
Again there was a long pause before Sirius sighed and stood up. "Well, I'd better tell Remus and Peter the good news--" he began.  
  
"I'm not going back, Sirius," interrupted James quietly, knowing the reaction.  
  
Sirius' temper was back with a vengence. "Why not?" he demanded.  
  
James immediately jumped to his usual answer, "Because--because Voldemort will find me!"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, come off it, James. We can take care of ourselv--" He stopped. "Wait a minute..." He looked to James, realization again coming onto his expression. "...you don't want to tell them why you ran, do you?"  
  
James looked to his hands, caught. "I wouldn't have told _you_ if you you hadn't _dragged_ it out of me," he said, slightly angry that he had been uncovered.  
  
"A good thing I did!" retorted Sirius before pausing and then saying calmly, "Look, I know I'm a hypocrit--"  
  
"You bloody well are!" shouted James.  
  
"--_but_," continued Sirius, ignoring his friend's outburst, "I'm telling you that the others _won't_ CARE!"  
  
"And Lily?" demanded James suddenly, without thinking. "What about Lily?"  
  
Exasperated, Sirius tossed his hands in the air with a small sigh. "What _about_ her, James--" He stopped again. "Oh, I see...'absense makes the heart grow fonder,' right?"  
  
James sprung from his seat, face red. "Stop joking around!"  
  
"Who's joking?" queried Sirius seriously. "Well, James?" When he didn't get an answer, the young man walked over to his friend and pointed to his eyes, nearly whispering, "Look me in the eye and tell me--_lie_ to me--that you didn't miss her."  
  
James paused only for second, mistakingly looking his friend in the eye and then turning away just as quickly, giving him all the answers he needed. "Bloody hell! Not this again!"  
  
"Admit it!" shouted Sirius as James distanced himself from his friend before he could cause him serious harm. "Admit it!"  
  
"Look," said James seriously, "I have more to worry about than _that_!"  
  
"You brought her up!" exclaimed Sirius, tossing his hands into the hair in slight exasperation.  
  
"I KNOW I DID!" James exploded before cursing to himself as Sirius gained a smug look. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"  
  
Sirius crossed his arms and shrugged, nonchalant. "What can I say? One of the few reasons I wasn't a Slytherin was because I was too hyper."  
  
James shook his head. "Listen. Lily and I are--or were--_strictly_ friends. For all I know, she _hates_ me even more than any of you could!"  
  
"...you really are an idiot, aren't you?"  
  
That gained Sirius a glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Never mind," said Sirius, waving it off before narrowing his eyes at his friend. "Look, James, we've all missed you. We _want_ you to come back--"  
  
"I can't." James shook his head furiously, eyes closed. "I _can't_, Sirius!"  
  
"Stop being a bloody coward, James!" shouted Sirius with frustration. "You've had two years to run, now you need to go back to where you _belong_!"  
  
"Belong?" echoed James in disbelief. "_Where_ do I belong, Sirius? Certainly not on Dumbledore's side and never on _Voldemort's_--"  
  
Sirius ignored him and continued, deadly serious, "The war's been brewing, James. Voldemort's attacks have been taking place all over Britain. We _need_ help! The Ministry is in chaos. The Aurors have lost almost all sense of order. Death Eater have been attacking Muggles left and right--"  
  
This information nearly staggered James. "...I can't..."  
  
"You _can_!" insisted Sirius loudly. "I understand you're scared, James, but you should be more afraid because the war has started and we're all fighting."  
  
"But..." James began to object before trailing off, suddenly leaning against the wall, looking as though it was the only thing that was keeping him standing. "Who can I trust, Sirius? Dumbledore...he lied to me...all those years--"  
  
"Have you stopped trusting your friends?" The question was so soft-spoken that James had to look up and over to his friend again.   
  
"If you have to join someone," said Sirius, looking just as firm and determined as he had looked before, "join us. Remus is what people would consider a dark creature, but he'd _never_ side with Voldemort. I myself am a traitor to my family, which is full of Voldemort supporters--"  
  
"You don't understand," interrupted James, shaking his head. "Voldemort said if I opposed him, he'd go after you."  
  
Sirius smirked. "That's why we've joined an Order."  
  
James gave him a startled look. "What?"  
  
Sirius had somehow managed to discreetly pull out his wand and was now holding it patiently in his hand. "Think on it, James," he said seriously. "All of Britain's suffering under Voldemort's campaign. We can't afford to lose to him."  
  
With that and a small _crack_, he was gone.  
  
Not a moment afterward, James slowly sank to the ground, feeling suddenly weak, almost broken. Then a tear fell and with its fall, come the memories of what he had tried to lock away. His past at Hogwarts with his friends. Sirius, Remus, Peter...Lily...he had left them all...  
  
...and yet Sirius claimed that none of them hated him. Claimed that they all wanted him to come back. Was that true? Or was that just Sirius' wish?  
  
How could he go back? How, with Voldemort breathing down his neck, waiting for him to make a mistake? Waiting for him to be weak...weak like he was right then?   
  
Who could he trust?  
  
_'Have you stop trusting your friends?'  
  
'If you have to join someone, join us.'  
  
'I understand you're scared, James, but you should be more afraid because the war has started and we're all fighting.'  
  
'You've had two years to run, now you need to go back to where you _belong_'  
  
It's okay, James. It doesn't matter. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I don't care who the hell's blood you have in you. You're still you, and if _you're_ not a Potter, then I don't know _who_ is."_  
  
For two years, James had been dreading being found and having to explain himself to his friends. He had been afraid that they wouldn't understand, that they would toss him away...  
  
...was it worse to be afraid now that one of them _had_ understood and still wanted him to stay?  
  
_'We'll stick together through thick or thin, right?'_  
  
Would they?  
  


* * *

Author's Notes: Okay, so I lied last chapter. Sirius was in this chapter ^.^" Wow...this chapter went a lot better than how I thought it would go. And look! It's in line with the canon! Go me! ^.^ Anyway...now it's time for the responses. ^.^"  
  
**lena-jade:** Couldn't wait to see what happened? Well, more laughs, but more drama too. ^.^" I rock, don't I? *attempts to have an ego* ^.^" *watches ego deflate* Erm...*pokes* Yeah...^.^" Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Polaris:** Thanks for the review, but I really do think that James would have been near tears in chapter one. Wouldn't you if people were pressuring you to admit that your mother was gone and you were denying it? ^.^" Thanks for the review anyway.  
  
**little-lost one:** Updated ^.^" Hope you enjoyed the read!  
  
**Rosanna:** Oh, yeah, I remember emailing you about the itallics and bold. How's that been going? But still...hours reading? Dang! You didn't have to go and do that! It isn't THAT good! *blushes* Thanks for the lovely review ^.^"   
  
**Them Girl:** Yes, poor James. And it's getting even better. ^.^" Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**everblue3:** *blushes* Oh, wow...excellence of writing, plot, and character development *continues to become read* I think you're going a bit over-board there. I'm glad you appreciated the humor ^.^" I have to say that I didn't think anyone would think it was funny. ^.^" I know what you mean about the idea of James being the son of Voldemort, but you have to admit it is very interesting when though about. ^.^" I dunno if I wrote it 'beautifully' but I did try hard at that part. *blushes again* Well, I have to say that this was a review that gave me my up for the day ^.^" Thank you for the wonderful review and for telling me why you think it is so wonderful. I really do appreciate it when people tell me why they say they love it rather than just saying they love it. Thanks so much!  
  
**Reluxi:** Yeah, about that author stuff...I don't think I'll be able to take it out until I'm finished with this fic. Lol. Oh, well. Yes, yes, Star Wars. You can tell I'm a lover of it, can't you? Surprising? Was it really? *puzzled look* I don't know how I managed that. *shrugs* Oh, well. Lol, I know what you mean about waiting for Book VI. Hopefully I'll have my sequal out and almost done by then, but I don't it at the rate I'm going...*sighs* Evil? Who's evil? Me? *innocent look* It was the Moogle! (Moogle: Kupo, who me, kupo?) Yes, you. Now go away *kicks Moogle away* Ah, yes. The Pensieve scene. I have to say that I still believe that James was a jerk right then, but ALL the time. You wouldn't believe how many debates there have been at Fictionalley.org about that *rolls eyes* Yes! I waited three days! *cries* But I have to say that it is now my second favorite book (the first being PoA, who didn't see that coming?) even though...he...*is in denial* He isn't dead, I tell you! He isn't! And I'll prove it in my sequal *shakes angry fist* Lol. I have to say that I kind of agree about the Pensieve scene. I wasn't at all surprised but everyone said that they were! I mean, I even expected that James and Snape would have gone at it! And I usually don't anticipate these kind of things! Oh, don't worry about rambling. I do it all of the time *innocent look* ^.^" Thanks for reviewing! You know I love it when you do! ^.~!  
  
**morrigan:** Oh, I hope I won't make you hate this fic just because of what I do to James! *blushes* Oh, stop buttering me up. I'm not that great. And of course there's gonna be a sequal. ^.^" Thirty-seven Chapters worth ^.^" Once this fic is done of course. What? You thought that was it? *tsk tsk* I would never end a story like this like that! That's just cruel and mean! ^.^" Thanks for the wonderful review!  
  
**tempest:** Um...yes, I have it planned out; no, it doesn't mean it'll be quicker ^.^" Well, maybe it will be! I dunno. I'm glad you reviewed! It has been a while! And I know...I'm in denial about the death as well *sniffles* It's not true I tell you!  
  



	12. Unwanted Meeting

Summary: Begins at the start of the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and continues on until that fateful Halloween night. James Potter finds out more than one secret that was hidden from him and also discovers that his feelings toward a certain Lily Evans are changing from spiteful rivalry to something...more.  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I never meant for it to take this long to get out! You all must hate me *sniffles* It's just with school, band, and swimming...my life's been kind of full for the last month and a half, plus I did leave my binder in the band room when I had a three day weekend. Don't remind me of that. *sighs* And I have to say that Chapter Twelve is one of the most stupidest chapters I have put together -.-; And it's short. Not short short...just shorter than how the past few chapters have been. Since I'm typing this before I type the story, I'm estimating that it will be about the length of Chapters Ten or Six...maybe even the length of Chapter Seven at best *sighs* Can't I skip this chapter and go on to the next? Bah. This chapter is so stupid...I hate writing progressing chapters...  
  
**Dedicated (you know I have to do this every time ^.^") to: RELUXI! Yay! You needed a dedication for you have been here for...well...a long time, I'll tell you that ^.^" Thanks for continuing to read this fic though it's taking forever to finish! I feel like JKR over here -.-' ^.^"**  
  
Disclaimer: Do I have to say this EVERY chapter? Jeez...if I owned them all then I would be a millionaire, wouldn't I? I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, that's for sure :P   


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**Of Hidden Truths  
(Unwanted Meeting)**

  
  
Just as many thought Fate and God to have a sense of humor, James was beginning to believe Father Time had the same condition for he kept dragging out the week as if it was never meant to end and as the week continued, so did James' thoughts on what he should do. The problem was that, whenever he thought of it, his thoughts kept leading him into a circle, keeping him from getting any farther at reaching a decision.  
  
This, of course, did not help matters much.  
  
"What's up with you, James?" Neil would ask almost daily whenever he saw the pensive look on James' face. That day almost five days after Sirius had come, however, the construction worker added softly with some concern, "You've been real quiet lately."  
  
James broke from his circling thoughts that consisted of "should've, could've, would've"s and looked up to the elder man, who was frowning at him.  
  
"It's nothing," said James, leaning back in his seat behind the counter of the book store he was working at but added when getting a look from Neil, "It's a...personal matter is all."  
  
"Oh, I see," said Neil thoughtfully before he walked over to the door to the back room, James watching him confusedly as he went. "Hey, Jess?"  
  
A couple of clashes and thumps came in reply before the small woman shouted, "What?"  
  
"You mind if I steal James for a moment?" Neil shouted back. James sighed, taking off his glasses to rub his face.  
  
"Do whatever!" answered Jess as another thump came. "I don't care!"  
  
"Thanks," muttered Neil before he turned back to James, a serious look on his face as he went up to his friend and pulled him into a standing position. "Come on, you. Time for a bit of a chat."  
  
James' shoulders slumped. He didn't want to talk about this with Neil. He was a Muggle and didn't understand anything about what was going on.  
  
He didn't say anything though. Just a muttered, "That's what everyone ever wants..." as Neil led him out of the shop and toward his apartment.  
  


***

  
  
When they reached the apartment, Neil was the one to take the seat, something that James noted immediately. Unlike Sirius, Neil didn't care where James was when he spoke. He just wanted to listen to what he said. Sirius, however...well, Sirius never liked talking up to people--hated it, in fact--and with what he had revealed in his last visit, James could see why.  
  
"Okay, Mr. Woe-Is-Me," said Neil as he sank into the folds of the couch, hands behind his head waiting for James to begin. "Spill."  
  
James watched him for a moment before letting out a light sigh and looking out the window, expecting an owl would be there.   
  
Sadly, the owl wasn't there to distract Neil.  
  
Now resigned to his fate of telling Neil what had happened, James leaned against the kitchen island, hands gripping the edge of the top of the island and gaze lowered. "There isn't much to tell," he said finally after a pause. "An old friend of mine came the other day."  
  
"Had a fight?"  
  
"Briefly..." murmured James. Why was everything so difficult to say? He felt so detached as he spoke that he himself was becoming worried.  
  
He suddenly shook his head, lifting his arms to cross them. "I can't take this anymore, Neil," he said rather bluntly before looking up to look at his friend on the couch with a pained and tired look. "I really hate not telling you things and lying to you."  
  
Neil looked confused. "So you _don't_ have a friend?"  
  
Though he felt like laughing at the question, James couldn't even manage to give Neil a weak smile. "Yes, I do," he said, "it's just--" He paused for a moment before asking slowly, somewhat curiously, "What do you think about magic?"  
  
"Parlor tricks," was the answer.  
  
"Really?" questioned James before nodding and muttering a, "not surprising," before he shook his head again and said, "No, I'm not talking about that kind."  
  
"There's another kind?" asked Neil, still rather confused about where all of this was going.  
  
"Well..." James pushed away from the island, feeling less detached than how he felt moments ago. "What would you say if I told you I was a wizard and I could turn myself into a..." He quickly ran through several spells through his mind before erasing them and bringing up another idea-- "a stag?"  
  
"Get your head checked."  
  
"What?" asked James, brow furrowed.  
  
"I'd say I want you to get your head checked," reiterated Neil with some seriousness. James thought he was actually really thinking about getting his head checked.  
  
He really must sound crazy.  
  
Somewhat frustrated that this was just going in a circle, James uncrossed his arms to toss them into the air in exasperation. "Great," he said loudly with some anger. "Out of _all_ the people I could have befriended, I chose the most narrow-minded Muggle there is!"  
  
Neil just stared at him as he paced the floor in front of him. "...right..." he said slowly. "So you're into the hocus-pocus stuff?"  
  
At this question, James stopped his pacing to sigh and take off his glasses, rubbing his eyes yet again. "Never mind. Forget about it. I jus--"  
  
_Crack!_  
  
Where there had been a space near the door, there now stood a man with dark hair in dark robes who muttered to himself furiously, "...pestering me about Apparating in Muggle neighborhoods. Who does he think I am? An...er..."  
  
The man then noticed there were two people present to hear his muttering.  
  
"Wonderful entrance," said James flatly with obvious sarcasm. "I applaud you."  
  
"How'd he do that?" asked Neil from the couch, his eyes wide with surprise.  
  
The man who had appeared out thin air looked from James to Neil only to sigh and dig in his robes, searching for something. "I hate it when Remus is right," he muttered before pulling out his wand and aiming it toward Neil. "_Obliv_--"  
  
"Wait a moment, Sirius," interrupted James quickly, stepping into the aim of fire. Sirius, being the one who had appeared from seemingly nowhere, hesitated for a moment, unsure of the way James was acting, before lowering his wand.   
  
That done, James looked to the surprised Neil and said, "Neil, this is my old friend from my school days Sirius Black. Sirius, this is Neil O'Connor--"  
  
"Who is a Muggle, James," reminded Sirius pointedly.  
  
"What's all this 'Muggle' crap?" Neil demanded before James could say anything.  
  
"Non-magic people," answered James distractedly as he looked to Sirius, once again feeling that detached feeling come over him. What was this feeling? "So, Sirius...is there a reason for just appearing in here?"  
  
Sirius' eyes narrowed a little, for a reason James didn't know. "I needed to talk to you actually--"   
  
"Sirius," interrupted James for a second time, "I really don't want to think about this now--"  
  
It was then that James noticed Sirius' wand was being gripped uncertainly. Why was Sirius so edgy?   
  
"Well," said Sirius sharply, ignoring the fact that James was paying partial attention to him, "you're going to have to. The world's not going to wait until you get the nerve to go against Voldemort--"  
  
James snapped his head up to look Sirius in the eye. "I know that! You don't think I know that?" he shouted, surprising everyone in the room--including himself--except for Sirius. "Sirius, I don't know _what_ to do!"  
  
"Why can't you just _trust_ me, James?" demanded Sirius, just as loudly as James had been. "I'm doing all I can to help you, but you won't let me! Why--"  
  
"Because I'm afraid!" shouted James, bringing Sirius to a dead silence. It seemed as though those words were the ones that were needed to break the dam, to repress most of the detachedness James had been feeling.   
  
"I'm scared now that you know about me, Sirius!" he continued as though there hadn't been a long pause. "I'm terrified by the thought that I left for _nothing_! That I abandoned you all for nothing when _you_ could have understood--!"  
  
James stopped himself as he realized that Sirius had raised his wand and it was now right before his face. Somewhat out of breath, James looked behind the wand to see Sirius, grim-faced and pale, watching him with narrowed, angered blue eyes.  
  
"_Never_ say it was for nothing, James," he said in a deadly whisper. "You left to protect us. You sacrificed you _life_ in the Wizarding World to keep _us_ safe!" He quickly looked away to regain his composure. "I don't know if I could have understood it then, James. I don't even know if I would have believed you" --he looked back to James, face now tight with anger-- "so _never_ say it was for _nothing_!"  
  
James stared at him for a long time, forgetting the fact that Neil was on the couch watching all of this, forgetting the fact that Sirius had his wand aimed at his head, ready to cast a curse at any moment.   
  
Finally, he managed to speak, "How can you stand there and say that? Do you even realize what you're _saying_?"   
  
Sirius didn't reply.  
  
"_God_ DAMN IT, _Sirius_!" James exploded suddenly, "Have you even begun to realize _who_ I _am_--!"  
  
"_You_," interrupted Sirius loudly, "are James Potter, my _best_ and _closest_ friend! Nothing has ever--_will_ ever change that! Not even the fact that Voldemort is your biological father will change that fact!"  
  
A sudden silence descended upon them...  
  
...only to be interrupted by a laugh escaping James.   
  
It wasn't a kind or polite laugh of one laughing at a joke made by another person. It was the kind of laugh that one would give when finding the irony of the hand that life had dealt him; a cynical sound that made Sirius wince.  
  
"You're...you're so naïve..." James managed to say in-between chuckles.  
  
Sirius' eyes narrowed further at this. "And _you're_ cynical," he countered before looking behind James to get a glance at Neil. "Hey, O'Connor?"  
  
"What?" asked Neil carefully.  
  
"What if I told you James here" --he moved his wand slightly to indicate the now-quiet James-- "was the son of a maniac wizard bent on taking over and-or killing everyone that opposes him?"  
  
Neil looked from James to Sirius. "I'd ask why you aren't in a nuthouse."  
  
Sirius looked back to James pointedly. "I rest my case."  
  
James looked away at this. "...I can't, Sirius. I'm sorry--"  
  
"_Sorry_!" shouted Sirius in disbelief. "Tell that to Remus and Peter! I've told them that I managed to track you down and was trying to contact you! You would disappoint them by having me go back and say, 'Oh, James doesn't want to come back because he's too much of a _flobberworm_ to come out of the hole he made in the ground'?"  
  
James glared at him. "Guilt trip, Sirius?"  
  
"You're testing my patience--" Sirius warned before he stopped as James grabbed his wand and lowered it.  
  
James continued to watch him carefully, no longer glaring. "...I'll decide. I'll decide, all right?" he said, noting how Sirius' face was still tight in anger and frustration. "I...I can't be forced into this, Sirius."  
  
A long pause followed those words.  
  
"...all right," Sirius finally said. "All right, fine. Have it your way then." He jerked his wand from James' grip and swiftly tucked it into his robes before facing his old friend with fiercely determined blue eyes. "But if you think for an _instant_ that I'll give up on you, James William Potter, you will be _sorely_ mistaken. Got that?"  
  
James merely nodded.  
  
"Now..." said Sirius, looking back over to Neil. "About the Muggle--"  
  
"Just leave him alone, Sirius," said James with a weary sigh. "He won't say anything, will you, Neil?"  
  
Neil snorted. "I'll say this much: I really don't do well in enclosed spaces."  
  
Sirius, however, continued to watch him uncertainly. "Right," he said finally, looking to James again. "Well, I ought to be going now." He turned to go without so much as a farewell.  
  
James sighed and also turned away to head to his room to think when he heard Sirius' voice call, "Oh and, James?" James turned to see Sirius near the door, the serious look never falling. "Contact me when you've decided. You remember how, right?"  
  
As soon as James nodded, Sirius gave a nod and then, with a _crack_, disappeared without a trace.  
  
"...interesting friend," said Neil after a long pause in which James decided the armchair would be a better thinking place.  
  
"You should meet Remus," he said as he rubbed his temples.  
  
"Oh, Why's that?"  
  
"He's a werewolf."  
  
"Uh huh..." said Neil with a nod. "Now...about what you were saying about magic...?"  
  


***

  
  
Proving what James was beginning to believe about Father Time, time chose to speed up after his last visit from Sirius. Each day, James thought about what was said between the two of them, and each day, James had to wonder what kept Sirius coming for him.   
  
Hadn't he hurt him enough to where he would just want to give up on him? Hadn't they fought enough the past few times they had met to where he would be sick of waiting for James to come back? What kept Sirius going?  
  
None of these questions, of course, could be answered by himself. Only Sirius could answer them; so though they remained a mystery, James would always turn his thoughts to to the matter at hand.   
  
The decision of fighting against Voldemort and risking the lives of his friends or staying out of the fight and allowing his friends to be in danger with the threat of Voldemort taking over all of the Wizarding World...starting with Britain and moving on into Europe.  
  
...why do such decisions involve so much soul-searching and moral debates?  
  
"Hey, James," called Jess, bringing James away from his thoughts, "why are the books still in the boxes? James?"  
  
"What?" he asked, confused for a moment before realizing what she was talking about. "Oh, er...sorry. I'll get on it--"  
  
"Don't bother," she said impatiently as she went over to the boxes and opened one before pulling out some books. "What's up with you lately?"  
  
Same old question.  
  
"...nothing," said James with a sigh. "Nothing I can't handle. Don't worry about it--"  
  
The sound of the bell on the door ringing with the entrance of a person stopped him from continuing. Jess leaned out of the back room to see who had come in and then said as she leaned back in, "New customer. You take it. I'll shelve."  
  
"Okay..." James agreed, standing and brushing his pants off. "Just watch out for the far corner."  
  
He exited the backroom while taking off his glasses to rub his eyes a bit, heading toward the counter where the customer was waiting. Once he got behind the counter, he looked up at the blurry form of a woman before placing his glasses back onto his nose and then saying, "Hi, can I--"  
  
"Ah ha!" the woman cried in a British accent, pointed a finger between his eyes. He crossed his eyes to look at the offending finger which seemed to remind him of the position Sirius had had him in a couple of months ago. "It _is_ you!"  
  
The woman crowed happily, taking her finger away from James' face to throw a fist into the air triumphantly. "I've beaten him! Yes!"  
  
James stared at the blonde woman as if she were in need of mental help. "Er..." he managed to say before the woman's hand was in his face again, this time in the form of a hand waiting to be shook.  
  
"Arabella Figg," she said, introducing herself. "Don't think we've ever really met" --she pulled her hand out of his face before he could shake it-- "which makes me wonder why I've been trying to find you."  
  
James' brow furrowed uncertainly until it clicked. "Lily's friend?" he asked and when he got an affirmative, swore to himself. "Oh, this is terrific! Now I have both you _and_ Sirius jumping my case about coming back!"  
  
"What?" shouted Arabella, outraged. "That damned--oh! He told us that--"  
  
"Whatever," said James harshly, moving away from behind the counter. "What do you want?"  
  
Arabella stared at him before narrowing her eyes at him. "I don't want anything other than _you_ coming back to apologize to Lily!"  
  
James snorted. "I'll send her a letter," he said, moving toward the door.  
  
Arabella gaped at him in disbelief. "You _bastard_!" she exclaimed before rushing to catch up with him. "How can you say that?"  
  
"Easily," he said coolly, still trying to get away from her as he opened the door. "Jess, I'm taking off!"  
  
"Ouch!" shouted Jess from the back room. "What _now_?"  
  
"Annoying customer!" he shouted back before turning to look to Arabella and then exiting the shop.  
  
"Of all the--" The blonde woman exited the shop right behind him, dogging his steps. She then got beside him and started to speak in a mad rush in a heavy Irish accent, "O', James Potter, Ya bin askin' for it now, ya 'ave!"  
  
"Just leave me alone!" Why wouldn't this blasted witch get the idea?  
  
But she still ignored him and continued, "I canna jus' belie'e ya can jus' shu' us ou' like tha'! Ya incorrigible, insufferable--!"  
  
James spun toward her, stopping suddenly. "Will you _stop_ yelling at me! You don't even _know_ me!"  
  
She glared defiantly back at him. "Bu' I 'ave 'eard 'bout ya, I 'ave! An from wha' I bin tol', I 'ad though' ya woul' 'ave bin a nicer fella!"  
  
"I'm only 'nice' to people who know what they're talking about," James gritted out in anger, frustration, and annoyance. When it seemed like she wasn't going to say anything more, he turned and continued his way back to his apartment.  
  
"...you're so cold," he heard her say in a regular, non-distinct British accent. "Just like at the beginning of Seventh Year..."  
  
"Let's just say I grew up," he called back to her without turning around.  
  
"You didn't grow up, James Potter! You grew cold!"  
  
He froze. That did it.  
  
He spun to her and marched back to her. She retreated a step as he came, obviously aware that she had indeed pushed a button.   
  
"You," he said to her when he stopped right in front of her, pointing a finger into her face, "don't know what you're talking about. You don't understand--_no one_ does! No one ever understood! They always assumed they knew, but they didn't!" He then lowered his hand and looked away. "Only--"  
  
"Only Lily, right?" she asked, but he didn't answer. "...I'm sorry..."  
  
He looked to her, suspicious. "What are you apologizing for?"  
  
"For assuming," she said simply. "I was told...that I shouldn't ever assume things about people."  
  
Silence came...and for some reason, the winter day seemed a lot more colder and darker. James looked up at the sky line and noticed that the sun was setting. "I need to get going," he said without preamble.  
  
He turned to go once more, this time trying to escape the dark and the cold rather than another person.  
  
"James," called Arabella, stopped him once more. "Lily wanted me to give you a message if I ever saw you."  
  
"...what is it?"  
  
There was a sigh from Arabella's direction. "She told me to remind you of something you told her. 'When the winter comes, the air chills.';" She paused before continuing, "Her reply is: 'Though the cold is harsh, warmth can be found.'"  
  
James was quiet for a moment. "...thank you, Arabella." He started off once more.  
  
"I hope you do come back, James!" she called from her place behind him. "Your friends really miss you!"  
  
There was a loud _crack_, and when James turned around, she was gone.  
  
"...I just need..." he murmured, more to the two people that had found him than to himself, "...time..."  
  


***

  
  
"You look glum."  
  
James gave Jess a sour look ."Thanks for the information."  
  
"Well, cheer up," said Jess as she sat on a box to dig through another one. "It's the holiday season."  
  
"Don't remind me," muttered James as he leaned back into his seat.  
  
The two of them were yet again in the back room of the book shop, supposedly 'working.' It was only a day after Arabella had come into the shop, but it had felt much longer than that.  
  
Jess looked to James, who looked absolutely miserable. His face was pale, his upper-body was encased in a heavy winter's coat, and he constantly wore a frown. It also looked as if he was getting the flu or a cold, from what his glassy eyes and red nose indicated.  
  
Shaking her head, she merely said as she turned back to her work, "I hope you work out whatever's troubling you, James. No one should be so sad for so long."  
  
James didn't reply to that, but asked instead after a moment's pause, "Jess?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
He shifted slightly, letting out a muffled cough-like sound. "...I once...read a poem," he said carefully, "but...I can only remember two lines...if I could remember what the poem was about--"  
  
Jess sat up and watched him intently. Now this she could help with. "I can help. Come on."  
  
For a moment, James wondered if this was a good idea but then said, "'When the winter comes, the air chills' and 'Though the cold is harsh, warmth can be found.'"  
  
Jess pondered over the two lines for a moment and James thought that she might not even have gotten it when she said, "Sounds like the first part is from a different stanza than the one the second one is in--"  
  
"But what," interrupted James quickly, "can the second part mean?"  
  
"Well..." replied Jess slowly, "how does a couple find warmth in the cold winter?"  
  
James gave her a pointed look before observing his present state. "I don't know."  
  
Jess smirked. "By being in each other's arms." She paused to see if James would say anything, but there was nothing to say. He just sank into his seat more. "Close to each other in more than one sense."  
  
"I see..." he murmured, his chin on his chest as he closed his eyes to think about the time when he had said those words. That time in the library...Seventh Year...the reason he and Sirius had had that row... "Thanks, Jess."  
  
"No problem."  
  
It was easy for her to say that, wasn't it? Easy for her to say that it was no problem to choose whether or not she was going to tell him what it meant...  
  
He wished it could have been that easy for him as well...  
  


* * *

Author's Notes: This wasn't even as long as Chapter Five! I'm disappointed in myself! Don't worry though. The next chapter (which WILL be out SOON!) should be longer and much better ^.^" Okay, time for the responses!  
  
From Chapter 13 (aka Author's Apologies II)  
  
**MonkeyGurl1:** Here's more! ^.^"  
  
**CassieOwls:** Um, well...I tried getting it out as soon as I could. Is this soon enough? *sheepish grin*  
  
**Itnikki:** Oh, good ^.^" I felt really stupid for doing that, I'm telling you, I was really upset. ^.^" Anyway, here's Chapter Twelve! Hope you like it! Oh! And I like your name, BTW. ^.^"  
  
**welshlili:** ^.^" You know I couldn't help that joke ^.^" I appreciate you reading and saying it's the best, but I swear, it isn't that great ^.^" Shoot, I hate this chapter so badly *gags* It's horrible! That's why I'm going to get the next chapter out ASAP. ^.^" Glad you like this fic though!  
  
**Y. Kuang:** *almost starts to bow again but stops* Eh...need to break that habit ^.^" But I still love your fics so much...need to read the updates you have...^.^" *snickers* A spare set of notes? Moi? You are crazy ^.^" Oh, I do that too! I have a lot of pages with nothing but dialogue and notes and stuff, but no one thinking I'm crazy...except when I tell them about my Cowboy Bebop fic...160+ pages of nothing but dialogue O.o Okay...I think I need my rubber room again...Oh! I like that simile! *writes it down* Mind if I use it at one point or another? ^.^" Oh, that's how I get most of my ideas...dreams, I mean. Actually, I'm half-asleep, half-awake when my ideas come ^.^" And don't worry, Lily will be back in Chapter...*looks at list* erm...Fourteen or Fifteen....so two to three chapters away from seeing Lily again. No worries! ^.^" Lol. Well, I expect a long review this time! Ja! ^.~!  
  
**Pristine:** ^.^" And you told me to get a grip...actually, I think that's not the case with this fic. Some people leave it :P Just kidding...they usually come back...usually -.-' Wait you didn't review Chapter Ten *runs to look* Well, so you didn't...^.^" Well, I like the fact that you think it was unexpected ^.^" I'm so glad it turned out so well. I thought people would be throwing tomatoes at me for the over-used plot-line (though in my fic, it's a twist ^.^"). You read all three of those chapters when you got home? Jeez...those are my longest chapters...hope I didn't keep you up late. Lol. Some people accuse me of doing that ^.^" Well, I hop you found this chapter to be worth the wait, and if not, well...I have Chapter Thirteen ready to be typed up at any moment. Maybe Wednesday after swim practice I'll work on getting it up ^.^" Thanks for the review! Ja! ^.~!  
  
Chapter Twelve (aka Chapter Eleven: Years Past)  
  
**Kel6:** ^.^" Glad you came back to review. Bah...if those two got together so quickly then this story would just be boring. ^.^" Yes, I did adapt it a bit, but it worked PERFECTLY. ^.^" I was so happy about that. ^.^" James being a git in Fifth Year helped a bit too. Who woulda thought? ^.^" I actually thought James running what kind of cliché, but whatever you think ^.^" Thanks for reviewing! I hope you come back to read this chapter!  
  
**lena-jade:** ^.^" I don't know what questions your asking, but I hope some of the future chapters help answer it! ^.^" Glad that you read it!  
  
**Leigh:** Well, I hope this is a soon enough update ^.^" Thanks for the review!  
  
**crystal-blue:** Wow...you found this fic on someone's favorites list? ^.^" Now there's something that makes me smile real big. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!  
  
**tv-fan-06:** ^.^" Continuing!  
  
**Reluxi:** O.o How could you NOT tell? Lol, I have a SW short story in my author's profile, dude. ^.^" I'll try not to pull a JKR...how 'bout it take me another half-year to finish? I think that's how it's gonna be like anyway. Only... *counts* ...nine?! Nine more chapters?! Someone help me do some math! *recounts* ...yep...nine more...-.-' Bloody hell...*sighs* Oh, well...Lol. I know what you mean about the hair thing. I have a crush on a guy who does that...it gets annoying when he does it though...-.-' ^.^" I liked writing the little girl! She was fun to write! ^.^" And I think you'd like the Muggle-wizard interaction in this chapter as well if you liked "Do all owls carry letters?" ^.^" Yes, James answered that question with little to no hesitation. ^.^" Ah. Sirius has his way of finding people he wants to find...though it can take up to two years. ^.^" Of course James is going to go back...it wil just take him a bit of time to get there ^.^" Hope you didn't get tired of waiting! Ja! ^.~!  
  
**Parselmouth Majere:** ^.^" Glad you liked that! Hope you came to read this chapter as well! Sorry for the wait!  
  


---

  
  
Gah...I should be shot for letting ya'll wait so long -.-' But I PROMISE that Chapter Thirteen will be out SOON! Meaning THIS WEEK! If it isn't, you have my permission to gather an angry mob and attack me at my house ^.^"  
  
Anyway, that's all for now! Ja ne! ^.~! 


	13. Finished Running

_Summary:_ Begins at the start of the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and continues on until that fateful Halloween night. James Potter finds out more than one secret that was hidden from him and also discovers that his feelings toward a certain Lily Evans are changing from spiteful rivalry to something...more.  
  
_Author's Notes:_ I feel special! I feel special! I feel special! ^.^" Wanna know why? *looks around before leaning forward to whisper* Because...I HAVE UP TO CHAPTER SIXTEEN WRITTEN IN SCRIPT! WHOO! GO ME! *dances* Love me! Worship me! I sound like a character in this story! That rhymed! *stops dancing and bows* _Gomen nasai_ to those who were hoping that I would keep my promise which said I would post that one Wednesday a while ago. Well...this is close enough, right? ^.^" It's long too! I promise! ^.^" Okay, to the fic!  
  
**_Dedicated to:_ KEL6! She has the right idea! Let's beat some sense into James! ^.^"**  
  
_Disclaimer:_ Bah! I'm never doing this again, do you hear me! -.- JKR owns them....-.-' That hurt SO much to say *sobs*  


* * *

  
  
  
  


**Of Hidden Truths  
(Finished Running)**

  
  
  
  
  
"Now I'm beginning to think you're putting it off."  
  
James glanced to Neil, who watched the bespectacled young man pace back and forth in the living room of his apartment. To say James was stressed out would be an understatement...  
  
...a very _large_ understatement.  
  
"I have not," muttered the pacing wizard, who then ran a hand through his unruly hair while blowing a sigh and collapsing in an chair. "Merlin, I can't do this."  
  
He couldn't do it. It had already been almost four months since Sirius had last come and it was only now that James had decided he had waited long enough. At least, that is what he tried to convince himself.  
  
Neil just watched him with mild humor before shaking his head. "I can't believe I've fallen into _The Twilight Zone_," he said as he watched James stand and then go over to the closet for a moment. "Why am I even here?"  
  
James turned to him. "Because I need to have someone to keep me from doing anything stupid," he answered simply before turning back around and taking a deep breath as he watched the closet. "Okay. Time to contact Sirius."  
  
Just as Sirius had told him, he had known how to contact his old friend the whole time. The problem was--as it had always been--James had kept forgetting about the thing during the past few months. Whenever it came to mind, however, he had been too indecisive to go into his old trunk and get it.  
  
That was why he had Neil around.  
  
"How?" asked Neil as he pulled it out of his trunk before raising it for his friend to see. Neil gave him a curious look. "What is that?"  
  
"Two-way mirror," answered James as he then turned the mirror to him to study it. "I've forgotten I had this thing until Sirius reminded me."  
  
"Ah..." said Neil intelligently. "Like a telephone?"  
  
"More like something out of _Star Trek_," muttered James distractedly as he walked over to the chair again to sit down.  
  
Neil shook his head. "You watch too much TV."  
  
"Weren't you the one," James began as he turned the mirror around slightly, "babbling about _The Twilight Zone_?"  
  
"_Twilight Zone_'s a classic."  
  
"Whatever," muttered James again before he turned it around again and frowned at his reflection. "I forget how to use this thing."  
  
"Why don't you just call him?" Neil suggested as if it was a simple idea that should have brought up earlier.  
  
James muttered a negative. "I doubt Sirius knows how to use a telephone," he replied as he turned the mirror away from him for a second and holding it at arm's length from himself. "He's a Pureblood, afterall."  
  
"...right," Neil once again stated intelligently.  
  
James then ignored Neil as he turned the mirror toward himself again and turned the small circle to the right a few times. He then frowned and spoke into the mirror, "Sirius Black."  
  
Nothing.  
  
His brow furrowed and he turned it to the left. "Sirius!" he hissed into the mirror before pausing, waiting. "_Sirius_!"  
  
There! Something was happening in the mirror. The glass was becoming a murky color that indicated that the call had been received.   
  
"Sirius!" James called once more for good measure.  
  
He heard his voice before he could see him. "You sure know how to pick a time to remember these things!" a clearly annoyed Sirius whispered in the mirror, his face slowly coming into focus.  
  
"Why?" asked James confusedly. "What's happening?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," said Sirius lightly. "Lily just happened to come over along with Ara and--"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Arabella," reiterated Sirius. "The younger one, mind."  
  
"What?" asked James, confused. "Is there two of them?"  
  
"Ara was named after her Squib aunt--"  
  
"Whatever," interrupted James before Sirius could go into an in-depth explanation. "Sirius...I think I'm ready."  
  
Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "_Now_?" he demanded, startled.  
  
"Well," said James slowly, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck as his other hand held up the mirror, "not _now_ now. I think I'll go back to London the Muggle way and meet you at...King's Cross?"  
  
"Nine and three-quarters?"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
Sirius blew a sigh. "Good thing it's almost March," he muttered to himself before shaking his head and looking back to James. "When do you think you should arrive?"  
  
"In about two days," James answered certainly.  
  
Sirius nodded. "See you then," he said before pausing, "Oh, and a late happy birthday to you."  
  
A small smile came to James' face at that as he nodded. "You too, Sirius."  
  
Once again, Sirius nodded before vanishing completely from view. James held the mirror for a moment longer before lowering it and blowing a relieved sigh. That bridge had been crossed...  
  
"You were right," said Neil, catching James' attention. "That was like _Star Trek_."  
  
James didn't say anything as he mused over what the elder man had said before shaking his head and standing. "Sorry I'm just going to up and leave, but--"  
  
"You would have been gone if you were 'up and leaving,' James," interrupted Neil with an eye roll.  
  
"Just the same," said James as he moved toward the broken coffee table before he looked around. "I'd better start packing."  
  
"Need help?" offered Neil, attempting to stand.  
  
"No," said James, pulling out his wand, "I should be fine."  
  
He aimed his wand at the books underneath the coffee table for a second before aiming at the table itself. "_Wingardium Leviosa_." The table slowly rose a few feet from the ground before James grabbed some of his books in his free hand.  
  
"Why are you packing books?" asked Neil, confused as he sat back in the couch, fascinated by this display.  
  
"My school books," answered James as he slowly lowered the table to the ground before muttering a '_Finite Incantium_' and turning to put the last of the books in the chair behind him, where he had been placing the books. "I need to brush up a bit on my curses and such."  
  
Once again, he went to the closet. This time, however, he came back to the middle of the room with a floating trunk following him.  
  
"Oh..." said Neil slowly in reply to what his friend had last said. "What's that?"  
  
"My old trunk," answered James before lowering it and examining it with a disappointed sigh. "My, this is a sad sight. _Reparo_." The trunk did a feeble little jerk as the large holes in the sides and broken hinges magically fixed themselves.  
  
James stared at it for a moment before shrugging. "Good enough."  
  
When he went back toward the closet for the third time Neil's curiosity was in need of being satisfy. "Now what are you doing?"  
  
"Getting my broom!" called James from his place inside the now-cleaner closet. "_Finite Incantium_--ow!"  
  
"Broom?" questioned Neil, confused. "You mean _flying_ brooms?" He looked to James, who came out of the closet, rubbing his head with one hand and holding his broom in the other. "I thought that was witches."  
  
Tossing the large stick to the ground, James turned to Neil with an impatient look. "What'd you think wizards were? We're only the male gender of the Magical race."  
  
"...right," was once again the only thing intelligent Neil could say.  
  
"_Scorgify_!" The cobweb-covered broom suddenly became as clean as it had been before it had been stuck up in the closet. "I hope Jess won't say anything," said James with some worry, as though he had just remembered.  
  
"'Bout you leaving?" asked Neil. "Don't worry, I'll tell her you went back home."  
  
"All right," said James, slightly uncertainly as he paced the living room, placing a hand on the island for a minute. "Let's see..." He then noticed something and turned to it, taking his hand from the island. "Ah! _Accio_ box!"  
  
A small box zipped into James' hands neatly, though it came close to hitting Neil. "Watch it! That's my head, ya know!"  
  
"All right," said James once again, ignoring Neil indignant presence as he scanned the room once again. "Am I forgetting anything?"  
  
"Your stick?" offered Neil uncertainly.  
  
James paused. "Stick? You mean wand?" His brow furrowed. "But it's--" He looked to his right hand and noticed the wand he had had for years was gone. "Where is it?"  
  
Neil gave him a confused look. "You put it on the island, remember?"  
  
James looked to the island and, sure enough, it was there, sitting innocently. "But that--" He stopped himself, puzzled as he looked from the box to the wand in confusion. "Did I...?"  
  
"Did you what?"  
  
For a moment, James considered the possibility before he shook his head. "Never mind," he said, walking over to the trunk and putting all of the books, the box, and the broom inside before going to the island and retrieving his wand. He then closed his trunk and announced, "I have to get going."  
  
"You're leaving today?" demanded Neil in disbelief.  
  
"I only said two days because I knew I'd need some time in London to myself before meeting up with Sirius," James explained, putting a locking charm on his trunk before attempting another Repairing Charm.  
  
"Smart," said Neil thoughtfully before he stood with a small grunt, facing James. "So...I guess I'll be seeing you."  
  
James gave him a half-hearted smile. He doubted he'd see Neil again. "Sure," he agreed before taking hold of the handle on the end of his trunk and pulling it out of the chair.  
  
Neil shifted slightly. "James?" he asked, gaining his friend's attention once again. "Don't hesitate to call if you need help from someone other than your magical friends. I'm always willing to help you, man."  
  
James closed his eyes with a sigh. He wouldn't contact Neil, he knew. Not when the situation was how it was. "Thanks, Neil," he said sincerely, however. "That really means a lot."  
  
Neil watched him for a second before huffing. "Well, get going then," he said suddenly, startling James slightly. "Time's a-wastin'!"  
  
James watched him for a minute before nodding, a slight smile on his face. "Sure thing," he said as he dragged his trunk to the door, which he then opened and exited. "See you, Neil!"  
  
  
  
  
Just as James had thought, it only took most of a day to get to London. However, jet lag was the reason he took a room at the Leaky Cauldron when it was around noon; the young keeper Tom being very helpful in that department. "Room 11 with the brass numbers," he had told him as soon as he had asked for a room.  
  
A few hours later, James then found himself back in a place he hadn't been to in what seemed like ages.   
  
Diagon Alley.  
  
As he walked down the cobblestone path that separated the many shops, James was the sight for all witches and wizards to stop and gock at quite a few of them had never seen how the Muggles dressed, let alone how they dressed in the States. He ignored them, however, as he quickly made his way to Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.  
  
_Tli-ling_!  
  
No one came in answer to the bell's sounding.  
  
"Madam Malkin?" called James, knowing that the elder witch was somewhere within the establishment.  
  
Sure enough, a head poked into the room from the back. "Yes?" the head questioned before noticing him. "Ah!" An elder witch with greying hair stepped out from behind the curtain she had been behind, measuring tools and hemming pins all over her form. One of the tapes hissed at James when she stopped in front of him. "Can I help you, Sir?"  
  
She slapped the hissing measuring tape.  
  
"Yes," said James, eyeing the now-hiding measuring tape, "I need some robes. Casual and formal, if you don't mind."  
  
"Custom made, I'm guessing," she said, immediately pulling out the once-hissing measuring tape while pushing James' arms perpendicular to his body.  
  
"Study Divination?" James asked with some humor.  
  
"Heavens no," she answered as she placed the measuring tape onto his shoulders. "Astrology."  
  
"Ah." The tape stretched itself from James' right wrist to his left wrist before shrinking itself into the precise measurement. With that done, she did the same with his upper body and waist.  
  
He patiently waited as she did this, taking in the view of the street from the shop window. Then...  
  
He blinked.  
  
"Madam Malkin? Is that Severus Snape coming this way?" he asked, causing the elder witch to halt her measuring to peer over his shoulder and out into the street. Now that the person headed toward the shop was closer, James could see that it was indeed Snape.  
  
"What does the infernal man want now?" muttered Madam Malkin as she collected the tape that was hissing from James' waist and headed toward the shop's door as it opened.  
  
_Tli-ling_!  
  
"_Yes_, Severus?" she asked exasperatedly.  
  
Snape rose an eyebrow at her. "A cheery welcome if I ever heard one," he said coolly before scanning the shop for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly as they fell on James. He then turned back to Madam Malkin with a neutral expression as he said, "I am in need of several of those robes I was looking through the other day."  
  
"As they are?" asked Madam Malkin.  
  
"Untouched."  
  
"One moment then," the elder witch said before hurrying behind the curtain.  
  
For a long moment, there was a silence in the shop. Neither of the men looked to one another or seemed to acknowledge one another.  
  
Then one spoke, "So the prodigal son returns." James' shoulders tensed at those words as he looked to Snape, who was still watching the curtain impatiently with his arms crossed. Then the paler man looked to his old enemy, meeting his gaze evenly. "I see the passage of time has done little for you, Potter."  
  
James snorted, looking away out the window. "Jealous of my good looks?"  
  
"Hardly," said Snape who, James noticed, gave his Muggle clothing a distasteful look. "I, at least, remained where I am needed."  
  
James glared at him. "Low blow, Snape."  
  
"But perfectly observant and true, is it not?" James gave no answer. "I suppose it hardly makes a difference whether you stayed or not. The Dark Lord would still be where he is today."  
  
"Afraid to use his name, Snape?" questioned James scathingly.  
  
"Actually," said Snape smoothly, "I do not say his name in public as it creates...quite a stir."  
  
James bowed his head in thought, closing his eyes as he snorted ruefully. "I see. Cowardly, using his name to instill fear among the masses."  
  
"Indeed," said Snape dryly. "A strategy one might think him to use."  
  
James looked to him with a curious look. "That's an odd thing to happen, you agreeing with me."  
  
"Stranger things have happened, Potter," was all Snape said about that matter. "Have you figured out that prophecy of yours?"  
  
"Prophecy?" asked James.  
  
Snape glanced to him as he would glance at a simpleton. "Two of two."  
  
"Oh..." said James, looking away as he remembered his present situation. "...yes, I believe I've gotten the most of it."  
  
Snape nodded and then looked back to the curtain, continuing his impatient wait. James was surprised when he then said, "Then you know whom to chose."  
  
"How much do you--" He never got to finish his question as Madam Malkin came in with her arms full of robes which she set down on a counter top.  
  
"This enough, Severus?" she asked, neatly stacking the pile and then picking them up to hand over to the pale man.  
  
"Plenty," he said, merely setting the pile back onto the counter as Madam Malkin took her place behind the counter quickly. "How much was it?"  
  
"Thirty-five Galleons for the whole lot."  
  
James watched as Snape's mouth went into a thin line as he pulled out a pouch from his robes. "Surprising how expensive things are becoming," he said as he pulled out several golden coins at a time. "I suppose the Muggles aren't the only ones with inflation."  
  
Madam Malkin sniffed as she quickly slid the coins to herself. "These are specially made, just so you know. The cloth used and the patterns sown ensure--"  
  
"Don't bore me with the details," interrupted Snape as he pulled out the last of the amount of coins, placing them before her and closing the pouch sharply. "You have already explained it once."  
  
"You be sure to keep your comments to yourself then," said the witch haughtily, quickly snatching the coins off of the counter top.  
  
"As you wish," said the wizard with cold courtesy. "Good day to you, Madam." He picked up the pile of robes and started to head out, only nodding once sharply and saying, "Potter," before he walked out the door, allowing it to slam behind him.  
  
_TLING_!  
  
"Infuriating man," said Madam Malkin as she sped from behind the counter to go to the door, pressing against the glass for a moment while looking out to the street before moving back to James, "but I suppose he has his reasons. How many of these will you be wanting?"  
  
  
  
  
"Can I help you?" one of the men at the station asked him as he stood near platforms nine and ten.  
  
"Ah, no," he answered politely. "I'm waiting for someone, actually."  
  
"Ah," said the man before tipping his hat. "Good day then."  
  
James blew a sigh as he left. Even though he had lived around Muggles for two years, he still wasn't sure how to act around them half of the time.  
  
He had been waiting at King Cross Station for nearly fifteen minutes. Waiting for Sirius. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. This went beyond nervousness.  
  
He was afraid.  
  
"Make it a little harder to spot you, why don't you." James spun around to see Sirius standing there in Muggle clothing. Blue jean pants, a white T-shirt, and...were those sunglasses?  
  
A bit of a smile appeared on James' face at this sight. "Glad you could make it, Sirius," he said, hands still in his jacket pockets.  
  
"Mm..." hummed Sirius distantly as he looked around the train station. "Well, I had wanted to sleep in this morning." He then looked to James and his face fell into one of disappointment as he took off his sunglasses. "Come on, James. We're not strangers."  
  
James paused for a moment before stepping toward his friend--  
  
--to be enveloped in a tight embrace, Sirius breathing heavily as if he near tears with what could be joy.  
  
Sirius then pulled away, keeping James at arm's length as he smiled largely. "Merlin, James..." he said before narrowing his eyes and losing the smile, "if you _ever_ do that again, I will kill you myself!"  
  
It would have been funny if it hadn't been so serious.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sirius," sighed James, looking away from his friend. "It shouldn't have taken me this long--"  
  
Sirius studied him for a moment before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said before taking a long stride to place himself beside his friend, one arm around the other man's shoulders. "You're here _now_. That's what's important."  
  
James looked to him uncertainly. "I suppose so," he agreed hesitantly before studying the other man. "You know...I didn't comment before but I think your hair looks much better short."  
  
Sirius snorted in good humor. "What are you? The Fashion King?" he asked before taking his arm off of James' shoulder and leading the way out of the station.  
  
"Sirius?" asked James curiously as he followed. "About that Order--"  
  
"We'll talk about that later," said Sirius lowly before glancing at the crowd with his eyes. "These days, you can't even trust that the Muggles are oblivious to our conversations."  
  
James also looked amongst the crowd, not being so inconspicuous as he did so. Several young women and elder men glanced his way, nodding in salutations or just watching him walk passed. It was enough to convince him that Sirius' words rang true.  
  
"All right," he asked as they walked out into the city. "Where are we going?"  
  
Sirius glanced his way before leading him to an alley. "Moony's. He got a cabin just outside of Sherwood," he answered, pulling out a portkey.  
  
"Interesting," said James as he glanced at the portkey. "Last week was it, right?"  
  
"Saturday," answered Sirius with a nod before he smiled. "It was one of the easiest full moon's, I'll say that much."  
  
James smiled back before reaching out to touch the portkey that would take him to his friends.  
  
  
  
  
They landed just inside of a clearing of trees where, from a distance, a small, wooden cabin with smoke rising from the top could be seen. It was quaint and not at all extravagant, but it looked homey. Sirius immediately put the portkey into his pocket and started to walk toward the cabin, a few leaves and twigs crunching under his shoes. James followed hesitantly behind him.  
  
When they reached the door, Sirius carefully placed the sunglasses back onto his face and looked to James with a wicked grin before knocking three times in rapid sessions.  
  
There was a long pause...  
  
Sirius pounded on the door over and over.  
  
"One moment. One moment!" exclaimed a voice from inside; a more mature voice of Remus Lupin.  
  
"Damn it all," swore the werewolf as the sounds of locks coming undone came. "If that's you, Sirius, I'm going to--"  
  
The door opened.  
  
"Even if I come bearing gifts?" questioned Sirius cheekily as Remus peered out the door, freezing at the sight of who was standing beside the one he had been planning to curse.  
  
"_James_?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
"Eh..." said James uncertainly before giving a sad excuse for a smile. "Hello, Moony."  
  
Remus, however, only continued to stare at him. "Prongs, you--" He stopped himself, shaking his head and laughing lightly. "I can't believe it!" he shouted before quickly bringing James into a bone-crushing embrace. "James, it's so good to have you back here!"  
  
James pushed away the thought that Remus wasn't exactly controlling his strength as he patted his friend on the back, saying, "It feels good to be back, Remus."  
  
Remus then released him to let him speak, knowing that he needed to say this.  
  
James looked at him, uncertain what to say. "I'm sorry I left, but..." He trailed off as he shook his head. "Let's put that behind us, shall we? We shoul--" He stopped to glance behind his werewolf friend. "Is that Peter I hear?"  
  
"Allow me," said Sirius, stepping inside before Remus could say anything. James looked slightly puzzled as Remus sighed and lead the way in just as Sirius started to shout, "Oy! Wormtail! I've got a surprise for you!"  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"I'm not falling for that old trick! You bring the 'surprise' in here or I'm not budging!"  
  
Sirius blinked in surprise. "That was unusually bright of him."  
  
"Knock it off, Padfoot," said Remus as he pushed by Sirius. "Peter? It's fine to come out. Padfoot has been leashed."  
  
"...I hate you..." was all Sirius could say.  
  
There was the sound of someone getting up and walking over as Peter came toward where the trio stood. "What then--" he began to ask as he walked through the doorway only to stop himself as he spotted James.   
  
"J-J-J-James?" he stammered in disbelief.  
  
"Hallo, Peter," greeted James with some nervousness, though less the amount he felt when speaking to Sirius or Remus. "Fine weather we're having, wouldn't you say?"  
  
"I-I-I--" Peter stopped his stuttering quickly to joyfully answer, "It is indeed! It's good to see you again, James." He paused for a moment, eyes narrowing confusedly. "But where have you been? Sirius hasn't told us anything--"  
  
"Now that's not true!" Sirius immediately objected only to gain a pointed look from Remus. "...well...maybe it is."  
  
James rubbed his neck a little when the attention went back to him. "I don't rightly want to say," he said slowly, avoiding everyone's eyes, "but I'll say this much." He looked up with a ironic look. "Muggles are very...creative people."  
  
"I'll second that!" said Sirius quickly.  
  
Remus rose a curious eyebrow. "Muggles, eh? So I take it that you became a Muggle hobo?"  
  
"No!" exclaimed James.  
  
"He's lying," said Sirius with a snort. "He was damn-right broke, that's what he was!"  
  
"Very funny," said James with bland humor.  
  
"Well," said Remus, quite suddenly, "I think it's about time for supper. Excuse me."  
  
As Remus exited the room, Peter watching him go before looking back to the other two men left in the room. "I was in the middle of writing a--erm--letter..." he said before pausing and saying a, "Right," as he exited the room.  
  
"...they're upset," said James bluntly.  
  
"Oh, no," said Sirius mock reassuringly. "Peter's always happy to have his childhood hero come back to him--"  
  
James frowned at him. "You're always so negative to him."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "He reminds me of one of my mum's house elves," he simply said.  
  
"Right" --James shook his head-- "but I was talking more about Remus."  
  
Sirius paused. "...Moony's had it rough lately. No matter his education, they can't see past the fact that he's a werewolf."  
  
"I'll never understand these ridiculous prejudices," said James with disgust.  
  
Again Sirius shrugged before gaining a serious look. "Take it from me, James: People. Don't. _Care_. They only care about keeping their glass-bubbled lives safe and normal." He glanced into the doorway where Remus and Peter had exited. "Werewolves aren't 'normal' to wizards, no matter what you say."  
  
"Not everyone can be like that," objected James before Sirius turned back to him.  
  
"Oh, can't they?" asked the taller man cynically. "Can't they, James? I didn't tell you the whole truth about my family because I didn't want to be 'abnormal.' You did the same thing by hiding that you were the Heir of Gryffindor."  
  
James hesitated. "...I hadn't thought of that..."  
  
Sirius snorted. "That should be your personal quote, you know."  
  
James sighed, ignoring the underlying insult. "I guess I need to talk to Remus." Sirius nodded. "Later." Sirius frowned. "I need..." James looked to Sirius. "I need to think for a while."  
  
"You're sure that's safe?" asked Sirius dryly.  
  
"Seriously, Sirius."  
  
Sirius paused before sighing. "All right. I suppose we'll see each other later then."  
  
"Yeah," agreed James with a nod. "I'll be back."  
  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry I haven't come here until now..." A sigh. "I'm just a pathetic excuse for a person, a friend...and a son." James didn't brush away the unruly hair that was being tossed by the cool wind as he watched the slab of stone that marked the grave which had the name Jessica Potter inscribed on it.  
  
For a moment, he just stood there, reading the head stone over and over as if hoping it would change, that the name would change into another. When this didn't occur, he sighed and sat himself onto the grass, one leg under his other leg which has its knee in the air. He wrapped his arms around that leg and placed his chin atop his knee, closing his eyes.  
  
When he spoke, he barely realized that there was no one there to answer him, that he was alone with his questions and never getting the answers. "Remembering...all of the times in the past...when you would give me a look you thought I hadn't noticed...that old, weary look lined with sadness and joy at the same time...I can't believe I never asked, never thought there would be a" --he opened his eyes again to look at the head stone once more, that cold reminder that the one person he wanted answers from couldn't give them-- "reason to it all..."  
  
He closed his eyes again. "I don't even know why I'm here, talking to a grave," he muttered with some frustration. "You probably can't even hear me, wherever you are. Most likely you're in Heaven, where all of your troubles and sins can't follow you..."  
  
He opened his eyes and lifted his chin from his knee for a moment to adjust his seating, bringing his knees close to his chest and wrapping his arms around them both. "But me..." He bowed his head. "If were to die...where would I belong? Heaven because I haven't strayed down the Dark Path? Or Hell because of..._his_ sins?  
  
"Where do I belong now? Sirius tells me to join with him and the others in an Order, but is that where I belong?" He raised his head, almost expecting an answer, but sadly, only saw the silent head stone staring back at him.  
  
At first he felt a pang of sadness enter his heart, but then the frustration and anger overtook that feeling and he began to shake with the harsh emotions.  
  
"...why? Why did you have to go when there were so many things that I needed to have an answer to?" he demanded, his voice raising when the head stone revealed nothing. "Why, when dark questions began to pour out of their holdings? Why? Why, if you knew what I was, did you..." He trailed off, his voice becoming weaker. "...keep me? I don't understand..."  
  
This time, he hadn't expected an answer. "In a time of peace, one does not believe the children to be capable of evil."  
  
James turned in surprise to see an elder man standing behind and to the right of him. "Dad!" he exclaimed, quickly releasing and uncurling his legs as he stood. "What're you doing here?"  
  
Edward Potter glanced at him before looking back to the head stone. "I could ask the same for you."  
  
James uncomfortably crossed his arms, keeping his jacket close as cool winds swept across the area. "...I came home."  
  
"But it isn't enough, is it?" James looked to Edward, surprised. "To help fight your inner demons?"  
  
At that, James gave a snort. "Demons?" he asked cynically as he looked away to the ground. "More like the Devil himself."  
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way, James," said Edward before adding with a sigh, "I'm sorry that when I see you for the first time in two years, it isn't in the best of locations."  
  
"The location's fine," said James shortly before looking to Edward again. "Judging by how you responded to my questions...I take it that you already knew."  
  
Edward sighed. "I'm sorry, James...it was never our intention to hurt you. Yes, I do know about all of this. I've known since a few weeks before you were born."  
  
He closed his eyes in remembrance. "Your mother and I were just coming back from visiting some friends when she saw the raven on the window sill in the living room. When she read the letter and burst into tears, I went to comfort her only to have her confess everything about she and Tom Riddle."  
  
"Why then?" asked James, catching Edward's attention. "Why didn't you do anything, knowing that?"  
  
"James," said Edward with a weary tone, "one of the things that you need to know is that your mother and I loved each other. I still love her now and will until the end of time. Yes, I was shocked to hear how her ex-husband was studying the Dark Arts. I was mortified at the idea of what would happen if Riddle would have found out about Jessica's condition...  
  
"Then...when your mother confessed how afraid she was that you would be stolen away from her, I remembered that though you were a part of Riddle...you were a part of Jessica. I knew then, if ever, that the sins of the father should never be the sins of the children."  
  
James looked away again. "...I see..."  
  
"James." The younger man looked up to his adoptive father to see him watching him with a serious expression. "I want you to know that since you were born, I have been hoping and praying for you to become how you are now: a better man than Riddle. Riddle chose his path and you were given the same choices, only you did the right thing."  
  
James was surprised to feel something fall onto his shoulder. Looking down, he saw that it was his father's hand. He looked back up to the elder man's face with some puzzlement.  
  
"I am," began Edward Potter with conviction, "and will always be proud of you, Son. Even after everything's said and done, you are still my son and I will always love you as such."  
  
Then, before James could reply, he was--for the third time in that day--brought into a crushing embrace. For the first time, however, he felt a sense of closure from this action.  
  
And this time when his father spoke the same words his friend had said before, he listened. "It doesn't matter who's blood you have in you. You're still you and nothing can ever change that."  
  
Something pricked at his eyes but he forced it back. "Thanks...Dad," he said as they pulled away. "I need to hear...all of that."  
  
"It's all right to be afraid, to be sad, James," said his dad lightly. "Those aren't weaknesses. Those feelings are what make you stronger in the end. Don't rely on a mask. Remember that and never forget..."  
  
James nodded, understanding. "I'll try," he said before sighing and looking toward the head stone once more. "I just wish things were easier..."  
  
"Who doesn't?" asked Edward with some laughter, lightening the atmosphere somewhat, before he looked to James. "I must say I was beginning to doubt Sirius would ever find you."  
  
James snorted again. "Never doubt Sirius," he said with a small amount of sarcasm. "He seems to have a way with doing the impossible."  
  
A long silence came upon them in which both men thought about the events of the past and what was to come in the future. It was a long time before either of them could bring up the courage to break the silence.  
  
"...Dad?" asked James, being the one to break the silence. "Do you know about this Order Sirius has told me about?"  
  
Edward looked to him and shook his head. "I'm sorry to say I haven't." James accepted this answer with a bit of a sigh before looking toward the ground again just before he felt a hand fall onto his shoulder, making him look up once more. "I think you should go back to your friends, James," said Edward softly.  
  
James frowned, turning to him again. "What about you?"  
  
Edward lifted his hand from James' shoulder to wave the question off. "I came here for a reason," he said simply before assuring James with a bit of a smile, "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself even in times like these."  
  
The familiar feeling of being indecisive haunted James as he nodded, granting the elder man's request. "Be careful," he said before quickly embracing Edward once more.  
  
"I will be."  
  
  
  
  
"So Sirius told you about the Order."  
  
James looked to Remus, who was sitting in a rather ragged old armchair and drinking some tea as the conversation continued. "Yes, but...I don't know if I could..." James trailed off.  
  
Peter picked up the thread of conversation with, "Why? Shouldn't you want to be involved as you're the Heir of Gryffindor?"  
  
Sirius jerked his head to Peter with some surprise. "When--"  
  
James shook his head, interrupting Sirius' question. "It's more complicated than that now," he said, keeping his eyes adverted as he then said, "I'd rather not say how, either."  
  
"Ah," said Remus mildly, lowering his drink for a moment before giving James a considering look. "I think you should follow your feelings on this matter."  
  
"Wait," said Sirius, trying to break into the conversation once again. "I'm curious--"  
  
"'Use the Force, Luke.' How typical," muttered James sourly.  
  
"In any case," said Remus as he placed his drink on an old table near the armchair he was sitting in, "I think you should join. You can be an inactive member until you finally decide--"  
  
"But that means you won't be involved in anything until then," said Peter, interrupting Remus who nodded.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes at the fact that he was being ignored as James answered, "...I suppose that's all I can do for now."  
  
"Good," said Remus, standing. "I'll inform Albus--"  
  
"_Dumbledore_?" exclaimed James, outraged, before spinning toward Sirius. "Sirius--!"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes once more before interrupting, "I didn't say you were joining him, James. You're joining _us_. Remus, Peter, me, Ara, Lily--"  
  
"_Lily_?" shouted James before pointing an accusing finger at Sirius. "This is the _last_ time I take your word for something, Sirius!"  
  
"Love you, too, James."  
  
Remus looked confusedly between the two of them. "Something wrong between you and Albus, James?" he asked.  
  
James paused for a moment, looking to Sirius and then to Peter and then finally Remus before he looked away once more, muttering, "...you can say that."  
  
Sirius explained, "Long story short: James _can_ hold grudges!"  
  
"This isn't funny, Sirius," said James sourly.  
  
"Of course it isn't," said Sirius seriously. "James, Dumbledore is our best chance against Voldemort. He's the only man that Voldemort is afraid of--"  
  
"More like he knows Dumbledore can be as powerful, if not more so--" interrupted Remus only to be interrupted in turn by Sirius.  
  
"In any case, if Dumbledore knows your situation, then he can help!"  
  
This was not the best move on Sirius' part as James' temper flared with those words. "_Why_ didn't he help sooner, _Sirius_? That's the whole reason--!"  
  
"Don't start an argument about that here," interrupted Sirius lowly, eyes narrowed, "unless you want to be more open to _everyone_ here, James."  
  
James looked around the room once more before looking to Sirius, glaring at him for trapping him like that. He then stood and declared, "I need some air," as he walked out of the room before pausing as he could hear that they were continuing to speak.  
  
"Sirius," he could hear Remus saying from the room, "there's a little thing called _tact_ that you should know of--"  
  
A small pause that could have included a small huff from Sirius before he said, "Tact wasn't how I got him to come back. What he needs to understand is that things are how they are. We can't change them, so we need to live with them."  
  
"About that--" Remus began to say as James began to head toward the door leading outside of the cabin, still very much angered by what Sirius was saying.  
  
"Don't even start..." Sirius' voice faded as he exited the cabin and entered the forest.  
  
  
  
  
It was a long while until James and Sirius could talk civilly to one another, but as soon as that day came, Remus informed everyone that James was to go to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore about joining the Order.  
  
"So how do we do this?" asked James when Remus explained this.  
  
"Simple enough," said the werewolf. "Floo powder. I'll apparate to Hogsmeade--"  
  
"What for?" asked Sirius, his curiosity piqued.  
  
"I need to speak with a professor," answered Remus simply.  
  
"Oh," said Sirius as Remus then continued, "Peter is busy with something that has to do with the Order, so he won't be coming--"  
  
"But I'll be right with you, Prongs," said Sirius cheekily.  
  
"...that's supposed to reassure me, right?" asked James cautiously leaning away from Sirius.  
  
"I'm always a joke to you, aren't I--?"  
  
"Cut it out, you two," interrupted Remus exasperatedly before they went quiet. "Now. You need to get going."  
  
"Right," said James with a nod, knowing they would all wait for him to make the first move. After a period of time, he finally gave a sigh and stood from the old armchair to walk over to the fireplace where a small, homey fire was currently sitting. Sirius then followed his example while Remus held out a small pouch.  
  
Looking from the pouch to Remus, James hesitated for a moment. Truthfully, he wasn't looking forward to this meeting with Dumbledore, but he knew that his friends would be with him throughout the whole meeting and that made things slightly better...  
  
...so he quickly grabbed a sizable amount of Floo powder and tossed it into the flames, before stating clearly, "Dumbledore's office."  
  
  
  
  
"He redecorated," commented Sirius as he brushed himself off, stepping away from the fireplace. The trip had been short but dizzying and, quite frankly, was something that James wasn't looking forward to experiencing again. He never liked going by Floo anyway...  
  
Just as Sirius had said, the headmaster's office was much different than it had been the last time he had seen it over two years ago. Instead of there being a large mess of an assortment of magical items lying about, the round room was somewhat more organized, if not a bit less unique. The desk where the old headmaster would sit behind was not in as good of a shape as the room, however, as it was covered with parchment and quills and inks. This puzzled James greatly but he pushed the thought aside and turned to Sirius curiously, "He knows we're coming, right?"  
  
Sirius, who had been looking around the room some, stopped under the portrait of a particularly harsh-looking wizard to face James. "You know Dumbledore," he said pleasantly, turning around to study the portrait, his hands behind his back, "not a thing in Hogwarts that he doesn't know about."  
  
"Hopefully not or he has us for breaking several _laws_," said James dryly, pointing out the obvious to his oblivious friend.  
  
"Er..." stated Sirius as he turned to face his friend again, "I should rephrase what I said--"  
  
The two of them turned in surprise to the door which opened to revealed Albus Dumbledore entering the room. Both Sirius and James automatically assumed their somewhat stiff posture that they used whenever seeing the headmaster, feeling as though they were back in Hogwarts. James, however, was twice as tense as Sirius was and three times as withdrawn and cautious.  
  
"Ah, so good of you to stop by, Sirius," greeted the headmaster lightly, following his routine of greeting the closest of the two.  
  
Sirius' stiff posture evaporated and he gave a mock salute, stating cheekily, "Any time, Albus."  
  
Chuckling lightly at the antics of the younger man, Dumbledore then turned to the second young man in the room, a shadow quickly crossing his face before dissipating. James didn't miss it, though Dumbledore attempted to hide it with a nod.   
  
"Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore in polite greeting.  
  
"Professor," James mimicked, stopping himself from becoming too tense.  
  
The elder wizard gave a smile at this. "It is good to see that you have returned," he said, polite as ever, "though I do not doubt Sirius had a part in it."  
  
"You know me too well," said Sirius from behind the aged wizard.  
  
James didn't say anything, allowing Dumbledore to walk over to his desk.  
  
"You wish to join the Order," said Dumbledore as more of a statement than a question as he slowly lowered himself into his seat behind the desk. James remained standing, facing Dumbledore and knowing that Sirius was going to remain out of sight, being only a person of silent support for the moment.  
  
"For the time being," replied James after a brief moment. Then with a slight frown and slightly narrowed eyes, he bluntly said, "You, of course, know that I am not the best person to recruit, considering past events."  
  
The response was not what he had expected, however. "On the contrary, Mr. Potter," said Dumbledore, his tone still light and polite, "that is why you are the perfect recruit."  
  
James' expression immediately darkened before he allowed his mouth to get away with a sarcastic, "Well, I'm glad you think this to be a good thing."  
  
"James..." came Sirius' voice warningly.  
  
Dumbledore waved off the warning. "It is all right, Sirius," he said before returning his gaze to James, his expression more serious than before. "Go on, Mr. Potter. You have my full attention."  
  
"What _is_ your definition of 'full attention,' Professor?" asked James, not bothering with going through tactfully long-winded explanations. "It seems to me that you will listen but will only say what you _think_ is needed to say."  
  
Dumbledore didn't say anything for a long moment, causing James to become more defensive, more likely to bring this conversation into an argument. Then, the professor spoke, "I see..."  
  
"No, you don't," said James flatly before he could stop himself. He could feel Sirius' surprise at the statement but continued, his voice becoming louder as he spoke, "If you did, you would have realized that I needed to be told the other half of the story that day I got the amulet!"  
  
Dumbledore was silent for a moment, letting James regain his composure from the outburst before saying, "What I meant to say, Mr. Potter, is that I see _now_ what this has done." James looked away from the elder man as he then added with a serious undertone, "You may begrudge me because I chose to withhold this information from you. If you ever find the moment to forgive a flawed, old man, you know just where to find me. Now. You still wish to join the Order?"  
  
Now it was James' turn to be silent. "Inactive for the time being."  
  
"All right then," said Dumbledore, allowing the discussion to end just as there was a knock on the door. "The door is open, Minerva, Remus."  
  
James turned to the door to see Sirius stepping out of the way slightly as the door opened and admitted both Professor Minerva McGonagall and Remus into the room. McGonagall quickly strode up toward Dumbledore's desk, "I do hope this is a wise choice, Albus."  
  
Dumbledore's polite, cheerful smile reappeared instantly at this. "I think it is not up to me, Minerva," he said, looking to James.  
  
McGonagall also looked to him and James began to wonder if he had done something wrong. "Well, Mr. Potter?" the stern witch demanded.  
  
"Well what?" asked James before quickly adding, "Professor," when he received an ugly look from the Transfiguration professor.  
  
"Mr. Lupin has requested you be tested--"  
  
"Tested?" asked James confusedly.  
  
McGonagall allowed the interruption to slide. "You have been out of contact with the Wizarding World for two years, from what Mr. Lupin tells me. If that is the case, you will need to take a test to see if you are still a capable wizard."  
  
James looked at her in disbelief. "I thought the N.E.W.T.s were the last test I would ever have to take."  
  
"It's a new thing the Minister put into effect," said Sirius, catching James' attention, before adding lowly, "because of Voldemort."  
  
McGonagall involuntarily shuddered.  
  
"Come now, Minerva," said Dumbledore kindly, "there's no need for that."  
  
Exasperated, McGonagall looked to him. "I've told you more than once, Albus, that the name you speak so freely is not so commonly used anymore." --James recalled what Snape had said in Diagon Alley with grave understanding-- "I have heard stories of children sleeping with the lights on as if he will not come if they are lit!"  
  
"They made him into the Boogeyman?" asked James with some skepticism.  
  
McGonagall turned to him with a frown. "I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Muggle reference," answered James quickly. "A story parents tell children to make them behave. 'The Boogeyman will come and take you in the night.'"  
  
"I'm afraid," said Dumbledore with grave seriousness, "this is a more serious situation, for our version of 'the Boogeyman' is real and he does not care if they're child or adult, good or bad."  
  
This statement would have been humorous...had the situation been different.  
  
  
  
  


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_Author's Notes:_ Gah, this is a long chapter...and the next one's even longer! Eh...I really need to go back and fix up the first few chapters...but I'll do that after I finish the fic. Now...replies!  
  
  
**welshlili:** Are you sure you're not already insane? Lol! I know I am ^.^" Anyway, here's more. I hope you enjoyed it! ^.^"  
  
**Itnikki:** Heh...I assure you that he won't completely lose it in this fic *smirk* ^.^" Well, I'm glad you're enjoying the fic! Hope you enjoyed this part just as much!  
  
**shadow64:** So do I! ^.^" Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Reluxi:** O.O! Blasphemy! You MUST review! It is your duty now that you have gotten a dedication! :P Just kidding ^.^" Shoot, I started this thing a whole year before OOTP came out ^.^" Heh, that's usually the case for me. I start things and never finish them. But I WILL finish this one! I swear I will! MWAHAHA! Don't worry, you'll see Lily soon. Promise. Promise! ^.^" I forget when though...next chapter! Oh, yes! That's right! Next chapter! ^.^" Yes! Only one more chapter to go before Lily shows up...*sighs* only eight more chapters until this fic is finished *sweatdrops* I bet I'm the only one counting down the chapters ^.^" I wanna start the sequal, darn it! ^.~!  
  
**Kel6:** Alerts? Ooh...I feel special ^.^" Lol, don't worry, I mostly feel how Sirius is feeling too...I just want to hit the little bugger...-.-' Why do my characters get minds of their own somehow? Constructive or not, I appreciate the review ^.^" I hope you can have some more constructive things for me this time! Don't worry, he'll be sorted out...*coughs discreetly*  
  
**Leigh:** *blushes* Aw, thanks! I'm always happy to hear that people enjoy my fics ^.^" Hope you like this chapter just as much!  
  
**tv-fan-06:** ^.^" Well, he did come home! Hope you like this chapter too! ^.^"  
  
**lena-jade:** Eh, got it backwards *shrugs* I got it right this time around ^.^" Heh heh...go me ^.^" Fav. quotes list? Really? *squeals* That is the BEST thing you can say! *glomps lena* THANK YOU! ^.^" I hope you liked this chapter just as much! ^.^"  
  
**littlegoober:** Heh...another name I like ^.^" Yes, it has been hard to find really good stories lately *sighs* But I don't think mine's all that interesting...well, okay, so it may be interesting, but that's only because of all of the plot twists I put in it ^.^" Hee...^.^"  
  
**Ariana15:** Hiiiiiiiiiiii-dee-hoooooooooo! ^.^" I suppose you must be very lucky if you really enjoyed that last chapter ^.^" Maybe you'll find yourself even more luckier discovering that I have yet again updated! Dun dun DUN! I know...I'm so evil to James *looks around the room* Yeah...I am evil *thinks about the sequal and winces* Eh, oh well ^.^" Pathos? What's that? *runs to her dictionary* Ah! I see! *tosses dictionary away* ^.^" Well, I'm glad that you're feeling that way, it proves that I have been achieving what I have been working for! Thank you for telling me this! ^.^" *reads the rest of the review and becomes teary-eyed* Oh, don't worry. I don't plan to stop writing. Thank you for the support and for not being upset that I broke my promise (you're not upset are you? *uneasy look*) Thanks for the wonderful review! I hope you love this chapter just as much as you have others! ^.~! 


	14. Lord Voldemort

_Summary:_ Begins at the start of the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and continues on until that fateful Halloween night. James Potter finds out more than one secret that was hidden from him and also discovers that his feelings toward a certain Lily Evans are changing from spiteful rivalry to something...more.  
  
_Author's Notes:_ *jumps around in glee* Yes! Yes! I will have this thing finished! *jumps around some more, laughing and clapping her hands* You guys are absolutely wonderful! I feel like just hopping around all day! But I won't because I have a fic to write! *spins around in her computer chair, pointing in a vague directions* Hit it!  
  
_**Dedicated to:**_ lena-jade! *bounces in her seat* Yes, yes! You deserve this one because you really made me happy with that review of yours! *glomps* THANK YOU THANK YOU! For telling me why you love this fic so much ^.^" THANK YOU THANK YOU! I really needed to hear those reasons and not just an "I love it!" (plus telling me I write like JKR really made my day ^.^") Congrats! ^.^"  
  
_Dislcaimer:_ :P No comment.  


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**Of Hidden Truths  
(Lord Voldemort)**

  
  
  
  
  
"How was the testing?"  
  
James looked behind him to see Remus quickly lengthening his stride to walk beside him. James, in turn, slowed his pace slightly as he shrugged. "Easier than I thought it would be," he simply said, much to Remus' amusement.  
  
James had just finished with a three-hour testing session that could have been just as bad--if not more so--as the N.E.W.T.s. Since the testing had been finished, he had had time to look around Hogwarts, to see what had and had not changed since he had last been there. Nothing really seemed to have changed from what he saw. However...  
  
"It feels different," said James, looking around the hall they were presently walking down and catching Remus' attention once more, "walking down these halls..."  
  
Remus gave a small smile. "Perhaps it's because we're not mischievous students sneaking around under an invisibility cloak," he said with mild humor.  
  
James also smiled at the thought. "That must be it," he agreed as they passed by a Hufflepuff-Slytherin Defense Against the Dark Arts class.  
  
"...to remember that in order to block this curse that..." the professor, someone James did not know, was lecturing the class as James turned his head to look in on the classroom. Half of the students--the Slytherin half--were all somewhat bored looking while the Hufflepuffs paid attention, obviously aware that this lesson was important.  
  
James, however, frowned at this as he and Remus continued on down the hall.  
  
"A second year class learning to block curses," he said, more as a statement than a question.  
  
Remus sighed. "They've advanced the material. With the attacks that occur all over the country during the holidays, the ones in charge of underage use of magic allowed the use of magic if it is for an emergency."  
  
They turned a corner and were met with the sight of two professors discussing lesson plans for the next week. Neither of them noticed James and Remus as they politely stepped out of the way. What they had planned for their lessons didn't escape James' ears.  
  
He paused where they were at and sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. "It's only been two years," he said despairingly, looking to the floor before looking quickly to Remus, who was patiently waiting next to him. "How could all of this happen in two years?"  
  
Remus shook his head. "It hasn't been just two years, James," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he continued while keeping a leveled gaze on his friend, "This has been slowly building for years. Remember in First Year? When we kept hearing about a dark lord like Grindelwald coming again?"  
  
James remembered that well as the stories had caused a great stir among those wizards old enough to remember Grindelwald's reign of terror.  
  
Remus continued, being the one to walk forward once more with James following, "It went from rumors to actual attacks in a span of almost five years." He glanced to James out of the corner of his eye. "You should already know this. Sixth Year...your mother--"  
  
"I know," interrupted James quickly, sullenly.  
  
"In Seventh Year, we weren't allowed to Hogsmeade because the attacks had been becoming more of wizard attacks than Muggle." Neither said anything for a moment after this, letting the silence reign as they passed the suits of armor and yet another classroom, this one an empty one.  
  
It was then that Remus stopped, standing just in front of the door before turning to James. "It was only a matter of almost a decade that he finally started open battles," he concluded.  
  
"But..." said James hesitantly, still not understanding, "the fear of his name..."  
  
"All it took," explained Remus as he opened the door and stepped in, "was the words _'he knows all'_ from a Death Eater at an attack to cause that." He gestured for James to enter and, when he had, closed the door before finishing with a serious expression, "They wiped out the Vansenburgs."  
  
James could feel himself become cold at this information. "You're not serious..."  
  
The Vansenburgs had been an old and very prosperous wizarding family that lived on a secluded island in Wales. All wizards knew of them as they were the ones that had a hand in the Ministry for centuries, keeping it stabilized and such with their wealth as well as their family members...  
  
Remus shook his head. "Since then, people have been too scared to go anywhere anymore," he said, walking over to the desk to lean against it.  
  
James was still shocked at the news he was being given. He didn't look up from the ground as Remus continued, "He's making a big move...killing wizards _and_ Muggles. Gindelwald did the same but he had a war to cover it."   
  
At this, there was a brief pause in which James looked over to his werewolf friend who was grimly watching him as he finished once more, "He also must be very powerful to think he can do this...especially since Dumbledore is still around."  
  
Again there was a pause, this time longer in which the two of them carefully watched one another. Then James released a sigh, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes.  
  
"So was that all I had to do to join?" he asked before replacing his glasses.  
  
"Not really," answered Remus, who cocked his head to the side as his friend gave him another disbelieving look. He explained, "Honestly, we need a bit more people involved at the Ministry--"  
  
"Wait..." said James, interrupting, "you want me to be a double-agent?"  
  
Remus was beginning to look slightly uncomfortable at this question. "Not a 'double-agent', _per se_..." --he hesitated-- "...an...inside influence."  
  
"Does the Ministry know about this Order?"  
  
"No." Remus shook his head. "It's best to stay that way as well. Anyway," he continued, swiftly changing the subject, "Sirius is already working in the Ministry--"  
  
"You're kidding," said James in surprise.  
  
"No, I'm being serious. He's an Auror, and he's been reporting that it's a mess in the department."  
  
James frowned. "So he's said..." --he paused-- "...wait--is that how he found me?" he demanded.  
  
"Focus, James," said Remus, not answering. "Now, even though you're not active, you can still keep an eye and ear out for us."  
  
"Where at? As what?"  
  
The werewolf hesitated before slowly answering, "Lily has informed us that you once said you'd join the Aurors..."  
  
"_What_?" exclaimed James. "When?"  
  
"While you were taking your test," replied Remus before he stood away from the desk, joining his hands together behind his back as he watched James closely. "So how about it?"  
  
"You want me to become an Auror...?" asked James dubiously, still not understanding why this conversation was taking place.  
  
"It pays well," said Remus, still not quite answering his question. "The Order can't pay its members, so you can say the spying bit is a perk really.  
  
James frowned once more. "I'm not sure," he said uncertainly. "Don't I have to take a test for that?"  
  
"You just did."  
  
He stared at Remus for a long time, trying to process those three words. When that didn't work, he shook his head. "...I'm confused," he confessed.  
  
"You took an Auror admission test while taking the re-entry test," said Remus carefully, making James realize why Remus had been acting hesitant and uncertain.  
  
"This was all you, wasn't it?" he asked in a mumble, irritation slightly apparent.  
  
Remus shrugged, refusing to confirm or deny it and merely said, "It was hard to convince McGonagall to do it. She thought it was wrong, but..."  
  
James sighed. "I suppose I don't have any choice then."  
  
It appeared as though the others were having fun directing his life since he had come home.  
  
  
  
  
Sirius, indeed, found this to be amusing. "That was rather mean of you, Moony."  
  
Remus looked over to him mildly from his seat in the old armchair before turning to pick up a book sitting on the small table, merely commenting, "You would have done the same and you know it."  
  
Sirius sniffed. "Not as subtly though." He frowned with some indignation in his expression before looking to James. "Well, James, looks like we'll be partners!" he said with a quick grin.  
  
James had barely had time to think about all of this, in all reality. Right after his discussion with Remus in the empty classroom, a Hogwarts Professor--none other than McGonagall--chased them out and they were forced to return to Remus' cabin in Sherwood as they had nothing more to do at Hogwarts for the time being. James was still thinking about what Remus had said about Voldemort and his careful building of power.  
  
Sirius' comment, however, turned his thoughts away from that. "Don't they assign partners?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"James," said Sirius seriously, "that place is so messed up, they don't care. I'm telling you that the acceptance tests are easy, they could care less if it used to take a person three years to get into the Aurors or that the Aurors are supposed to be the Elite. Not with Voldemort beginning a war that we're not prepared for."  
  
A weary sigh escaped James before he could stop it. "I feel like I've lost control of my life," he muttered distastefully.  
  
Sirius shook his head and stood, heading toward the kitchen while saying, "Don't go all you-know-what. I don't feel like casting a Cheering Charm."  
  
  
  
  
"I thought you said this was going to be _easy_!"  
  
Sirius paused for a moment. "...well...I did join over two years ago," he said slowly, turning his head only to see the back of James'. "This captive thing seems ridiculous really. Death Eaters _Crucio_ or _Avada Kedavra_ a person. Not tie them up..."  
  
James grunted in obvious displeasure as he tried to move his hands which were bound by ropes to Sirius' hands. The two of them were in a bare room with nothing but a small door. They were positioned back-to-back and in the exact center of the room as if putting them closer to the walls would make this easier for them.  
  
"Okay, let's see," said James, who had had enough of just sitting there, tied up to his friend. "We're tied back-to-back. We have no way to stand--"  
  
"And there's help outside," put in Sirius, remembering what the Auror who was watching their progress had said.  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
James sighed and hung his head. "...this is so stupid," he muttered with annoyance. If he had known that they would be asked to do something so ridiculous as this to join, he would have just suggested that he work in the Muggle Department.  
  
"Hm..." hummed Sirius in agreement before suddenly straightening his posture and saying loudly, "Hey! We _can_ stand!"  
  
"Now what are you babbling about?"  
  
As Sirius' idea formed in his mind, he began to pull at the binding on their hands, making James wince slightly. "We push against each other," said Sirius, not noticing what he was doing, "and then stand! Simple!"  
  
James thought about it for a moment and nodded before remembering Sirius couldn't see. "Okay," he said, "but we have to time this right. On three. One--" He prepared himself.  
  
"Two--" Sirius did the same.  
  
"Three!" they shouted together before pushing against each other--only to have Sirius fall onto James' back as James squatted, nearly doubled-over by the other man's weight.  
  
"Ow!" he cried in pain. "Sirius! Are you _trying_ to crush me?"  
  
"Why didn't you put more into it?" asked Sirius, quite upset.  
  
"I _did_!"  
  
It took a few moments, but soon they were back to their old positions, and James was less keen to the idea of having Sirius' heavy weight on his back like that again.  
  
"...this may present a problem," said Sirius with some seriousness.  
  
James didn't say anything to that.  
  
"Wait," he said after a moment of thought. "Sirius. When we do that and you lean on me, get your feet in a position where you can push off the ground easier. Then I'll lean against you and do the same."  
  
"I get it," said Sirius, now more eager to finish this than he had been before. "To three?"  
  
"How 'bout just three?"  
  
"Okay. Three!"  
  
This time James was ready for the weight to come but it was still more than he thought it would be. He grunted, "You weigh a ton."  
  
"Suck it up," said Sirius distractedly as he got his feet in a better position. "Okay. You ready?"  
  
"Yeah," said James, eager to get out from under his weight. "Three!"  
  
Now their roles were switched.  
  
"Man, you're bony!" complained Sirius as James corrected his footing.  
  
"Ah, be quiet," he muttered. "Okay, I've got my footing. Now. We lean into each other at the same amount of pressure."  
  
"Got it," said Sirius, readying himself yet again.  
  
"Ready?" Sirius didn't answer so James shouted, "_Three!_"  
  
They both managed not to fall on top of the other and slowly was able to raise themselves off of the ground. One problem was quickly noticed, however...  
  
"Straighten your legs!" shouted Sirius as their fragile balance was about to break.  
  
"I'm trying--_umph_!" They had tipped over to the side and both landed hard to the left. The two of them silently cursed whoever had thought up this stupid test before attempting to sit themselves up right once more.  
  
"Okay..." said James angrily, "this is annoying."  
  
"Come on," said Sirius grudgingly. "Sit up and let's go again."  
  
It took them several minutes to sit themselves back up and then-- "Okay. Ready? _Three_!"  
  
  
  
  
"Forty minutes," said the Auror that had been watching them from a see-through wall gruffly after the pair of men finally got their hands free from each other's. "Not bad, you two."  
  
Sirius looked over to the older Auror, who looked as if he had been in several battles in the past from what the amount of scars on his face told. The withering look didn't seem to intimidate the old man much, however, for he merely tucked the watch he had been looking at into his pocket before getting out a hip flask and taking a swig from it.  
  
"What's the record on that thing anyway?" asked Sirius once the Auror had replaced his flask.  
  
"Fifteen minutes," he answered shortly. "A pair of men were in there for almost two hours once."  
  
"Hurrah for us," said James blandly. "What's the point of that test anyway?"  
  
The Auror looked up at him and that was when James noticed that one of his eyes was different from the other. In fact, it was quite apparent that that eye was a fake as it kept moving to the back of his head at odd moments.  
  
He then answered, "Team work."  
  
James stared at him while Sirius shook his head in amusement, having gotten an inside joke. "...that's it?" asked James in disbelief.  
  
The Auror gave him a sour look. "If you can work together with this, you two are fit enough for partners," he said, though it was apparent that he didn't like the thought of not going through the proper three years of work. "Most of your time was because you two kept distracting each other."  
  
"Ah..." said James blankly. "Well..."  
  
Sirius smirked. "How 'bout it, Mad-Eye?" he asked the Auror, whose fake eye looked over to him. "He an Auror?"  
  
The man known as Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody frowned as his real eye studied James. "He'd better be. I don't want that Pettigrew to be tested again." With that, he turned and left, though James had a suspicion that the fake eye was facing in their direction.  
  
Sirius shook his head and headed in the opposite direction, muttering a "Don't ask," when James opened his mouth.  
  
  
  
  
"Well, congratulations, James," said Remus when he opened the door that evening and found that his friends were still in one piece. He allowed them entranced before closing the door and then, with a light smirk on his face, looking to James and asking, "How were the tests?"  
  
James eyed him with distrust and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Evil Incarnate."  
  
Sirius grinned at this, putting an arm around his bespectacled friend's shoulder. "Ah, cheer up. It was fun!" He paused before sniffing the air and then himself, his nose scrunching up in disgust as he lowered his arm. "I'm going to take a shower," he announced before disappearing.  
  
Remus shook his head in amusement but his attention was caught by a sigh from James' direction.  
  
"This is all ridiculous," muttered James.  
  
"How so?" asked Remus, though he knew that he was most likely talking to himself.  
  
He was proven correct when James jumped slightly, noticed that Remus was still in the room, and adverted his eyes before muttering a "I don't know..."  
  
Since James had returned, he had been having various moments where he was more withdrawn from his friends, though it seemed obvious to Remus that he really did want to have everything as it had once been: no secrets, no holding back any emotions, and only the solid foundation that had been their friendship. That foundation, however, was severely damaged by truths being hidden from them and from James' escape out of the Wizarding World...  
  
It was likely that their friendship wouldn't be quite the same again.  
  
"You know, James," said Remus quietly, knowing his had his friend's attention, though he refused to meet eyes with him, "I am here to listen."  
  
At this, James' weariness only seemed to increase and Remus frowned at him. He wasn't going to let James pull himself away again. "I know you didn't run because of anything that I know about," he said with a quiet, yet firm tone.  
  
Just as he thought he would, James tensed at those words; so, knowing he was on the right track, Remus continued as if he hadn't stopped in the first place, "Including you being the Heir of Gryffindor. I know Sirius" --he nodded his head toward the back of the house, where the sounds of water running could be heard-- "already knows the reason, and I know he must have made you tell him, but still--"  
  
He wasn't able to finish his sentence for the scowl on James' face surprised him much too much to add another word.  
  
"Well, you're right that he dragged it out of me," said James, disgruntled, "and I--" He faltered, as though he couldn't keep up the angered look, which was soon replaced by a slightly pleading look. "I really don't want you to know, Remus. I don't want your opinion of me to change."  
  
The werewolf's brow furrowed in thought. "Mm..." he murmured wryly. "I remember saying the same thing in Third Year."  
  
James flinched at that reminder. Of course...Remus deserved to know, didn't he? He gave up his closest darkest secret to them when they had cornered him in the dormitory. Remus had, James remembered, looked just how he felt now. Frightened because of what they might think, and saddened because of what they thought they knew would happen.  
  
But was this like Third Year?  
  
James shook his head. "I'm sorry, Remus...you have a right to know," he admitted aloud. "I just--" He stopped himself and looked to his friend for a moment before looking away, stuffing his hands in his blue jeans' pockets, having been wearing the Muggle clothing almost all the time thanks to his time away from the Wizarding World.   
  
"I don't want to say it," he finally said to Remus' surprise. "It's like...whenever I say it aloud, hear someone else say it's true...it gives him more power over me and--"  
  
He stopped again when he felt a pair of hands descend on his shoulders. He looked up to see Remus looking at him with a gravely serious face.  
  
"James..." he began slowly, his eyes meeting with James', "the name Lord Voldemort is just that. A name. Whatever you're talking about is the same way. He can only gain power from your fear of him."  
  
Feeling awfully childish, James muttered, "I know..."  
  
"Well," said Remus, his tone lighter as he removed his hands from his friend's shoulders, "unlike Sirius, I don't pressure people to tell me something."  
  
James gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Remus."  
  
"Any time," replied the werewolf before he cocked his head to the side, winced, and shouted, "Oy! Padfoot! Lower the volume!"  
  
James smirked at this. "He had more fun than I did at the tests."  
  
"Not surprising," said Remus with a light sigh as Sirius' voice raised instead of lowered just as the door opened and closed, which caught Remus' and James' attention as it turned out to be Peter.   
  
"Hallo, Peter," greeted Remus kindly with a welcoming smile. "Busy day?"  
  
"Pretty much so," said Peter with a sigh as he scuffed his way into the living room, James and Remus following him.  
  
"What is it that you do, Peter?" asked James curiously as he had never been told. Peter sat himself in one of the old chairs while Remus took his regular seat by the fire and the small table with his book lying on top.  
  
"Nothing as exciting as an Auror," said Peter gloomily.  
  
Remus sent him a slightly sympathetic look before turning to James. "He works at Diagon Alley."  
  
"Ah," said James smartly, not knowing what else to say to that as he recalled how Mad-Eye had said he hadn't wanted Peter to be tested again.  
  
"So how was your day, Prongs?" asked Peter, seeming to be determined to get himself out of the slightly-depressive state he was slowly working himself into.  
  
"Long," said James with a snort. "With Sirius as a partner, I doubt I'll survive."  
  
Remus chuckled, picking up his book again. "Oh well," he said lightly. "We tried anyway."  
  
James gave him a mock-withering look. "Are you saying Sirius will be the end of me?" he asked, running with the joke.  
  
"I think you'll be the end of each other," said Remus simply as he opened his book to his page.  
  
"Such dry humor from you, Remus," said Sirius' voice from behind Peter. James and Peter turned to see a very wet, very under-dressed Sirius Black standing behind Peter's chair with his hands on his hips, frowning at the werewolf, who didn't acknowledge his presence save for a simple, "It counters yourself just fine."  
  
Sirius' frown deepened. "What's wrong with myself?" he asked, mock-indignant.  
  
Remus peered at him from above the book with his own withering gaze. "You're dripping wet and standing in only a towel," he said as though he was stating the obvious--which, of course, he was.  
  
"Your point?" asked Sirius with a grin.  
  
Remus then gave a light smile as he closed his book and replaced it on the table. "We have a guest," he said, gesturing behind James, where Arabella Figg stood with a smug look on her face.  
  
"Criminey, Ara!" shouted Sirius as he jumped out of her view. "Don't you ever knock?"  
  
The young, blonde-haired witch smirked. "And miss this?" she asked, gesturing to him, making him smirk and come out into view. She then looked to James, who was standing nearly in front of her and said, "Ah. I see you've finally made it back."  
  
"And my punishment is seeing you again," said James sarcastically, making Sirius snicker.  
  
Arabella rose an eyebrow at that. "I'll let that one slide on the account that you grew some--"  
  
"Be civil," interrupted Remus in amusement, "and watch your tongue please."  
  
The witch gave the werewolf a confused look. "Watch my tongue? Why? Is it blue?" She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes to see if it had, in fact, turned colors.  
  
James shook his head. "Potatoes for brains because you're Irish?" he asked with a smirk.  
  
"Irish?" asked Arabella in actual confusion. "Me? Nope." She shook her head. "Don't think so."  
  
James blinked in surprised. "But you--"  
  
But she had already brushed passed him to go over to Sirius, who continued to smile playfully at her, still only in a towel. "Are you just going to stand there, Sirius?" she asked him, placing her hands on her hips.  
  
Sirius rose his eyebrows at this. "Would you prefer me to strike a pose?"  
  
She hit him on the shoulder. "Grow up," she said with a scowl.  
  
A smirk appeared on his face. "Do you really want an answer to that?"  
  
Arabella's face flushed at that and she opened her mouth to retort when Remus interrupted, "Sirius, go get dressed."  
  
Sirius looked as though he was going to object but, instead, stuck his nose in the air and began to walk off with a "You're not the boss of me" over his shoulder at Remus, who merely shook his head in amusement.  
  
James blinked again. "How come you can control him?" he demanded, wanting to know the secret.  
  
"I've always threatened to force him to do things," said Remus dryly as he stood up to bend over the fireplace and stir the ashes slightly, "and once, I really did."  
  
James winced. "Ouch."  
  
Arabella frowned. "How'd you do that?"  
  
Remus gave her a wry look before turning back to the fireplace. "I'm stronger than I look," he simply said before standing up straight again, dusting off his hands as he replaced the poker. "So, Arabella, what brings you here?"  
  
Arabella glowered. "Remus," she said shortly. "It's Ara or Bella. Not both."  
  
"Right, sorry."  
  
"Anyway," she continued, once again with her cheerful demeanor, "I came here because one: I have a letter for you from my aunt" --she held up said letter-- "and two: I have a letter for James from Lily."  
  
James immediately turned to see that she was also holding out the second letter. "What?" he asked, surprised, before walking over with his hand reaching for the letter. "Let me see--"  
  
She quickly jumped away. "Oh, no you don't," she said before handing Remus his letter. "Remus, here's your letter."  
  
"Thank you, Bella," he said, lopsided smile on his face as he tried to not laugh at James' situation.  
  
"Come on," said James as he chased after the blonde witch. "Let me have it."  
  
"Better watch what you say, Potter," said Arabella mischievously as she put Peter and his chair between herself and James. She held up the letter again when she knew he could get to her immediately before rubbing the edge of it against her cheek. "Why should I give this to you anyway?" she asked him, looking out of the corner of her eyes curiously.  
  
"Because it's addressed to me?" suggested James before diving for the letter, only to land on top of Peter, who made a squeaky sounded like a mouse that had been treaded on.  
  
Arabella danced over to the kitchen doorway. "Hm..." she hummed innocently. "I don't know...you've been very rude to me."  
  
"Because you're evil incarnate!" shouted James as he got off of Peter.  
  
"There goes your title, Remus," said Sirius as he entered the room again, this time fully dressed.  
  
Remus gave a mock-sigh. "Easy come, easy go..."  
  
"Figg..." said James warningly as they were once again separated by a piece of furniture; this time it was the small coffee table that sat between Remus' and Peter's chairs.  
  
"Ask me nicely," said Arabells cheekily, not seeming to be worried about the look she was getting from him.  
  
"Would you please--" gritted out James.  
  
"Come on," said Arabella, interrupting. "If you really want it, you'd get on your knees and _beg_ for it. Worship me!"  
  
"Not bloody likely!" shouted James before he slid himself across the table, grabbing the letter before she could snatch it away. "Ha!"  
  
"You--!"   
  
As the fight over the letter continued, Remus quietly sighed again with a smile on his face. "I'm stuck once again with crazy roommates," he said fondly.  
  
"Hey!" objected Sirius, who frowned at him.  
  
Remus nodded, ignoring him. "I restate what I said: I am stuck once again with crazy roommates."  
  
  
  
  


_Do you know where the sky is clear, the grass is green, and no trees are seen?  
Meet me there by using the enclosed directions._

  
James stared at the letter. It was slightly disappointing, though he shouldn't have been surprised. What could he have expected? He hadn't ever sent her a letter in the past two years, had he?  
  
Still, he turned over the letter half-heartedly, only to see a blank page. Sighing, he put the letter onto the desk where the envelope was sitting before leaning back and looking up at the ceiling with his fingers joined behind his neck. He pursed his lips together for a moment in thought before looking back at the envelope and letter that stared back at him...mocking him.  
  
With a bit of a scowl, he grabbed the envelope--for it no longer had a use--and crushed it into a ball, only to freeze when he felt something inside of it. Surprised, he quickly straightened the envelope slightly and turned it upside-down over the desk only to have something fall out of it with a _cling_, followed by a small piece of paper.  
  
He snatched the paper out of the air before it could touch the ground.  
  


_Do not touch it directly._

  
He frowned at the small note before looking to the object that had fallen out of the envelope. Resisting the urge to pick it up to examine it, he bent closer and studied it.  
  
"What is this?" he muttered to himself, not really realizing there was no one there to answer his question. "One of her rings?"  
  
It was then that he noticed that his letter was gone. He sighed and leaned back in his seat, not looking to the other person in the room, knowing that they knew he knew they were there.  
  
"So when are you going?" asked the person, letting the letter drop down slowly in front of James.  
  
James followed it with his eyes. "Tomorrow night," he answered before finally turning to Sirius. "What are you doing standing there anyway?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I was going to talk to you about the Order but saw you reading that note," he said, pointing to the small note that had fallen out with the ring.  
  
"_'Do not touch it directly'_...what is that supposed to mean?" asked James curiously, mostly to himself.  
  
"You know Lily--"  
  
"No, I don't," said James firmly before he looked to Sirius with narrowed eyes, "and that's the point."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't even start, James," he said with exasperation before moving to stand next to the desk. He snatched the note from James and read, brow furrowing. "Does she mean the ring?"  
  
"Maybe..." muttered James, studying the ring from afar. "I can't think of what she wants me to do with it."  
  
Again Sirius shrugged. "I have no clue," he said, tossing the note back onto the desk. "Just leave it there or slide it back in the envelope."  
  
"Good idea," said James before choosing to do the latter. Taking a quill from a small glass that was filled with them, he carefully held the envelope near the edge of the desk top and carefully nudged the ring into it.  
  
Sirius watched this quietly, taking in everything. It was obvious that James was very willing to do whatever Lily had requested, though there wasn't any clear explanation why except...  
  
"Actually," began Sirius after the ring had fallen into the envelope and James had folded the envelope to where the ring couldn't fall out again, "I only came here to apologize."  
  
James looked to him suspiciously. "For what?"  
  
Sirius crossed his arms and looked away. "Lying. Well...not lying, just not being entirely truthful--"  
  
"About Dumbledore?" asked James incredulously. "You don't have to apologize for that...you were right. I needed to choose a side, and even though I don't want to risk it...I'll...stay with the Order." He looked up to Sirius and met his eyes before finishing sincerely, "You won't have to worry about that."  
  
Sirius' lips slowly pressed themselves into a thin line. "...well," he said slowly. "I hope you didn't choose that because I want you to. It's your life, James--"  
  
James shook his head. "It isn't because of you, Sirius."  
  
"All right then," said Sirius quietly. "Dinner's ready if you want--"  
  
"I'm not especially hungry, thanks," said James just as quietly, looking down to the letter.  
  
"...all right then. Goodnight, James."  
  
  
  
  
The next day was met with some excitement at the Ministry. As it would be James' first day on the actual job, he wasn't quite sure if things were always so hectic or if it was just because of the reason why Sirius was eagerly rubbing his hands together...  
  
"Ah!" said Sirius, very much enthusiastic. "The Tournament's coming in November!"  
  
"Tournament?" James tried to keep up with Sirius, who was heading further and further down the Department's hall, but it seemed as if every witch and wizard that had something to do was trying to separate him from his friend.  
  
"Yeah," answered Sirius, slowing down when he realized James was getting left behind. "It's thrown every four years. This year is the year it comes again."  
  
James' brow furrowed in thought as he counted back the years. "So this last Tournament happened when we were in Sixth Year?"  
  
"Seventh, actually," said Sirius smartly with a smirk. "It's always held in the fall."  
  
"Why is that?" asked James, curious to know about this Tournament that had his friend acting as though Christmas had come early this year.  
  
"Don't ask me," answered Sirius with a clueless shrug, loosing his smirk for but a second before he then said, "I'm gonna win it this year."  
  
James stared at him for a moment. "Right," he said before heading off.  
  
Sirius chased after him. "You don't believe me?"  
  
"Oh, please," said James, rolling his eyes. "Your Charms aren't going to win it."  
  
Again, Sirius smirked. "Lucky then it's an anything-but-Unforgivables Tourney."  
  
"Just don't embarrass yourself."  
  
"Very funny," said Sirius dryly just as they reached Mad-Eye, who was drinking from his hip flask once more. "Hey, Mad-Eye."  
  
Mad-Eye's normal eye went to Sirius while his false eye swiveled over to James. "You got a message for me?" he asked Sirius suspiciously.  
  
"Sure," said Sirius with a very over-bearing cheerful tone. "'The east likes cheese.'"  
  
"'And the mouse has been caught,'" responded Mad-Eye so seriously that James didn't know whether to laugh or not. He was saved from any embarrassment as Mad-Eye made his way to a fireplace.  
  
"Erm..." said James, looking confusedly over to Sirius.  
  
"I just told him that Dumbledore wanted him, and he said he'd get Peter," answered Sirius with a slight laugh, giving away that he had not been the one to come up with the odd call sign.  
  
"Why?" asked James, still confused.  
  
"We've got a meeting today," said Sirius.  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No, later." Sirius then lead the way to a door, which he then opened and entered with James following close behind. "Anyway, back to the Tourney..."  
  
  
  
  
Just as Sirius had said, a meeting of the Order was taking place that night, and as James was not yet a full member, he knew it was best to stay out of the meetings, as he had been told he would. Remus, however, seemed somewhat concerned about him staying behind by himself.  
  
"You're certain you're going to say," said Remus as a statement, not a question as he watched James. Sirius had already gone ahead, saying that Remus shouldn't bother, that James was a big boy and could take care of himself.  
  
James merely shrugged in return. "I'm not an active member yet, so I'll stay out of the meetings for a while."  
  
Remus still seemed uncertain, but shrugged off whatever it was that was bothering him and gave him a small smile. "All right. See you later this evening, James," he said before exiting the small cabin.  
  
James decided that there was nothing else to do to pass the time and headed to his room to study Lily's letter as well as her ring once more. He was still trying to understand why she had given it to him...  
  
Seating himself in his desk chair, he grabbed the envelope and tipped the opening to the desk; the ring slide easily onto the desk top with a _cling_. He frowned the moment it was lying still on the desk, studying it yet not finding anything that could give away why she had requested such a thing.  
  
He leaned back in his seat, feeling somewhat dimwitted. "I don't get it," he said with a frown as if hoping Lily would hear him and give him a sign as to what he should do with it.  
  
Outside the window, a large black bird gave a choke-sounding crow.  
  
"_'Do not touch it directly'_," muttered James to himself again, frowning heavily at the ring.  
  
At the window, unnoticed by James for the moment, the large black bird landed on the outside window sill, cawing and pecking at the window slightly, as if to catch the attention of the man who was alone in the room. Cawing again and fluttering its wings to remained balanced on the small sill, the black bird then cocked its head to the side and, as if it had just received an unheard order, suddenly slammed its beak into the glass, putting a hole through it and causing it to crack.  
  
"What the--?" said James, having heard the noise. He turned to the window just in time to see the bird, who had freed its beak, leave the window. Puzzled, he continued to watch the window, not sure what to expect.  
  
What he really hadn't expected was the bird to come flying back at startling speed and slam itself into the weak point in the glass.  
  
He immediately went for his wand, while the bird came flying at him with its talons ready to attack. It didn't make it very far as James then pointed his wand at it and shouted, "_Petrificus Totalus!_"  
  
The bird froze in mid-flight and then fell to the ground like stone. James eyed the bird suspiciously before looking to the destroyed window. Glass was everywhere and it was likely that it would be a long while before the window would be replaced.  
  
It was then that something caught his eye. A piece of white within the black plumage of the bird.  
  
A letter.  
  
A chill found its way down James' spin at this, for it was well-known that large black birds--ravens--were the messengers of warnings. Warnings of Dark things to come...  
  
Slowly while holding his breath almost the whole time, James bent over and detached the letter from the bird's foot. He hesitated for a long moment before summoning the courage to open the letter. He nearly dropped it in horror.  
  


_I congratulate your wit and speed upon stopping my messenger._

  
"Voldemort..." breathed James, his hands shaking as the message then changed to become another:  
  


_Speak my name and I shall come._

  
This couldn't be. How could Voldemort have found that he had come back? Did he have influence inside the Ministry? Was that why it was so chaotic? Or was there someone else? A spy somewhere?  
  
Nothing seemed to make sense as James read this message numbly, his hands trembling, nearly ripping the parchment into halves. It probably would have ripped too, if another message had not appeared, replacing the last one:  
  


_Welcome back, Son..._

  
Before he could do anything and as soon as he read the line, the parchment burst into flames and was quickly dropped by James, who--by this time--was paler than most ghosts. As the parchment burned on the floor beside the fallen raven, a cloud of thick, green smoke rose from the fire and continue up to the ceiling where it seemed to stay.  
  
When there was nothing but ashes left, James slowly looked up to see a grinning green skull smiling down at him with a snake crawling through its laughing form. Stumbling over the desk chair he had been sitting at, James stared in fascinated fear and horror at what this meant before he turned to the desk and quickly gathered everything, not forgetting not to touch the ring, and raced out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  
  
  
  
  
"No mistaking it. It's the Dark Mark." Mad-Eye didn't look away from the green smoke-stain on the ceiling as he said this, intent on knowing every curve and outline of the skull and snake.  
  
"And a Petrified raven," added Remus, who squatted down to look at the still-frozen raven on the ground.  
  
It was only minutes after the event had happened but it was long enough to have what seemed to be the majority of the Order quickly come to James' urgent call. Mad-Eye, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Frank Longbottom, and Frank's wife Alice had all come to the cabin by Apparating just five meters from the cabin, where James was standing, still shaken and not willing to go back into the cabin. In fact, it wasn't until Frank had pointed out that it was safer inside than outside as the raven had come from outside that James finally allowed them to lead him back into the cabin.  
  
He still, however, refused to enter the room again.  
  
Mad-Eye studied the Dark Mark a moment longer before turning to look at James, who was standing just outside of the room, though his false eye stayed on the Dark Mark. "You say there was a letter?" he asked suspiciously as if he expected James to say that he had done it all. "What did it say?"  
  
That seemed to be the question that was bothering the others as well--except Sirius.  
  
"That doesn't concern you, Moody," he said firmly, stepping in front of James as if to shield him from a possible attack.  
  
Mad-Eye's eye narrowed slightly. "Why doesn't it, hm?" he asked. "Do you know why someone would send a message like this?"  
  
"As a matter of fact," said Sirius lowly, "I do. Just forget it, Moody."  
  
Mad-Eye didn't seem to want to give up the case and merely said, "Fine, but you had better--"  
  
"I will," said Sirius before turning away from him and looking to James. "James--"  
  
"No," said James sharply, knowing he had caught everyone's attention once more. "I don't...I don't want to talk about it."  
  
He attempted to retreat but ran into Alice, who apologized quickly. She seemed to notice his odd behavior, however, for she looked to Frank in curiosity. Frank didn't respond to her and was carefully watching James as though he knew he was hiding something...something big...something dark.  
  
He couldn't stand staying in there much longer. All of them watching him with that same suspicious-curious gaze. Only Sirius seemed to know how James was feeling and was shooting harsh looks at everyone, though it didn't seem to work.  
  
"James--" Remus attempted to say as he stood from his position in the room, but James violently shook his head.  
  
"Just forget it!" he shouted before quickly racing out of the cabin. He needed air. He needed to get away from those looks. He needed...  
  
  
  
  
That was how he ended up at the meeting place well over five hours before he was supposed to. It was a quiet place with nothing but hills and lush green grass with a beautiful view of a near-by lake. The whole time he had sat there, he had thought about nothing but the messages he had been sent, about how Voldemort knew he was back home, about how he would have to choose soon between Voldemort and Dumbledore--the two conflicting sides.  
  
It was as twilight came, however, that someone finally approached him.  
  
"It's quiet, isn't it?"  
  
He didn't bother to uncurl his legs which were drawn to his chest and hugged by his arms. He didn't bother to raise or turn his head which was resting against his arms as he stared out at the lake. Instead, he merely replied, "Calm before the storm."  
  
There was a tense silence between the two of them, and James found that he hadn't expected anything less.  
  
Then she broke the silence, "So you came."  
  
He sighed, closing his eyes. "You asked me to," he simply said.  
  
"I asked you to listen to me before you left," she said with some anger before quickly suppressing it and adding quietly, "and you didn't."  
  
"Don't hold that against me," he pleaded, raising his head to look to her. She, however, didn't look to him and tightened her jaw slightly, her green eyes obviously bright with a harsh emotion. "I'm sorry I couldn't listen, but I'm listening now."  
  
There was a long pause, and for a moment, James thought that she would never accept this and would just leave.  
  
Then--  
  
"...did you get my message?"  
  
He nodded, looking away from her and toward the lake once more, allowing his legs to stretch themselves out some. "Arabella delivered it. That's why I wrote this for you." He held out a folded piece of parchment.  
  
She looked to him for a moment before looking to the parchment. "What is it?" she asked carefully.  
  
"Something that can help you understand," he merely answered without looking over to her.  
  
She, however, continued to watch him for a moment longer before taking the parchment and tucking it away. It was almost strange, the way they were acting with one another but just as it was with James and his friendships with Remus, Sirius, and Peter, their relationship had changed in some way.  
  
For a moment, there seemed to be nothing to be said. Then she said, "...I heard about what happened."  
  
He tensed at that, turning his gaze to the ground. "I knew he's find out sooner or later," he murmured quietly.  
  
"...are you afraid?" she asked, still having not turned her gaze away from him.  
  
He then raised his eyes to hers. "I'm terrified," he answered truthfully.  
  
"Of what?" she asked, wanting to know, to understand.  
  
"Losing," he merely said before looking away again. "Losing everything to him. My friends, my will, my life...my humanity. I'm terrified at the idea that I'm his pawn, that he plans how I'm going to do something and it will benefit him without my knowing."  
  
"I told you once that you couldn't run," she said quietly.  
  
"You were wrong about why he would be," he countered somewhat coldly. "He's after me for different reason."  
  
"Maybe I was right," she said, still watching his actions closely. "He's after you because this reason makes you uniquely powerful."  
  
He tightened his jaw before shaking his head. "I don't want to think about that."  
  
She seemed to understand that much and said nothing more on that topic, bringing the two of them back to silence.   
  
He closed his eyes again, sighing at it all. So many things were happening lately that he wasn't sure if he could keep up with it all. And Lily...how could he ever get her to understand what he was trying to do...or not to do...?  
  
"...did you ever miss..." she began to ask, startling him from his thoughts, "your friends, your home?"  
  
He looked to her for a long while before quietly replying, "All of the time."  
  
Now, for the second time in that meeting, she raised her eyes to meet his and he could yet again see the raw emotion in her emerald green eyes. Conflicting emotions were primarily what they shone with during these both times.  
  
Then, the inevitable question came, "Why did you run?"  
  
He tried to keep eye contact with her...but just couldn't. "There's...a lot of reasons," he murmured, looking to the ground once more.  
  
"You don't trust me."  
  
He immediately snapped his head up to look to her. "Are you kidding?" he demanded, upset that she would accuse him of such a thing. "I only told you things--let you know things about myself because, for some reason, I trust you.  
  
"I can't understand...how I could..." he said, his voice softening somewhat before he shook his head, "when we weren't exactly friendly toward one another throughout Hogwarts."  
  
This, if anything, was not what Lily had been expecting. "You trust me?"  
  
"For some reason I don't understand," he answered, "yes I do. It's just..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say, how to say it.  
  
"You're afraid," she said slowly, as if just realizing it.  
  
He gave her a wry grin. "I'm still an open book, right?"  
  
The smile must have been contagious, for a small smile appeared on her face as well. "Only to me," she assured him.  
  
He gave a snort of laughter before going quiet and saying softly, "I see."  
  
Again there was another pause, but this time they didn't look away from one another until she shifted slightly and hesitantly asked, "...will you ever tell me the reason you left?"  
  
He couldn't answer that right away. "...I don't know."  
  
"You said that you trust me," said she, and he opened his mouth to insist that it was true when she continued, "Well...I must admit that I...trust you, too."  
  
She paused, letting this statement sink in.   
  
She trusted him? he couldn't help but wonder in surprise and confusion. It was odd, that they would both confess such a thing after two years of being apart, after him leaving her and his friends.  
  
Before he could think about this further, she continued, "It's funny that I trust the man who used to be the boy who hexed kids because he could, who infuriated me with how he treated some of them and annoyed me with how he messed up his already messed-up hair on purpose." She laughed quietly at the memories, as if they were all absurd now.  
  
Perhaps they were, he realized. "So what changed?" he asked, wanting the conversation to stay on this topic.  
  
She looked to him, her dark red hair shifting to frame her face, enhancing her brilliant green eyes. "You did," she answered simply before amending, "Maybe I did, too. All I know is that in Sixth Year, you started the same as before, but when it was the end of the year...you'd changed. I noticed it then, but I didn't know why..." --she looked away again-- "until the Express ride to our last year.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Again, he froze but this time for different reason. Why was it that everyone else had apologized to him yet he had barely managed to say apologies for what he did two years ago?   
  
He barely understood why his temper flared at those two small words before he asked her coldly, "Is that an apology?"   
  
Her eyes widened in surprise at this, but only slightly before he turned away from her once more. "If it is," he continued, still with his cold tone, "I don't need it. I'm tired of people apologizing. I'm tired of being the one making the mistakes. I'm tired of thinking that Voldemort's breathing down my neck, waiting for a chance to catch me off-guard. I'm tired of always _being_ on-guard, of being strong when I don't have any strength left. I'm tired--"  
  
"Of everything happening." He looked to her in surprise only to see her watching him grimly, her green eyes narrowed. "Of nothing being in control, of the changes never stopping."  
  
He watched her for a moment before shaking off the surprise and snorting, looking away again. "You can read my mind easy enough."  
  
Yet another silence found its way to them, and half of him wished that he could just leave while the other half wanted to just stay with her and never leave again. The conflicting sides didn't soothe his temper at all, and only served to fuel the fire.  
  
"..you know what I'm tired of?" she asked quietly, breaking the silence once more. When he didn't say anything, she continued, "I'm tired of waiting, waiting for what seems to be forever to say something. I'm tired and sick from things I can't control."  
  
"What can't you control?" he asked, barely managing keep his voice and tone neutral.  
  
"My feelings," she said, causing him to turn to her with a furrow brow, not understanding until she continued her eyes piercing into his with such sadness that he felt his heart clench, "James...when you left...I was in tears for a long time. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were there trying to help me get through what you'd done to me--"  
  
"What could I have--?"  
  
"You _broke_ me, James," she said loudly, silencing his question sharply. He could only watch her in mute disbelief, not sure what to say about all of this when she continued yet again, "My heart, my mind, my _soul_ was broken when you brushed me away. When you left before I could tell you..."  
  
She trailed off and looked away before he realized--  
  
She was crying.  
  
"What...?" he asked, not knowing what to say, what to do. Had he really--? Could he have really hurt her that much?  
  
"I trust you, James," she said, her voice shaking but still unbelievably strong, "but I'm afraid of that trust...that trust that told me that you would come back. Can I trust you to understand how I feel?"  
  
For a moment, his mind couldn't think of anything to respond with. Somehow, though, words found their way to his mouth and he said quietly, "You can trust me to try."  
  
She didn't reply, and for a horrifying second, he thought he had said the wrong thing.  
  
"...will you promise me," she began quietly, making him jump slightly; she still wouldn't face him, "to tell me why you left? Promise to tell me everything?"  
  
Again, it felt as if his mind was betraying him by keeping any thoughts of what to say away from him. He quietly cursed it before he once again realized what she was asking of him. Dread seem to fill him at that moment, but he still managed to ask her, "...would you do the same?"  
  
She turned to him, her eyes now determinedly looking into his. "I would."  
  
He was taken aback by this answer. "...I-I'll need some time," he stammered out before regaining his composure and looking away yet once more. "I can't just say it now. Not here when..."  
  
"If you need time, you'll get time," she said firmly. "How long?"  
  
How long? Did he just make a promise about telling her? Merlin's beard...how was he going to do this?  
  
"I don't know," he said quietly.  
  
"I'll wait a week," she said, her voice still firm and determined. "I've waited two years already. I don't feel that I can wait any longer."  
  
He looked to her, ready to take back what he had said, ready to say that he couldn't tell her, ready to say anything that would get him out of this arrangement, but instead, he couldn't manage to get a single word out. She was watching him as though she somehow understood his dilemma without actually knowing it.  
  
That was part of the reason he said, "...all right, I'll try," before he could think of anything else to avoid it.  
  
Her somewhat-stony expression melted at this and she gave him a small smile. "Thank you, James..." she said and, much to his surprise, leaned against him. It was more of an attempt at comfort than anything; though it made him more tense and nervous than anything, it did help push all of the negative thoughts from his mind for a moment.  
  
Then--  
  
"I want you to know..." she spoke quietly and he almost missed what she had said, "since that time in the Common Room...when we actually spoke to one another...I've cared for you and--"  
  
He didn't hear the rest of what she said; once again his thoughts had crashed to a halt. She wasn't...saying this, was she? She couldn't be...  
  
He looked to her with what he knew was an expression very much worthy of his stag persona. She noticed his behavior and slowly moved away, uncertainly watching him.  
  
"But..." he managed to say in a slightly panicked tone, "that was just a crush. You couldn't have--"  
  
This was the wrong thing to say.  
  
Her eyes narrowed at him. "Even when you tried to push everyone away. It wasn't a crush. It _isn't_ a crush."  
  
He shook his head, lifting a hand rub his suddenly sore temple, which was stopped half-way to his head. He looked over to see her hand holding his and could barely make a sound.  
  
"Since you left..." she said painfully, making him look up to her face again, "everything felt broken. My heart, my mind, my soul...why, then, does it feel whole...why did it feel _whole_ the minute you returned? The minute _you_ stepped foot back on the land you called _home_, everything _fixed_?"  
  
There was a dull buzzing sound in the darkening night, a painfully loud sound that was only accompanied by his heart's racing beat and his quick, uneven breaths. Silence, as many well know, is the loudest sound of all.  
  
"You can't be serious," he said weakly, not knowing what else to say, just wanting the silence to be broken again and knowing that he would have to be the one to break it. "You...Lily, please don't say this."  
  
"Why?" she demanded, clearly upset about all of this. "Because it's true?"  
  
"Yes!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, feeling her hand slip from his. "This...Lily...I--" What should he say? What should he do? This situation was impossible. How? How did this happen? "I can't say the same to you..."  
  
It was the worst lie he had ever told in his entire life.  
  
"You can't or you won't?" she demanded, not letting it finish like that.  
  
"Lily," he said, looking back to her, pleading with her, "if you knew, if you understood--"  
  
"But I don't know and I don't understand."  
  
"Lily, please," he pleaded once more, "I'm trying...I really am! I just..." All excuses seemed to be blocked from his mind whenever he looked at her, so he looked at the ground. "I don't want you to..."  
  
"To what?"  
  
"To...turn me away." He lifted his head once more to look at her, needing to see her face, see how she would take this. He was floundering and it seemed as though his only life-line was barely inches from his reach. "I've been wrong about Sirius turning me away, I've been wrong about my dad turning me away, but...I'm afraid of you being the one to turn me away."  
  
Nothing seemed to move at that moment. Her face remained hard and angry, though it looked on the verge to fall.  
  
"Why?" she asked quietly.  
  
He avoided her eyes, knowing that that would be his weak point. "I can't," he said just as quietly. "I can't say what you want to hear."  
  
Silence...  
  
"...all right," she said and he flinched at the sound of her voice. "I suppose that's all then--"  
  
Without thinking, his hand reached out and grabbed hers as soon as she had stood and tried to walk away. She didn't move and he knew that she was watching him still, taking in every motion.  
  
"...a week," he finally said, looking to her and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, dread filling him. "Give me a week and...I'll tell you...I'll tell you why I left...why I can't say anything."  
  
She continued to watch him silently with those brilliant green eyes, barely seen in the darkening night. "A week?" she asked for confirmation and he nodded. "Fine." She jerked her hand from his and turned to walk away. "You have your week, Sir Knight."  
  
For a long while, he stood there, staring into the darkness in the direction she had left. Thoughts buzzed within his mind, and for some reason, the hand that had caught Lily's felt icy cold.  
  
  
  
  


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_Author's Notes:_ Longest Chapter! And I love it so much *glomps her chapter* So, people who were waiting for Lily...how do you think of this? ^.^" Personally, I don't know what to think *thinks* @.@ Ow...thinking cramp *winces* Eh, oh well...BTW: this thing took two and a half days to write! WHOO! Ah, sorry about not getting it out sooner, but I had a lot going on. Band, Swimming, School...and then I had State Swim Meet just this weekend...but I DO have this whole week off! WHOO! So I MAY (I refuse to promise anything anymore) have the next part out soon. ^.^" Okay, time for replies!  
  
  
**Lunar Writer:** Oh, he's a big softy once you get to know him ^.^" And he's not so much as arrogant anymore. His head deflated A LOT since Hogwarts. ^.^" Thank you for that small compliment! FP...FictionPress? Well, I'm more of a FF person, myself ^.^" Though I do have some random poetry and short stories over there (note to self: remember to take down Senii) ^.^" Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter! ^.~!  
  
**lena-jade:** More quotes? ^.^" Wow. Most of my good quotes aren't really one liners, either ^.^" Wise? Dude, that's a first to me. ^.^" I liked the Boogey-man quote the best myself ^.^" Best chapter? Well, you might want to reserve judgement. I'm telling you that it will get loads better (only SEVEN more chapters! WHOO! Then I can start the sequel! *cheers*) Confused? Well, if you're still confused by the end of the fic, I'll put up a question and answer chapter as the very last chapter of the fic. Oh! That's the BEST compliment! Me write like JKR does! ^.^" I think I may burst from all of these compliments. *face goes very red* Yeah, I hear a ticking noise...I'm about to explode with joy ^.^" Thank you so much for these wonderful compliments! ^.~!  
  
**Kel6:** Hey, it's no problem is don't review right away...you just have to review ^.^" Just kidding ^.^" Aw, you liked the goodbye? Personally, I hate putting in goodbye scenes *sticks out tongue* Friends NEVER say goodbye! They always act as though they will see each other again! *nod, nod* ...Oh, jeez...I made myself depressed with that...*sniffles* I want Sirius back! Oh, yeah...I didn't want James to destroy Dumbledore's office. James' different from Harry in that area. He's a lot more controlled than Harry is in OotP, though not much so. He just doesn't destroy someone's office...*shrugs* But it is true that he hasn't...lost...anyone (that's right! I'm saying Sirius is LOST not DEAD! *sobs!*). *hem hem* You will have to keep reading before I get into that bit with the packing. Heh. I knew I was going to love OotP. ^.^" It helps supports some of my ideas. Eh...she doesn't YELL at him, per se...but I think she was plenty mad, don't you? ^.~!  
  
**Glumfrog:** O.O *falls out of chair sideways* Ow! *gets back into seat again, red faced* In love with it? It's amazing? Fav authors and stories? Best fan fic in ages? *hides face* Oh, dear...too many compliments in one reading right there ^.^" Oh, wow...you actually comment on *sniffles* Why you love it? WAH! *glomps Glumfrog* Thank you for telling me why you love it so much! So many people tell me that they love it and they completely forget to tell me WHY they love it so much. And yes, I've been closely proof-reading the chapters since I've discovered the wonders of Front Page with can be an HTML code helper, a website builder, AND a typo fixer! ^.^" Most talented? *blushes again* Oh, don't worry! When I finish (and I _WILL_ DAMN IT ALL! *bangs head on table, remembering past failures*) there WILL be a sequel...three of them in fact and a possibility for a prequel for this fic (which I am going to go back and revise somewhat later on). O.O You read my fic in an hour? DUDE! That's a record! ^.^" Anyway, thanks for the wonderful review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! ^.~!  
  
**Ariana15:** Howdy? O.o Ariana's a cowboy? Now that CRAZY! ^.^" Sorry, Danny was saying that all through the trip in New Orleans for the State Swim Meet. Clint picked it up later too. Blast him *glares at computer screen before realizing it isn't him* ^.^" Heh...*hem hem* The 15 came from what FF said they were going to do. Since there's so many people with the same name sometimes, they decided to number the many same-named people from oldest user ID to newest. You happen to be 15th. Lol, please let's do that ^.^" I keep forgetting about my promises...*sweatdrops* Heh ^.^" Yeah, I know. I like Neil and Jess. They were very amusing to write, especially Jess ^.^" Erm...no, James' dad was in the first chapter, Dude...O.o Well, it has been a while, so of course you've forgotten about that chapter...(note to self: remember to revise first 4, chapters). I know how you feel about homework...but I'm a slacker in my math class because I'm in all regulars...I'm supposed to be in all HONORS! DAMN IT ALL! *looks around innocently* Well, you shouldn't put off your homework like that! EEK! I sounded like Hermione! Someone! Please tell me I'm not Hermione! AH! *runs around* ^.^" Thanks for reviewing! ^.~!  
  
**shadow64:** And so he has! Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
  
**Reluxi:** Ah, my favorite reviewer! ^.^" Lol, yes, I am doing it on purpose, but mind you, this is not Harry, so it is very possible that the situation may changer (not saying if it will or not *whistles innocently*). Heh...the father taking after the son...that is funny. Oh, I love all of these metaphors! ^.^" Next year?! Heck no!....just next MONTH! MWAHAHA! *sweatdrops* I don't there's going to be anymore one-post-a-month thing, though. I don't have swim practice or band rehearsal after school, so I get to just head home ^.^" Yeah, and jump on the computer and write loads *looks mournfully at Chapter 21 of the sequel* I skipped the first 20 Chapters and wrote that part because I wanna write the sequel *pouts* Ah, only SEVEN more chapters left *celebrates* Then I will FINALLY finish a fic! WHOO! Oops...getting off-topic ^.^" Gomen! Watching me? *looks carefully behind her and falls over will a scream* AHHHHHH--! *stops when she realizes it's just her cat Boo* -.-' Stupid cat...*huggles Boo* ^.^" *sweatdrops* Dude, I don't need that many people watching me...it makes me nervous *looks around and squeezes Boo* ^.^" Thanks for the review! ^.~!  
  
**LJstagflower4e:** Brought Lily in...do I get a treat? *pretends to wag her 'tail'*  
  
**welshlili:** "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi...you're my only hope!" ^.^" Heh...I think it's already too late. You do kind of scare me, but that's a COMPLIMENT! ^.^" It's hard for another person to scare me. ^.^" Hope you didn't die before I got this out!  
  
**Leigh:** Heh, aren't we all happy that he finally got some sense into him? Well I've updated! Hope you remember about this fic. People tend to forget and come back every-other chapter ^.^"  
  
**Itnikki:** Yes he can! He LIVES I tell you! *nods along with Itnikki's words* Yes, it is very close to what happened to Harry, but remember that circumstances may change. In this fic they tend to do that often...I think *scratches head* I dunno...I'm not allowed to think for myself anymore. ^.^" Well, that's cool that you like Years Past, but let's see what you think of this chapter! ^.~!  
  
**mooncancer:** The moon gives you cancer? O.o? ^.^" Just kidding ^.^" Scary thought? I thought it was kind of funny ^.^" But that's just me, I guess. Don't worry, there will be more L/J here on out. ^.^"  
  
  
  
  
Wow! That was a lot of responses! ^.^" Yes, I have one last announcement before I go this time!  
  
  
  
**_Announcement:_ As I have told lena-jade, I will have a question-answer session at the very end of the fic. If you still do not understand something that happened in the fic and want to know about whether or not it's going to explained in my sequels, this will be your chance to ask it. I suggest compiling a list of questions that you have now and check them off one by one as you continue to read and ask me the questions you haven't seen answered. **  
  
  
  
  
That's all for now! Ja! ^.~! 


	15. Unexpected Surprise

Summary: Begins at the start of the Marauders' last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and continues on until that fateful Halloween night. James Potter finds out more than one secret that was hidden from him and also discovers that his feelings toward a certain Lily Evans are changing from spiteful rivalry to something...more. 

Author's Notes: I know, I know. You all want to shoot me. But look how freakin' long this freakin' chapter is (over 13,000 words)! I tell you, this was not an easy thing to write! Constantly being distracted and such by my other fanfics and originals! Plus school! School was actually hectic this past Spring! I hope that while during school, my writing this won't dwindle this bad again! I'll post against this summer! You can count on that! -grins-

Actually, I had planned to get this out May 28th, but then I just never got to it. Then I decided, why not post on this thing's second B-day June 6th...didn't work either. But now, I have finally got this part out and this fic is officially two years old! Imagine...wasting two years reading this thing...must drive a lot of you nuts...why would anyone read a fanfic for that long? O.o? Anyway, on with the dedication, the disclaimer, and then the fic! WHOO! -cheers-

**Dedicated to: Living In A Nightmare! Thank you for saying that this fic wasn't clichéd--even if it really is! It really does mean a lot that you think it's an original idea and love it so much, so this chapter is for you!**

Disclaimer: Pfft! Quit annoying me about this! I haven't been sued yet, have I?! (that's a no to the people who don't know me -.-').

* * *

**  
Of Hidden Truths  
(Unexpected Surprise)**

Almost a day after what could have been considered a romantic disaster by some, the cold feeling in James' hand had yet to leave. The memory of Lily's anger and disappointment continued to eat at him, never relenting and always reminding him of the promise that had been made. The promise that said he would tell her everything...

Everything?

No matter how many times he went over these thoughts in his mind, nothing seemed to line up. If he left out the one crucial part of why he left, then it would seem only half-told. If he told her...well, that wasn't a reaction he was looking forward to.

That was what he had been doing the whole day while Sirius, Remus, and Peter were at another meeting. Letting his thoughts chase themselves in circles until he was almost certain that the room he was sitting in was also round in shape, rather than rectangular.

Shaking his head, he rubbed at his face to try to clear his thoughts. It might have worked if he hadn't been interrupted, but then again, things never turned out that way.

"Well..." said Remus' voice from the doorway, "you put yourself in a right situation."

James looked up to him, confusion apparent in his features. "What do you mean?"

Remus leaned back out of the doorway to look down the hall before looking back to his friend, appearing slightly afraid for James' sake. "Lily was upset at the meeting, and Sirius talked to her," he said seriously. "I got here before he did to warn you--"

"James!" came the angry bellow.

"--that he gets right mad whenever someone upsets Lily," finished Remus before he quickly backed out of view, almost immediately followed by the next bellow, "James _William_ Potter!"

"Over here, Sirius," said James, knowing he was just around the corner and doubted he would ever really be ready to face whatever Sirius had planned to say.

He was proven correct when Sirius soon appeared in the doorway, a large frown on his face and an angry look in his eyes. "You--" he started to rant before quickly halting, noticing James' demeanor, "Why are _you_ so depressed?"

There was an urge to laugh at Sirius' expression, conflicting between anger, confusion, and concern. However, James merely sighed and leaned back in his chair, gazing at the ceiling as he dully answered, "Because I couldn't tell her."

There was a long pause.

"You--I--?" stammered Sirius for a moment or two before he burst out, "You take the pleasure out of yelling at you!"

James looked over to him with a frown. "Why are you yelling at me anyway?" he asked, a spark of anger flaring up within him. "Are you Lily's big brother now?"

Sirius snorted. "I was going to stop you from being stupid," he stated firmly before he abandoned that train of conversation and asked, "Why didn't you--"

"It complicates things!" exclaimed James, sitting up in his seat. "I've told you that he threatened your lives if I didn't join him! He knows I'm back now and if I act against him--!"

If anything, this only served to increase Sirius' anger. "Oh, this is nothing but excuses--" he began to say as Remus once again stepped into view, preparing to keep one of the two of them from doing anything they would regret later on.

James, however, barely realized his presence, focused entirely on Sirius for the moment. "I don't _want_ Lily to have feelings for me if they'll get her killed--!" he began to shout. After an entire day of just thinking about it, he was finally letting it all out.

"Why should that matter?" asked Sirius harshly, almost sneering at James, who scowled at him. "Why would it matter that she cares about you if you don't return those feelings--"

"Shut up!" shouted James, infuriated by his friend's assumptions and accusations. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

Sirius, however, ignored this statement as it didn't appear to have the answer he wanted and merely demanded, "Why do you care what happens to her?"

Why did he care? James felt frozen in time, just hearing Sirius' question resonate through the air. How could Sirius ask him that? Why would anyone care about what happens to their mother or father? Why would anyone care about their closest childhood friends? Why would anyone care about any of them? But was that the reason why he cared? No, he knew. This was different because...

"_Because I love her!_"

He froze, realizing he had said the last part aloud. Sirius was staring at him with a blank expression, as if this was the confession he had been pushing to get out of James. Remus, however, seemed supremely shocked that such a confession would escape James so quickly.

"James..." he said in a helpless manner as James gritted his teeth, standing from his seat to glare at Sirius.

"Damn you, Sirius," he growled lowly. "You did that on purpose!"

Sirius crossed his arms, hardly affected by his friend's anger. "So what if I did?" he questioned in a challenging manner.

"You _idiot_!" shouted James. "Someone could have heard! He has his spies everywhere!"

The other man rolled his eyes in exasperation at this behavior, having seen it more times than he would like to admit. "Don't tell me _you're_ afraid to say his name!" he cried, tossing his arms up in the air before stomping a foot for emphasis as he then shouted, "_Voldemort!_"

"Sirius!" exclaimed James, appalled by what his friend had just done, fearing the consequences.

"What are you so afraid of?" demanded Sirius, finally growing tired of the fight that he had began no less than thirty seconds ago.

"Of everyone dying because of _me!_" was the already-known answer.

"We can take care of ourselves--" Sirius began to say through teeth gritted in pained annoyance.

"But Lily--"

Sirius quickly cut him of by taking two long strides and placing himself in front of his friend, letting James know how serious he really was. "If you really care for her, James," said Sirius lowly, "you'd _protect her_. Not push her away and hope _Voldemort_ never gets the idea that you're _in love with her!_"

James felt a sudden chill with those words and immediately denied in panic, "I'm not!"

"You _are_," stated Sirius firmly, driving home the real reason he had suddenly attacked his friend. "Face facts, James. You admitted it yourself."

"Sirius." Remus quietly approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder to signal that his work had been done before looking to an apparently angered, distraught, and hurt James. "James..." he began slowly, "I know you're afraid. I know you want nothing to happen to us...but I also know that no one here wants to know the reason you're unhappy and miserable is because you kept yourself from being happy for them."

James looked to him for a moment before shaking his head. "You don't understand," he said painfully. "Even if I...even if I could risk her life...she wants to know...know why I left, why I couldn't--_can't_--"

Realization dawned on Sirius. "She made you promise. Damn," he muttered before softening his expression to that of an apologetic one, having not wanting to force the truth out of James yet again. "Look, James. I'm telling you _now_ that that won't effect _anything_. If you both feel the same way about each other--"

James shook his head again, halting his words. "I-I can't," he said, looking to Remus and then to Sirius again. "Sirius. If I can't even tell...how can I tell her?"

There was a slight pause here. "If you want," offered Sirius kindly, "I can--"

"Don't you dare," said James sharply.

Sirius' right eye ticked slightly. "Well, you're being a--" he began to say with an angry tone.

"A coward?" supplied James. "A slimy snake crawling away when danger comes?"

Sirius took a step forward but was restrained from going farther by Remus' grip on his arm. Instead, he pointed a finger at James while gritting out, "_Don't_ put words in my mouth. _Don't_ EVER _compare yourself with him!_"

"It was what you were going to say, though, wasn't it?" asked James with a sneer. "That's why you're so angry about it."

Sirius' eyes widened and then narrowed at this. "Don't you dare say that," he said lowly. "Don't you _ever_ say that!"

James crossed his arms with a heavy frown. "You could have at least told me you would hold it against me," he said much to the surprise of his friends and himself. "If you hate people that have a history with Slytherin so much, do you hate yourself?"

Sirius stared at him for a long moment before turning away, shoving Remus aside so that he could leave the room. Remus continued to watch the two of them with shock and dismay. Where had all of that come from? Just a moment before, it had seemed like they were back to being the old friends they had once been. What had brought on James' sudden attack on Sirius?

"James," said Remus slowly, still watching the doorway as if hoping Sirius would come back in to work out whatever problem James had brought up to make him so angry, "that was uncalled for."

"_He_ was the one who started it," said James heatedly, his arms still crossed.

Remus looked to him with a frown. "James..." he started to say, but trailed off as a thought came to mind. "Why did you bring Slytherin into this?"

Now James' own anger seemed to falter, almost falling to a borderline 'deer-caught-in-headlights' look. He managed, however, to keep it up a moment longer as he replied, "Because Gryffindor isn't the one wanting to kill Muggles, is he?"

"I don't..." began Remus skeptically before another thought came to mind. "Wait...James...are you--do you have a history with Slytherin?"

James quickly looked away, signaling that the werewolf was right on track. "I don't."

Remus put a hand in his pocket, holding onto an object that had begun to go off. "You're not being truthful," he said bluntly, making James look up at him in surprise. Remus then pulled out a whistling Sneakoscope, a sadden expression on his face. "I carry this everywhere now-a-days, especially around people I know."

James looked wounded. "Why?"

"I suspect," said Remus as he began to tuck the no-longer whistling Sneakoscope into his pocket, "there's someone leaking information in the Order, but it's just a suspicion. Now, the matter at hand--"

"I don't have anything to do with Slytherin!" shouted James, desperately hoping for a different result from the last time.

The Sneakoscope began to whistle again.

"Care to try again?" inquired Remus, gaining a tired look.

James stared at the Sneakoscope, wanting it to stop saying he was untrustworthy, wanting it to agree with what he said for once. When it never happened, he looked up to Remus, quietly asking, "You're interrogating me?"

"No," said Remus, finally tucking the horrid object into his pocket, "because I know you wouldn't side with Voldemort."

"I have a reason not to," muttered James sourly, wishing it was back before Sirius had come in. Even he himself was confused about why he had said the things he said. Was it because Sirius had seemed so sure of himself, seemed so sure he knew what was going on? Had he just wanted to see Sirius off-balanced, just once? Even during that incident in Sixth Year, Sirius had never seemed unsure.

Why did he want to hurt Sirius so badly?

"Just one?" asked Remus, bringing James' thoughts back to what was happening right then. "Or the things I know?"

James hesitated. "...about four reasons."

"Ah, yes," said Remus with a nod. "Your mother, you being Gryffindor's Heir, he threatened us, and...?"

He watched James expectantly.

"Remus," said James painfully, "I don't want to--"

"If you need to tell Lily this," reasoned Remus, "you can start by telling me. James...if you can't trust your friends, who can you trust?"

James shook his head. "This isn't about trust," he said tiredly, having already been on this topic with Sirius once before.

"Oh? Prove it then." James looked up to Remus in surprise. Remus looked very stern, much like how McGonagall would have looked like when she knew that James was hiding something. "I didn't want to have to push--" Remus started to say before he stopped himself, wilting. "No. I won't press you anymore. You've had enough of that from Sirius. I ask you, James...as a concerned friend."

James felt a lump in his throat at this. He wanted to tell his friend everything, but it just seemed so hard.

"...Remus," he said instead, "I don't want you to know. I don't..." He grimaced at what he was about to say. "I don't want you to turn me away."

Remus' expression lightened somewhat, a small smile coming to his face. "James...that would be a bit hypocritical of me if I did," he said, amused.

James hesitated, realizing for the second time since he had come home that Remus was one person who completely deserved to know what was going on with him. Hadn't he, after all, given up his very own secret in Third Year? Was he really being selfish for not wanting to tell?

Only about as selfish as Remus had been about his own secret, he reasoned. That was the reasoning that made him slump in defeat, that made the words slowly and painfully slide from his hold.

"...I do have a history with Slytherin," said James quietly, looking to his hands as Remus' partially-knowing, partially-curious expression became too much, "...a recent history."

There was a long pause before Remus asked the deadly question, "How recent?"

The dark-haired wizard shut his eyes, pushing away the memories that began to rise with this confession. "...I saw him Sixth and Seventh Year."

Again there was a long pause, but this time it was more because of the shock that had been created by this statement.

"...dear Lord..." said Remus in a whisper, at long last. "James...Voldemort is--?"

James shook his head before looking up to his friend again, feeling crushed at his reaction before the entire truth became known. "It's more than what you think," he said quietly. "I'm afraid of him because..." Here he had to pause to swallow, his mouth and throat feeling suddenly dry. "...if-if he could...be the reason I'm alive...he has the power to be the reason I could..."

He didn't dare look at Remus again.

"...oh, Merlin..." said the werewolf, stunned. "This...how can this be possible? Dear Lord...if the Ministry were to know this--"

James muttered sourly, "As far as anyone--not including Voldemort, Sirius, Dumbledore, my dad, you, and myself--knows, I'm a Potter--"

"But, James," said Remus with great concern, "if the Ministry ever does find out--"

"I _know!_" shouted James as he looked up to his friend again, a sudden feeling of hysteria clouding his thoughts. "That's another thing I've been afraid of! That's why I asked if the Order was a part of the Ministry!"

This didn't shake Remus out of his stunned and shock state, however. "I can't believe--" he began to say before suddenly cutting himself off, trying to focus. "Is this what you're afraid to tell Lily?"

James eyed him darkly. "No," he answered sarcastically, "I have another horribly, dark secret."

Distracted, his friend muttered, "No sarcasm," before shaking his head. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting something so..."

"Horrifying?" supplied James with raised eyebrows before becoming serious. "Now you see why I left? Remus, I'm almost _certain_ he has people in the Ministry--"

"They wouldn't try anything at the workplace," said Remus with a heavy frown as he appeared to be in deep thought.

The other wizard cocked his head with a cynical look. "Are you so sure?" he asked before pausing and adding, "And the reason I've avoided his name...the letter I got from that raven, it said, 'Speak my name and I shall come.'"

"They're just words, James."

He stared at Remus for a moment, not sure of what to say. He wanted to believe what his friend said--truly, he did--but he had the unsettling feeling that he was, in fact, mistaken. "What if it's a spell?" he asked for argument and fear's sake. "What if, because I said his name, he can hear us--see us?"

Remus frowned. "That's a powerful curse."

"He's studied dark magic extensively," said James, catching Remus' attention. "That's why my mum married my dad." He looked down to his hands. "She left him while he was gone. He thought she was dead..."

"Sixth Year..." breathed Remus with understanding.

He closed his eyes again, quickly pushing away the thought of that year. What a horrible year that had been. "Remus," he said after a while. "I don't want anyone else to know about this. I want you to not breathe a word about this to anyone besides myself."

Remus' voice became confused as he began to say, "Sirius--"

"Not even Sirius," said James, opening his eyes and looking to his friend. He had to be sure this secret stayed secret, and by keeping the fact that another person knew from other people who knew, the chance of the secret coming out into the open became slimmer. With a deadly serious expression, James finished, his voice quiet, "Take it to the grave if you have to. Please, I am begging you."

Remus watched him for a long while before sighing and nodding, closing his eyes for but a moment as agreed, "All right, James...I swear I won't. Not a word."

---

"So you have a dilemma."

James looked to his father with a irritated expression on his face. "Nice to know you can take this lightly," he said darkly, not at all caring if it was slightly rude..

Edward Potter shook his head. " A dark subject can't be taken lightly," he stated calmly before adding after a moment of thought, "Your situation, at best, is not good."

His son muttered, mildly sarcastic, "You're setting a record on understatements."

"Mm..." murmured the elder man with a slight smile, though it wasn't at all cheerful. "So what do you plan to do?"

James sat quietly, pondering over that question for a long while. He had, after all, sought help from his father for this very reason. It was, after all, quite late at night. James wouldn't have been able to have this conversation with Edward at any other time after that night, for there was much to be done at work and in his spare time. That was why he had determinedly made his way to Demmin's Grove.

Finally, with a sigh, he slouched back into his seat, answering quietly, "With only two days left...I don't have a clue."

Again he sighed as he looked up at the ceiling of the house, pursing his lips together while Edward waited patiently. "...it shouldn't be this hard," murmured the younger wizard distantly before his eyes narrowed and he demanded with a firmer tone, "Why is it so hard?"

"I can't answer that for you."

James lowered his head to look to his father, who watched him carefully, gauging his every movement almost. Only a moment paused until James shook his head and then laughed a little. "Now you sound like a Buddhist monk answering the question, 'What is the meaning of life?'"

"Honestly, James," said Edward with a slight sigh, knowing that his son was attempting to cheer himself up, "it's only because I don't know the answer. Unlike you, I didn't have to go through what you're going through. But that doesn't mean that I want you to go through it."

Depression seemed to settle upon the younger man with these words, his shoulders slumping along with his already slouched figure. Tiredly he rubbed his face. "I just don't know what to do," he practically moaned into his hands.

Edward chuckled slightly, somehow finding some grim humor within the young man's actions. "All I can offer," he said lightly, "is this: Follow your heart. Mind you" --he rose a hand, index finger pointed into the air-- "though your mind may seem more logical" --he tapped his temple lightly-- "it's more deceiving and can be easily mislead."

He lowered his hand slowly, a somber expression crossing his features. "It was something your mum was fond of saying," he said quietly.

"I know," replied James just as quietly before he went silent for a moment. "Dad?"

"Mm?"

James looked up to his father with a worried expression. "You'll be safe, right? You'll be careful?"

Edward smiled a little before chuckling. "Of course I will," he said lightly to keep the atmosphere cheerful. "You know me, a regular old Potter."

His son shook his head, amused. "That's what worries me," he stated.

"Why are you so worried?" said the elder man with a furrowed brow. "Voldemort has no reason to come after me."

James looked dubious at that. "If you're sure..." he said hesitantly, not sure whether or not to believe the man who then gave him a light smile.

"I'm sure," said Edward, his voice soft. "I'm not a threat to him. Even if I were--" He paused, thinking for a moment before relaxing into his seat more. "Well...let's just say I have ways of avoiding confrontations."

To that, all James could say was, "Good."

---

"Lazy." Mad-Eye pushed his index finger against the side of James' head, only to watch it roll back into place when he took it away again. The younger wizard barely noticed and merely opened his eyes for a moment before shifting to where his arms cradled his head on the desk and blocked out all of the light.

"'m not..." he stated as a convincing argument.

Sirius found all of this amusing and informed Mad-Eye, "He visited his dad in Demmin's Grove."

The old Auror snorted at that. "That won't matter if you're facing a group of Death Eaters, now will it?" he demanded as he took out his wand and flicked it, waking James some. James sat up, frowning and rubbing at his eyes, giving Mad-Eye dirty looks whenever he could focus.

"Up you get, Potter," said the elder wizard roughly, pulling at James to stand, which he reluctantly did. "I don't want you sitting on your rear when you get killed at least." He then stood in front of James and forced the younger man's shoulders back, looking quite ridiculous as he was shorter than James. "Stand up straight."

"Very ominous of you, Mad-Eye," said James tiredly, a quizzical frown now over-taking his annoyed one. "Why do I have to stand, anyway? We're not doing anything."

Mad-Eye grunted, his false eye turning to the back of his head to look to where Sirius was reclining in his seat, his hands folded behind his head as he watched the scene in amusement. "Black and I aren't," he eventually stated, "but you are."

He narrowed his eyes at the younger wizard standing before him. "You're standing because you need to learn to be proud. Stare your enemy in the eye. Don't let him win."

James sighed, looking over the shorter man's head. "Whatever you say--"

A woman interrupted him by sticking her head into the doorway. "Alastor. Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak with you."

Mad-Eye's false eye swiveled over to eye James while he turned to face the young woman to acknowledge her message, then he turned to Sirius. "You two, follow me," he said, giving James the idea that his false eye was still trained on him even after Sirius stood and stretched before following the Auror over to a fireplace.

There sat the head of the Hogwarts Headmaster.

"Albus," said Mad-Eye suspiciously. "Is all well?"

Dumbledore looked more serious than normal, making James focus on the meeting at hand. "I'm afraid to say all is not well," said the headmaster gravely. "A member's family has been attacked at Demmin's Grove--"

James pushed Mad-Eye out of the way, startling everyone in the room except Dumbledore. "Is he all right?" he demanded of the wizard whose head sat in the fireplace. Urgently and fearfully, he asked, "Is he--does he--?"

Somehow, Dumbledore managed to cease his words with merely a lowered brow. "For the moment, he is fine," he said, calming the anxiety that had been growing in the pit of James' stomach. "Only a pair of Death Eaters attacked, and they did him no harm with curses or otherwise."

James could have fallen over in relief, but as soon as he felt the comforting weight of Sirius' hand on his shoulder, he asked the headmaster, "Where is he?"

"St. Mungo's, if I'm not--"

James didn't give him enough time to finish his statement as he turned, brushing away from Sirius and racing by Mad-Eye, only to shout back, "Sign me out, Mad-Eye!"

---

"Sir--Sir!" shouted a healer as James looked anxiously around the lobby of St. Mungo's. He turned to the healer, panting slightly as he had practically raced to get there, though he knew he could have simply Apparated if he had thought of it. "Can I help you? You--"

"Edward Potter," James managed to get out, startling the healer as he aggressively moved closer. "Where is he?"

"This way, if you please." The healer then gestured for him to follow, walking at a quicker pace than normal, knowing that the young wizard would not be patient. "Headmaster Dumbledore had informed me you are a member--"

"Yes, yes," said James impatiently, knowing that the healer would be asking if he was a relative or not. "Where are we going?"

"A new ward," said the healer grimly as they passed a room filled a man's shout. James tuned it out the best as he could as the healer continued, "It was opened for situations like this."

James looked to him, startled. "Is he all right? What's his condition?"

The healer paused before a door, making James come to a sharp halt. "External injuries were minimum," informed the healer with a mask of utmost seriousness. "The Death Eaters didn't harm him. However..."

James' stomach plummeted with that word.

The healer looked at the young man in the eye with a frown. "I hope you know that your father has a weak heart. What the Death Eaters intent seems to have been was to cause it to fail and to leave him there as if it had happened naturally."

This news shocked James more than anything, but he shook his head and asked, "What about _now?"_

The healer could only shake his head apologetically. "...magic these days cannot make a heart anymore healthy than it is. Potions have been given to him, but..." He paused, looking very sympathetic to James' pain and worry. "I don't know how long his health will stay."

James removed his glasses to rub at his eyes. After a moment of taking deep breaths, he then replaced them on his face and gestured to the door behind the healer. "...is this it?"

The healer nodded. "Yes," he answered before adding as James brushed passed him, "I'm afraid you only have a few minutes--"

James had already entered and shut the door.

Edward looked over and grimaced from his position on the hospital bed. "I told Dumbledore it wasn't serious," he grumbled, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

James felt his heart clench at the sight of his father barely managing to sit himself up. "Dad..."

"I'm all right--" Edward began to insist before James walked over to his bedside, shaking his head as he put his hands on the elder man's shoulders and pushed him back to the bed gently.

"You shouldn't sit up," he said quietly before taking his hands away when his father didn't respond. James bit his lower lip and lowered his eyes. "Dad, the healer told me about your condition..."

"I'll be fine, James," said Edward, stubbornly sitting himself slightly. His expression hardened. "I'm not about to go like this--"

"Dad!" shouted James with a reprimanding tone, catching the elder man off-guard and making him stare at his son in astonishment. James sighed and quietly requested, "Lie back, please..."

Edward frowned, but complied. "It wouldn't be right," he continued as though he hadn't just been scolded like a five-year-old, his voice at a murmur. "Not at all. I hadn't done anything, those bastards--"

James cut him off with a sharp look. "They don't _care_, Dad!" he exclaimed, his anger at what had happened to his father making him shout, "They attack Muggles--men, women, _and_ children--and they don't _know_ anything! He's not targeting you, he's targeting _me_--!"

Edward frowned heavily. "Don't make me get Sirius to come here," he warned, cutting off James' rant.

"You can't say it's not true, though, can you?" There wasn't a reply, and James deflated, feeling his anger burn out just as quickly as it had come. "Dad...I wanted you to be safe--"

"I am safe," said Edward with a huff. "Voldemort wouldn't come here just to finish me off." There was so much confidence in those words, James felt as though he could believe him.

---

The rest of the day passed with a lot more anxiety and shouting. Most of the shouting, however, had come from James and Sirius as they argued about whether or not James should stay at St. Mungo's. No matter how much James had insisted he should be there with his father, Sirius countered all his reasonings by pointing out that he had another big thing coming up the next day and should be able to get some rest. It wasn't likely, but Sirius had finally talked him into heading back to Remus' with the promise that he would stay with Edward.

James was still uncertain of his decision the next morning when he had gotten out of his bed feeling as tired as when he had got into it.

The rest of that day was spent with his thoughts.

"So," said Remus, entering the kitchen, where James had been sitting for the past six hours. The werewolf busied himself by setting a kettle on the stove and getting out some tea. "Today's the last day, isn't it?"

James looked over to him, looking pained. "Yes, it is," he muttered before sighing and looking at the ceiling, stretching his stiff back. "Merlin, I can't do this..."

"James," said Remus, making James look backward to see a now-upside-down wizard watching him seriously. "You can."

James sat up straight and shook his head, not looking to Remus again as he stood. "I'll have to go soon...takes a bit to get back to London, and I..." He paused before quietly finishing, "need to think..."

He was only slightly surprised when he felt a hand on his shoulder, a comforting gesture he had been receiving a lot lately. "Don't worry, James," said the werewolf standing behind him with a quiet voice before he removed his hand and turned back to his tea. "I'll tell Sirius where you went."

James nodded, thankful for Remus' help, before he took a deep breath and then started to head out of the small cabin.

---

After Apparating and then catching a train, James was finally at Lily's apartment's door. Actually standing there and realizing how close it was to being time to confess his reasons for leaving did absolutely nothing for him besides making him feel even more ill than he had during the train ride.

"Calm down, Potter," he murmured to himself in a scolding manner. "You're acting like you're about to face a Horntailed Greenback or something. Deep breath." He followed his own instructions and inhaled and exhaled only to pause and realize-- "...I can't..."

He would have left--he could have left, but somehow Lily had seemed to know he was there and opened the door, sticking her head out into the night. "James?" she asked, her voice slightly firm. "Is that you?"

James took one last breath before turning to face her and answering, "...yes, it is."

Lily frowned at him. "Isn't it a bit late?"

James stared at her, feeling suddenly like a fish out of water--in other words: completely confused. He then regained his composure enough to frown slightly and say, "You made me promise. In" --he looked at his watch-- "...twenty minutes, it'll be exactly seven days."

Lily seemed stunned that he had actually remembered. "I see."

There was a silence between them, and James shifted slightly. "...invite me in?" he asked hopefully, not wanting to have to say his confession outside in the night like that.

She blinked at him before starting. "Oh. Right," she said as if she had just realized what she was supposed to do. She stepped to the side. "Come in."

"Thank you," said James politely, feeling awfully awkward as he stepped into the apartment. At first, he was rather surprised at how Muggle it looked before the door closing snapped him out of those thoughts and reminded him that Lily was, after all, Muggle-born. "Nice place."

"Been here for almost a year," said Lily as she walked briskly passed him to head into the kitchen. James watched her go before following at a subdued pace. The witch continued her explanation from the other room, "Once my sister--"

"Sister?" he asked, never knowing she ever had one.

"Petunia," said Lily stiffly, as if it wasn't a topic that she really liked to talk about. "Once she got married to that oaf Dursley, I was able to move out."

"I see," said James as he stood in the middle of the room, feeling as if he shouldn't touch anything. When something caught his eye, however, he couldn't help but to go over to the mantle with several pictures sitting on them. One of them was a still picture of three young teenagers racing down a hall with a fourth one lagging behind.

He frowned slightly, not remembering a picture being taken then. He heard Lily exit the kitchen before he asked, "Where'd you get this?"

The red-headed young woman put the two cups of tea down before going over there to stand beside him. When she saw which picture he was looking at, she snatched it from view. "I took it...at Christmas," she said, giving him a narrowed-eyed, suspicious look. "My mum sent me a camera and it works at Hogwarts because it runs on batteries."

James blinked, the frown still heavy on his face. "I see..." he said slowly before backing away from the mantle, which Lily replaced the picture on.

She stayed there for a long moment before she finally sighed and said, "...James, you--"

"You should..." began James, interrupting her, knowing he should get on with the reason he was there for, "...sit down."

Lily looked to him with a slightly furrowed brow that made her emerald eyes seem to glisten with an odd emotion that he didn't quite catch as she started towards her small couch. "All right," she said before turning around and sitting herself on the couch, leaving him standing as the focus point of the room now.

James removed his glasses to rub at his eyes, sighing and muttering to himself, "Where to begin..."

Finally, though, he lowered his hand and replaced his glasses, ready to start, "...in our Sixth Year...my mum was killed by Voldemort." He gave Lily a quick glance before looking away again. "You know that already," he said with a sigh. "What you don't know is that...Voldemort is...the Heir of Slytherin, and my mum...was the descendant of Gryffindor."

Lily stared at him. "You're...?" was all that she could manage to get out.

James closed his eyes, mustering the strength to continue. Could he really do this? Could he tell her that one dark and terrible secret?

"...in Seventh Year," he continued, his voice now rough as it became harder and harder to get the words to come out, "I tried to keep my friends from knowing, but Remus spied this--" He pulled out the amulet on the golden chain, the one thing he hadn't been able to part with when he had left everything behind two years before. "--and got it right off the bat a short time after Sirius and I had that row. So they all know what I am...then..."

He had to keep going. He couldn't stop there. He couldn't leave anything out. He had to tell her.

He continued with some hesitancy, still refusing to look at Lily to see her reaction, "...in the end of the year...at the day of the Ceremony...Voldemort sent his Death Eaters to get me." He had to swallow, his mouth had become so dry. "They tricked me into thinking I was going to meet Sirius at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They surrounded me, blinded me, and bound my hands."

The time was almost there, but he still didn't know if he could go through with it or not.

"They used a portkey," he said, his words coming at a quicker pace than the last, "to take me to him...it was then..."

Merlin, this was it...

"...he revealed that..."

No, he finally released as he ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. He couldn't do it...

"...he wanted me," he said instead of the actual truth, his voice dull, feeling sickened by the thought that no matter how much he trusted Lily, he couldn't allow her to know that one secret, "to join him...to save my friends..."

He finally managed to look at her, seeing her wide eyes staring at him with some surprise. "...to save you," he finished quietly.

Things were silent for a moment before Lily finally said, her voice just as quiet as his had been, "So you left."

James winced and looked away again, seeing the hurt look on her face though it mingled with understanding. "I thought that if I couldn't be found..." he explained tiredly, feeling as though he had said this so many times already--which he had, "...he wouldn't do anything, and he didn't...not until I came back..."

He trailed off, remembering where Sirius and his dad were.

"Did something happen?" asked Lily, her voice concerned and snapping James out of his thoughts.

Again he winced, thinking of the possibility that she was only concerned because she thought Remus or Sirius or Peter had been hurt. "He attacked my dad," he replied, refusing to see her reaction to that. "My dad's at St. Mungo's with what could have been just a heart attack."

Lily was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry," she finally said, her voice sympathetic.

James sighed. "So am I..." he admitted, finally managing to look over to her to see her watchful gaze following his movements, a saddened yet understanding expression on her face. "That's why I ran. That's--"

"Not the reason you should push me away," she interrupted, the firmness in her voice returning only slightly. All that James saw, however, was the hurt of what he had been doing to her.

He rushed to explain, "I don't know what else I can do to protect you--"

"Why do you want to protect me?" she asked boldly, stopping him from saying any other excuses.

He stared at her for a long moment, studying the proud way she held herself, but seeing the pain and hurt beyond that. Pain that he was causing just by speaking. "...I can't..." he quietly said, wishing she really knew why he couldn't, wishing he had been brave enough to confess the other half of the story...

Perhaps...all he really was...was a snake crawling away when danger came...

Lily bowed her head. "I see," she said before standing to walk to another room.

James caught her hand before she could leave, a motion he had done once before. This time, however, he knew she wouldn't look at him, didn't want him to see what she was feeling. She stayed there, though, waiting for him to say something--anything. All he could say, however, was, "Have you read what I wrote?"

He felt her tense under his touch at the question. "No," she answered, making his heart sink before she then said quietly, "but I've kept it."

James hesitated. "Let me see it," he requested softly, releasing her arm to let her go and get what he had written. She didn't move, however, and merely pulled out the folded parchment from her pants' pocket.

This would have surprised James, but once she handed it over to him, he didn't have time to say anything about it. Instead, he unfolded the parchment and looked at the writing, a somewhat amused and reflective expression on his face. Then without preamble, he read it aloud:

_When winter comes  
The air chills,  
Digging into my flesh,  
Numbing me from what I feel... _

Then as I stumbled  
Into a drift,  
You were there to catch me,  
Help me out with a lift.

Unused to the warmth  
you seemed to give,  
I tried to push away,  
Tried to find another way to live,

But you refused to go,  
Clung onto me  
So that I wouldn't leave.  
Then you told me softly,

"'When winter comes  
the air chill.'  
That is how you believe,  
That is how you choose to feel.

That isn't what I believe,  
But I will continued you round:  
'Though the cold is harsh,  
Warmth can be found.'"

I was lost and confused  
Of what you had said,  
But then as I wondered,  
I understood where this round led.

You did not mean  
That the cold could go,  
That it was real,  
And all it could be was snow.

When winter comes  
The air chills.  
That is what I said,  
That is what I feel;

But that did not mean  
That the ice couldn't melt,  
That warmth wouldn't stop the chill,  
And the cold stopped me from what I felt.

I understand now,  
What you have said,  
But that doesn't mean  
That the winter is dead.

I am still lost in the winter,  
In the snow...  
I can't returned to you, yet  
I can never let you go.

When the winter comes  
The air chills.  
It is all I have known,  
It is all I feel.

Perhaps I will feel more again.  
For now, I can only say:  
"It is too dark at Night to see you,  
But I hope to find you one Spring Day."

The silence that came after the reading made James afraid to see how Lily had reacted to that. In all honesty, he had written the poem after talking with Jess that one time during the winter and wasn't sure what kind of reaction the witch before him would have.

After a moment, however, he dared to look away from the parchment to see Lily watching him with her hand to her mouth and her emerald eyes sparkling with some unshed tears. "That was beautiful..." she barely whispered.

James felt his cheeks warm at that, but didn't say anything about her words as he then turned to place the parchment on the coffee table next to the two now-cold cups of tea. "I wrote it...hoping you'd understand what I'm going through...that...I'm trying to do the right thing," he said before looking back to her. "Do you see what I'm saying?"

Lily nodded slowly, lowering her hand and holding that hand with her other. "Yes," she answered, looking less like she was going to cry and stronger than she was before. "I supposed I do..."

He gave her a small smile before looking down at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck, uncomfortable with the new silence that had fallen on them. That was it...it was over. There wasn't anything left for him to say. "...I guess," he said slowly, "I'll be going then--"

Before he could move, however, she grabbed his hand--the same one she had jerked away from a week ago. He looked up to see her eyes narrowed in determination. "You think it's that easy?" she demanded, not angrily but still firm. "I've waitd two years, James. I can wait longer if I need to."

"Lily--" he tried to object, not wanting her to have to wait anymore. She didn't deserve that at all.

She closed her eyes. "Don't," she said, stopping him once again before opening her verdant eyes, which were glistening again with what he suspected to be tears she was suppressing. "James, I don't care what you are. I care about _who_ you are."

She paused, looking straight into his own gray eyes, letting him see all that he needed to see. "We used to...resent each other," she said, reliving those memories with him. Memories of their Hogwarts days...before anything had happened. "And then you want to go out with me at the end Fifth year." She laughed a little at that. "I didn't--_couldn't_ stand you then, and since I turned you down, we became rivals.

"You've--_we've_ changed since then, James," she continued, bringing a hand up to brush s stray strand of hair from his eyes. He knew she wanted nothing to block her from him, even if he himself tried to keep her at a distance. He wished he didn't have to, wish there wasn't anything tying them down.

"I know I'm not the same I used to be," whispered Lily, making him unconsciously move closer to hear her words, "because I'm not afraid of my feelings. You're not the same because--"

"I grew cold?" supplied James quietly, seriously.

Lily shook her head. "You grew _up_. You're more sensible, you listen, you think ahead of time, you're open-minded, you're responsible, you're--you're _different._" She put her hand on his cheek, leaving her other in his hand. He didn't want such a simple touch like that, no matter how much it made his heart flutter. He wished he could actually embrace her, but he felt as thought he didn't deserve to for keeping her in the dark, for being what he was...

Still, she continued, "You changed Sixth Year. You've become a better person, but..." She hesitated here, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes before she finally said it, "I care for you. Both the good...and the bad. How you _are_ now, and how you _were_ make up _who_ you are."

James stared at her for a long moment before raising his other hand to touch the hand than sat against his cheek. "Why?" he asked, making her look up at him again. It pained him to see her say this to him, and yet, she knew he wouldn't say anything in return. "Why, if you understand, are you doing this?"

"Just because something is keep you from saying the words," she answered with a smile, "it doesn't mean that it isn't true, that you don't feel it."

Then, she surprised him by taking her hands away and bringing them up to his glasses, which she carefully removed. "Even with these on," she said quietly, never looking away from his eyes as she spoke, "you can't hide that look. James...in our last year at Hogwarts, we became close, didn't we? Real good friends, I would say...what made you have that look?"

"Time," was the only thing James could think of to answer her question. He then sighed, lowering his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just..."

He trailed off before deciding to go with a different track. He might never have a chance to say the right words, but he wanted her to know...that it was true, no matter what. "When I was away," he said quietly, "I had a friend. He tried to get me together with some other girls, but...I felt sick at the idea. All of the time...I felt as though I was ill...each time there was snow...I just stood there, feeling colder and colder."

He looked up to meet her eyes again. "I tried to ignore it, but..." He stopped himself, shaking his head, not able to bring himself to doom her with his words. "I'm sorry. I should go."

He broke away from her, not caring that he was leaving behind his glasses. She stopped him before he had reached the door by asking, "What was the secret? The foundation of all things great...and evil?"

He hesitated, his hand hovering just above the door. He lowered his hand, however, and looked back to her. "Just what you think it is," he answered, barely seeing the saddened look on her face as she watched him.. "And where is yours now? Do you still fear it coming back?"

"It is where it has been..." she said quietly, her voice sounded as though she was about to cry, which pained James more than anything. "Every day, I am afraid..."

James looked away. "That is what _I_ was afraid of," he said, just loud enough to be hear by him as he then opened the door.

"Will you return again, Sir Knight?"

He looked over to her again and gave her a small, barely felt smile as he then replied, playing along with the old titles. "Perhaps at an earlier hour, my Lady," he said before turning back around and exiting the apartment, feeling worse than when he had first entered it.

---

Even in his nearly blinded state, he managed to get as far as two streets from her apartment before the painful feeling that came from leaving her gave him became too much. "Maybe I should--" he said quietly to himself, turning to look at the building just as a _crack!_ filled the air and Sirius appeared before him, panting.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed, hurrying over to his friend's side, looking around for any sign of Muggles. "What are you doing popping out of nowhere--?"

"James," interrupted Sirius, who had to put a hand on the other man's shoulder to keep himself standing, "it's an emergency--Edward--"

"Dad?" asked James in alarmed, realizing why Sirius would be so out of breath. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Sirius looked up at him with a deadly serious expression that only came when it was a life-or-death situation. "Aurors are need at St. Mungo's. Voldemort's somewhere in the building."

---

It was pandemonium.

"Dear Merlin! We'll all be killed!" shouted a healer hysterically. "We'll all be killed!"

James didn't stay to hear what else that healer had to say, but he could hear Sirius shout from behind him, "Get these people out of here! Frank! Portkey them to the Ministry!"

"Right!" responded Frank before he and a large clump of witches and wizards disappeared out of sight. The portkeys were necessary to use in a situation like this because with the people being too scared to think straight, Apparation would be too dangerous and someone would get spliced. That and the fact that the Apparation Ward was in place to prevent any Death Eaters or the Dark Lord himself from disappearing too soon.

James spun to Sirius, who just managed to catch up to him. "Where is he?" demanded the frantic wizard, who hardly cared if his vision wasn't at its best. "Where's my dad?"

"Hold on, everyone!" shouted Mad-Eye from a far corner before Sirius could say anything. The old Auror disappeared with the group he was surrounded by, only to be replaced by Frank appearing again with a portkey in hand just as James started to take off again.

"James!" shouted the slightly elder man, getting in his path. "What are you--?"

"I'm _not_ letting him get_ my dad!_" shouted James, trying to shove by Frank, but only managing to be pulled away from the other Auror by Sirius, who then shouted, "Frank, you take charge!"

Frank's pale face nodded before he hurried over to another area of mass confusion. "Move it, everyone! Quickly now--"

"James!" shouted Sirius as his friend tried to shove him away. "_James!_"

"Let me _go_, Sirius!" shouted James, still trying to get away.

Sirius grunted as his foot was stepped on by the struggling young man he held. "Calm down! Think for a moment!" He somehow managed to slam James into a wall, keeping him from breaking away from his grasp. "Voldemort will take advantage of your fear and anger! Calm down and _think!_"

James stopped struggling, and Sirius reluctantly released him, not sure whether or not to trust him in this chaos. James looked back to his friend, panting. "I--" he began to say before he saw something move over Sirius' shoulder. Then he blanched. "Oh, Merlin..."

"James?" asked Sirius, not sure what was wrong. "What--?" He stopped himself as soon as he looked behind him. All the Aurors and healers were rushing to get out of the room as black-cloaked figures entered the large room. Curses flew, but several Death Eaters continued on a straight path toward James and Sirius.

"Potter and Black," said one Death Eater when they all reached the two Aurors, his face hidden by a mask. "The inseparable duo...the Dark Lord is coming."

The screams had stopped, so James could only assume that those that hadn't managed to portkey out had been killed. The thought left him feeling sick as the Death Eaters' wands remained solely on he and Sirius.

"He's in a good mood," commented a second Death Eater, on the right side of the center one who had first spoken. "You might make it out alive."

They were mocking him, he knew. Mocking him because they knew the only reason that James was still alive.

"Have you made your choice, Potter?" asked a third, his voice sounding familiar to James, but the mask made it seem muffled and more raspy, whosever it was. "You...or the dog?" The Death Eater trained his wand on Sirius, who scowled.

"Bunch of cowards," he snapped angrily, hating that they were out-numbered, "hiding behind cloaks and hoods."

The second Death Eater snapped back, "You'd think so, wouldn't you, Traitor?"

"At least I'm on the right side!" shouted Sirius, only being stopped from doing something stupid by the one wand aimed at him.

Then, the one voice James dreaded to hear came, "But where is the line that determines that?" The Death Eaters parted down the middle, stepping to the side and keeping the two young men against the wall, to permit Lord Voldemort entrance. "Hello, James."

James felt as if he was about to burst with the odd combination of fear, hatred, and disgust he felt toward the Dark Lord. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, glaring at the dark wizard. "Leave my dad alone!"

Though his face was hidden by a hood this time, James knew there was a sneer on his face when he heard those words. "I see you refuse to acknowledge your heritage," said Voldemort quietly. "Does that mean you refuse to join me?"

James could have sworn his heart skipped a beat at that question, and he looked to Sirius, eyes wide with realization. Then he turned Voldemort, shouting, "I'm not joining you or Dumbledore!"

"Ah," said the Dark Lord, anger lacing his words like a malevolent presence, haunting his words and making James begin to tremble, knowing the consequences, "but I have information contradicting that." Voldemort stepped closer, causing James to back away. "You are very clever to have known what I have done. 'Speak my name and I shall come.' My, my. Your Order uses my name so freely."

"What's to be afraid of?" challenged the forgotten Sirius smartly, catching the wizard's attention. The younger man smirked. "Something Muggles use to clean their toilets with?"

James felt himself go cold as Voldemort's attention focused onto Sirius. "Sirius Black," said the Dark Lord with a his in his voice. "Such a sad disappointment. I had high hopes for you when you were younger." Sirius bristled at this but refused to take the bait. "Sad that you became a Gryffindor."

"If you knew my mum, you would, too. Trust me," was the smart reply.

Lord Voldemort then turned to James again, just in time to see the look of horror on his face at his friend's words. "What is the matter, James?" he asked kindly, though the tone betrayed his words. "No witty remark like your friend? Ah..." He looked between the two younger wizards, now seeming amused. "I've noticed the two of you get into quite a few arguments.

"I especially enjoyed," he continued darkly, "the one where your dear friend told you to...'face facts.'"

Sirius tried to pounce on the Dark Lord, but was held off by two Death Eaters. "You bastard--!" he shouted before being punched in the gut by a third servant of the evil wizard.

"A Mudblood, James?" asked Voldemort as if he hadn't noticed the attempt. James looked away from what was happening to Sirius to see how close the Dark Lord was now. "Surely not the same one you had once detested? Ah...it is, I see."

Dear God...Merlin...he knew...somehow Voldemort could tell when he wasn't being truthful...

"Yes, I remember now," said Voldemort calmly with a wicked grin in his voice, "...that last conversation you had with her. Rather careless of you to use my name."

James felt sick. "No..." he said in denial, shaking his head. "I didn't...I didn't!"

"Awfully pathetic, really," said the Dark Lord with a disgusted tone. "A Mudblood. As if our blood isn't soiled enough. It would be best to be rid of her troublesome self before--"

Suddenly, James found himself lunging at the other wizard, only being stopped by a Death Eater that had happened to be standing close by. Fury over-took some of the fear, allowing James the courage to shout, "You leave her alone! Don't come _near_ her! Don't even _think_ of her!"

"Struck a chord, have I?" asked Voldemort, amused before he backed away slightly to allow a Death Eater to pass near him. "Well..."

James froze when he saw who the Death Eater had. It felt as though his heart was in a vice grip as he stared at the captive, his eyes widening. "Lily--!" he shouted but cut himself off as Voldemort stepped closer to the young woman, afraid of what the other wizard would do.

"Lovely creature she is," said the Dark Lord, bringing a hand close to Lily's face before he seemed to change him mind and dropped it away, a digusted tone in his voice as he continued, "but...she is of Muggle blood--"

He rose his wand and aimed it at the witch, making James leap forward in the restraining grasp of the Death Eater behind him. "Stop! Leave her alone!"

Voldemort ignored his shouts and continued to stare at Lily, who continued to say nothing as her captives had wands pressed against her. "You wish you had listened to him before when he tried to keep you away, don't you, Mudblood?" he hissed in her face, making her turn away, but he reached for her face and turned it to face James. "See him there? He is in pain--"

"No!" shouted James loudly as he watched the pained look enter Lily's features. "This is his doing, Lily! It was never yours!"

This must have been what the Dark Lord was waiting for, for he then turned to James, jerking Lily closer. "Then you look here, boy," he said darkly with some amusement. "_She_ is the one in pain!"

"Stop it!" shouted James again, struggling to be released from the Death Eater's hold.

"James!" exclaimed the forgotten Sirius from the side. "James, _listen!_ That isn't Lily!" This barely caught the other young man's attention, but he looked to Sirius with wide eyes as his friend continued to urgently shout, "She's with Dumbledore! I took her to Dumbledore before I got you!"

"An illusion, indeed," said Voldemort darkly, turning James' head back to him just before he flicked his wand and the faux-Lily's head fell off of the illusion's shoulders as if it had been cut off. The illusion's head rolled until it stopped before James' feet, where he watched it, wide-eyed, cackle at him before collapsing into ash with acid green smoke rising.

Sirius grimly said, "Bloody bastard's playing with your mind, James."

He was, James knew as he numbly stared at the pile of ash at his feet. What would he have done if he had continued to believe that the illusion was real? If Voldemort had asked him there...if he would deny him yet again...would he have gone with him? The thought of that possibility both chilled and sickened James at the same time.

Then he heard Voldemort chuckle lowly. "Solving a riddle," he said with a light tone, amused at James' reaction, "is easier when you know the truth of the matter, isn't it?"

James looked up to him, knowing he still looked shocked and stunned. "I see your pain at the thought of this happening to your precious Mudblood," the Dark Lord continued, approaching him slightly. "But you need not worry. There is no reason for me to kill her.

"Edward Potter on the other hand..."

Again, he stepped away to reveal a pair of Death Eaters holding a captive. This time, James knew it was no illusion. "Dad!" he shouted, this time knowing the threat of death would be carried out.

Voldemort turned to Edward and said with a mild tone, "A weak heart, I hear, Edward..." He pressed his wand against the other man's chest, against his heart. "What would cause that heart to give?"

Even with the Dark Lord so close and Death so near, Edward Potter still managed to look prideful and defiant. "What reason is there to kill me?" he was bold enough to ask.

"Simple enough," answered Voldemort coolly because hissing sharply, "You stole was was and is mine.

"_Crucio!_"

There was only a grunt of pain from the captive before he went limp in the Death Eaters arm.

"DAD!" yelled James, not believing what he was seeing. Just at this time, however, the curses started to fly again. The hexing started by none other than Sirius Black.

"_Expelliarmus!_" The Death Eater that had had a hold on James was suddenly knocked across the room, losing his wand. Before James had a chance to move, Sirius was rushing passed, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. "Come on, James!"

"_Stupefy--!_" shouted a Death Eater before the two running wizards ducked behind a corner, the spell hitting the wall instead of either of them.

That was when James snapped out of whatever stupor he had fallen into and started to try to get back to his father. Sirius wouldn't allow him to move, however, shouting quickly, "James! James, we have too--!"

"I'm not going to abandon him like I did Mum!" exclaimed James just as a curse hit the wall opposite of them, showing that the Death Eaters were close.

"There isn't time!" objected Sirius, now having to wrap his arms around his friend and drag him away from the corner as it was becoming too dangerous to stay there. James continued to struggle, however, even as his friend shouted, "James! He's--"

"_No!_" denied James loudly. "Shut _up!_" He tried to use one large shove against Sirius, but all his friend did was grunt and continue to hold on to him before he turned toward their escape route and shoved James away, aiming his wand at him, panting from restraining the other man.

James realized how serious he was and froze as Sirius then shouted over the curses that were hitting the walls just behind him, "Frank, Mad-Eye, and the Order will be here soon! There's nothing we can _do!_"

James didn't respond, still trying to process what he had seen. He didn't have very long before Sirius was pulling at his arm again, getting him to run just as another curse came close to hitting. As they ran down corridor after corridor, James' mind could only process the fact that no matter what hall they went down, the walls were always white.

Eventually, the sounds of curses being thrown and of footsteps other than their own faded and then disappeared. By this time, Sirius was extremely out of breath, and James felt as though he would fall over. They rested near a receptionist's desk, bent over slightly to both hide themselves and to catch their breaths.

"Where..." panted James shakily, "did they...go?"

Sirius responded, "I don't--"

He never had a chance to finish as someone shouted, "Sirius!" which startled the both of them so badly that they had sparks shoot randomly from their wands, mostly aimed at the one who had shouted.

Sirius scowled when he saw who it was. "Damn it, Remus!" he exclaimed, suddenly not out of breath any longer as the werewolf cautiously approached them ."Don't sneak up on us!"

"What happened?" asked Remus, not listening to what Sirius had just said. "You all right?"

Sirius took a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh. "James was right," he said grimly. "There's a curse on his name."

The werewolf looked puzzled. "Who?"

"Ugh," said the other man with an irritated eye twitched. "This is a pain. You know--'Lord Chuckles.'"

Remus' only response to that was his eyes widening slightly which James barely noticed, being able to only just barely focus on the conversation itself. "Dumbledore's on his way. Frank and Mad-Eye are working on the Auror end."

Sirius nodded. "All right."

Remus then turned his attention to James, who was more distant then than he had been during the Ceremony before he left the Wizarding World. This may have been the reason why the werewolf then asked in a worried tone, "James?"

It was as if that was the trigger. The one the thing that brought the truth to his mind. "I left him..." he barely said in reply, catching Sirius' attention as he heard the trembling sound to his voice. "He was _Crucio_ed, and I left him..."

Without even being there to witness it, Remus was still able to figure out what had happened. "James..."

James leaned against the desk and slowly slid himself down to sit on the ground. His two friends then knelt next to him as he drew his knees up and covered his face with his hands, shaking terribly and breathing harshly, not able to control the turbulent emotions crashing around inside of him. "That bastard..." he managed to say painfully. "He tricked me into thinking he'd gotten Lily...and then..."

He felt both of his friends place an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to console him. It didn't help much, but still even Sirius had to say, "I'm sorry, James..."

---

"Frank Longbottom has just informed me that Edward Potter has been found. It grives me to say...that he has passed on..."

James slammed a fist down on the table, shouting angrily, "He was _killed!_ He was cursed with _Crucio!_"

"Mr. Potter, please," responded Dumbledore, seeming weary as though he had been expecting an outburst of some kind from the man for his euphemisms. After a moment, though James continued to mutter to himself, the headmaster continued, "It does not appear that this was Lord V--"

"Excuse me, Albus," said Sirius, standing with a serious look on his face, "but we have a bit of a situation with that name."

"What is it, Sirius?" asked Dumbledore calmly.

Sirius placed his hands behind his back and stood just a little straighter, giving the impression that he was extremely serious about this topic--a rarity for the young man. "Simply put, Sir," he said with a dark undertone, "James has been cursed to whenever that name is said, it somehow allows him to hear and see what's happening."

There was a long pause before Dumbledore replied, "This is no curse, Sirius." He glanced to James for just a second before he faced Sirius again, making James frown. "It is an ability one can have. The ability to enter his enemy's mind to hear and see what his enemy hears and sees. A form of Legilimency."

"Interesting," said Mad-Eye, his false eye swiveling over to James. "So the Dark Lord considers you and enemy?"

James snorted, slouching very low in his seat to avoid any other odd looks. "More of a nuisance," he muttered darkly.

"In any case," said Dumbledore calmly, "it is an ability that cannot be used very often. Only at times when the person it is aimed at knows of it. There are ways to counter it--"

"I don't think it matters," said James harshly with a heavy frown as he crossed his arms. "I don't want to hear that name used around me."

"If not countered," said Dumbedore seriously, "whether or not the name is said will not matter--"

James abruptly sat up and uncrossed his arms to lay his hands on top of the table with a loud slap. "I don't _care,_" he declared sharply, glaring at the elder wizard. "I don't _want_ to care. I just want my life back. Do you have any inkling if how I feel about this? My father just _died_ for Merlin's sake!"

Sirius, who had sat down a while before, pulled James back into his seat, luckily being seated on the other man's left. "Calm down, James," he said in a soft voice to which James furiously ignored, and he continued to fume while Sirius looked back at Dumbledore and said, "In any case, Albus, I think the name should be used...not as freely."

Mad-Eye snorted. "Not that it hadn't been that way before," he said, looking to Sirius while swiveling his false eye to look at the silent Lily, Remus, Frank, and Alice, who also sat at the large table. "When this new group came in, it was different. You're just doing what he wants now. Giving into the fear that name is creating--"

James bit out furiously, "Just because he's won this battle, doesn't mean he's won the war!"

"Battle?" asked the old Auror curiously. "Is that what you call it?"

"Anything," said James sharply, "no matter how small, in this war against him is a battle. The casualty in this battle is the freedom to use his name."

Dumbledore appeared to look thought, the twinkling in his blue eyes shining brightly. "It sounds as though," he said, catching James' attention, "you wish to play a part in this war, Mr. Potter."

The younger wizard stared at him for a minute before sighing and rubbing his brow, his hand barely touching the frame of the glasses Lily had silently returned to him once he had gotten to this room. "Well," he said tiredly, "standing aside didn't help any. People were still hurt." His expression then hardened as he determined stated, "I won't let him do it any longer."

The headmaster allowed a small, hopeful smile to appear on his elder face. 'Then I suppose it is safe to assume that you will full join the Order?"

James found this question to be amusing and shook his head, a slight smirk on his face. "Dumbledore..." he said slowly, "at this moment...I could care less if I was either way."

"Well, then..." said Dumbledore with a more serious air, "this meeting is finished." He gave James a slight nod. "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, James Potter."

* * *

Author's Notes: ...finished? Finished...Finished. Finished! FINISHED! MWAHAHA! FINALLY! I AM FINISHED WITH THIS CHAPTER! -falls over, laughing her head off- Almost seven months and I'm done! -laughs her head off- Sorry! Sorry! But you have to be just as crazy about me actually having this out as I am! Finally! I am done with this crazy chapter! Yes! Finally! The plotline will finally get to MOVE! YES! -celebrates before reading over it- Gah! -falls over- Please don't tell me the poem sucked! I had my little sis read it and she said it was decent enough (not direct quote. If you want a direct quote, it would be: "Awwww, it was sweet 'nd cute 'nd...I need to wash my hands..." The last bit was her joking around -grins-)...CHEESINESS!

But I have to say...this is the best Lily/James scene I've written so far -sobs- So beautiful! -bawls-

Okay, enough of all of that (I actually FINISHED!)...reponses!

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**inu lover:** Wow! I made someone almost cry! Go me! I feel special! And thanks for going over to my FP.C account and reviewing! Means a lot!

**Tears of a Fairy Queen:** -sweatdrops- Please mind the caps. Caps is used to make people yell online and yelling hurts my ears (eyes). Other then that, I'm glad you like it so much! I hope you're still reading!

**limbo-gal:** Wow. Thanks for telling me why you like it so much. So many people forget to put that in their reviews and it's a bit disappointing. Well, as I said in the opening Author's Notes, there will be at least 22-23 in this story and this is Chapter 15. So that means there's approximately 8 more chapters. And you're right that this story is different from the others. I am a bit concerned, however, about how I've gotten Lily and James to get together. Tell me how you think it went?

**Mythology:** Well, I didn't really hurry, but you can't really rush genius. Here's your update!

**justarandomperson:** Long name. Don't worry about Lily not having a special part. I assure you that I have it all planned out. It may not be explained in this fic, but I am planning at least 3 other fics after this one. So just been patient. I'm glad you really like Sirius. He's my favorite to write, obviously. Kind of sad when I think about my sequels. He's going to be so different, it's a bit sad...thanks for the review!

**kittygirl220:** Don't worry about me stopping. I may put it off for a long time, but I do pick it back up. I plan to run with it this time! -sweatdrops-...so no worries! I'll have the next chapter out a lot sooner than this one. I'll try looking at them, but I haven't really read other people's fics in a while. -sweatdrops- NOOOOOOO! I've turned into the thing that I've always hated! A fanfiction writer who says their time is being taken up! -sobs- ...sorry, that wasn't supposed to happen... Thanks for the review!

**ByeByeBirdie:** Oh, don't say that! I don't need another person complaining that I kept them up all night! Lol! Eh...Peter didn't really start interacting very much in this one until like Chapter Seven. -sweatdrops- But I do plan to go back and fix that up a bit. Oh, that's a wonderful thing to say! I was a bit worried about how that went with Lily. Let's just hope I can blend mad-at-James-yet-obviously-really-falling-for-him to totally-in-love. Oh, wait...I started some here. What do you think?

**wiccen-vampire:** :P Wasting review space! You know you're not supposed to do that! Just kidding! Thanks for the review, Kendra. Think of it: one more chapter after this one before your chapter!

**Itnikki:** Heh. I like being the original person. Even if it takes combining thousands of clichés to make something totally different. Oh...your favorite? I don't know if it will stay that way though. I think the last chapter may be everyone's favorite -evil cackle- Hope I didn't keep you waiting until you just gave up on this fic and that you enjoyed this chapter! And yes! The sequel! -insert evil cackle here-

**pingpong5:** Cute name. Got that right. And it's taken me ages to get this one out too! Well, it's updated! Hope you enjoy!

**Leigh:** Always glad to hear that you didn't forget about it. Well, it's updated again. Hope you enjoyed!

**Living In A Nightmare:** Not cliché? Let's count the amount of clichés--later. There's so many responses! Lol! Meh. James is an idiot. Plain and simple. But he's characterized that way for a reason (the ending chapter will have everything that will let you know why I have some characters the way they are; no explanation means it will be explained in the sequel...or at least one of them). Yes, he saw Lily again. And he saw her again here, too! Meh. Not sure I did too good. What do you think? Oh, please don't say you'll die on me because that'll make my conscience feel really guilty and he doesn't need anymore stress (Jeva's Conscience: -huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth, singing "Amazing Grace"-) -sweatdrops- Right...thanks for the review!

**Reluxi:** Wait, wait...I need to take a breather (finger-rester). -long pause- Yes, favorite reviewer! How could you not be! Now if you really are the best reviewer around, then you will read and respond to this review! Otherwise my Conscience will be severely...er...well, he's already damaged -sweatdrops- Yes, band and swimming did take a lot of time out of my schedule, and I thought it would get better this semester (like last year), but instead, English kept me just as busy (plus the fact that I actually have a social life...I should be shot . a fanfiction writer with a life...I'm so ashamed...)! Actually 8 chapters left now. Plus up to at least 3 sequels, so don't you cry when the end comes (well, if you do, there's nothing wrong with it). Lily is very much a contradiction. It's part of who she is really. She kind of reminds me of me in that aspect. I don't know why men are such idiots. -shrugs- Maybe it was just destined to be that way -shrugs- Lol! Yes, I think you've said enough because I've responded quite a bit and now I need to move onto someone else before I get lazy and decide that I will totally not do the responding part. Lol. My fault, not yours, of course! Hope you enjoyed! Ja!

**Y. Kuang:** Ah. I get dramatic climax music and it isn't even close to the climax yet -sweatdrops- Yeah, it was a bit more dialogue-y but I couldn't really help that. Hopefully this chapter will make up for it, but I'm not sure. -shrugs- Old Gel? I think you mean gal. -grins- Did it really seem that way? Well, I guess that since this is from James' POV, it will affect that, but it might also be my doing and I'm just making excuses. Hopefully I did better here. I'm not sure if I meant it to come out that way, and don't be fooled, Lily can be a very timid person. She just tends to have a strong front and guess who is about to break through her front -nods- Yeah, you got it -anime face-fault- Gah! You had to say that didn't you! -grimaces- I don't want to be one of those writers, but apparently I am. I think I checked out that fic, but I'm not sure. I'll go back and check it out though! And I do live in the US, so I did have a very Happy Thanksgiving (heh...lots of food...). Sugar is my frrrrriend....

**LJstagflower4e/JCtigerwolf4e:** Long name there, my friend. And I did keep going.

**Rainy Day Parade:** Yes! LJ action! -cheers-

**welshlili:** Yes, long chappie, and I hope this one is a good size (not counting the author's notes -sweatdrops-) Gah! I don't need to hear I nearly killed you! Guilty conscience! -sobs- I'm sorry! Oh, wait...I saved you? Yay! O.o "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope" -taps head, frowning, knowing she has said that before- Yep. Wales was mentioned again. I'm very good at that, ne? -sweatdrops- Hope I didn't kill ya this go around...-sweatdrops-

**lena-jade:** Very different? Crrrrrrrrrap. I need to reread that chapter because I barely remember it! Lol! Heh. You deserved the dedication! More quotes? Wow...do you collect these and put them on a website? If you do, I'm curious to see which quotes you took! Lol! The Test of Teamwork was inspired by some crazy thing my sister and I did at my grandmother's one time. Guess who's idea it was. -raises hand, grinning- It was so much fun that I had to put it in somehow. Yes! Sequel good! There is going to be a sequel! Wow...that really is a great and wonderful compliment. Thing is, I do know him personally. It happens when characters move into your head, right? (Spike from BtVS: Where am I?) Oops, wrong character... (Spike: Bloody hell, woman! Save it for the Free Topics, will ya?) Sorry! (Spike: You sure are) -.-' Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Kel6:** Final one! -throws confetti- Sorry, couldn't help that. I'm not sure if you do or not -sweatdrops- Doesn't matter really -wipes sweat away- James still in good characterization. Thank you. That's a big relief. Don't worry. When they actually do, you'll have a few laughs (as well as cheers) That's two chapters from now, though (sorry to say). Of course you're not weird. I've done things like that for over 6 years now (good God! 6 years of my life on FF.N! What kind of maniac am I?) -coughs- Believe me. Around these times, it would be like if admitted to be a Nazi around the WWII era. This secret isn't one he can just share with just anyone and he questions their loyalty to him as well as his own loyalty to them. Which is why Sirius is the first to find out. And I bet you hate James for lying to Lily here, but like I said, it's not that easy. Maybe he'll admit to it later? -snickers when thinking about the later chapters- Anyway, glad to see you review (the last one to reply to! -cheers-) and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! Ja!


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